Chapter 48: 47

47.

The tears quietly flowed down her face in waves. However, in contrast to her flowing tears, she looked somewhat happy.

“Thank you, really.”

Juan watched her tearful eyes. He replied half a beat later, “It’s nothing.”

Truthfully, Juan was just as curious about Ercella as she was about him.

The woman who seemed to be a perfect lady previously at the bookstore accompanied by a few guards standing afar, today, without any guards, had braided her hair and wore commoners’ attire. He wondered the reason for her tears, but swallowed his words.

Ercella hurriedly wiped her tears. After expressing her gratitude, she felt embarrassed belatedly. As he was observing her, Juan took a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her, “Use this, Madam.”

“Oh… thank you.”

“It’s all right. You don’t need to return it.”

Ercella lowered her head halfway and began to wipe away the tears. Meanwhile, Juan examined the woman’s face carefully.

I wonder how old she is. From her appearance, she looks to be in her mid-twenties at most. Juan tried to remember if he had ever seen her face before.

But the figure of the woman appearing in his mind was very blurry. He realized it was useless and gave up. Suddenly, he heard a faint muffled voice, “I’ve troubled you, Sir. I can’t seem to face you now.”

“You’re finally smiling.”

The woman who had wiped away all her tears was now smiling awkwardly in embarrassment. At Juan’s words, Ercella became even more flustered, making it difficult for her to lift her head.

He doesn’t show it, but he must be troubled by a woman crying in front of him. She felt sorry for Juan. Ercella countered in a slightly sly tone, “…I’ve been smiling for a while, though.”

“There seemed to be much wrong about that smile.”

Juan seemed to have noticed earlier that her smile had not been sincere.

“What could have been wrong…”

“I should’ve carried a mirror with me. If I had, I could’ve shown you the smile of a pitiful woman. Such a shame.” Juan said with a look of regret. It seemed so sincere that Ercella forgot her embarrassment and was now dumbfounded,

“Pitiful?! When was I…”

Growl-

“…….”

“…….”

Ercella was speechless at the sudden noise. She doubted her ears.

Don’t tell me the source of this frivolous sound is…my own stomach? She looked at Juan with a frozen expression but he clumsily avoided her gaze. He heard. Ercella’s complexion turned pale.

‘My face… My dignity… My self-respect…’

Ercella let out a silent scream. Should I pretend to be a commoner now? But he might know that I’m a noblewoman. When I last met him at the bookstore, I was wearing an expensive dress, and even if they were standing far away, I had my guards with me!

Also, she paid it no mind when Juan treated her as a noblewoman. No matter how much she thought about it, it was futile to deceive him now.

“P-pardon me.” She usually liked her voice, but she wasn’t so much of a fan now, and she swallowed drily. She prayed that he’d gloss over it, however, Juan asked in a perplexed tone, “Are you hungry?”

Ercella tightly closed her eyes when his question confirmed that he had heard the sound. I really am hungry. I feel like my stomach is attached to my back. She felt helpless.

“Madam?”

“…It seems.”

“…….”

“Something like that…”

Ercella looked hither and thither, trying to avoid Juan’s eyes. Juan let out a chuckle. He rose from his seat, stroking his chin, “Come to think of it, the sun is setting. Looks like it’s already evening.”

As Juan said, the sun was setting, and the sky was embroidered with red cirrus clouds. When the sun goes down, the night sky will appear. A dark, ebony night sky. It brought the image of a man in her mind. Just then, it became dark in front of her. She heard Juan’s voice, “How’s your foot? It must be hard to walk around.”

“…No, it’s okay.”

“That’s a relief. Then, would you like to have dinner with me?”

Ercella stared blankly at his hand. The whole thing was flawless, except for the calluses between his fingers. She laid her own hand gently on it. It was as soft and warm as it seemed. It felt different from the hands of Harsen and Vicente, who had calluses everywhere.

“Gladly.”

She thought she’d return soon after eating.

“Madam, but that’s…”

Juan looked perplexed at her holding a stick skewered with alternating pieces of chicken and vegetables with both hands. Ercella’s face was as if she didn’t understand what was wrong with it. They were called ‘chicken skewers’, and it was tastier than she expected. She was hungry, so it tasted even better.

“It’s really good. But it’s a bit inconvenient to eat.”

“Are you sure that’s alright? We could always have a proper meal.”

“The maids won’t let me eat these once I return, so now’s my only chance. Isn’t that the same for you, since you were brought up so preciously? And you said it yourself last time, that you’d hold no prejudice.”

“You couldn’t even put on a bandage.” Ercella added, holding grudges. Juan sighed because it seemed that she was going to tease him all day for wrapping the bandage clumsily.

“Of course I’m fine with it. What I’m worried about is you. Is it fine to fill your stomach with thi—you look fine. Please eat a lot.”

Juan shut his mouth at the sight of Ercella, who had already downed one and was now holding another skewer. She was eating very well despite her previous worries.

In the meantime, she was maintaining her dignity by trying not to get anything around her lips. Juan laughed inwardly and chewed the meat in his mouth. He didn’t feel repulsed by street food either. He ate it from time to time while studying abroad and knew that it tasted good.

But the woman in front of him looked too precious to eat this kind of food…

‘Well, that might be because she ate it too well.’

He tried to rationalize like that. Ercella looked as if exploring a new culture. She wandered around well despite her limp. Nevertheless, her walk was still elegant, which made Juan wonder about her identity again.

‘Should I find out?’

There was nothing he couldn’t do if he put his mind to it, but somehow, he didn’t feel like it. Anyway, one day they’re bound to find each other’s identity. As long as they were both nobles.

When he thought that, he stopped trying to figure out who she was. It was a more comfortable relationship for him now, not being attached with strings. A relationship where they had run into each other on the side of a road. It wouldn’t last long, so it’d be better to be able to cut it off at any moment.

Realizing that Juan wasn’t next to her, Ercella turned around. As he saw her eyes, Juan took a step towards her.

“Young Master.”

Juan paused at the polite gesture that blocked him.

“His Excellency is looking for you.”

Juan’s eyes cooled down at the words. His expression, which was always mild, turned frosty. The man, who quickly became indifferent, flung away the man’s arm with just as much regard, ” I have given up a lot just by getting back from Rentua, haven’t I?”

“Please return.”

Despite Juan’s subtle sarcasm, the man did not back down.

“Unless you want the family to be in danger.”

Juan started laughing at those ridiculous words.

“I’m sure they’ll do fine, as usual.”

“Even so, you must listen to me now.”

“And what if I don’t want to?”

“In that case, I won’t force you. I am a mere servant who follows His Excellency’s orders, but I can do no harm to the Young Master. However, I will be punished when he finds out that you refused to comply. But hey, I can say this. ‘The Young Master was with a certain commoner girl’. Fortunately, the Young Master is well aware of the consequences of me reporting this to His Excellency.”

“You’re even threatening me now?”

Juan stopped laughing as the threats were listed one by one. Right, it’s always been like this. Whether it was his subordinate or his father. He pretended to care about him, yet would only persuade him to follow his father.

“I apologize, but if you return, I’ll remain quiet about that girl.”

“We’re not like what you think we are.”

“I’ll take the Young Master’s word for it.”

Juan frowned at his seemingly unconditional loyalty. Juan glanced over the man’s back. Wherever she had disappeared to, Ercella was not there.

“Go back.”

“I can’t…”

“I’ll follow you soon.”

Juan knew that putting up a fight was useless from the beginning.

“…I understand.”

The man turned right away and disappeared into the crowd. Juan quickly began to search for Ercella. Fortunately, he saw her not far away. He sighed momentarily before approaching her.

* * *

The woman looked curiously at the scene playing out in front of her. The owner dipped slices of fruit that were cut so straight, it was as if they had been measured with a ruler into clear, bubbling liquid before taking them out.

Over time, the viscous flowing liquid began to adhere to the fruit. As she repeated the process, various kinds of fruits were wrapped in clear sugary water. The vendor tilted her head, as if finding her actions to be strange.

“Want one?”

“…No.”

At the owner’s words, the woman shook her head and straightened her index finger and middle finger.

“I’d like two.”

“…Okay.”

What an odd woman, thought the owner. She spoke awkwardly, her hand gestures were stiff, and nothing seemed natural. Feeling that her parents must’ve raised her quite nicely, she handed the woman two fruit skewers.

“How much is it?”

“Four pennies.”

As the vendor admired the woman’s beautiful appearance, she took out four pennies out of her pocket and paid for them. While receiving the coins, the owner carefully examined the woman’s face. It was her first time seeing such an intensely beautiful woman while working in the market, so it was fun to look at her face. She felt like a daughter. She wasn’t a maiden, but she seemed young.

As she obviously seemed like a mature woman, the vendor assumed that she must’ve been married, and that her husband was truly blessed. If I as a woman am so fascinated by her, just imagine the surprise of a man.

Then the owner’s eyes opened wide seeing the man approaching the woman.

‘Nobility?’

The man with brown hair and brown eyes looked like a nobleman without a doubt.

“Madam¹, have you been here?”

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Are they married? Although marriage between commoners and nobles wasn’t unheard of, it was still amazing to see it in person. The owner indeed couldn’t forget them.

* * *

Juan was soon standing in front of Ercella. When she had suddenly disappeared, he felt surprised but relieved too. However, she didn’t go far, so it didn’t take him long to find her. Juan’s breathing seemed stable.

“I was just looking around because you were talking to someone.” Saying so, Ercella offered a fruit skewer to Juan.

“Since you bought me one, so did I.”

She was talking about the price of chicken skewers Juan paid for. Juan smiled briefly and accepted it.

Ercella bit the strawberry covered with sugar into her mouth. The crunchy sugar layer broke, and sweet nectar flowed down her throat.

This is good, too! But she changed her mind because of the stickiness around her lips. I could see why such a delicious dessert did not come as a tea party snack. Anyone would feel uncomfortable if they got it on their hands and mouth. After she finished eating, Ercella looked at Juan. For some reason, Juan looked perplexed.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I think I’ll have to go back.”

Oh, that’s why you’ve been looking at me like that. I guess he’s sorry that he has to go back after saying he’ll be with me until evening.

You don’t need to be sorry… She had to go soon anyway. The sun was setting and it was past evening time.

“I’m fine, so go ahead.”

She had learned the route/way already, so she had no problem looking around by herself. She was going to look around the streets a little more at night.

“Let’s go home together.” Juan urged her to go back.

“I’m fine on my own.”

“Your family must be waiting for you.”

Unknowingly, Ercella’s face darkened. Juan sensed a similar feeling as previously. Ercella hesitated, “Sir, before you leave, may I ask you something?”

“Please do.”

“To you, sir…”

“…….”

“What does the phrase ‘best choice’ mean? What does it mean…to be the best?”

The word ‘family’ reminded her of Harsen. She also remembered him getting angry when she used the phrase. She had wanted to ask him directly but didn’t have the courage to do so fearing the aftermath of it.

It was strange to ask this question to a man she just met, but even so, Ercella wanted to know why Harsen was like that then.

Why was Harsen so angry at those words? I’ve never seen him like that before. He seemed to be okay until now, but why did he react that way that day?

“It’s a very noble-like thing to say.”

Ercella looked up at his slightly bitter tone.

“Honestly, I don’t like that phrase. That’s what my father used to say every time he treated me and my sister like chess pieces. You’re the best choice. My stomach turns upside down every time I hear it. It’s like he’s forcing me to sacrifice myself. It would’ve been better if he said ‘You’re the only one I have’ instead…”

He frowned slightly, as if upset about something.

“…It’s ambiguous, the phrase ‘best choice’. Just as you choose the lesser evil to prevent the worst, you are only choosing me because I’m better than the next best. That’s how it sounds to me. It’s a natural thought process…”

“…….”

“To put it simply, he has other people besides me in his options, so I can be discarded by my father any time. My father may have thoughtlessly said this, but it is not very pleasant to the person who hears it.”

A being that can be discarded at any time. Ercella bit her lips at the cruelty of the words. Did it sound like that to him too? I never meant it like that.

Ercella smiled in self-deprecation. She said those words to Harsen so casually, the very person she feared would abandon her.

“…I see.” Her throat was dry. While she kept on reiterating that he was her best choice, she unconsciously stabbed daggers into him.

She always worried about Vicente’s pain because he was a child, but she never considered Harsen.

The man who was deemed to be iron-blooded, who thought nothing of minor injuries. I never realized that he was crushed by those words because he never showed it. How could I…

Ercella felt that she had been too foolish. If I hadn’t returned, I would have died without ever knowing that. I would have died a peaceful death by myself, caught in a false delusion that it was a happy life. Even my death was a selfish death.

“…am?”

“…….”

“…Ercella.”

“Oh… yes.”

“I called you many times, but you didn’t answer.”

It was an explanation for calling her first name. Ercella nodded, saying it was okay. She was the one who had been lost in thought and could not answer. Juan seemed to have a lot of questions, but he did not ask. Ercella was grateful for the consideration.

“It’s late at night. The guards will be around, but you should still go back.”

Juan once again suggested going back. The surrounding area had already become dark and orange lanterns were being lit in every store. The surrounding area gradually became brighter by the light emitted from the lanterns.

“I have a separate carriage, so I’ll return with that.”

She really felt like she had to go back this instant.

“…Is that so? Please, don’t delay your return then.”

“Sure. Wasn’t your matter urgent? You should go first.”

“Well, if you’ll excuse me first.”

“Sir.”

Just as Juan tried to leave, Ercella’s voice caught him. I gained hope from his words that I could find my way, and was also able to reflect on my use of ‘best choice’ with Harsen.

She was tormented by many unknown things but his answer took away the gloom in her mind.

She met Juan today coincidentally when she was out alone. She never thought she’d be comforted by a strange man.

Ercella smiled from the bottom of her heart, “Thank you very much for today.”

Watching her smile, Juan nodded, trying to erase the faint image that briefly emerged in the back of his head, “I’m glad to be of help.”

He smiled faintly and turned away. Where he disappeared, another person’s shadow took its place.

Ercella looked up at the sky. It was a clear night. The street was filled with lanterns, as if they had been hung on trees.

Ercella stopped in the street. The sound of people’s footsteps, their chattering and loud laughter, the sizzling sound of skewers being cooked, the sound of people eating and asking for more, the sound of a ball rolling, the sound of a child running behind her and their simultaneous giggle, all tickled her ears.

“Ack!”

The child, who was running around, fell down tumbling at Ercella’s feet. Ercella slowly knelt to help the child up.

“Are you all right?”

The child was about five years old. The boy cried out and soon burst into tears. The childhood Vicente overlapped his sad, crying face. Has Vicente ever fallen before? I wonder if he cried like this, too. Whenever he fell, she hadn’t helped him up and whenever he cried, she had never comforted him. Ercella gently embraced the crying child, who was now getting upset.

“It must hurt a lot.”

“Waaa… sob, sniff.”

Her sweet voice gradually stopped the child from crying. Ercella smiled gently and patted the child’s small back.

“…It, sniff, hurts.”

“You’ll get well soon if you go home and get it treated.”

“…Really?”

“Of course. Where are your parents? They must be very worried.”

“Hale!”

A voice filled with worry was heard. Ercella saw two figures approaching her. They seemed to be the parents of the child.

“Mom, Dad!”

The child walked out of Ercella’s arms and ran to them. They hugged the child and thanked Ercella.

“My child must’ve troubled you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right.”

They thanked her a few more times and admonished their child, who had disappeared without a call. The child cried, but stopped at the angry voice rebuking him for crying as if he had done a good job. Unlike their words, his parents’ eyes were filled with concern.

Ercella smiled silently as she stood up. Would I be happy too if we lived like that? She was surprised at her immediate thought.

Boom!

“Wow, fireworks! Mom, fireworks!”

“That’s weird. I thought there was still time.”

“Mom, fireworks!”

Bang! Boom!

“What happened?!”

“Oh, my God!”

A huge firework exploded with an intense roar. Ercella watched it with her mouth agape. When a straight line of flames reached a certain point, it exploded and stretched out in all directions. It felt like stars were pouring down over her head. Ercella exclaimed in admiration.

“Mom, it’s fireworks! Fireworks!”

“Hey, get out of my way! Move, I said!”

“Oohh…”

People began swarming towards her. Ercella was dragged helplessly by the tsunami-like crowd.

“Wai…!”

Her body staggered like a sheet of paper under increasing pressure, and the prunes in her paper bag began to fall out one by one. She closed her eyes as her back began to ache due to continuous pressure when she felt a heavy grip on her wrist.

Ercella escaped her crowd in an instant, and stared in astonishment at the man holding her hand.

“…Harsen?”

Harsen stood in front of her, looking breathless and disheveled.

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Footnotes

1. The word “bu-in” usually means wife but if said by others as a title then it means Madam, Lady, etc. Now the vendor assumes that Juan calls Ercella ‘wife’.

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