Chapter 77: Chapter 75 – Anguish

Itachi didn't expect Jun to have the Sharingan. When he activated his Dojutsu with the three tomoes, Itachi had been surprised… But he had already gone on the attack. The parameters of the mission had to be reassessed, and he made calculations in a flash before deciding that the objective could still be achieved. It wasn't so much a decision as a mental note. The parameters were different, but the objective was immutable.

Itachi had never decided to change the purpose of a mission, let alone fail. The mission was the mission. He got his orders and obeyed. It was simple. There was no possible failure because he could not envisage a divergence from the orders given. If he failed, that would mean he was killed.

Itachi was always trying to understand the things around him. What did his father mean when he talked about bringing pride to the Uchiha clan? Had something escaped him? What was he implying? What did Shisui's sad look mean? Had there been a trap in their conversation, a test that Itachi had unknowingly failed?

Those questions tormented him, but he didn't ask people to be clearer or to reassure him... And even if he had known how to ask his questions, he didn’t dare to. It was a sign of weakness and stupidity, which he had understood very early. You had to understand half a word and obey immediately. You had to comprehend the hidden meaning behind the hidden meaning. However, Itachi was constantly doubting, but at least he knew how to obey. His father praised him a lot for that trait.

Danzo had ordered him to eliminate the Uchiha clan to avoid a civil war and protect Konoha. And Itachi had obeyed. He'd started with his parents and had put Sasuke in a Genjutsu that forced him to relive the scene over and over again. Sasuke… his little brother. Itachi knew he couldn’t kill him. That was his only condition to perform the mission. His only request… Sasuke must live because Itachi wanted to be judged by his hands.

He had used his Tsukuyomi power to force Sasuke to watch the scene of his big brother killing their parents. Itachi had hoped he would stimulate the boy’s potential. And it had worked. Right before Sasuke passed out, Itachi had seen it. It was brief, but he had seen it… A Sharingan with one tomoe in each eye.

He pained him to put his brother through such intense trauma. But he still had a mission to do. So with sadness, he had gone from house to house, from street to street... Men, women, old people, members of the police, civilians, Academy students, infants screaming in their cradles… Itachi remembered every single one of them. It was out of the question to forget them. It made him suffer, but he would carry it. He would bear the weight of the pain and guilt.

After eliminating everyone in the Uchiha District, Itachi went after the last Uchihas who weren’t part of the clan. He knew them. He considered them friends, but that wouldn’t change his objective. However, Itachi hadn’t expected Jun to have the Sharingan. But that didn't change anything. His mission was to kill Jun and the rest of his family. Danzo was very clear about it.
Surprisingly, they had fled their apartment. Itachi was alarmed at first, but he was able to track them down. As he was getting closer, he pondered on who he should kill first. Izumi, no doubt. He would kill her quickly, so she wouldn't see him coming. He loved Izumi, but that didn't change the fact that he was going to kill her. She, Jun, or their brother Kazuma… They had become his target, like the members of his clan.

There were only a handful of individuals who had impacted Itachi’s life, who had been more than passersby. There was Shisui, so bright, so full of life and optimism. And Izumi, happy and smiling, and there was Sasuke, so small, so free, yet so carefree. And Jun… He had been an extension of Shisui in some way, and now that Shisui was dead, their bond had crumbled to dust.

There was only the mission left. Life was a series of missions, of roles to be fulfilled. Itachi was a part, too. Something hollow, good for performing a definite task, and nothing else. He didn't know how to interact with people, or how to fit in. He was different. It was something that made Shisui look at him with compassion. Shisui had tried to help him fit in. But he had failed.

Itachi was alone. All he had left was the mission. It was easy to follow orders. That was his role.

To make matter worse, he had started coughing last year and he knew his body well enough to sense something was wrong. He could feel it in the coughing that scraped his lungs and the way his breath wasn't bringing him as much oxygen as before. But Itachi hadn't gone to see a doctor. What does it matter, in the end? The ninja's life would kill him long before any disease.

However, he had miscalculated one thing, Jun. He was much stronger than he had anticipated. Itachi realized with a kind of panicked disbelief that Jun could beat him. He had misjudged him. He knew he was fast, but in their practice, Itachi usually had the upper hand, and he'd believed it would continue. But Jun possessed the Sharingan as well.

Itachi had never seen him dodging his attacks so easily before. He had been wrong about him. Not only that, but he had also been negligent. He had believed himself capable of beating any Sharingan, except for Shisui's. It was a mistake, but he would correct it.

He activated his Mangekyo Sharingan. He didn't know how to use it well at the time. He didn't know what Amaterasu was truly capable of exactly. But Tsukuyomi, on the other hand, was a powerful Genjutsu. He knew and understood Genjutsu. It had always been his favorite. Therefore, he was confident that Tsukuyomi would be enough to kill Jun. And he had activated it.

For a split second, he thought everything was back to normal, that things were going to go back to normal, that he was going to kill his target and everything would be fine.

Then he felt utter stupefaction… Even in his wildest dreams, he never considered the possibility… Jun had activated his own Mangekyo Sharingan. How is it possible?

Their two techniques collided, and Itachi felt his Tsukuyomi shatter like a mirror. It was as if a hammer had struck precisely at his Genjutsu’s weak point. But at that moment, he was already in motion, blade brandished, ready to decapitate Jun. He only had time to widen his eyes in disbelief.

Jun had the Mangekyo?! And his Mangekyo power had beaten his Tsukuyomi? No, no, no, that wasn't how it was supposed to be. He had his orders. Jun was supposed to die! But he was very close. At this distance, he wouldn't have time to dodge even if he had just dispelled his most powerful Genjutsu. He could still succeed.

Suddenly, the ground was covered in a huge chakra-charged seal that burned as a gigantic crimson skeleton exploded around Jun. Itachi only had time to instinctively call out his own Susanoo before the whole place was blown to pieces.

Reinforcements were near. Itachi was out of time. Izumi and Kazuma Uchiha had taken refuge with ninjas. Itachi could have gone to kill them, but he would have had to fight Konoha’s shinobis. Decimating Konoha's forces was defeating the purpose of his mission. Moreover, Jun wouldn’t let him. Itachi wasn’t sure he could beat him. Even worse, he felt like Jun might defeat him. He had no idea what other tricks Jun was hiding. Either way, he had no more time.

Had he failed his mission? No, that was impossible… He always succeeded. Ultimately, Itachi fled.

He hadn't failed, not yet. It was a strategic retreat. His goal was out of reach for now. He had to try another approach. Getting arrested and imprisoned was a real possibility, and he couldn't afford it. He would attack later. He had a mission to fulfill. As long as he had a role to perform, and a goal to guide him, Itachi could move forward. Everything would be fine; he would still fulfill his mission. Nothing would stop him except death, it was the only way he knew to exist.

But he wondered sometimes if it wouldn't just be less painful to die once and for all, instead of continuing to fight and be eaten up by this great emptiness inside him. He wanted to rest. He was so tired. He wanted to stop fighting. Close his eyes. But he had no choice. He would have to keep fighting for Konoha, his village. He would do so until his death.

Later, Itachi learned that Jun Uchiha had been named chief of the Uchiha clan by the Sandaime. Itachi was… confused. Uncertain. Scared, almost. Danzo had told him that the Hokage had approved the mission… That he was in line with his ideals. However, Itachi was pretty sure this new development changed the mission objective. The Hokage had given Jun his approval to live. Maybe the Hokage had changed his mind? Itachi wasn't sure. He was planning on going to see the Sandaime. He intended to make him promise to watch over Sasuke. But the patrols around the village had been reinforced, and he hadn't had the chance. But he should do it one day. He needed to know what his new mission was. He needed to receive new orders because he felt empty.

His father was dead. His mother was dead. Everyone was dead. He had killed them.

He would have also killed Jun, Izumi, and Kazuma if he could have. He knew it. Kazuma was a little younger than Sasuke, and he was an innocent child, but that wouldn't have mattered. Itachi had killed a lot of Uchiha children without the slightest hesitation. Jun... He would have had some regrets because he had been Shisui's friend. He saw a lot of Shisui in him. But Itachi wouldn't have hesitated, no. He would have killed him without hesitation, without flinching. He knew it.

For Izumi… It was more complicated. He had loved her. Maybe he still loved her. He wasn't sure. But she had been one of the only people to smile at him and appreciate him for who he truly was. She found him nice. Itachi had been desperately captivated by her kindness, her humanity, her compassion, and her enthusiasm. He had gravitated around her as around a star, irresistibly caught in her orbit, charmed and fascinated. She was so different. She understood the world of ninjas and its harshness. But at the same time, she was absolutely detached from the cruelty of the ANBU missions, from his father's disdainful grin, from the disgruntled whispers that agitated the clan.

She was completely…innocent. She was pure. Izumi shone in the dark like a star. Itachi was terrified that one day she would get too close, that she would find herself drawn into his hollow, blood-splattered world, and be stained by it. When the clan chased away her family, Itachi had been sad, but he also felt a little relief. At least that relationship wouldn't end in blood and tears.

He hadn't wanted to kill Izumi. But when Danzo gave the order, he nodded and didn't issue a single protest. He had thought he could kill her fast, first, so she had no time to suffer, no time to realize. He hadn't even thought of protesting or looking for another solution that would save her. A shinobi was supposed to protect and obey, but with Itachi, it was always obedience that triumphed.

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He was grateful to Jun, in a way. Seeing Izumi's expression when she understood that he had wanted to kill her, made him feel like his insides were writhing in his stomach, and for a moment he hated Jun for causing that. But… in the end, thanks to Jun, Izumi had been saved. And Sasuke grew up surrounded by Uchihas, protected, pampered. So… Yes, he was grateful.

Still, he would have killed Izumi anyway, if given the chance. He would have killed her like all the others. And it had been easy. Almost too easy. In a small part of himself that wasn't as hollow as the rest, he was horrified because a normal person wouldn't have found it easy. Shisui would have cried. Jun, Izumi, Sasuke, they would all have cried. They would have protested and yelled and maybe even disobeyed, but the idea of ​​disobedience was so remote, so ill-defined, that Itachi didn't really give it much thought.

However, Itachi too cried afterward. he had cried for his parents and his cousins, for the disappearance of his family and clan. He had cried because he was sad, but even that grief was superficial, like a veil of mist that was hardly enough to fill the great consuming emptiness inside him. They were dead. It had happened. He felt sad and bad, but he didn't know if he felt guilty or not. Killing family members was wrong, it was something dishonorable and horrible, and his father would have been ashamed of it, but Itachi just felt… numb…. tired… empty.

He almost wanted to feel horrified, just to feel something. But his emotional capacity to feel despair and guilt had peaked when Shisui died, and Itachi had no room in his heart for more horror.

Itachi waited around Konoha for days. He hid from patrols, ANBUs, and nukenin hunting teams. It occupied his days. He was waiting for his mission… A summons from the Sandaime or Danzo wouldn't take long now, would it?

But the summons was long overdue. The weeks passed. When Itachi set out to search for the Root's secret bases, at least the ones he knew about, he found them deserted. It wasn't too surprising, Danzo didn't waste his ninjas by assigning them sentry roles... But it was amazing that there weren't any new missions that required restocking or resulted in traces he could track. Itachi remained in the Land of Fire, prowling further and further from Konoha in search of other occupied bases, a message from Danzo, a clue, but he found nothing.

He settled one night in a base near the border with the Land of Grass and was awakened by the noise of two shinobi crossing the border. He identified them as Kusa's spies and killed them, then returned to base. After that, out of idleness, Itachi started watching the border. It was a mission. It was something he could do, a role he had filled before.

Admittedly, no one had given him this mission, and it made him uncomfortable…but he had been given this kind of role before, so it wasn't that uncomfortable. It was familiar, this routine, these instructions to remember. In the absence of recent orders, Itachi fell back on the orders given to him in the past. He was hiding from the Konoha shinobis, like an ANBU, and killed the enemies of the village. It occupied him. He was waiting, and he waited a long time.

It was only after almost six months, by questioning an intercepted Iwa shinobi that he learned that Danzo was dead. At first, he thought it was recent, that it had taken place while he was away…While he was waiting for new directives. And then the enemy ninja released new information. His Tsukuyomi was very effective in making people talk. And Itachi discovered that it had happened months ago. Shortly after the Uchiha Massacre. Right after the massacre… Almost at the same time… Nobody knew who killed Danzo. But since he died the same night as the Uchihas, people thought it was him, Itachi…

Itachi never imagined that Danzo could die. He seemed even more immortal than the Hokage. Maybe it was because the Hokages had a duty to go to the front and sacrifice themselves when needed, like the Yondaime, whereas Danzo… Danzo's role was more complex. He was acting in the shadows. He sacrificed others, never himself. He seemed untouchable. Immortal. As if he was part of Konoha, like the roots supporting the tree. He had always been there, and he always would be there. At least, that was what Itachi had believed…

But Danzo was dead. No, Danzo had been killed … And wasn't that terrifying? The idea that someone had murdered this terrible and unchanging force of nature, which had seemed to Itachi comparable to some kind of deity. Who could have done such a thing? Itachi's mind was spinning. Was it the Hokage? No, the Hokage knew that Danzo was indispensable for Konoha, he would never have acted like this.

But who then? Orochimaru? Itachi knew that he and Danzo had collaborated once. But why would the Sannin have turned against his former ally now? And an anonymous assassination wasn’t like him. Orochimaru liked to claim his victories. So who? A ninja from another country? A traitor in Konoha? Who would have been strong enough, cunning enough, crazy enough?

Danzo died the same night as the Uchiha clan. The timing was suspicious. Had someone wanted to take advantage of the chaos caused by Itachi? Would the assassin have known that the massacre was taking place that night? Or was Danzo's murder connected to something else? But Itachi couldn't remember anything other than the massacre taking place in Konoha at that time. The village had been peaceful, until… Hazuki’s death, and the chaos that it caused…

Danzo had died the night of Jun's fight against Itachi. He had been killed by a trap, a bomb, an explosion. Itachi suddenly saw with clarity Jun's enraged face, his Mangekyo Sharingan, the explosive Seal that was born on the ground like a flower that blooms at the speed of lightning.

He didn't really have any proof, but… Jun made the perfect suspect.

Did Jun kill Danzo because he ordered the massacre and sent Itachi to kill his family? Or maybe he was opposed to the massacre on principle because he felt some sort of residual loyalty to the clan… But how could that have been possible, when the Uchihas had killed her mother that day? People didn't forgive that sort of thing. Itachi had never felt a desire for revenge, but he knew it was a relatively constant fact.

Unless Jun didn't do this for the Uchiha ... Maybe he did it for Shisui because Danzo stole his eye. Perhaps he had discovered the stolen Sharingan, believed that Danzo had murdered Shisui, and had been overcome with anger. He had liked Shisui. Maybe it was his death that had awakened his Mangekyo… Unless it was his mother's? Itachi didn't know enough about Jun Uchiha to know how he was able to activate that level of the Sharingan.

It made Itachi uneasy to imagine that it was because of Shisui. Because Itachi had liked Shisui too. He probably liked him more than Jun, who had friends and family and a whole world beyond Shisui, while Itachi had none of that. His cousin had been the only happy thing in his life. His best friend. So inevitably, Itachi must have liked Shisui more than Jun, right?!

And yet… When Shisui had told him that Danzo had stolen his eye and wanted to destroy the clan, Itachi felt no desire to avenge him or protect him. He had accepted it because Danzo had decided so, and Itachi was a tool that only existed to accomplish a goal. Itachi was not someone who made decisions. When Danzo saw fit to steal Shisui's Sharingan, Itachi was sad and horrified, but he didn't rebel. The idea hadn't even crossed his mind. It would be as foolish as protesting against gravity or sunlight. It was just facts of life. His superiors commanded and Itachi obeyed, such was his world. Danzo had decided to take Shisui's Sharingan, and his Sharingan had been taken, it was as simple as that.

So Danzo was dead. Who... Who will give him orders now? Did he have to go back to Konoha to see the Sandaime? But his mission had been a secret, the other ninjas wouldn't let him in, they all thought he was a traitor, and the security of the village had been tightened… How was he supposed to reach the Hokage under these conditions? Should he wait for a new order?

Did the Sandaime know that a new order had to be sent to him? This question suddenly grabs Itachi by the throat. If Jun had been named clan leader, it was because the Hokage wanted the Uchiha clan to continue to exist. And if Jun had been made clan leader after killing Danzo, then that meant the Hokage had approved of that action, and that was dizzying and terrifying.

It meant that Danzo had given him a mission that the Hokage disapproved of, that he had betrayed his role… Itachi wouldn't go so far as to call Danzo a traitor, because his role went far beyond. But in any case, he had exceeded the limits, and the Hokage had accepted his death as a punishment. And that must have meant that… That the massacre ordered by Danzo was not sanctioned by the Hokage…

Itachi had a small panic attack. He didn't know what was more terrifying. The long howl of despair constricted his throat without being able to get out of it, realizing that the Uchihas didn’t have to die. Or the dreadful realization that he was a real nukenin, that no one was waiting for him to return to Konoha, that no one was going to give him a new mission? He was nothing without a role, and he had fulfilled his very last mission months ago without realizing he was cutting himself off. He was all alone. He couldn't go back. He no longer had a goal to achieve, and the mere thought froze him from the inside. He had nothing left, no more Shisui, no more Izumi, no more Sasuke…

It took him a long time to calm down. He was alone and terrified. He cried for a long time until he was exhausted, drained of all emotion. At fourteen years old, he was all alone and no longer had a mission. He would never have one again.

For a long moment, he contemplated the idea of ​​slitting his throat. The idea of ​​dying had never frightened him. He had already attempted suicide once, very young, just before graduating from the Academy. Not out of panic or anger, but just because he was anxious about the clan's expectations. He felt strangled by the horror he had seen on the battlefields.

He was still small then, but his father had dragged him there in hopes that he would awaken his Sharingan with the trauma. Fugaku had been disappointed that Itachi hadn't awakened his Dojutsu by watching the massacre on the battlefield, but Itachi had seen a lot and had etched those images into his memory, and… The idea of ​​living that kind of existence… He had felt drained, exhausted, and broken in advance. He had thought of getting it over with right away. So the day before the exam that would give him the rank of Genin, he had jumped off a cliff.

However, survival instinct had taken over, and he clung to the rock with a kunai, slowing his descent until he landed safely at the bottom of the precipice. He hadn't told anyone about it. He had come home, taken the exam the next day, and become a Genin at the age of seven. And then… There had been the missions, one after the other, which had guided his steps.

There were no more missions now. And death would be so easy. So liberating. He wanted to stop fighting, being scared, hurting, and being so miserable. He wanted to rest. He did not commit suicide. In the end, it was the thought of Shisui that stopped him. Shisui killed himself because it was a way to protect the clan and the village, and… Itachi couldn't express it, but it would dishonor Shisui if he were to kill himself like that.

Itachi did not commit suicide. He put down his kunai and looked toward the horizon. He needed to find a new mission, and new parameters to guide his life. The task seemed terrifying to him, but he tackled it anyway. He knew Shisui would have wanted him to live. He had given him his other Sharingan after all.

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