Chapter 10: 9

Chapter 9:

An Unblinking Starry Sky

Returning to the guest house, Osakabe reclined on the tatami in front of the television and turned it on. Because he had not yet turned on the fluorescent lights, the room was tinted a dream-like color from the pale moonlight shining in through the thin glass of the window. The chirping of bell crickets echoed from far away, mixing with the voices from the television reporting on local news.

 

“…That’s how I know. You’ve got something on your chest, a burden that worries you, maybe.”

 

Honoka’s words echoed in his mind.

She was full of cryptic statements since yesterday, he thought. Honoka herself had evaded the question by claiming, “I’m only predicting,” but was that really all it was?

Perhaps I’m unintentionally revealing something through my empty gaze and my gloomy behavior. Maybe through all of my actions she can tell I’m burdened with troubles.

 

—In some ways, she’s quite evasive.

 

At the same time, feeling a tightness from deep down in his heart, he cringed as he realized he was beginning to fall for her.

What am I thinking? I need to keep it together.

I am a person who has been rejected by society. She’s like a totally different species to someone like me, who quits their job and spends their days hiding the depression inside.

She’s still a nineteen-year-old girl, with all of her hopes and dreams still ahead of her. I shouldn’t hold such inappropriate feelings for her.

 

—And most importantly, I’m only in Miyako for half a month before I leave.

 

He put the issue to rest, and when he turned on his side, the program had switched to national news.

 

“Regarding the Nagano Prefecture bus accident that occurred on the morning of January 13th, at 10:20 am, the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism continued its inquiries into whether incidents of exhaustion or falling asleep at the wheel are on the rise. The MLIT has once more asked bus companies across the country to revise safety measures—”

 

—Not again.

 

These are the circumstances surrounding the bus accident that occurred in Nagano Prefecture on January 13th of this year.

 

A sightseeing bus, carrying a large number of ski resort guests, failed to make the sharp curve on the prefectural road and fell twenty meters to the ground below. Eight of the passengers died, with twenty-four wounded.

Without a doubt, it was the worst bus accident in recent years.

It caused a stir on TV news broadcasts day after day, and just as that buzz had finally calmed down recently, talk shows had picked it up once more to discuss the state of safety precautions.

The direct cause of the accident was of course that Osakabe had committed a driving error while behind the wheel.

However, the bus had been overcrowded, with close to fifty passengers instead of the limit of thirty. Not only was every seat full, but even the aisle was packed to capacity with the resort’s guests.

The road where the accident occurred had a sharp curve with a radius of about twenty meters. Because visibility had been poor on the front-left side with passengers in the way, he had been too preoccupied by the grating of his left wheels against the guard rail, and had veered farther to the right than necessary, going over the curve.

Because of this driving error, the front right wheel went off the road. Right after, the front half of the bus slid off, causing the bus to fall off the side in an accident. Almost none of the passengers had been wearing a seatbelt.

Regarding the relationship to passenger limits—the extremely large number of casualties in this accident was directly related to the large number of standing passengers.

The trial against him occurred several months later, and the presiding judge had agreed to take into consideration the circumstances that he, the defendant, had admitted his fault and shown remorse for the driving error that caused the accident, and the injured parties and the bereaved families did not seek severe punishment. The judge had sentenced him to imprisonment for three years, which would be suspended if he successfully finished five years of parole.

The bus company had at first tried not to admit to any responsibility for the accident, but softened their stance when the MLIT started an on-site investigation.

The MLIT had instructed the company to be sure to conduct health checks for their drivers, as well as confirming their health and alcohol consumption prior to driving, and to conduct aptitude tests for new drivers joining the company. Since then, the bus industry as a whole was gathering momentum to strengthen their involvement in safety measures.

 

“How many times have I seen this news already?”

 

Even now, whenever he remembered the accident, a strong flame of pain burned in the innermost depths of his heart.

He shook his head, which had grown heavy as it was seized with gloom, and turned on the light in the room.

In order to put those feelings behind him, he opened his diary to today’s page and wrote in the name “Shirakisawa Honoka.” The corners of his mouth turned upward slightly.

 

“Such a strange girl,” he mumbled to himself, as if clinging to something.

 

The next day as well, Osakabe headed for the sea at Jodogahama.

However today, he set out with his camera only as evening approached, after self-indulgently spending the whole morning in his room at the guest house and having lunch at a nearby restaurant. Because he was about as satisfied as he could be with the pictures he had taken during the day, this time he wanted to take pictures of the area’s scenic beauty as it was bathed in the light of the setting sun.

Even the white rock cliffs, when struck with the orange light, were dyed red as if they were burning.

It gave off a sense of some kind of sorrow. Then when he peered into his viewfinder—the gritty crunch of footsteps as they sank into the sand.

Lowering his camera, he looked back to see Shirakisawa Honoka standing behind him.

 

“Ack, you noticed me. And I was going to all this trouble to spook you!” She put her hands on her hips and puffed up her cheeks, as if upset.

 

“Of course I’m going to notice you if you make so much noise,” Osakabe replied with a smile.

 

Without responding, Honoka pointed towards the mountains, as if to say, Look, the sun’s sinking.

Her clear, white skin was dyed the color of sunset, and her eyes, the dark blue of the deep sea, fixed their gaze straight on him.

Her figure, wrapped in pale, orange light, was wondrous and fleeting—if he pulled his eyes away for just a moment, it would instantly vanish into thin air. It made him feel uneasy for a moment.

Noticing his stare, Honoka blinked several times at him questioningly, and he peeled his gaze away with a bitter smile.

At that moment, the breeze blew in from over the ocean.

He narrowed his eyes at the strong wind laced with salt, and looked out over the vista.

Today he could hardly spot anyone on the beach. In the midst of this sublime nature, only the two of them gazed out at the sunset. It was an unimaginable view compared to Kanto1, where he would be surrounded by people as soon as he took a step out of his house. It wasn’t that he hated large crowds of people, but depending on the perspective, without the hustling and bustling atmosphere, this rural landscape seemed otherworldly.

 

After watching the sun sink, Honoka flopped down onto the sand. Her legs spread out in a V-shape2, and because of the short skirt she wore today, his eyes were drawn to the flutter of her skirt hem which revealed a glimpse of her panties.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, half-shocked at how completely unguarded she was.

 

She beckoned him over with only the tilt of her head.

 

“I’m star-gazing.”

 

That made sense. Convinced by her invitation to join her, he sprawled out just as she did, with his legs spread and looked up at the sky.

Already the sky was beginning to fill up with countless stars spreading across the night sky. Back in the cities in Kanto, this would have been an impossible scene to witness. So this was what people meant when they described the sky as full of stars. Overwhelmingly vast, and so high above.

 

“You know, they say stars twinkle, like they’re blinking on and off3,” he heard her whisper. “They look like that because that place has dirty, stagnant air. In places where the air is really clean, the stars don’t blink at all.”

“Really? I had no idea… But you know, this is a ton of stars. It’s amazing. I don’t remember when I last saw a sky with this many stars.”

 

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As he spoke, he scoffed at himself. Back then—the night sky he had seen in Morioka must have been just as beautiful as this one. He had no memory of that view because it was his heart that had stagnated, not the sky.

And in the same moment, he thought, Minako… I wonder if she is looking up at this same night sky right now.

 

“Is there someone you like?”

 

Suddenly hearing the sound of her clear voice, his heart lurched. Was this her supposed mind-reading abilities? Even his heart began to tremble from the shock.

 

“Wh-why do you ask?”

“No reason, I was just curious. When people fall silent, they’re worried about something, or they’re thinking about the person they like.”

 

He turned to look at her, but she was already staring back and their eyes met. Honoka’s eyes were radiant, filled with an excessively serene color. Osakabe looked to the sky again to escape her gaze.

 

“I suppose there was someone I liked. In junior high school, I lived in Morioka. So if she hasn’t moved, she should still be living there. But—”

 

He paused for a second.

 

“We haven’t seen each other since our last year of junior high school. Still, we kept in touch through letters, and she even confessed to liking me. And then I—I panicked. I was so scared of replying to her, that I stopped writing to her entirely. It’s such a horrible thing to do, right?”

 

He reflexively sighed at his own despicable actions from the past.

 

“You’re right, it’s horrible. But I also kind of understand.”

“Huh?” Surprised, he faced her again. Had she been staring at him this whole time? Again their eyes met.

“It takes a lot of energy to tell someone you like them. It takes a lot of courage. That girl must have summoned all of her courage to write that letter to you. But you didn’t have the same courage she did. It might have been heartless, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s a weakness everyone has. You know, even I—”

“Is there someone you like?”

 

Why did he ask that? Osakabe was baffled by himself deep down.

At times like this, in most cases, people ask the questions they want to be asked themselves. She too, wanted to be asked—do you have someone you like, a boyfriend…? That’s what he had been thinking.

But what could I do even if I ask her that? I’ve only known her for a few days. Our ages, our circumstances—there’s nothing we have in common. No matter how much I listen to her talk about her love life, I can’t do anything for her. I certainly can’t even give her any advice.

After several seconds of silence, Honoka answered resolutely.

 

“There is. There is someone.”

 

The piercing sound of her voice struck his eardrums so vividly it was almost terrifying. Surprised at how different her answer was from his expectations, he peered at her face for a hint of her facial expression.

 

“I don’t have a boyfriend, but there’s someone I like. Sometimes when I speak to him, he smiles at me. But, that’s all it is. We barely know each other. I guess you could say it’s a crush… What do you think? Absolutely heartbreaking, right?”

 

“A crush. I see.”

 

—Then we do have something in common.

 

“Yeah,” she said and nodded. He listened to her with surprise. Disappointment. The complicated feelings mixed together, and he swallowed back the latter part of what he was about to say. First, even though he still couldn’t understand his own feelings towards Minako, he felt it would be rude to Honoka to compare her to himself.

But, more than that…

 

“I think I’m going to go see her tomorrow,” Osakabe announced. “Somehow I know it’s a completely foolish, idiotic thing to do. I completely understand the absurdity of obsessing over a classmate you haven’t seen in years. But in spite of that, I want to talk to her one more time.”

 

This time it was Honoka who gasped in surprise at his words.

 

“All the way to Morioka—how are you planning to get there?”

“I’ll rent a car. Since we were writing letters, so long as she didn’t move I know where she lives. To tell the truth, if I were to meet her after all this time, I don’t even know what I’d want to tell her, or what I’d plan to say. But… I want to see her and clear up what happened back then. That’s how I feel.”

“Meeting her after all this time, you know it might be a waste of time, right? It might ruin all your beautiful memories. In spite of that… you’re gonna go?” Honoka asked him, quietly.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go.”

 

He nodded his head so determinedly even he thought he was being a bit dramatic. But if he didn’t, he felt his determination would waver.

 

That’s right. I have nothing else. And exactly because I have nothing else, I have to do this now.

 

“Is that so,” she murmured, then rose to her feet.

 

The crunch of the sand under her feet hit his ears with such clarity.

Having gathered his thoughts and decided on a plan, he likely released the tension he had been holding onto. At the same time, all five of his senses cleared. He could hear the sound of the waves that he hadn’t noticed until now, and the sweet scent of her hair wafted into his nose on the salty breeze.

 

“Then I’ll go with you tomorrow.”

“Huh? Why?”

 

He reflexively sat up, even more surprised by Honoka’s words this time.

 

“I’m from Morioka, so I’ll be your guide. And—I have a sense that if I let you out of my sight, you’ll just disappear. I can’t leave someone with such a brooding face all alone.

 

What kind of nonsense, he almost said at first to laugh it off. But the words vanished at Honoka’s speech which seemed to see through the pain in his heart.

 

“A guide, huh… Makes sense. You would certainly be a big help finding her place. If you insist, I’ll take you up on it.”

 

Really, what’s wrong with me? In spite of his confusion deep down, he had blurted out that response.

“Then let’s leave the guest house at seven tomorrow morning,” he announced, and she nodded in agreement and grinned. But her smile was ambiguous, loneliness mixed in with the joy.

 

1

Kanto is a region in the southeast of Japan, encompassing Tokyo and the surrounding prefectures, including Saitama where Osakabe is from. It is also the most urbanized and most densely-populated region of Japan, and it is located just below Tohoku (the northeast region, where Iwate and this portion of the story is set), one of the more rural regions in Japan.

2

In the original Japanese, she spreads her legs and makes a 大 shape, which is the character for big.

3

The Japanese word used here is 瞬く, and it’s used for both stars twinkling and eyes blinking. I elaborated here to capture both meanings, since twinkling is so closely linked to star imagery, but doesn’t work as well in the negative as blinking.

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