The Emperor's Daily Nitpicking
Kevin dreamt of himself digging in the thick miasma of Andoha’s jungle. He dug open the wet mud, dragged an indistinct heavy object, and lay down inside the pit with it. After that, he sealed himself under the ground. The underground was stiflingly hot and humid, making his whole body sticky as if stuck with a layer of blood mud.
The rusty smell of blood became stronger. He finally couldn’t bear to open the ground and sat up, only to see corpses everywhere. The Bronze Army and the Jinshi Empire’s battle flags fell not far away and were soaked into a darker colour by blood. He looked down and discovered the person who lay down with him in the pit was Oswald.
“Wake up –” He felt somewhat sad and violently pushed Oswald’s shoulder, but the lying corpse unexpectedly sat up.
Oswald unconcernedly plucked the arrow pierced in his body and casually picked up a longbow on the ground, giving them to him. “Can you stand here and shoot the Chinese privet tree in the courtyard? Try it for me.”
He braced his body and stood up from the ground. When he looked up, the battlefield had changed into the backyard of the Parson’s estate. An adult Oswald stood beside the refreshment table and held his arm while calmly looking at him.
“Okay, I’ll try it.” He hesitated while answering. Then, he squinted his eyes at the Chinese privet tree afar and steadily pulled the bowstring.
The long arrow carried the whizzing sound of the wind, pinned on the broad-leaved Chinese privet tree with a heavy thud. The whole tree shook for a moment before collapsing in response.
He put down the bow and found out he was standing at a summit. The entire world became eerily quiet as if he was the only one left. The huge sunset slowly set down behind him, and the remaining sky was as golden-red as the blood.
Kevin woke up at the scene of this quiet dusk.
He braced himself to sit up, only to find that he had somehow been moved. This clearly wasn’t Oswald’s study but a spacious bedroom. It was a heavily lavished bedroom decorated mainly in black-golden brass.
“You’re finally awake.” An aged voice said.
Kevin turned his head and saw a meticulously dressed, white-haired elderly sitting on a bedside chair, quietly looking at him. The lines on the corner of his mouth were so deep that they almost etched into his bone, appearing ancient and stern. A book was spread out on the man’s knee, and Kevin could take a clear look at the label in the corner of the page with his eyesight: “The Book of the Later Gods.”
The first line of the opened page read: “Don’t take the dreamland as an absurd and nonsensical journey; there will be an inevitable origin from it.”
Kevin’s mouth twitched, and he withdrew his gaze, saying to the elderly, “Uncle Ian, long time no see.”
It had indeed been a long time already. He never met this old housekeeper again since he left the Parson’s manor after the spring break ended. He didn’t expect Oswald to bring this man back to the imperial palace.
Ian put on a mourning face and said, “I’m happy to see you again.”
Kevin: “…..Thank you.” It really couldn’t be seen.
“I’m going to call the young master over.” He was probably used to addressing him like this and couldn’t change it for a while. After he stood up and froze for a time, he added again. “Oh, it’s His Majesty.”
Kevin lifted the quilt. “No need for that. I’ll follow you out.”
He hadn’t lifted his feet yet when a tall person’s figure already appeared in the bedroom’s doorway.
“Put your feet back. A person who has been unconscious for three days and nights doesn’t have the qualifications to jump down from the bed.” Oswald’s cold voice came through. “If you don’t want to continue copying the codex a hundred times.”
Kevin withdrew his feet as soon as hearing it and asked in astonishment. “Three days and nights?!”
Oswald: “Otherwise, what do you think?”
Kevin looked outside through the window. The heavy rain hadn’t stopped, and a thin layer of water mist raised from the ground, similar to before he fell asleep. “…..I thought it was only half a day.”
Oswald disdainfully replied. “Heh.”
Kevin: “…..”
“Tell them to make something to eat; Roasted Hare in Crane’s Milk or something like that,” Oswald instructed Ian while removing his outer clothes soaked in the rain.
Old Ian saluted, then rigidly answered. “No, someone who had not eaten for three days and nights couldn’t eat these. I will tell them to make something else. Besides, Your Majesty’s diet has been too meaty lately. I already informed them in the morning to change the menu.” After saying that, he respectfully exited.
“…..” Oswald expressionlessly said, “My brain must have been flooded by water when I decided to bring him here at that time.”
Seeing the loss of the meat, Kevin also twitched the corner of his mouth and said, “So, what is he now?”
Oswald, with a stiff face, “Head of the chamberlain.”
Kevin: “…..”
He stared at Oswald for a long while before succinctly saying, “I just realised you’re probably a masochist.”
Oswald: “…..”
He slammed the door shut with a bang, then strode to the bedside and pulled the arm of the chair. When he sat down, he couldn’t help to explain stiffly. “If I didn’t bring the old man, Ian, he would have died long ago. Indeed, I don’t like him, but it doesn’t mean I want him to die.”
“What do you mean what’s going on?” Kevin was stunned.
“Since you appeared in the Andoha jungle until now, you were only conscious a few times during a fight. You seemed to be asleep for the remaining times.” Oswald answered.
Kevin forced a laugh and massaged his sore neck. “Probably…..lack of sleep.”
Oswald snorted. “If I’m not mistaken, you told Mio you’ve been unconscious until this year and just woke up. A person who slept several years told me he was sleep-deprived; are you trying to fool a ghost?”
Kevin: “…..”
“Next time you blurt out crazy nonsense, you better find a paper to write it all. So as not to forget it when you turn your head and slap yourself in the face.” Oswald leaned against the back of the chair and held his arm while squinting at him. “So, I believe you’re required to re-explain the entire thing in detail once more.”
Kevin thought for a while and said, “Okay…..I also didn’t know why I died at that time and why I would appear in the Andoha jungle. But when I opened my eyes, I happened to see a hungry, daze lion pouncing over; oh, it was that brat, Ben. Of course, I wouldn’t let him take advantage of me, so I gave him a beating –”
“Hold on.” Oswald didn’t have the slightest interest in him beating Ben. “You said you saw a lion when you opened your eyes? Where did you lie down?”
“On the ground,” Kevin answered.
“You just lay like that without any cover?” Oswald said, “Although the Andoha jungle doesn’t have many large beasts, there are plenty of bugs, and they will eat the living or dead person. Moreover, they had been affected by the miasma, and each carried some poison in them. The bite wound will certainly fester and be infected if one doesn’t smear any medicine on it. Where’s your wound?”
Kevin: “…..”
“So, where exactly did you lie down?” Oswald raised his chin and asked once again.
Kevin helplessly answered. “Underground.”
Oswald frowned. “Underground? What do you mean underground?”
“The one where I dug a pit and buried myself inside.”
Oswald: “…..”
This description was very strange. Could a living person be buried under the ground?
“No matter how you feigned death, you ought to really die if you were buried for a while.” After saying this, Oswald pulled a long face and suddenly thought of another matter. “When you died on the battlefield, I was still in the Parson’s manor and didn’t see it personally. But later, I heard Mio mentioning it. He said he was there in your burial from the beginning to the end. After your coffin had been lowered to the ground, he and several of the Bronze Army’s officers stood in front of your gravestone for the whole day until dusk before leaving. The coffin only had a little space, and could you still be alive after being stuffed in there for the whole day?”
Kevin: “…..”
The colour of Oswald’s eyes was lighter than when he was a child that they were almost transparent, like the shrewdest snow wolf in the Mogu Icefield. When he straightly looked over, there was a sort of arrogance and thorough feeling in the air.
“Fine…..Wait for a while.” Kevin got down from the other side of the bed and closed the window tightly. Then, he walked to Oswald’s side and asked, “Do you have any weapons in your hand? Such as a dagger, short knife, or something else? A fruit knife is also fine.”
Oswald: “…..”
Saying these kinds of words, it was like he was planning to seize the throne.
“Oh, I don’t have any other intentions. I’m only borrowing it for a moment.” Kevin added again.
“Try walking another step barefoot.” Oswald let him go back to the bed and walked to the side. He took out a golden-black dagger from behind the dressing mirror and threw it.
Kevin caught it, flicked open the sheath, and slashed his wrist without batting an eye.
“What are you doing?! Have you gone mad?!” Oswald immediately seized the dagger.
“Hey, take it easy.” Kevin moved his hand without paying any attention and lifted his wrist for him to see. “You can look carefully.”
Oswald unwillingly shut his mouth. His complexion didn’t look too good; he probably still thought Kevin was a little crazy. He looked at the dripping wound with a black face and prepared to call someone in, giving Kevin medicine to stop the bleeding.
However, his face changed after looking for a moment.
Because the wound had already stopped bleeding on its own, and most of it had even healed in the short period of a few seconds. It was a very fantastic process; the split in his skin pinched back together at a speed visible to the naked eyes. There wasn’t even any scab as if that place had never been wounded before.
If not for the two drops of bloodstain left on the ground, Oswald would have doubted he was sleepwalking just now.
Kevin shook the intact wrist in front of him. “Now you understand why I need to tell a lie and fool people, right?”
（＊〇□〇）……！
Chapter 17: CH 17
The rusty smell of blood became stronger. He finally couldn’t bear to open the ground and sat up, only to see corpses everywhere. The Bronze Army and the Jinshi Empire’s battle flags fell not far away and were soaked into a darker colour by blood. He looked down and discovered the person who lay down with him in the pit was Oswald.
“Wake up –” He felt somewhat sad and violently pushed Oswald’s shoulder, but the lying corpse unexpectedly sat up.
Oswald unconcernedly plucked the arrow pierced in his body and casually picked up a longbow on the ground, giving them to him. “Can you stand here and shoot the Chinese privet tree in the courtyard? Try it for me.”
He braced his body and stood up from the ground. When he looked up, the battlefield had changed into the backyard of the Parson’s estate. An adult Oswald stood beside the refreshment table and held his arm while calmly looking at him.
“Okay, I’ll try it.” He hesitated while answering. Then, he squinted his eyes at the Chinese privet tree afar and steadily pulled the bowstring.
The long arrow carried the whizzing sound of the wind, pinned on the broad-leaved Chinese privet tree with a heavy thud. The whole tree shook for a moment before collapsing in response.
He put down the bow and found out he was standing at a summit. The entire world became eerily quiet as if he was the only one left. The huge sunset slowly set down behind him, and the remaining sky was as golden-red as the blood.
Kevin woke up at the scene of this quiet dusk.
He braced himself to sit up, only to find that he had somehow been moved. This clearly wasn’t Oswald’s study but a spacious bedroom. It was a heavily lavished bedroom decorated mainly in black-golden brass.
“You’re finally awake.” An aged voice said.
Kevin turned his head and saw a meticulously dressed, white-haired elderly sitting on a bedside chair, quietly looking at him. The lines on the corner of his mouth were so deep that they almost etched into his bone, appearing ancient and stern. A book was spread out on the man’s knee, and Kevin could take a clear look at the label in the corner of the page with his eyesight: “The Book of the Later Gods.”
The first line of the opened page read: “Don’t take the dreamland as an absurd and nonsensical journey; there will be an inevitable origin from it.”
Kevin’s mouth twitched, and he withdrew his gaze, saying to the elderly, “Uncle Ian, long time no see.”
It had indeed been a long time already. He never met this old housekeeper again since he left the Parson’s manor after the spring break ended. He didn’t expect Oswald to bring this man back to the imperial palace.
Ian put on a mourning face and said, “I’m happy to see you again.”
Kevin: “…..Thank you.” It really couldn’t be seen.
“I’m going to call the young master over.” He was probably used to addressing him like this and couldn’t change it for a while. After he stood up and froze for a time, he added again. “Oh, it’s His Majesty.”
Kevin lifted the quilt. “No need for that. I’ll follow you out.”
He hadn’t lifted his feet yet when a tall person’s figure already appeared in the bedroom’s doorway.
Kevin withdrew his feet as soon as hearing it and asked in astonishment. “Three days and nights?!”
Oswald: “Otherwise, what do you think?”
Kevin looked outside through the window. The heavy rain hadn’t stopped, and a thin layer of water mist raised from the ground, similar to before he fell asleep. “…..I thought it was only half a day.”
Oswald disdainfully replied. “Heh.”
Kevin: “…..”
“Tell them to make something to eat; Roasted Hare in Crane’s Milk or something like that,” Oswald instructed Ian while removing his outer clothes soaked in the rain.
Old Ian saluted, then rigidly answered. “No, someone who had not eaten for three days and nights couldn’t eat these. I will tell them to make something else. Besides, Your Majesty’s diet has been too meaty lately. I already informed them in the morning to change the menu.” After saying that, he respectfully exited.
“…..” Oswald expressionlessly said, “My brain must have been flooded by water when I decided to bring him here at that time.”
Seeing the loss of the meat, Kevin also twitched the corner of his mouth and said, “So, what is he now?”
Oswald, with a stiff face, “Head of the chamberlain.”
Kevin: “…..”
He stared at Oswald for a long while before succinctly saying, “I just realised you’re probably a masochist.”
Oswald: “…..”
He slammed the door shut with a bang, then strode to the bedside and pulled the arm of the chair. When he sat down, he couldn’t help to explain stiffly. “If I didn’t bring the old man, Ian, he would have died long ago. Indeed, I don’t like him, but it doesn’t mean I want him to die.”
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Kevin opened his mouth and still wanted to mock, but Oswald interrupted him. “Shut up; it’s not your place to speak. I’m going to ask you now, what’s going on with you?”“What do you mean what’s going on?” Kevin was stunned.
“Since you appeared in the Andoha jungle until now, you were only conscious a few times during a fight. You seemed to be asleep for the remaining times.” Oswald answered.
Kevin forced a laugh and massaged his sore neck. “Probably…..lack of sleep.”
Oswald snorted. “If I’m not mistaken, you told Mio you’ve been unconscious until this year and just woke up. A person who slept several years told me he was sleep-deprived; are you trying to fool a ghost?”
“Next time you blurt out crazy nonsense, you better find a paper to write it all. So as not to forget it when you turn your head and slap yourself in the face.” Oswald leaned against the back of the chair and held his arm while squinting at him. “So, I believe you’re required to re-explain the entire thing in detail once more.”
Kevin thought for a while and said, “Okay…..I also didn’t know why I died at that time and why I would appear in the Andoha jungle. But when I opened my eyes, I happened to see a hungry, daze lion pouncing over; oh, it was that brat, Ben. Of course, I wouldn’t let him take advantage of me, so I gave him a beating –”
“Hold on.” Oswald didn’t have the slightest interest in him beating Ben. “You said you saw a lion when you opened your eyes? Where did you lie down?”
“On the ground,” Kevin answered.
“You just lay like that without any cover?” Oswald said, “Although the Andoha jungle doesn’t have many large beasts, there are plenty of bugs, and they will eat the living or dead person. Moreover, they had been affected by the miasma, and each carried some poison in them. The bite wound will certainly fester and be infected if one doesn’t smear any medicine on it. Where’s your wound?”
Kevin: “…..”
“So, where exactly did you lie down?” Oswald raised his chin and asked once again.
Kevin helplessly answered. “Underground.”
Oswald frowned. “Underground? What do you mean underground?”
“The one where I dug a pit and buried myself inside.”
Oswald: “…..”
This description was very strange. Could a living person be buried under the ground?
“No matter how you feigned death, you ought to really die if you were buried for a while.” After saying this, Oswald pulled a long face and suddenly thought of another matter. “When you died on the battlefield, I was still in the Parson’s manor and didn’t see it personally. But later, I heard Mio mentioning it. He said he was there in your burial from the beginning to the end. After your coffin had been lowered to the ground, he and several of the Bronze Army’s officers stood in front of your gravestone for the whole day until dusk before leaving. The coffin only had a little space, and could you still be alive after being stuffed in there for the whole day?”
Kevin: “…..”
The colour of Oswald’s eyes was lighter than when he was a child that they were almost transparent, like the shrewdest snow wolf in the Mogu Icefield. When he straightly looked over, there was a sort of arrogance and thorough feeling in the air.
“Fine…..Wait for a while.” Kevin got down from the other side of the bed and closed the window tightly. Then, he walked to Oswald’s side and asked, “Do you have any weapons in your hand? Such as a dagger, short knife, or something else? A fruit knife is also fine.”
Oswald: “…..”
Saying these kinds of words, it was like he was planning to seize the throne.
“Oh, I don’t have any other intentions. I’m only borrowing it for a moment.” Kevin added again.
Kevin caught it, flicked open the sheath, and slashed his wrist without batting an eye.
“What are you doing?! Have you gone mad?!” Oswald immediately seized the dagger.
“Hey, take it easy.” Kevin moved his hand without paying any attention and lifted his wrist for him to see. “You can look carefully.”
Oswald unwillingly shut his mouth. His complexion didn’t look too good; he probably still thought Kevin was a little crazy. He looked at the dripping wound with a black face and prepared to call someone in, giving Kevin medicine to stop the bleeding.
However, his face changed after looking for a moment.
Because the wound had already stopped bleeding on its own, and most of it had even healed in the short period of a few seconds. It was a very fantastic process; the split in his skin pinched back together at a speed visible to the naked eyes. There wasn’t even any scab as if that place had never been wounded before.
If not for the two drops of bloodstain left on the ground, Oswald would have doubted he was sleepwalking just now.
Kevin shook the intact wrist in front of him. “Now you understand why I need to tell a lie and fool people, right?”
（＊〇□〇）……！
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