Chapter 71: Chapter 69 – A Secret Coming To Light (Part 1)

Kazuma was an Academy student now. He was only six years old and was among the youngest students. Kids his age weren't as advanced as him in reading or learning their kata, but they were always up for playing. Kazuma had grown up surrounded by children older than him who had their own responsibility. At the Academy, he could play, let off steam, laugh out loud, and none of his little comrades had other chores to do. Even in class, they were together. At no time was Kazuma neglected, he always had lots of friends with him. It was great!

He knew Jun would have liked to wait a year or two for him to enroll because he worried too much. Ever since he was little, Kazuma knew his family cared about him. His two siblings were overly protective. But he was older now, and they no longer watched him like milk on fire.

Kazuma often thought about their mom. He knew that she had been weakened by his birth. He had always known her as a civilian, easily tired and fragile, but she had once been a kunoichi of the Uchiha clan, powerful and lethal. It was his fault that their mother wasn't able to protect herself anymore. Of course, no one had told Kazuma so. But he knew his coming into the world was not his fault, nor even his responsibility. He didn’t ask to be born. No one did. But… The consequences were there. Their mom had been weakened by his birth, and she was dead now.

When it happened, Kazuma had cried so much, and it felt like the pain was going to rip his chest apart, but… It had been months now. He did not see the time pass. He missed her so much but the pain had subsided, he no longer thought of her as much, and… He was almost ashamed of it. It felt wrong, moving forward so easily. He had adored her, and she was dead. She had been killed. Shouldn't he be broken inside? Hadn't he loved her enough?

He felt a little guilty. He didn't want to forget her. She had been in his life for six years, his entire existence, and it seemed wrong to heal so quickly from her absence.

It was something he was hesitant to talk about with the rest of his family. They all had a rather complicated relationship with death, absence, and memory. Jun and Izumi shared his loss. Neji did not remember his mother. She passed away when he was still an infant. His father had been killed. It was still a painful subject, and Neji’s twitched in anger when someone mentioned his parents at the Academy.

Karin had different problems, but no less complex. Her father had been kidnapped by ninjas; he was probably dead. And her mother had entrusted her to Jun to allow her to leave the village which was holding her prisoner. No one knew if she was still alive. Karin never mentioned it.

And then there was Sasuke, and that was another story.

Sasuke had lost his entire family all at once. However, his mourning was different from the rest of the family. In a way, he had lost more than them, and it made them all uncomfortable because… Because they should have comforted him, but they didn't want to because they had their own grief to deal with. And they were all angry. It was easier to mull over their resentment if they pretended that Sasuke wasn't hurting, but he was hurt, and they all knew it. It was just… nobody admitted it. And Sasuke was far too proud to ask for help.

Sasuke was complicated. It wasn't that Kazuma didn't like him. Kazuma loved everyone. Jun sometimes laughed saying he was too soft, but it was true. In Kazuma's experience, people needed to be loved. They needed compassion and understanding, and Kazuma was hurt when they weren't given those things. He liked to be nice, he wanted people to be fine. Seeing someone cry always made his heart feel like a crumpled piece of paper, even if it was someone he didn't know.

And Sasuke wasn't well. He was sad, lonely, in his mourning. He was from the clan that had killed their mom. At first, Kazuma had wanted to hate him. He wanted to turn his pain into anger, stop hurting, stop crying, and stop feeling weak. But he had never been able to hate Sasuke. He was looking at him, and he couldn't see the face of an enemy. He only saw a boy around his age who was in pain. How could he have hated him?

They were so similar. All people, all human beings were alike, they suffered and cried alike. Why did we have to hate each other? Wasn't it simpler, more human, to feel compassion for the pain of others? Forgiveness was hard, and Kazuma still didn't know if he would forgive the Uchiha clan for what happened to his mother. But it wasn't about forgiveness. It was just about thinking that his mom was dead, but Sasuke's mom was dead too. They both had the right to be sad. And they could recognize that the other was sad, recognize their grief, and respect it. It didn't require hatred or anger or forgiveness.

Jun had been the first to accept Sasuke among them. Maybe because he was the only one who had a real concrete responsibility towards him since he was his legal guardian. But Kazuma thought it was because Jun secretly had a good heart. He was a terrifying ninja, but he loved taking care of people. He wasn't the sweetest person, but Jun was a possessive one. Sasuke had become his responsibility, so he had become part of his family. It was as simple as that.

Besides, Sasuke wasn't that hard to love. He was grumpy and abrupt but he was also polite and kind, but more importantly, he wanted to be part of their family. He was making an effort. Well, he was doing it with Jun, probably because Jun was trying too hard. For the others… It was more complicated. They all kept their distance at first.

Izumi didn't have a problem with Sasuke in particular, but she did with the clan and what it stood for. She ignored Sasuke as much as she could, letting her gaze drift over him as if he wasn't there, or slamming the door as she left the room. She was sad, too, but a furious sadness. Kazuma had heard Jun talking to her one evening. Their voices were too low for him to hear the whole conversation, but he had caught Itachi's name. He was the boy who had killed the whole clan. He had been friends with Jun and Izumi once, and he was Sasuke's brother, and he had killed the whole Uchiha clan.

It was confusing and painful for Izumi. Kazuma wanted to help her, he wanted her to get better and not be sad or angry anymore, but he didn't know how to do it. He felt so helpless. Izumi was right to be sad and angry, she was right to resent Itachi, but it wasn't Sasuke's fault, was it?

Karin and Neji were easier to understand. They weren't Uchiha. Not by blood, at least. Kazuma couldn't remember a time without Neji among them, and Karin had been Jun's apprentice for a while now, but they weren't officially part of the clan. Well, they were part of the family, they were his family… But they weren't Uchiha. So obviously Neji and Karin were afraid of being kicked out. Kazuma knew it was irrational, and Neji and Karin also knew it. How could they doubt the love of Jun, Izumi, and Kazuma toward them?

They all went to the Academy, so they walked together. When Sasuke had been held up outside the Academy door by a group of girls, Karin had come to his rescue and dragged Sasuke away without a word. They were sticking together, watching each other’s back. At that time, they didn't love each other, not yet, but… Jun had told them to watch out for each other. Whatever name they had, they were part of the same family in his eyes.

It was Kazuma who had taken the first step. He had been the first to speak to Sasuke, five months earlier. Then at the Academy, Kazuma had lunch with his class, but sometimes he slipped away to eat his bento with Neji and Karin. After a few weeks, he invited Sasuke to join them. And after that, he also invited him to join them for training after class. Sasuke was shocked at first.

“Come train with us,” Kazuma repeated patiently. “ We're going to practice throwing shurikens.”

Sasuke's gaze passed on Neji and Karin, without a word. Neji’s face was impassive, and Karin put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes in annoyance. But they said nothing.

“We are from the same family. We have to stick together.” Kazuma added

“I can train alone,” Sasuke blurted out.

“But you don't have to. We learn best when we are in a group! Neji is really good at taijutsu. And Karin is the best at playing hide and seek. And I'm very good at shurikens. We all have our strengths and weaknesses! If we put everything together, we’ll be more versatile.”

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Sasuke hesitated briefly before asking in a low voice.

"Did Jun ask you to do that?"

Because until then, Jun was the only person who showed him that he cared about him. The only one who looked him in the eye, spoke to him, smiled at him, made an effort, and showed that he supported him. Kazuma stood straighter.

“No. He would approve if he knew, but no. I want you to come because I want to. You are family!”

Kazuma was almost as surprised as Sasuke when he said those words.

"You're family," he repeated. “And Neji and Karin agree, right?”

Neji’s expression softened, and he shrugged when their eyes met. Karin rolled her eyes.

“If you insist.”

“Jun would agree,” Kazuma hammered.

No one protested when Sasuke came with them. It was the beginning of a better relationship between them.

Sasuke was still quiet and withdrawn, but he was improving. He was nice to Kazuma. He was nice to everyone, but being nice to Kazuma was what earned him points in Neji and Karin's esteem. Sometimes, Kazuma was a little surprised, amused, and annoyed by the way his elders brooded over him. He was the youngest, but he wasn't fragile. He wasn't vulnerable. He wasn't as strong as Neji in taijutsu, but he beat Karin half the time! He was as good at maths and strategy games as Neji! And he was top of his class! He did not need protection.

And even if Kazuma was sometimes annoyed, he could perfectly admit that he loved to be the center of their attention… Or rather, the center of their affection. Kazuma didn't particularly like being put in the limelight. But he liked to be liked, he liked to be cared about, and he liked to matter to people. He didn't know how he could live without being loved, surrounded, and pampered… without having this certainty that there would always be a cocoon of sweetness waiting for him at home.

Jun, Izumi, Neji, and Karin… They were tender and affectionate, but they could also be tough and inflexible, and Kazuma didn't know if he had that toughness in him. He couldn't imagine himself being cruel. Yet he knew that being a ninja meant being able to fight and being able to kill.

One day he asked Jun if it made him sad to kill, and he said no, not really. He sometimes had regrets, but not sorrow. His heart had hardened to survive the cold reality of a shinobi’s life. Kazuma didn't know if he would be able to toughen up the same way. Did that make him weak? He knew that he would fight, that he would hurt people, that he would kill them, that he would hurt others to fulfill his mission for his family, for the village, to obey his superior, to execute orders, for a thousand reasons, some good and some not… But he couldn't imagine one day ceasing to be heartbroken by the pain of others.

He hadn't told Jun that. He had told Neji a little later. Neji was his favorite person, his confidant, and Kazuma had always told him everything. And when he told him that, Neji seemed very sad, but he smiled at him anyway and told him that to have a tender heart in such a cruel world is bravery, not weakness.

But Kazuma didn't feel brave. Just… Fragile. Isolated. Uncertain. He wanted to help people, but the world was so big and so cruel, and he was so small. He felt like he would never be enough.

But he had to at least try. Even if he couldn't help everyone, he should help those he could… And it started with Sasuke.

It had been almost six months since their mom had died, and Kazuma was happy. It was easy to be happy when you were surrounded by friends. He missed his mom, but it wasn't the heartbreaking pain of before. There was the Academy and his new friends to fill his life now. Besides, the teachers were very proud of the progress he was making and even talked about advancing Kazuma a class or two.

“You might even outdo your half-siblings!” His teacher encouraged him one day.

Kazuma's smile froze.

Half-siblings? Jun and Izumi were his siblings. It had always been like that. There had always been their mom and no one else. Sometimes, Jun had mentioned dad… but that didn't mean… He never had…

Kazuma put on a good face, accepted the compliments, and waited for the end of the day with a racing mind. He didn't know if he felt betrayed, stupid, angry, unhappy, or just stunned. He knew he and his siblings had the same mother, but he never thought they had different fathers. With the age difference, it wasn't impossible… But if Jun and Izumi's dad was dead, who was his father? Why had no one ever told him anything? How could his instructor know about it? Did everyone know and had kept the secret?

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