Chapter 76: Better than muffins.

Something was happening in the area the workers were now calling Fort Beer; Billy and Vern were yelling at each other and all the ACME managers seemed to be involved in some sort of drama. Rolly and Ben kept their heads low and snuck into the tavern. To their surprise, Zephyr was behind the bar, wearing a dress similar to what Suzette wore, and polishing glasses.

"Morning guys, Suzette is downstairs waiting for you. She said, and I quote, 'Tell Ben and Rolly to come on down, and if Ozzy comes in tell him to piss off. He already got what he wanted for breakfast,' and I have no clue what's going on."

"I never know what's going on. It's easier that way. " Rolly went to the kitchen for the hot muffins he could smell, and came back with a half dozen.

Ben grabbed a muffin and asked Zephyr, "Is this a new job for you? Aren't you a tad young?"

Zephyr nodded her head in agreement. "Dad and I made a deal. I'm too young to drink in the bar, but not too young to work. If I can go kill things in a dungeon and make bombs, I should be able to work in a tavern. Both of us want to figure out this mixology skill Suzette has. Way too useful for alchemy."

"The wonders of the barmaid skill. Carry on then and ignore me," Ben waved and headed to the dungeon. Suzette was in the entry room, sitting on top of the Tier 3 loot chest, knees drawn up and her head resting on them."

Rolly paused at the door. "Is it safe to come in? You don't look like a happy camper."

Suzette stood up, frowning, "No, I'm not happy. I'm pissed off. I'm mad at Ozzy, mad at myself, and can't figure it out."

Ben moved carefully into the room. He'd rather steal a cub from a mama bear than deal with an angry Suzette. "Well, Rolly and I just wanted to grab our loot and so maybe....". He didn't get further with his speech, or closer to the chest before she exploded.

"If he's going to fool around behind my back with some hell-spawned bimbo he should warn me first!! That hussy even waved at me and winked!"

She grabbed Ben's arm, "It's not like I'm jealous or anything! Right? He's just being unreasonable."

Ben shook his head. "Nope, sounds very unreasonable of him. Shocking behavior. Since when did he start having a fling with Layla?"

Suzette blinked a couple times and giggled. Then got angry again. "No, a different hell-spawned bimbo. Like one really from hell; no clothes, bat wings, horns, curves all over the place. I caught them lip-locked over by his bar-b-que pit."

Rolly decided to not help, "Was she cute? I bet she was cute. The bad girls always have the best looks. Maybe Ozzy can bring her dungeon crawling. If she has hell-spawn powers, it would help with the rat hordes. Did she really have wings? Wings are cool."

Ben yelled at Rolly, "Not being at all helpful!"

Rolly crossed his arms, smiling, "Wasn't trying to be helpful."

Suzette ignored the bug and his pet boy, and looked up at Ben, "Truthfully, tell me, would you be jealous?"

Ben got a serious look on his face. "Absolutely. Ozzy is making time with a bat-winged bimbo from hell? I'm very jealous. She could do much better than him. He doesn't even have a fancy hat."

Suzette crossed her arms and turned her back on them, "I hate all of you. No loot for any of you!"

Ben saw Ozzy coming down the short set of steps that led to the room, "Oh, thank god. We can aim Suzette at Ozzy, and get our loot while she's killing him."

Ozzy was packing a large tray from the inn, "Don't start killing me until you get the food."

Rolly relieved him of the tray, "Nice! Real food. The kind you have to pay for! " The platter had pancakes, a dozen sausages, eggs, fruit, toast and a crock of preserves."

Ozzy looked at Suzette, "Since I ruined the breakfast you made me, I went to the inn and bought breakfast for the group. Had to bribe the cook - she's packed this morning."

Suzette got some toast, "Doesn't get you off the hook. At all. Who was that you had wrapped around you, and how long has that been going on?!"

Ozzy looked a bit sheepish, "Well, just about 15 minutes before you got there. Lil was really happy with the deal I made, and I guess she got a bit excited. And I, uh, well I guess I didn't put up too much of a fight. Luckily you scared her off."

"You know her name? Did you get her phone number too? Set up a date?"

"Uh...."

"What?! You’re actually dating her!"

Ozzy backed up a couple of steps and raised his hands. Suzette advanced. Ben noticed she was about a foot off the floor and her hands were glowing.

Rolly tossed a sausage to Squirmie, and got another for himself, "Best breakfast ever. We should do more of these."

Ozzy was talking as fast as he could, "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off, it just happened. I was working a deal. I needed to pick up some COR so I can learn smoke magic in tier 2. Part of the deal is a date, it's supposedly a requirement for any deal with a hellion, even my lawyer said so."

Ben turned to Rolly, "Damn, that's slick, even the gnome backs him up on this date thing."

"You promise it was to get magic?" Suzette noticed she was somehow floating, and made a small 'eep' noise. Ozzy put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her down.

"Seriously. It was all about getting magic. I didn't want to pass up a chance to get it, but I had to get a higher score in COR. It sounds useful and fun. If you had a way to get a tier 2 aspect, I know you'd try as well."

"Yeah, guess I would. Look, I’ll forgive you, but we need to talk. Like, really talk." Suzette felt all the anger wash away. Ozzy had hit too close to the mark. "But you can't go on that date without me. I don't trust her. You get a chaperone."

"Deal."

Rolly walked over to the chest. "Breakfast is nearly gone, and you two aren't mad at each other - can I open my present now?"

Suzette gave Ozzy a quick hug, "I'm sorry." Then broke away and walked over to the chest, "Go for it, Rolly. And I was lying, I can't stop someone from getting loot."

Rolly touched the chest, and then staggered back under the weight of a huge leather sack with 4000 copper coins in it. "We're rich, Squirmie!"

The butterfly flapped over to the chest, and an ornate wand fell to the floor. It was about two feet long, made of some type of white wood with silvery runes painted onto its surface. It glowed with very strong magic. Squirmie's tongue snapped out, snagged the wand, and sucked it halfway into his mouth. Before anyone could stop him, he chewed a few times and swallowed it.

Everyone looked at the bug. Rolly just shrugged and petted the large butterfly, "Squirmie says magic tastes good."

Suzette rolled her eyes, "Well, it was his loot; I guess he can do what he wants with it." She touched the chest, and then jumped back as 10 large slabs of black metal hit the floor with a loud 'KLANG!'. "Oh shit, that would have hurt. Crafting stuff. The message says Dark Iron. I'll toss it to Jorges."

Ozzy looked at the metal, "Actually, I need to make something out of this stuff. I'll buy it off of you."

Suzette shook her head, "Just take it. I'm not going to charge you for it."

Ozzy touched the chest and then showed them the ring he got. It was made of a green metal with a slight glow to it. Ozzy put it on, "Oh, cool. Look at this."

Tier 3 Loot: Rat-Shaman's Ring of Spells

Wearing this ring gives the shaman access to spells that he might not normally know how to cast. The perverse nature of the ring grants different spells for each shaman. Spells become available after wearing the ring for 24 continuous hours.

Ozzy rubbed the ring, "Cool. I'm a Wizard."

Suzette was staring with her mouth open, "I hope you grow a tail."

Ozzy said, "Good point. Maybe I shouldn't keep it. Know anyone that might trade it for some Dark Iron bars? You'd look cute with a rat's tail and whiskers."

Suzette put the ring on her finger, "Worth it to get some new spells. Damn. I want to know now. I hate waiting."

Ben walked to the chest, "I'd like a nice magic whip, please." He held out his hand and a short-handled tool, about 18" long, fell into it. Its head was similar to an axe, but turned sideways.

Rolly laughed, "You got a hoe? Are you going to start farming?"

"What an odd little tool. It's called an adze." Ben shared the message with them. "I'll have to experiment with this a bit. Where are we staying during the start of this war? The tavern?"

Tier 3 Loot: Maw-Tooth Adze

This ancient tool was made from an incisor of a giant maw-tooth beaver by Gan-bar, toolmaker to the Swirling Waters clan. While that orc clan has been gone for over a thousand years, some of Gan-bar's tools are still around. This versatile tool is equally good for cultivating plants, shaping wood, or planting in the skull of an enemy.

Increases rate for weeding, planting, shaping logs by 50%.

Base damage 30 (10 base +20 enchantment).

Base chance to hit 20%.

Suzette said, "Sure, let's keep an eye on things. No one’s getting in the dungeon for a while, that's for sure. Ozzy and I moved all our good stuff over to a room in the barracks, and most of the alcohol is in the basement over there. If fighting starts, we can just head upstairs, or jump out an upstairs window and run for the barracks. I hope it doesn't last 10 days."

Ben grimaced, "I'm worried it's going to be a lot shorter than that."

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