Chapter 21: Chapter 21: The calling deepens

With the days that passed, I learned a couple of things with Alisa. 

Dancing hadn’t been as easy as I had expected, the steps differed and I had to keep track of them. Plus, the diverse dances made my brain melt from incompetence. Yet, it had been quite fun, to the point of slowly improving, and wanting to keep doing it.

With a week’s worth of training, I had now built a bit of stamina from running through their green fields. My arms and legs had gained a bit of color from wearing shorts and shirts without long sleeves.

Today would be the one when I’d be allowed to wield a wooden sword and start practicing for real. My expectations were many, mainly thanks to Sofia’s existence. We had done nothing sexual since that one time in the bathroom, and the day I began practicing my equilibrium and posture. 

From my daily effort, I reached the bed way too tired, thus cuddling in her warmth, receiving her wholehearted embrace. We hadn’t had the chance to spend as much time together as we’d liked, but she was a young lady, and there were a lot of things the two sisters had to do. 

They would soon go out to a ball per invitation of a prestigious noble. She had told me my presence would not be permitted, something only for aristocrats, and my etiquette had a long way to go.

To be honest, I didn’t really mind it, and more than anyone else, I knew my dancing skills were but at the very beginning. If I was to one day stand out, then at the very least, I wanted it to be in a good manner, preferably in a way that wouldn’t bring shame to her family.

Even Sofia’s presence inside the mansion was but a trifle. With how loathed she was by Astal, who couldn’t forgive her for almost ruining the family lineage. If the young master hadn’t been born, then surely, her life would be a lot worse, if she’d be alive at all. Despite everything, her loyalty to the house was the real thing, and even our relationship may not be at a strong enough level to outdo it.

After all, she had told me that I had to become powerful enough to gain her hand. And I knew there would be others, many more, who sought it. In her veins the strong bloodline ran deep, its value too high to estimate, and in the entire kingdom, certainly, an uproar would follow when Astal came to announce such an option. 

‘Hundreds... maybe thousands?’ my thoughts concerned me about the number of proposals that would come for her. It scared me and it brought pain to my heart, but it also instilled in my mind the necessary resolve to keep struggling, to improve on my own terms.

“Forget it, Yuki,” I told myself lowly, clenching the pommel of the wooden sword in my hands, and then I swung it against the defenseless wooden doll in front of me. A bold but weak sound followed along with a hit, without harming either side of my target. By all means, it had been basic, not even leaving a hint that I had attempted to damage it.

“Don’t forget to inhale before striking. It could very well easily be the last chance you’ll have to take one. And take a step forward as you swing it.”

To my surprise, Logan was the one giving me instructions, which meant I was nowhere close to being taught by Afonso and much less by Astal.

‘I have a long way to go,’ I struggled within myself. ‘Focus Yuki, focus.’ 

Despite my words, I felt like crying, for the gap seemed gigantic from what everyone else could do and it made me feel fragile, unworthy, and incapable. 

I had never been a powerful person, flexible yes, and at times sturdy, emotionally and mentally stable, but the type of girl that wouldn’t go out of her way to initiate trouble, or to fix someone’s share of misdeed.

Through living close to nature, I befriended animals, avoiding hurting even the tiny ants. I’d even fed them with some white sugar. 

They would then group as an army and covet all its drops, all for their queen, as they’d take it all to her, deep down in the nest, through a tiny hole that rested on the surface. 

I had followed their trail, and sometimes it was quite long. It made me realize that every day they traveled for a prolonged distance. 

After all, compared to them, I was a lot bigger, and it was tiring for me. I wondered then how draining it would be to them. 

But the truth was that I was not an ant and that I didn’t have it in me to overwork myself. Such felt tiresome and repetitive, similar to being forced to go to school.

I swayed my head to the sides, getting hold of myself firmly to the point of gripping the wooden pommel between my fingers. 

And I glared at the target in front of me, striking it again and again, with multiple hits to let go of the concentrated rage within me. 

Next to me, the man instructing me didn’t bat an eye, nor did he utter a word. He too had been in my place once, and his heart had once coveted frustration. 

Even the best of the best would surely hit a wall at some point, and it was necessary for them to have all kinds of emotions. 

After hitting the wooden target twelve times, I panted, entirely out of breath, and then I felt a hand resting on my shoulder.

“Rest a bit then return to what I taught you,” the right hand that rested on me along with his entire presence went away. He too had to train, and it was more than I could have hoped to get taught by him. And yet, I had wasted a great opportunity to improve, even if slowly.

I ran to a few trees near the walls and behind the dojo, shouting in madness, punching the wall multiple times with the bottom part of my fist.

“God damn it!”

My arm passed on my forehead, removing the drops of sweat. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, forcing myself to be out of breath for a few seconds. 

“Ah!” I took some air in, feeling the necessity. Then my eyes thrived for the sky, a clean, beautiful one, with barely any cloud, nor sight of birds.

Animals never dropped by from the time I spent in this mansion. It was as if something scared them or kept them away. And the only thing that came into my mind was the bloodthirsty aura the current master had used on me. It had spooked me, and even now my hair would rise whenever I thought about it.

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“I wonder how to get something like that,” I mumbled, knowing that some things weren’t good. 

The head butler had told me that some abilities had requirements and prices. He further explained how, in Astal’s case, his muscles would get into a tattered condition whenever he used an ability. 

‘How about me?’ I questioned myself, thinking about the price of my ability. The way I died and everything else went back to the past, at the thousand people that died to create this horrible power.

‘It is mine now... for all eternity.’

I let go of the wooden sword, allowing it to rest next to me. 

‘It would be good to have someone I could rely on.’

In my mind, a few faces passed through, one after the other, giving me time to say their names: “Keru, Sofia, Afonso.”

My voice halted. For the time being, those were the three with whom I shared some bond. 

As much as I appreciated Astal, there was only talent in his eyes. Without having any, he wouldn’t really waste time with common people like me.

Fifteen years old, learning swordsmanship from scratch. Already too old compared to those around me. The gap was already set between us, and it was wide, very much so.

I faced my palm to the sky, allowing its blue aspect and sunlight to daze my eyes, whispering softly as if possessed.

“With my power... through many deaths... My talent will blossom... earlier and earlier...”

I closed my hand, feeling the strength of the grip almost penetrating my skin. The calluses from training on my palms and feet. The pain had been the sole reward for all my effort. And I knew deep down that I would lose Sofia to someone else during this life.

‘But in the next one, or the one after...’ I cried, unable to hold myself back anymore. It was too much. I didn’t want to repeat everything again. I wanted to be good enough now. But the truth was that I was far from it, and that had become a thorn that prickled my heart. 

Yet, I didn’t allow my core to break into pieces. It was really painful, but I held it in. The words from the god tree nullified my despair. After all, he had made sure to tell me I would die countless, infinite times.

The divine being had shaped my mind with an absolute verdict, and I had accepted and signed the contract. Even if I implored on my knees and cried enough to make an ocean in his dimension, there was no going back.

My hand crawled through the greenery, getting hold of the training weapon.

“I’m not done yet!” 

I didn’t choose this, but there were no other choices. The only one I had was approval and my mind was getting used to it, slowly.

My feet took me back to the wooden doll. I had cried and depressed enough. I didn’t want more of it. 

I knew no one forced me to do this. Keru had told me to live as I pleased. And for this one life, I had decided to be a sword dancer. Therefore, I took a step forward, slashing my weapon down as the ginger man had instructed me.

Finally, at the thirteenth time, a voice came into my mind. 

<Your understanding of swordsmanship has improved.> 

<Do you wish to receive the skill soft blow?>

‘A skill!? Sure!’ I shouted in my mind, excited and eager to try it out.

<Indexed>

I rushed to equip it in the second slot, touching it in the process to receive more information.

‘A skill awarded to those who initiated training with a sword and have accomplished the bare minimum. It is a light attack that consumes minor stamina.’

Despite my accumulated fatigue, I gripped the sword with both hands, glaring at the target in front of me, “soft blow!”

And I felt a motion taking over my body. My feet took a step forward as my arms rotated, delivering a forward slash. The impact ended up being proper, making a sound slightly more significant than my past attempts, along with a wave of tiredness crawling through my body.

‘So this is what feels like to use the arts,’ I beamed content, lowering the weapon, feeling something inside my arms twitching, understanding that I had a small limit of uses for the time being.

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