Chapter 1: 1 – telling off the dungeon pixie

mm

sleep

it's so good

I loved it. loved being lazy and stuff. what was stuff? I don't know...stuff. this paragraph has gone on for too long

that's better. what?

you don't like fourth wall breaks? that's too bad. I'm too sleepy to care...

"WELCOME, NEW SPIRIT!" an irritating voice screeched in my ear.

wait, I don't have an ear. I'm a dungeon core. at least, I think I am...

anyway, the voice continues screaming something about how I died and am now a dungeon core (guess I was right). it sounds vaguely...female? and very high pitched.

it's gross.

and that's not saying I think female voices are gross. that's pretty mean to generalize...

I just hate high pitched voices. of either gender. I don't know what gives people deep voices but these abominations need it. like a forceful injection or something...

see? that's gender equality. equal discrimination.

anyway, I'm tired of being screamed at, so I open my 'dungeon sense'. I find I'm in the standard cave with blah blah blah. there's the pixie.

she's hovering by my core and let me tell you, her make up does not suit her at all.

ugh. that lipstick...it's layered on way too thick. it's not the right shade for her either. don't think I've seen anyone pull off the purple color. and she basically just flew headfirst into powder or whatever.

I can literally see particles in her hair...

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Years of my little sister constantly badgering me about make-up gurus and crap have made me something of an expert.

an expert to know that it's too much effort...

'Hey,' I say to the pixie.

she freezes then narrows her eyes at me. "It's rude to interrupt people like that."

'It's rude to think that I care...anyway, can you leave? just give me the tutorial or whatever. I'll finish it...soon.'

"That's against the rules!" she protested. "I'm supposed to guide you and bring you up and-"

'man, I don't care. i just wanna sleep. is that too much to ask? just gimme the tutorial and be loud elsewhere...'

she huffed, crossing her arms and pouting. ugh. really? is this what we're doing, author? the act-like-a-child-until-I-get-my-way girl?

any self-respecting lazy bum wouldn't put up with this stuff...

'if you don't leave,' I started, 'I'll do something...bad.'

the pixie smirked. "Like what?"

'like...like...um...make pixie-eating spiders...'

she flinched before coming to a sudden realization. "Dungeon creatures can't harm dungeon pixies! We're second only to the core!"

'ugh. this is taking too much effort...fine. whatever. stay there.'

"Finally! Now, as I was saying-"

and she kept talking my ear off while I half ignored her, dreaming about visiting that cool old Japanese guy and his hot spring place...

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