Chapter 348: Chapter 347: Book 4 Interlude – Where is Alice?

How long has it been?

“I don’t know,” she said to herself. “I must imprison myself.”

Is this really what you want? Oh, poor girl, why can’t you let go? All of your creations are soulless. Just clay that serves no purpose. You can see layers and see his soul. Even the past him is perpetually trapped, and you can do nothing but watch his suffering. Someone has sealed it. A power that even you could not tamper with.

“I am not looking for pity,” she cried.

You say that, but look at your foolishness. It is closed loop until you ended that world. When you defeated the pale shine you set fire to this bauble of reality. From the beginning to the end you were destined to be the sole ruler of this bauble.

“I just wanted to save the world, and I-”

Speak no more lies. You threw him away again and again and when suddenly he’s out of the picture you seek for him. Just when you escape the first world you choose to seek him. If the Pale Shine didn’t got trapped in that abyss. If her shine didn’t stop flaring, you would have been unable to break the loop. Tell me, what is the price of this power you sought?”

“Everything.”

You are a hero. That is the role you are eager to play. The role that you seek even though you were burned in a stake. A promise to the Knight that couldn’t leave you alone. He was far from home. His soul transported in another reality. Then, he came back, you tortured him, and couldn’t accept the hand that the first incarnation of you did. It was an anomaly in time, and yet when he’s gone you sought for him. You seek comfort upon your loneliness. Your bear the weight of worlds that his constant presence was warmth for you. You didn’t love him for who he was. You love him for the warmth that he gave in your twisted way.

“That’s wrong,” she said. “I truly did-”

Please, you lie. And even if you did, I guess a monster who watches her love ones die for years again and again. How many of your grandkids, and adopted kids you watched die? At the end of every road you find yourself staring an entire graveyard of those who you love. But you were fine because of a single presence that persists. You could continue because you found a comforting warmth. The warmth that you first toss aside like trash. The warmth that you treated as irrelevant until the monster that is you got old and tired.

She sat on her lonely throne listening to this voice. The illusions she conjured projecting the memories embedded inside her head. She saw how many the times she had rejected that warmth that it dwarfed the times she had peace with him. It was a despairing amount.

The shield that protects you. How many times have you watched him hanged on the gallows with a noose around his neck because it would save the world? How many times have you turned him into a monster so that he could play the role of a monster while you could play savior? You couldn’t do it. Not even with all of the power that you have now.

“Leave me,” she said.

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You would have done that. How many souls reside on your life? How many of them cries and screams at this fate? I can hear them shouting to find him. You’re too late. Too late. Not even the natural laws could help you. You create a puppet that could serve your as vessel. A puppet that would allow you to roam. It’s too late for your crusade. You know what you are, Burnt Woman. That sickening desire to save the world would not allow you. Not even destroying this space you rule would let you do nothing. Time passes by and the lie you tell yourself does not cease. This prison worsens you. It boils your mind and turn you into something worse. You can hear them all. You can hear the cries of world that needs saving. Your will alone could influence all of this. That is your curse, Burnt Woman, the role that you have found yourself in.

“I wanted to save the world. I wanted to. Do you think I am lying?”

No. You do not. You told yourself that after you save the world you’d rest. That you’d take his hand and be far from all of this. But a woman who cannot let go would not be able to do that. Until your learn to let go of this desire then you will be in this role forever.

She was silent.

Your silence means nothing. I am you and you are me. Even now you refuse to think of the possibilities. The Pale Shine could escape because of circumstances. She had escaped using the abyss and her circumstances had allowed her to miss the merging of all incarnations within one body. She was able to escape because at that time Nolan Salvatore had arrived in that world in that single moment. His presence disturbed the cog and that allowed her to become the Pale Shine. And at that time you were traveling to that tower world to find him. You knew that there was no way you could search the infinities. So you did something to reach out. A lifeline you could use to find him among the infinities of this bauble.

Tell me. Do not lie.

“What?”

I said tell me. Do you really think that you are complete now?

“Yes.”

Lies again. You know who you are hiding. You knew that the only reason that you were able to reach that tower world was because of a fragment of your soul. One of us was able to escape and became a pale shine.  It is not so far fetch that you could split into fragments as well. So let me ask you again, Burnt Woman.

Where is the soul that you have sent before you decided to travel to that tower world? The soul that you had created to bear a body and power to improve your chances of saving it all? I ask you.

Where is Alice Dame?

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