Chapter 308: Syryn's Determination

When Rowan came home, he saw that Syryn was standing at the window, looking out into the forest with a distant look in his eyes like he alone could see something entrancing that held all his attention. Ever since the mage had lost his memories, he hadn't been quite the same. Knowing this, Rowan had been patient with the sometimes cold Syryn. Even now, the mage hadn't registered Rowan's arrival. 

"Ryn, are you okay?" He asked the mage. 

Syryn turned around. 

"Am I okay?" He echoed. Syryn had been feeling lost after Lillith's visit. "Yes, I'm fine. Welcome home, Rowan." 

The anti mage shrugged off his coat and observed the listlessness of his lover. The once full of life Syryn seemed to have become a husk of himself. 

"Lillith paid me a visit," the mage told Rowan who froze while taking his shirt off. 

"What did she say to you?" Rowan came over to Syryn looking concerned. 

"That she loves you. Lillith wants to fight me for a place in your heart, Rowan." Syryn said the words with a wry twist of his mouth. "You don't have to look so alarmed. I have put my faith in you, Rowan. Her words don't mean anything to me." 

"Syryn, there's something you have to know. In our first timeline, I was married to Lillith," Rowan confessed.

"As a part of your duty, right?" 

"Yes. I have never loved anyone as I love you. I need you to know that." 

Syryn smiled. Some of the light was coming back to his eyes. The mage had tried to feel excited about rediscovering his past but he felt disconnected from it. Rowan was like a piece of hot ember in the darkness that kept his spirits up. 

"When did you fall in love with me?" He asked Rowan. 

The anti mage thought back to the moment that Syryn bled to death because he had wanted what was best for Rowan. That had been the beginning of Rowan's spiral down a road that culminated in losing his heart to the demon lord.

"I'm not sure myself. One day I just realised how much you meant to me, Ryn. It was a gradual process. Maybe when I think about it, I might be able to pinpoint the time around which I realised you were special to me." But Rowan hadn't visited those memories because of how they hurt him. They were still too painful for him to look back on. 

The mage nodded thoughtfully. "Did I ever tell you when I started falling for you?" 

Rowan shook his head. "No, but I hope to hear about it." 

Syryn reached out and wrapped his arms around Rowan's midsection, listening to the man's heartbeats strong against his chest. 

"Hey Rowan, I know you said something about not making decisions that cannot be reversed but I think I want to go ahead with the ceremony." 

He couldn't see the anti mage's face but Syryn imagined Rowan with a serious look in his eyes. 

"Ryn, I won't deny you but I want to warn you that this might not be the best decision. Please wait for your memories to return." 

"Why?" Syryn asked, pulling back. "Will I regret it when I remember?" 

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"I don't know. Maybe," the anti mage replied. "You never liked being around temples and holy places. It's an understatement to say that you have a revulsion towards the beings that are worshipped by us humans." 

"Is that why you think I will regret it?" 

Rowan paused to think. He was fairly confident that this was the reason Syryn had rejected the idea of becoming Eos' priest. "I believe so," he answered. 

Syryn had thought long and hard about it after Lillith's visit. After knowing the full details about Rowan's duties, he understood that he couldn't let anyone else get chosen during the ceremony, especially not the determined Lillith. And for the recent months of happiness he had shared with Rowan, the mage was willing to make this permanent for the current him. It was selfish but he wanted this. 

"Are you completely certain that it is I who will get chosen?" Syryn asked him. 

"If it isn't you then the ceremony ends and nobody gets chosen. I have made my will known to the goddess," Rowan replied. "Either way, nothing changes in the way I feel for you." 

Rowan still had reservations about going through with it. Somehow, it felt like he was taking advantage of Syryn's situation. 

"Ryn, you don't have to make the decision now," he reminded him. "I can hold them off till you're ready." 

Syryn shook his head. He had made up his mind. If it was the only way he could Rowan then he was going to do it. As it was, there was nothing else in his life right now that made him happy. 

"Let's do it, Rowan. The future Syryn will look back to now and know it was I, Syryn, who made this decision. This is all on me." 

"You are sure?" Rowan replied, grasping Syryn by the sides of his arms. 

"Yes." 

Rowan had wanted this so much. Indecision and worry thrummed in his veins but Syryn had the look on his face that showed his stubbornness.

"Then I will speak to the elders of the temple. I will give you a month to think about your decision, Syryn. If you change your mind, we can call it off." 

"I won't change my mind," Syryn mulishly declared. "Does it have to be next month? Why not next week? Heck, we can have it done tomorrow." 

Rowan breathed out audibly. He was beginning to fear that Syryn had made an impulsive decision.

"Next month," he told the mage. "Think it over properly, Syryn. We'll have a sit down soon and I'll explain what it means to be bound to me, a permanent state of togetherness that nothing but death can break." 

He had meant for his words to scare the mage but Syryn looked even more determined than ever. 

"You say that as if it's a bad thing," Syryn replied, surprising Rowan with his eagerness. 

"Can you at least tell me why?" The anti mage asked. "Because I can't see why you'd want it when I'm just someone you've known for a few months." 

"Because the old me had deep feelings for you, Rowan. He had your shirt in his bag, and despite forgetting everything else, my mind remembered how you called me Ryn. And seeing the way my brother and the people in the house trust you... It paints a picture that no one can deny.. Maybe Syryn might throw a fit in the future about it but he can bitch to himself because it's me, Syryn, making this decision."

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