Chapter 20: 19

Chapter 19:

The Day We Parted, August 12th

Rays of light shone into the room through the western window which looked out on the setting sun, casting a brilliant orange glow over the tatami floor.

The shadows of everything in the room stretched long. Light and shadow. The stark contrast between the two colors hinted at the paths Osakabe and Honoka would eventually take.

 

※※※

 

August 12th.

 

Even as he attempted to remember, fumbling around the drawers in his heart, his memories of this day were vague.

They spent their final day together in the room at the guest house. However, he could only remember bits and pieces of the day— the TV programs that played, the meal they both ate for lunch, the long hours they spent in calm conversation. Even the clothes she wore that day were entirely obscured by the fog of memory.

She had been wearing shorts of some color—that was the best he could manage.

Just that was enough to get him excited all over again, and without thinking of anything in particular, he had most likely surrendered himself to the aimless passage of time.

Depending on how he looked at the situation, it was probably his happiest memory. He was content enough just to have Honoka in his arms. Even if all they did was chat about some random topic, he was satisfied.

 

Osakabe awoke to the sensation of a pleasant weight against his body. He could see the gentle evening sun through the guest house window.

Opening his eyes to search for the source of the weight, he saw Honoka’s face as she slept, her back against him.

That’s right, I dozed off while sitting like this, he realized. It’s impressive I didn’t fall over, he thought as if admiring someone else. Wondering what time it was, his eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. It was a little after 4 pm.

Osakabe stroked Honoka’s hair. The smell of her shampoo drifted through the air.

Sweet dreams, Honoka, he thought

Come to think of it, the day he’d met her. August 1st. They had met in similar circumstances, but he had never guessed that he would become so deeply entwined with this girl.

 

He reminisced on the past four days spent with her.

 

※※※

 

August 9th. The morning after his reunion with Takasaki Minako, and their animated conversation about their old memories.

Osakabe descended the guest house stairs and arrived at the entrance, where Honoka waited for him on the couch as always.

She looked up to greet him. “Good morning!”

“When are you headed back home to Morioka?” he asked.

“August 13th,” she responded. The beginning of Obon.1

“I see… I’m gonna miss you. But until then, let’s enjoy the next four days as much as possible,” he promised her.

 

Every day they set off on Osakabe’s scooter.

That day’s destination was the shopping mall in front of Miyako Station. Honoka volunteered to pick out an outfit for Osakabe, who had brought hardly any decent clothes with him.

They hopped around several apparel shops, stocking up on all kinds of t-shirts, polo shirts, and chino pants. “Wear this when we go out tomorrow,” she instructed with a self-satisfied look. As a thank you gift, Osakabe bought her a yellow-green dress. Honoka murmured her thanks with a shy, downcast look.

After paying, she immediately shut herself up in a dressing room and changed into the dress.

 

“Osakabe-san,” she called to him. “How does it look?”

 

She twirled. The hem of the dress fluttered about with her movement.

“Yeah, it looks really nice,” he said. She blushed and beamed at his compliment. Her smile bloomed like a sunflower facing the sun.

 

On the 10th, they decided to go see a movie. This day was unusually rainy, and they got a little damp from the drizzle as they drove off on the scooter.

Yet again they came to the station area. In a small town like this, there weren’t many other options to choose from. The theater was a cozy building wrapped up in white walls.

The movie that was playing was about a girl who had fallen ill with an incurable disease. A common set-up for a romance movie. Based on a novel, it had been adapted into a live action film this year.

Osakabe glanced beside him as he snagged a handful of popcorn. Honoka was weeping without any care for what anyone around her may think. While he himself had been moved by the heartbreaking story, Honoka was so comical that he instantly forgot those feelings and laughed.

She got angry and hissed, “Shut up!” But seeing her ability to express her honest feelings, he was once again moved by how kind-hearted she was.

 

What happened?

Just once as they were heading back, he completely forgot that they had come to the movie theater together and tried to leave the theater on his own. Displeased, she grabbed his sleeve and got mad at him all over again. There was nothing he could do but hang his head and accept his punishment.

 

On August 11th, they went on a tour of all the best ramen shops in the area.

To be honest, it was an ill-advised plan. Regardless of the fact that both of them normally had small appetites, they visited three shops, one after the other, while searching on Osakabe’s phone. Even though they were both already full when they set foot in the third establishment, they still ordered a bowl of ramen and somehow finished it together.

“I don’t want to even look at ramen for a while,” she whispered while rubbing her stomach.

They left Miyako on the scooter and happened to pass through the forest outside of town. It felt gloomy under the evergreen trees despite the fact it was still midday, and amongst the tree roots they spotted the figure of a loitering girl.

She had a black dress and long hair, and appeared to be in her late twenties. Immediately Osakabe was certain that she was the same girl he had seen on his very first day in Miyako. And he was also certain that she had already crossed over to the other side.

He had always had a slight ability to sense the supernatural, although most of the things he could see were harmless spirits. Having learned that in his many years of experience with this sense, he did not feel fear or dread towards them despite being able to see them to a certain extent. But he also knew that he should not excessively sympathize with them.

He drove past without making eye contact with the spirit, and after passing her completely he murmured a prayer for her passing. It’s not the first time I’ve seen a ghost, but I don’t think it’s a good sign, he thought at that moment.

 

“Was that a woman just now in the woods? Wearing a black dress?”

He was shocked to hear Honoka’s voice from behind him asking about her. “Honoka-chan, did you see that person just now?”

“Huh? Yeah, of course I saw her. Is that so strange?”

“Oh, it’s strange all right.”

 

He explained it all to her—his sensitivity to the supernatural, how that girl in the black dress was likely a ghost haunting that spot.

 

“Have you ever experienced anything supernatural before?” Osakabe asked.

“I wonder… Today is the first time I’ve ever seen a ghost. But that woman. She almost certainly died in an accident.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do,” she said and smiled.

“Why, did you just read her mind?” he asked with a note of sarcasm. “That said, I also saw her on August 1st, when I came to Miyako.”

“That makes sense. Around the end of Obon we bid farewell to the spirits who visit in August. And so I hope she’s able to rest in peace.”

 

Osakabe could only agree with Honoka’s words.

 

Time passed in the blink of an eye. August 12th arrived before they realized.

It’s often said that time flies when you’re having fun, and Osakabe experienced that for himself.

And tomorrow at last was the day Honoka would return to her home in Morioka. Even though it was not the last time they would ever meet, both were understandably held captive by their lonely, maudlin emotions.

The whole day was hot and humid. The weather report said a high pressure front had overtaken the islands, and it would become a record-breaking heat wave. In spite of that, the two had cooped themselves up in the guest house room, huddling close and not once separating. Because they had promised each other that on their last day, they would do nothing special and take it easy while reminiscing about their small happiness. He held Honoka close as they watched television and nibbled at the salad-flavored Pretz they had stocked up on.

 

She said to herself several times, “This is heaven.”

“Why is that?” he asked.

“Those days when I watched you from my seat on the bus, I never imagined we’d end up like this. I never thought I’d feel the warmth of you against my back. Is there any greater happiness in life?” She shook her head. “No, nothing beats this.”

“I’m not worthy of such praise.”

“I wouldn’t even care if I died right this moment.”

“Don’t say things like that. I would be heartbroken if you died.”

“Really? Then I won’t,” she said, and giggled.

 

Later that afternoon, Honoka fell asleep in Osakabe’s lap. She must be exhausted from all this excitement, he thought. Her face as she slept was so calm. And as he realized how their time together was slipping away, the sight of her pure figure made his heart feel like it was being ripped apart. But he decided not to wake her up just yet.

 

“Have sweet dreams, while you can,” he whispered in her ear.

 

※※※

 

And just like that, he must have also dozed off.

Osakabe worried about whether he should wake Honoka up soon, but stopped himself. He just continued to watch her while she slept, never tiring of it. At this distance, he could even make out every single one of her eyelashes.

But not just those. The lovely shade of her pink toes. Her pale, soft lips. The small mole at the corner of her mouth. The sweet perfume that wafted up. Her fine, white skin, like porcelain. He held dear the entirety of her, which only he knew.

 

He glanced out the window.

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It was a beautiful sunset, like a miracle. The whole world outside had turned red. “You don’t have to wake up yet,” he whispered the same wish to her once more. “Dream as many sweet dreams as you can right now.”

 

Luckily the weather had been good for these past four days. The cry of the cicadas echoed through all four corners of the tatami room, and a cool breeze occasionally blew in through the window. He inhaled the reedy scent of the tatami mixed with the sweet perfume of her hair.

He was truly happy.

He wanted this moment to last forever.

As long as she was with him, he didn’t need anything else in the world.

 

…And so there was one thing that he could only tell her right at the peak of their bliss.

 

The short hand of the clock pointed towards five. The tick of the second hand filled the room. The song of the cicadas changed as their daytime music was overwhelmed by the chorus of their twilight counterparts, and the chilly breeze grew stronger. The light shining in began to soften, and around the time the sky turned indigo, her eyes fluttered open.

 

“How long was I asleep…?” she asked bashfully.

 

He wrapped both arms around her from behind. Unconsciously he pulled her closer, tighter, than normal. As if sensing something was wrong, she looked back at him.

“Osakabe-san?” she called, but he kept his eyes shut. He spoke with a raspy voice.

 

“Honoka. …We should break up.”

 

In an instant, the room went deathly still.

Of course there was no way that was true—it was all an illusion. But the air turned tense, and a small sound rose from her throat. The sound was frightfully clear in the silence.

 

“What…? You mean… because I’m going back to Morioka tomorrow, right?” Refusing to believe him, she turned towards him with watery eyes.

“No, not like that. We should end this romance. Start over with a blank slate. That’s what I mean.”

“…Why?!”

 

A rebellious look rose up in Honoka’s eyes. She shook her head to emphasize her refusal.

 

“I like you so much, Osakabe-san. Why would you want to break up? Do you hate me?”

“No, I don’t. I love you.”2

“Then why? I don’t understand.”

 

She reflexively seized Osakabe’s hands which he had wrapped around her. Her eyes that glared up at him looked like they were about to cry.

But still—he couldn’t give in. He held on to her even more tightly to harden his faltering heart.

 

“Because of the distance between us. Because you’re still only nineteen. Those are only a few of the reasons. But the main one is that I’m… a criminal. I’m still on parole. So I don’t think we should continue seeing each other.”

“No! I refuse!” This time she denied him with even stronger words. “Didn’t I tell you that I don’t care about any of that? And so it should be fine. Just let us stay together…”

“Please. You have to understand. I thought about this long and hard, and this is the only option. Of course, I love you, and I just want to hold you close right now. …But if we continue this relationship, I will depend on you too much. I think it would be best if we broke up and put some distance between each other, so I can push myself to be the person I should be.”

“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind?”

His lips trembled. He scolded himself for almost hesitating.

“No, nothing.”

 

Honoka could no longer hold back her tears. As if a dam had broken, the tears overflowed from her eyes and fell to her chest below, a wail rising up from her throat.

Osakabe’s vision also blurred as he held her small frame close.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s just for the time being. Two years… Yeah, just wait for me for two years. Then I’ll be able to start a new life, and once I have enough built up that I can take care of you… I’ll come back for you.”

“Two years… I can’t wait that long. There’s no way I can hold out…”

“During those two years, I just need you to be my friend.”

“A friend…?” She forced back her tears and looked up.

“Yes, a friend. We can exchange contact information. We wouldn’t be lovers, but somewhere under the same sky as you, I’ll be thinking of you. If you’re ever in trouble, I’d go anywhere to help you. Just for two years, let’s remain close friends.”

 

She closed her eyes and with a hand over her chest considered the words, “close friends.” She swallowed back her tears once more before finally saying in a hoarse voice, “Okay, I’ll wait for you. Until then, we’ll be close friends, right? You’ll really come back for me? I’ll do my best to stay alive for two years, so… promise. You’ll keep that promise, right?”

“That’s a little dramatic.”

“But if I’m not alive, then how could we see each other again?”

“You’re right. Yes, I promise.”

“Two years… That’s such a long time… But I’ll do my best. I’ll wait for you.”

 

While she kept nodding, she held back her sobs and only cried softly, like a light rain on blades of grass.

And she continued crying for a while. He held her close the whole time, until her breathing slowed and returned to normal. At last, she wiped away her tears and sniffled, then turned to embrace him from the front.

 

“Then I have a request for a close friend. I want you to hold me. And… will you be my first?”

“That’s not the kind of thing you ask a close friend…”

“You’re so mean. Then, today is our last day as lovers! That should be okay, right?”

“Okay, I understand.”

 

Osakabe smiled and consented, then brought her to the futon.

On the futon, he gently laid her down, and kissed her while running his fingers through her hair. At once, she wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him.

Unbuttoning her blouse and unhooking her bra, he kissed her along her neck. She blushed shyly. His hands glided over the shape of her thighs and hips, and his fingers grazed against the top of her shorts.

The light shining into the room shifted to moonlight. The pale color of her limbs and the side of her face were illuminated by the faint light, and in his eyes she shined even more wondrously white.

 

—Honoka. You’re so beautiful.

 

Is it really okay to think of you as a lover for just this one moment?

 

And for the first time that night they joined together.

The moment he joined with Honoka, he felt as if he finally understood the point of the twenty-five years he had lived until then. Looking down at her slightly flushed face, he felt as if the entirety of their existences had been fused and shared between them.

However, the weight of the sin he carried weighed down on his chest, as if to warn him not to turn away from reality. Unable to endure it, he grieved, tears falling from his eyes.

 

Though he was the one to suggest they break up, his true feelings felt like they would split his heart open.

While sensing the warmth of her body against his as he held her, he could not begin to guess how far he should take her feelings. Her soul. How could he protect her?

The entirety of your existence is in my hands. You, my beloved, are here in front of me. And yet, somehow my own powerlessness is so unbearably painful.

 

I would rather spend all my time with you.

Yet, the hurdle for that small wish to come true is so high. Everyone knows me—for all the wrong reasons.

There certainly is no requirement for people to announce their previous convictions when they take an exam for employment.

However, I’m different. The heated coverage from the mass media has made my name known far and wide. It’s impossible to hide. I’ve been branded for life with the label “Murdered eight.” I’ll know no peace of mind for as long as I’m on parole.

Reproachful stares will follow me wherever I go.

Along with fear, and dread.

This world is filled with absurdity. I want to curse it, and yet this is reality. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to find a proper job or lead a regular life. Having a home of my own is beyond my wildest dreams.

Even though I said I’d come for you in two years, it’s not even certain that I’ll be able to keep that promise. 

If by some chance I… No, without a doubt, by announcing I was breaking up with her today, I have caused her future suffering.

But still, he thought, it will be far less painful than if she stays by my side. That’s why I decided to do this. It’s painful, even for me, but please just wait a little longer.

I’m truly sorry that the man you fell for is this pathetic excuse for a human being… I’m so sorry, Honoka. He murmured those apologies over and over while drowning in waves of pleasure.

 

They spent the night in each other’s arms.

They swore to part ways the next day in smiles only to fall asleep in tears.

T/N: That’s the end of Part 2, but the story’s not over yet! I will be traveling overseas to visit family for New Year’s, so I won’t be able to start working on Part 3 until mid-January at the earliest. Thank you for your patience, and I wish you a happy New Year!

1

Obon is a summer holiday in Japan that honors the spirits of one’s ancestors. Although a Buddhist holiday, it is one of the major holidays for family gatherings in Japan (in addition to New Year’s), as most people return to their hometowns to pray at family altars and clean family graves. While some people may find a way to visit both sides of the family, families most often visit the graves for the side of the family through which they are officially registered, typically the husband’s family. Since Miyako is Honoka’s mother’s hometown, it’s implied she will be visiting her father’s family in Morioka for the actual holiday.

2

This is the first instance where either of them uses the word 愛している Aishiteru, so I chose to translate it as “I love you,” here, but it’s not a dramatic change from their feelings up until now.

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