Chapter 3: 3. Kandi

// See notes at end for references and parting info. I like writing shorter stories than long chapters because it's more fun and doesn't hurt my brain.  I hope you enjoy this little romp as well. // 

 

"What's a fine gentleman as yourself doing, working all alone?" The melodic soprano voice of one of Haru's club seniors broke through his trance. Haru was free-sketching ideas that had come to his mind, and his brain was choosing to fixate today on clothing and fidgeting with a wooden mannequin in between sketches. His fellow club members were working on their own projects and were themselves focused on what was before them.

Haru had come out to his clubmates and had figured a system that would keep his friends aware but otherwise kept his bigender identity out of the rumor mill. He suggested to Kaede and the fashion club members a pin system, but the lot soon learned about how particular Masataro HS's dress code was. Most jewelry pieces, including enamel pins on clothing, were out of the question, and pins were restricted to bookbags. Bracelets, though, so long as they weren't offensive or disturbing the class, would be fine. It was Haru's idea to make beaded bracelets and the color system, but Kaede offered an alternative that would be cheap and chic enough while blending in with his presenting as a female student. 

"Oh, hey there, Kei," he finally responded after collecting himself. "What's up?" 

"Not much, just wanted to see what you were working on." 

"Well, it's not all there yet," Haru said more softly, "but I was thinking of ways to mix and match the student uniforms as a thought experiment." 

"That sounds pretty cool, actually. Any good ideas come your way, Mr. Fashion Designer?" Haru's confidence built up with the affirmations, though he was still a bit bashful about his work. 

"Only a couple where the boys could wear a matching winter skirt with their Waffenrock-style shirts and girls could pair a blouse with slacks. I would have to run them past the fashion club for more ideas, but I think I got a little ... " he trailed off. Seeing the pose practice take up the majority of the sketchpad, he giggled to himself with a more tenor register. "... distracted." His senior smiled and giggled as well. 

"If it's any consolation, your sketches have me a little jealous with the quality. Whenever you're comfortable with what you've got, feel free to show them off." 

"Will do, and thanks." 

"For what?" 

"For addressing me as male today." 

"Oh, that's just the respectful thing to do anyway! Besides, the green and orange bracelets look really cute."

---

 

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Haru was getting used to her navigating between two sets of pronouns for describing herself. Feeling like multiple genders at once, it turned out, wasn't the normal experience for everyone. If it weren't for Reina's coming out that afternoon ... Haru didn't want to imagine the possibilities. She was happy she could exist as herself, as she wished, and with confused but loving support from her family. The kandi cuffs she made with Kaede did turn out wonderfully, and she had six of them for her gender and her willingness to chatter. So far, they've seemed to work in the art club, with the expected first-days hiccups. It helped that her gender choices were cool colors (green, blue, and purple) and her chatter levels were warm colors (red, orange, and yellow) and could be easily understood by art club and GSA member alike.

Today was a purple and red day due to homework, but she liked that she was establishing her own normal. The only concern she had was extending it beyond the clubs.

 

---

 

Blue and yellow to the GSA meeting. Haru was more sociable today but feeling, as Yurisa put it once, particularly gender today. The tricky part was narrowing it down, but the club (and the Crew) gave Haru the chance to sum up the feelings, or not even bother with picking. Whether he or she or whichever on a given day, Haru grew to appreciate the chance to be with friends who cared enough to let things be and to travel with the first year through the mire of identity.

 

---

 

A late night. Haru had buried himself in the school policy handbook, especially the dress code portion. Something in the language in past readings bothered him, and the wiggle room ate at Haru until his sleep was interrupted with what-ifs. It would be possible to combine the uniforms, but coordinating pieces ... maybe ... The jackets and long skirts were already a look, but it still tended towards feminine. Haru needed more help from the fashion club for the details, but his mind went away from the uniform situation and into the question of why things had to be in boxes. Why labels were needed. especially for people like him. It was an annoying series of questions, and one he wasn't going to dwell on so close to going to bed. There wasn't as much pressure on him to decide, anyway, and he was thankful for that.

Tonight, rain, and trying out neopronouns.

Huh ... I kinda like that e one.

 

// The outfits mentioned were partially inspired by those seen in works by and , among other artists who specialize in genderheckery and crossdressing. Also, regarding Haru's kandi cuffs, I have a color wheel-based system for gender and attention span - 

Red - No Talkie, Me Busy 
Orange - Focus mode but can chat 
Yellow - Free to talk 
Greens - He/him only
Blues - Ask
Purples - She/her only

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