Chapter 321: Chapter 320: The Transmigrator, and the Reincarnator

When Nolan stopped talking there was an awkward silence among them. She had tried everything, but she felt like she was air when faced with the stoic look on this man’s face. She had done her best trying to keep a point, but yet she had never seen someone who’d dare to ignore her like this. Or was this how it was to face a man who was not years younger than her?

But she saw something instead that worried her. There was a blank and empty look on his face. The shadows cast over his face made it seem so that he was looking at the night, and never the curiosity in his face. He stared. He took no step forward and sat silently.

She opened her mouth as if wanting to process what had happened. Then she slacked off on the bench watching the moon. Memories sometimes would flood in her head. These memories of different women with different faces. Each memory as painful as the next.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said to herself. “I can’t keep doing this forever. Every single time, a new face, and old memories that does nothing but hurt. Do you realize it as well, Lady Dalia? What are you trying to do by making me associate with someone like him?”

*****

Nolan stared at the sea. He heard only echoing from his ears. Here it was again. The young and old self screaming at him. The young Nolan at his right. The old man at the left. One had the optimism that could not be settled by the darkness while the old man screams at that brightness.

It had been getting worse each time. The young and old alternates every time they appear. They would have different minds and souls. Ever since then he had seen many of these visions appearing before him. They could not hurt him, but their pleas and begging were loud. Each had different opinions and their memories were that of bright optimism and single-minded grim determination.

His head hurt. The Sigil on his eyes burned each time these red hazes appear before him. The curse of the old revenant stills follows no matter the world. Or was it because he had consumed the old revenant that these visions are his now?

Why do I still live? I thought that the Eon-Father would send me home, but why am I in this world? No, can I even go back to that world? It’s so tiring how I had to jump on these worlds without having to witness them all. Ah, why does my heart feels like this? I want to scratch something that does not exist. My body feels so heavy and yet here I am unable to ask what was this feeling. I’ve been through these phases. Or was it because I’m too tired to die?

This too shall pass. Your time will come. I keep saying these things inside my head, but yet my time never comes. Either I awake in a new world with false hopes and by the end I have to die by her sword or she would offer her life to save mine. It has always been like this. I fail at each turn. What happened to Einar? What happened to Tania after I got taken away by the Eon-Father? I have memories that seem to have been memories from a shard of mine. All of them had shattered and I’m the only one left. Why can I detect them now? My senses are strong enough to pull these strings all over me. Who the hell wants to suffer like this? What is the reason that I try to get up?

Is it pride? Or is that I am too ashamed to take my life knowing that there were people who would have loved this. But this is no immortality. What is the point of immortality when you have no one to walk with? I’ve seen memories of a dying world. Memories of another me who had been able to reach the ends of a world. I saw a dead planet. A dried-up sea and yet when I am here I can’t but think that those worlds were not the same as this world.

This is a world of peace made by those who seek for peace. I cannot think of any reason why would I be in a world like this. Even the island menaces are easy to dispose of. I thought that once I could be in a peaceful world. I’d be at peace. But now I miss it. When I was there, I thought of how grand it would be to go home, but when I am here, I realize that life carries on. In that world, I was needed. People relied on me. I don't need people's pity. I needed a purpose. My senses were at their peak. My hearing is sharp, smell things, and I watch everything with a critical point of view. I felt alive in that world. I see. That was it. That’s the reason why I feel bothered here. I thought of that place as my home. I fought for that home. I’ve died so many times for that home. I had brothers who needed me. I had people who would walk up to me. But these few instances where I tried to win. I failed in all of them. I was aiming too high and my wax wings got burned.

I have nothing here as well.

Oh, mother, what do I do? What do I do?

Nolan didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand why his body trembled. He felt the dam of his eyes swell, but then he realized that he had nothing to crying any longer. But he understood it well. How tiresome it was to pass into another body that belonged to him again and again.

He held on to his tears. He looked at the person beside him who seems to have been staring at the sea. She blinked and nodded. He thought that she could at least understand what a person was doing staring at the sea. It was not the first time he had to sit with a person who tried to kill him. He was used to it.

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