Chapter 161: 165. Friendship Part 2

“Hm. Well, luckily I was there. Don’t worry, the other four cult members are dead too.”

“Yeah, I… heard.” Sigvor blushes at that. Dzan had definitely heard her gloating to the last cult member that she had killed. She looks over at his face. She really hopes that he doesn’t think less of her for taking some pleasure in killing that man.

Dzan’s current expression isn’t telling her a whole lot. All of a sudden, Dzan wraps his arms around Sigvor and hugs her tightly. He holds her tightly and Sigvor hugs him back. After a few seconds, she feels him sobbing into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Sigvor. I’m sorry I moved so recklessly. You put yourself in harm's way for me… I didn’t want you to have to clean up whatever situation I got us into. I mean, it was mostly my idea to do what Ajax wanted, right? Because of that, you had to kill people. I’m… I’m so sorry that you were put into that position. You… You could have died…”

Tears stream down Dzan’s face as he softly whispers his regret. He doesn’t want his friends to bail him out of his poor planning. Sigvor had come up to the fourth floor to kill four people for him. It had worked out fine because of Sigvor’s competence at killing but what if he was just the Sigvor he knew? The one who would risk themselves for their friend?

“Hey, hey, come on, i-it’s ok. You don’t have to think about it like that. I… I was still going to do what Ajax had wanted, you know? I mean, you know how scary he looked, right? I wouldn’t want to face an angry Ajax. A-And we were facing terrorists, right? You don’t have to be sorry about trying to help someone. You don’t, Dzan. Still…”

Sigvor huffed. Tears started to well up in her eyes as well.

“Still, Dzan, please, don’t put yourself into that much danger ever again. Do you… Do you know how anxious I became when you ran towards that group? You… You were just lucky, y-you know? You could have died because… because I couldn’t stop you. Please, Dzan. Please, don’t do something so reckless ever again. Please. Malia loves you. I love you.”

She fully starts crying into his arms. Her floodgates open. She had tried to stop Dzan from doing the reckless things he was doing today. She had even had to bring out this part of herself. What if he had abandoned her for being the kind of person that she was? What if he had gone and died?

“W-What would I have told Malia? What would I have done if you had died then and there? How could you do something so reckless… Fuck…”

A minute passes before their combined streaming tears slow down and stop. They remain holding each other. After enough time, Dzan tries to raise his voice to apologize for his recklessness.

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“I’m sorry f-for–”

“No. It’s ok, Dzan. It’s ok. You’re still alive now. You’re still here now. Don’t say anything. Just… be here with me. I love you, Dzan. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Sigvor wants Dzan to let his sadness go. His fears, his anxieties. Malia has been the one to take care of him for so long, but there are some things that he won’t talk with her about. Things like the death of his mother. Dzan had changed a lot after his mother had died. Malia tried to take care of him, but he didn’t want her to see that side of her. 

He had thought that he needed to be strong, to repress his emotions during that time. Sigvor could read him though. He knew that Dzan was only bottling up his sadness then. He’s doing the same thing now with how he hid what he and Malia were dealing with.

Dzan does what Sigvor asks him to. He embraces the warmth of his best friend, the warmth of someone he would call a sibling. He continues to cry softly. Not just about what he’s been dealing with over the past hour.

He cries about how he feels trapped because of what Malia and her family are going through. He cries about his powerlessness. If he was a better man, a stronger one, he could take away Malia’s problems, fix them without any trouble.

He wouldn’t have to see her cry anymore. He hates this weakness of his, the weakness of being born as a poor demihuman in this world ruled by monsters. He wanted to do all he could but he isn't strong enough. 

But, right now, he’s in the arms of a friend. He’s not suffering right now.

He’s safe.

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