Chapter 38: 37

Chapter 37

Life on the frontier of Seanno Barsheikh ③

Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV

 

Cody was a strange man.

He took care of me because I was injured and I couldn’t do anything on my own. Not only Cody, but Cody’s neighbors were peering at me with concern. I honestly didn’t think anyone would be that concerned about me.

Some of them even apologized for not stopping me from being assaulted.

 

I was surprised about that too. I had thought that people didn’t want anything to do with me, that they took it for granted that I would be assaulted like that. Maybe they just couldn’t stop because they’re afraid of the man who assaulted me, but they don’t hate me as much as I thought they did.

 

That’s because I had done a lot of things that made a lot of people look at me in a bad way, and a lot of people don’t want anything to do with me. I was the one who made all those assumptions, and because I kept acting on them, I ruined the lives of the people around me—— Still, even if the misunderstanding of its most important victim, Ottilie Shefinko, is cleared up and she goes to a neighboring country, that’s not the end of my life.

 

I acted as if the encounter with “fate” and the things related to it would be the end of everything, as if that was all there was to it. I wonder what my sister-in-law and my brother are doing now. My sister-in-law will not be able to do as she has done in the past. She wouldn’t be able to smile at herself and say that she was right about everything, as she had done in the past. I thought about that for a little while.

 

I no longer have a shred of confidence in what I’m doing. I realized then that what I thought was right might not be right.

 

「What are you dilly-dallying about?」

「…I was surprised to see how many people were worried about me.」

 

When I told him so, he looked at me strangely.

 

「I’m sure you’ve done things to raise eyebrows, and I wouldn’t have gotten involved if I hadn’t seen you being assaulted like that, but… After all, we’re strangers who had nothing to do with the event.」

「Because you’re strangers?」

「Yes. The only people who can say anything to you or retaliate against you are those who have been inconvenienced by what you have done. The only people who really have the right to do anything to you are the nobles whose lives are ruined because of you.」

 

I was like that when I was assaulted, if that’s what happened to me, that’s how I felt. But Cody said that only Ottilie Shefinko had that right.

 

「Even if you regret what you did, you don’t have to act like a tragic man who doesn’t care what they do to you. If you were so pessimistic about yourself now that you would accept being assaulted for it and die, that would be a bad wake-up call for that noble, too, wouldn’t it?」

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It had never occurred to me that such an idea existed. I’m embarrassed when people say I’m playing the tragic man.

…Maybe I’m all about me after all. Oh, I’m so depressed that I really can’t help myself anymore.

 

「Are you depressed? You’re human, it’s natural to think of yourself that way. I’m only thinking about myself, too. I mean, it would be bad for the reputation of this territory if such an assault happened in this territory. You should try to be more approachable to us instead of just being made to do it that way.」

 

Turning to me, Cody continues.

 

「We were trying to keep our distance from you, but you weren’t trying to keep your distance either. If you are going to live here, you just have to try to be more approachable. Then we’ll get to know you, and you won’t be so distant.」

「…Wouldn’t they hate that?」

「Some people may not like it, and it’s not like there aren’t people who would have assaulted you. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who know you and want to be friends with you. I’ve also found you easier to talk to than I had imagined after getting to know you.」

 

I’ve been told that, and I’m certainly trying to make a fresh start and live on my own—— I wasn’t trying to approach the surroundings in that way. I just said that people would keep me away from them and they wouldn’t want me to get close to them.

But after all, one cannot live alone, and there are not many people who would voluntarily approach a troublesome being like me who has done many things, so I cannot approach someone unless I talk to them myself.

 

「…I guess you’re correct.」

 

——What I believed in was a trick. Maybe what I believed to be right wasn’t right, and that was subconsciously limiting my actions.

 

「I, I’ll talk to more people. I’ll get to know my neighbors better.」

「Yeah. That’s good. You’re not around enough.」

「…Cody can get involved with me, too.」

 

I couldn’t ask him to be my friend. I couldn’t tell him that if he said no—— Because that’s what I thought.

Cody laughed at my words.

 

My frontier life certainly changed from the day of that assault.

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