Chapter 57: Me - Part【4】

It is his responsibility to stroll around and aid the little ones with their craft. He also needs to pass from the crate what the pups ask him like crayons or paint.

Awan halts in his tracks spinning around to me as he frowns with uncertainty inspecting back into the box. "What is it?" I ask as he reads the movements of my fingers.

He plucks out a small brown journal from within its bounds showing it to me whilst my orbs broaden as I gaze at it. I had forgotten all about that book, it had fallen out yesterday night from the top of Phobos's cupboard when I had mopped his chamber floors but I had no time to look into its contents so I thrust it into the box hoping to be able to read it later.

I lift my hand to him indirectly demanding for it and he directly gives it to me. A deep inward breath I take in as my heart pounds vigorously in suspicion of what I might see. I know it is wrong of me to wish to invade his privacy this way but this is the diary I was determined to steal when I was eight. The pad of my thumb tenderly skims across the leather covering as memories of our childhood ignite to life within my mind.

Hoisting it to my nose I inhale its scent a sigh of pleasure flying past my lips as my eyes flutter close, it smells like my moon blessed. I wish to read it to get a glimpse of what he has written within these pages. Pardon me, my male. Timidly opening the book with my hammering heart my eyes curiously settle upon his first entry.

Theia - Age 6

Theia...is my female. My beast confirmed the truth with me and I do not know how this is possible but the moon has sent forth her blessing right into my hands. Yet she is merely a pup, one who has been sheltered all her life by her pack. This is not right for she does not suit me and in no way do I see how this could work for us in the future. I do not want his. I cannot do this.

Theia- Age 6

Theia is truly adorable, unlike any other pup I have ever met. Her timid blue eyes sun-kissed golden locks and her loud laughter often never fails to put me under a hypnotizing spell. I want to protect her with every breath I take. But how do I do this? How do I forge an unbreakable bond with a female nine years younger than me who is fated to be my queen? I feel lost.

Theia- Age 6

I have been teaching her a lot of things recently. Our latest training was for her to be free and wild for her to run around the fields barefoot and be one with nature. She thinks I am training her to be the next heir but little does she know I am only doing so to prepare her for the future path which shall beckon her. The path to be my Luna.

Theia- Age 7

I made Theia cry today. Only because she steadily lied to me hurting herself on purpose. Indeed it was to acquire my attention and her actions are similar to any other pup. Yet I punished her I forbid her from entering my pack for two months. I do not mind if any other wolf lies to me but not my future Luna. I must be the one to teach her... I was right. Wasn't I? She seemed betrayed by my punishment. Was I too cruel? One day I shall tell her how much it truly hurt me to punish her that way.

Theia- Age 7

Theia gave me an apology card and promised not to lie ever again. Is she not the cutest of all? My tiny female, mine. I cannot wait until she grows up and see the world as I do. But until then I shall be her guardian and protect her from all darkness that hopes to consume her. She will be shielded from everything including my beast and my pack. She shall be my secret.

Theia- Age 8

Theia is getting better in her training she has exceeded all of my expectations. She never fails to surprise me in every way. Today she counted the hares in the book I gave her with perfection something even Deimos could not do. I am proud of my little female. And I shall never stop...being proud of her.

But I am worried and so very frightened by her essence. Being my mate in a way puts strain on her soul for my beast and I live as one. I was shocked when she claimed she felt a spark in her chest when she looked at me. I do not understand how this pup is able to sense our bond? I must make sure she never knows the truth of that feeling in her chest until she is of age.

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Theia- Age 8

Being with Theia is so entertaining I adore her presence. Everything about this pup pulls me into a haze of tranquillity. She brings my soul the rest it needs. My bringer of peace.

My sunflower- Age 8

The art of knives. I showed it to her today for she must learn it. It will aid her in being accepted by my wolves. I will do anything even strain my body, mind and soul just so she will feel safe and comfortable back in my pack. I want her to feel welcomed. I want my home to be hers.

Also, I had been frequently inspecting her scent endeavouring to figure out what it is. I have gotten my answer today. Theia smells like a sunflower. She smells like...nothing.

My sunflower- Age 9

This is bad. This is very bad. I have a longing, not my own by his. A thirst for my female's blood my beast demands it. He is attacking me from within and I cannot seem to overpower him in any way. He wants to mark her claim the pup as his. He sees no wrong in this and I cannot allow him to do it.

Father has given me suppressants it is excruciating for my body to undergo severe torture unlike any other I have experienced and I cough think spurts of blood after but... it does not help me. I must speak with Vůdce to give me something no matter how painful it would be for me to go through. I would rather perish than lose control and harm Theia.

My sunflower- Age 9

My little sunflower bought me flowers today. I cannot believe how this female pup who is nine years younger than me has the heart and mind to do this. My female is undeniably so very beautiful. Inside and out.

My sunflower- Age 10

Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me! What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE? My hands are coated with Theia's blood. Goddess the anguish of my soul I cannot bear it I had almost killed her. Why cannot he just leave her be? I loathe him I detest what I am. I cannot do this anymore I must leave. I need to be a coward and run from her or I know for sure the next time he will claim her the way he sees fit. I cannot lose her.

My sunflower, pardon me. I shall return to you when you are of age until then wait for me. I promise I will stay true to you and neither lay my eyes nor my hands on another female. I promise to be patient to reign in my beast from seeking you. I promise to wait until a sign is sent to me by the moon to come for you. There is no one else for me but you Theia. Only you shall do.

These are my promises to you, my female.

~~~

I shut the book pressing it close to my beating heart tears gushing down my cheeks to what I have read. This male of mine, goodness he holds such a pure heart always has. Low sobs escape my lips as I hunch down shielding my face from others my yearning to hug him and kiss him intensifying with each fleeting second.

I had been wrong about him all along. Everything he did, he did for my safety and well being never once was he truly selfish only looking for his needs.

The entirety of Phobos's soul had always been occupied solely by ....me.

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