Chapter 167: Confession

The anti mage was shirtless. A slat of sunlight fell right across the letter that was held between callused fingers that Syryn now knew very intimately.

He couldn't read the anti mage's expression. So blank and neutral, a mask that didn't betray an inkling as to the emotions that its wearer might have been feeling.

"Rowan, which one are you reading?" He asked the anti mage.

"I've read them all already," the anti mage answered. "I know now why you were so reluctant to hand them over to me."

Syryn laid on his stomach and wondered what to say to that.

"So you've met Altaire this time." Rowan set down the letter and looked at the teen who was pretending he had gone deaf. "You wouldn't stop talking about him when I asked you if there was anyone you looked up to. I'm glad you got to meet him, Ryn."

The teen raised his head. "You're not upset by the things I wrote?"

Rowan chuckled. "Why would I be upset? You chose me over them. If you didn't think I was the best, you'd have run away with Altaire. It's a good thing too, Ryn. I'd hate to chase you down and drag you away from your special person if that person wasn't me."

Syryn blinked owlishly. "Really? You'd do that?"

"Of course not. I'm not so cruel to separate you from your happiness. If that is what you want then I will be happy for you, even if it breaks my heart."

It was an answer that should have made Syryn happy but he wasn't. Rowan was too accommodating.

"Truly? What if I'd rather have you separate me from my special person?" It was a question that sounded like permission to Rowan - to kidnap Syryn if he ran away with someone else.

The anti mage turned away from Syryn and gazed out into the scenery that stretched beyond the window only he could see out of.

"You would push me till I end up staining my hands with the blood of an innocent man, will you?"

Syryn hadn't meant it to sound so morbid. "Why would you need to kill anyone?" He asked not realising how deep Rowan's feelings ran.

The anti mage pushed the chair back and stood up. He came to sit on the bed. The anti mage looked like he had something to say.

"Syryn," Rowan caressed the teen's face tenderly. "I love you."

Time stopped. Dust motes danced in the shaft of sunlight behind Rowan. His mage had gone still and was all but a statue occupying the bed that Rowan had made love to him on. Had he made a mistake? It didn't matter. He had to let Syryn know how much he meant to the anti mage.

Rowan was afraid to disturb the silence that Syryn had retreated into lest the teen flee his presence like a startled doe. And if his love was not reciprocated, the anti mage had no recourse for the heartache that would follow.

Syryn finally stirred, shaking himself out of the daze that had captured him. He licked the lips that felt as dry as his throat. Love was a concept that Syryn hadn't grasped fully. What did it really mean? He couldn't say it to Rowan if he did not fully comprehend it. He owed the anti mage that much. He thought he loved Rowan but was it really love? Or an obsession like what Traxdart had once harboured for Syryn.

"Ro," Syryn's mouth failed to fill the sudden emptiness of words. He felt like the worst of scum when Rowan placed a finger to his lips.

"I only want to hear one thing from you. If that isn't it then don't give me an answer, Ryn."

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"Ro, I'll say it one day. I just have to figure out what love really means."

Rowan blinked. "I see."

"What prompted you to suddenly confess?" Syryn asked, feeling like his insides were contorting from the mix of joy, confusion and guilt that ate at him.

"You asked me who I'd give my heart feather to if I had one. That was my answer, Ryn. You'd have it right now if I was an avian."

Syryn's heart felt like it was going through a grinding but in a good way. Rowan loved him. He had the anti mage's heart, body, and maybe his soul if he so desired to have that too.

"You'd have mine too," Syryn confessed. "Maybe that's what love is. I cannot think of a future without you by my side."

Rowan's answering smile lit up his beautiful blue eyes. "That satisfies me for now."

"But why would you think I'd force you to kill an innocent man? Am I so cruel in your mind, Rowan?" Syryn gripped the bed sheet because it was all he could do to not show how upset he suddenly felt.

The anti mage perceived Syryn's displeasure. "That's not what I meant, Ryn." A hand soothed the teen with gentle circles along the divots of Syryn's spine.

"You have no idea how much I love you. If another man, woman or deity tried to separate you from me, I'd fight tooth and nail even if it meant losing my life in the process."

Syryn latched on to the mention of a deity. Was Rowan hinting at something?

"And if any other man were in my place, would he not feel the same as I?"

Syryn wanted to protest. Not everyone could love him as much as Rowan did. "Maybe."

"And if I wanted to separate you from him, it could only mean that someone has to die. And that won't be me, Ryn."

Arrogant anti mage, Syryn mouthed.

"You love me, Rowan." He looked up at the anti mage. "You love me." The words were finally sinking in and Syryn marvelled at how treasured it made him feel. He had to speak it out and savor the words on his tongue. 

"You're the second person to tell me that though I never had anyone say it in my first life."

"Who said it first?" Rowan curiously asked.

"Luci."

"Then I can accept coming second." Rowan squeezed Syryn's butt cheek.

"Speaking about coming..." Syryn eyed Rowan's crotch and back up at amused blue eyes. "I have some peach mist and I think you should sample it."

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