Chapter 11: 10

10.

Ercella didn’t know about Vicente, but she had a great time. Now, it would be perfect if they just had dinner before going back. She didn’t expect him to last with her until dinner. She grabbed her son’s arm and entered a familiar luxury restaurant.

It was a popular seafood restaurant in the Merde region bordering the sea southwest of Grania. The restaurant was crowded with people, maybe because of the recent popularity of Merde cuisine.

Since Vicente was not familiar with the place, Ercella ordered for the both of them. Vicente only stared at Ercella. Ercella smiled gently again this time. As she kept on smiling, she started to laugh whenever they made eye contact.

“Do you have any questions?”

“Do you come here often?”

She thought he would say no again this time, but another question came back. In other words, she bestowed some attention.

“Yes, with the noble ladies. Your father doesn’t like to eat outside. I’ve come a lot with my friends who are now all married.”

“Do you meet often?”

“Yes, I often meet my friends when I think of them only staying at home after marriage. Since I don’t like to stay at home for long….”

Ercella paused and looked at Vicente’s eyes.

I didn’t mean it like that, but I think I made a misleading statement out of excitement.

“I’m sorry, I’ve used the wrong words. I didn’t mean what you think.”

“No, it’s okay.”

Vicente showed no signs of discomfort. Instead, Ercella was hurt by Vicente’s nonchalant response.

In the past, if she had seen his face like now, she wouldn’t have even bothered to apologize. She would just move on.

But now I only have questions. Do these dry eyes really feel nothing? Will the seemingly hidden resentment remain silent even deep inside him?

That can’t be true.

It can’t be okay. How much pain did she have to suppress in her life, as well? After her father, mother, and sister died, she could not show it even though she suffered endlessly. Ercella herself knows that she’s not okay, but why…… why did she think her son would be all right?

She slowly raised her hand and reached out to Vicente. But her fingertips, trembling like rustling leaves, fell as if they could not reach him yet.

***

The woman’s eyes trembled pitifully. At first glance, she seemed to be sad.

No, were they always like that?

He never looked deeply into her eyes.

Even though I inherited her eyes and not father’s black eyes, I never thought she was my mother.

Although people praised her for her beauty, Vicente remained consistent in his dry demeanor. He felt no pride or joy from her.

She is just a person who lives under the same roof. Father’s woman. One day, when such thoughts rooted in my mind, I even suspected if she was my real mother. I wasn’t bothered much by it.

The woman looked at least five years younger than her age, so she might have seduced his father with her young face to take the seat next to him. As time went by, I realized I was being ridiculous.

The woman in front of him was totally his biological mother.

Her hand stopped in front of him and fell down.

Did you mean to reach it?

He laughed inwardly.

It’s simply ridiculous. I can’t think otherwise.

The air was somber between them. The meal came in between the silence. Baked baguettes with shrimps, mussels made with white wine sauce with cheese on top, cream on crab meat… all of them were new to him. All in all, it was a little greasy but not bad.

Come to think of it, mother seemed to like this kind of food.

He was dumbfounded when he saw the food that was served when they first ate breakfast together. Just from one look one can tell how greasy it was, but there are people who like that.

And my mother is one of them.

She said that if he trained without break, he might have an upset stomach. Fortunately, the next day, she also understood that her diet wasn’t normal, and normal food was served. Only then could he eat comfortably.

These days, she seemed like a totally different person, asking him to have meals together or to go out all of a sudden. I wanted to know what she was thinking, so I did what she told me to do today, but I couldn’t find out until the end.

It was like that even now. No matter how much he watched her, it was hard to understand her intentions because all she did was smile and laugh. Somehow, he felt subtly swayed which made him feel uncomfortable. He decided to dismiss the feelings he no longer wanted.

“What are you thinking?”

This is enough for a joke.

***

A prickly voice echoed in her ears. Naturally, Ercella lifted her head.

“I’ve thought a few times why mother was doing all this, but I just can’t come to a conclusion. Tell me what you really want. It will make things comfortable for the both of us.”

She saw that he had already put down his utensils which meant that Vicente no longer wanted to spend any more time with her.

Ercella lifted a napkin and wiped with it lightly around her mouth. Although the situation was embarrassing, it wasn’t unexpected. Even she thought that her attitude now didn’t make sense in the eyes of others.

“You don’t have to think so hard about it.”

“Please answer my question.”

“I just want to get along with you.”

Vicente’s mouth twisted slightly.

“After all this time… You mean-”

An estranged look from young eyes. Looks like decided to stop playing along with Ercella. Ercella also had no intention of covering up the past and pretending to be affectionate with Vicente.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“…….”

“I was a heartless mother. I neglected you, my own son. I won’t make excuses by saying that I was young at that time. It is true that I have committed an indelible crime against you. But I don’t want to continue doing that just because I’ve been doing that so far. I just want to get along with you now.”

“…….”

“Yes…… although it’s late. I know it’s late, but-”

“Like this?”

“If you don’t like this, I’ll change my approach. I’ll try harder. I don’t even think about being treated as a mother by you. It’s okay if you don’t even think of me as a mother. But I will treat you like my son, and I’m going to do everything I haven’t done for you.”

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“…….”

“I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“Because I haven’t been a mother to you.”

“…….”

“… Can you give me one more chance?”

Ercella looked at Vicente desperately. Even so, Vicente’s blue eyes were dry, there was not a moment of agitation. His gaze seemed like a deserted wilderness, so much so that it was impossible to tell how abysmal it was.

“Did I make you do that?”

One could tell without asking. It was all because of me. How could he be so naïve?

“I… I’ve committed a great sin against you.”

How could I not even think a little bit about falling in love with this kid? For how long did I think that the sin I accumulated would be as light as a feather? Now, the sin has covered my body and has gotten awfully heavy…….

She had no right to shed tears, so she swallowed her tears. Ercella didn’t want to cry. The moment she asked for sympathy with tears in her eyes, she felt like she would become a coward.

It was only up to Vicente to forgive her or not. Ercella had no right to force Vicente to forgive.

The cold stares didn’t hurt anymore. She shamelessly felt no pain. Vicente talked to himself, breaking his silence.

“I don’t understand.”

His eyes looked at her like she made no sense. His eyes exuded coldness as if he could not tolerate her pushing herself into his world with an act beyond his understanding.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“…….”

“Even if you treat me the same way you used to, I can’t hurt you, nor do I intend to. That goes even after inheriting the dukedom. Even then, if you still wish to be treated as a mother, I will gladly do so. You’re my mother anyway.”

“…….”

“Moreover, if you want to do your best as a mother to me as you said, you don’t need to do all this.”

“Vicente-”

“I’m telling you because you seem to be mistaken.”

They were desolate…

“I don’t blame you.”

His voice, his eyes, his everything.

“I have no feelings for you.”

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Just as he said, Vicente’s eyes were devoid of emotions such as resentment and hatred. Yes, they were never there. From the start, there was nothing in her son’s eyes. Her heart ached at the emptiness it gave her.

“What you’re doing now only makes me feel uncomfortable.”

In a cold moment, he cut off all attachments with her. Ercella lowered her head because she thought she would cry right away if she blinked her eyes.

Vicente did not blame Ercella. He didn’t have any feelings for her at all. There is nothing more cruel than this. Once again, the guilt of the past weighed on her.

“Ercella….”

She felt like she could hear an affectionate voice from somewhere. It was the voice of Eshahilde, who always envied Ercella for having a son.

“I want to have children like you…”

It’s a pity. She was envious of her because she had no children.….

“If I fail again, I’ll…”

Had she tried to understand Eshahilde a little bit, would she have looked back at Vicente? Would she have corrected this mistake if she knew how painful it would be?

One will never know. Ercella didn’t understand Eshahilde back then. She was just floundering with compassion for losing everything because of her child.

I should have given birth a little later. Or maybe I shouldn’t have given birth at all.

She was only venting her regrets and resentments that would eventually return to her as wounds. She will never know the answer.

Even now….

Like how she didn’t know she’d end up in love.

Ercella slowly raised her head with a bitter look. With a still cold face, Vicente was looking at Ercella. Vicente, whom she was so afraid of and turned away from. But Ercella did not avoid it this time. She looked straight into Vicente’s eyes.

Then, slowly, like building a sand castle, she gathered force around her mouth that seemed to be too stiff and unable to relax….

She made a soft smile.

Visente’s eyes hardened for a moment by a smile that looked like a wall that would collapse immediately. Ercella’s soft voice came to his ears.

“You said you were wondering what was wrong with me?”

She’s smiling as if she’s about to fall apart in front of him.

“Then let’s do this.”

There was a woman who was pretending to be fine with all her might.

“If you give me your time, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

Why…

“Anything you want. Whether they are answers, objects, or something abstract.”

Why am I…

“…Please don’t refuse even this.”

That smile again. She doesn’t even know how precarious it looks. It’s bizarre that she can’t see the tip of her mouth shaking. But he couldn’t smile at all. Vicente looked at Ercella’s shaky expressions.

For some reason, it felt unpleasant…

***

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