Chapter 32: Volume 2 - CH 3.3

[Mother PoV]

I hate the rainy season. It’s too much trouble to put up an umbrella. Or my feet get wet from wearing heels.

Looking out the window, I saw that the rain was continuing to pour down in torrents without slowing down.

Such weather always reminds me of that day. It was a long time ago.

That year, there was talk of an event to commemorate the zoo’s 50th anniversary.

“It sounds interesting. Are we going?”

“Yes.”

I gave a small nod. I should have been very happy to say that, but I had been so busy with work that I had forgotten about it. It had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but I had been thinking that we could go there anytime.

“Hey, when are we going? It’s almost over. That boy is looking forward to it.”

“Eh?”

“You’re so stunned. Did you forget about it?”

When asked by Yuuri, I hurried to check. I did not know that the event would be held for a limited time. I can’t just say that I didn’t know about it after having promised to do so.

More than a month had passed. I heard that the boy had been preparing well, researching the ecology of animals in a zoological book. If only she had told me earlier —– I couldn’t let such whining leak out to my children. They are too busy to be bothered with me.

I looked at the calendar and saw that the last day of the event coincided with my vacation. I was relieved that I made it just in time. I didn’t have to lie. I should have been.

“Of course not.……”

On the day of the event, heavy rain had been falling since the morning. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, making it a chore to even go out to the convenience store. I had been worried about the weather forecast, but it turned out to be right on target.

The zoo was closed and the event was over.

In the morning, the little boy was just quietly looking out the window without saying a word.

What feelings were going through his little heart?

I was too scared to ask. It was a huge mistake that could not be said to be inevitable.

It could have been prevented if I had checked the dates and made a schedule.

Since then, no matter how many times I asked him to go somewhere, he never nodded his head.

He just sulked. I can say that because of the bond we have built up as a family. Even if we have had one or two disappointing events, our family will not be broken because we have so many happy memories that far outweigh them. But for me and that child, there is nothing.

After that, Yuuri and I often went out alone. Even when I invite him out, he just stays at home as if it were a matter of course. Even if I forcefully took him out, he would just apologize and say, “I’m busy, sorry” but he never had any fun at all.

That’s true too. For that boy, going out with me is a pain.

Children are sensitive and watch adults very carefully. They will not speak or say anything if they think the other person will not listen, and they will not trust a person who does not keep his or her word.

I hate the term “family service”. If you act condescending, like it’s your duty, your children will soon find out. Everything is an excuse, and even that is blocked.

Time just passes with no way to make up for it, and the more time that passes, the more difficult it becomes to rebuild. It seems that the time it takes to reach adulthood and the time it takes to experience adulthood are the same.

I could not create any pleasant memories with him. On the contrary, I have only burdened him with painful memories that are the exact opposite.

I have harmed his heart in every way I could, carefully and persistently.

“I am an unfit mother. I can’t argue with that, even if Yuuri says so.……”

I muttered to myself as if I was nodding my head. I vaguely wonder if I am in the right place at the right time.

Despite the gloomy weather, the reunion was quite lively.

A little bit of alcohol makes my body burn. Talking with old friends was fun as it reminded me of my school days. I was surprised, happy, and saddened to hear their journey. I learned about the many different paths their lives have taken since graduation.

As we talked to each other thoughtfully, we naturally divided into married and unmarried groups.

The married group was mainly talking about their complaints about their husbands or wives, or about their children.

Some of the unmarried people were proclaiming their singleness, while others were engaged in marriage activities. As a divorced woman, I felt as if I didn’t belong anywhere, so I quietly left the circle.

“What’s wrong Megumi? Are you not drinking?”

I talk to Megumi, who is standing quietly in the corner, in a good mood.

“Ouka? Well, tea is enough for me. I don’t want to worry about Haruhiko”

“Eh, Megumi’s lover, is that restrictive?”

“No, it’s not like that. He sent me off to have a good time. I just decided not to drink alcohol unless I was with Haruhiko.”

“Haruhiko-san was your boyfriend back then, right?”

“Yes, he is my beloved person.”

Her bashful smile proved more than anything that Megumi was at the peak of her happiness.

Megumi was betrayed by her first boyfriend when she was in college, and for a time she was so distrustful of men that she was depressed. She even attempted suicide. We tried our best to cheer her up, but I heard that it was her current boyfriend who continued to stand by her and support her. Marriage was finally arranged with him.

“I’ve decided never to let him worry about anything, no matter how trivial it may seem. That’s how I can repay Haruhiko-san’s devotion.”

Come to think of it, Megumi has never spoken alone with a man since the reunion began. She was always accompanied by someone she knew of the same sex. She is thorough to a fault.

I came back to myself. I was not full of pride when I was wooed out of character at the reunion. I had no intention of doing so. But it is true that I had a chance to make myself feel that way.

“Do you have any complaints?”

I feel a little guilty and ask such a nasty question.

“There shouldn’t be. Even if there is, it’s just a small thing, and it’s something that Haruhiko and I should talk about together. I don’t want to say anything bad about him, whether he’s there or not. I don’t think it’s okay if he doesn’t hear. If I said that, I would never be able to laugh in front of Haruhiko again.”

It’s strange. She used to be so fragile ……. The current Megumi looks stronger than anyone else.

I can’t help but think of Yuuri in that light. Something the two of them have in common, something I don’t have.

Just as if I had been doused with cold water, my intoxication sobered me up at once. I suddenly feel ashamed of myself for having been so excited, and I feel like a miserable person.

Sadness and conflict were about to spill out of my mouth, but I held them back.

How could I realize it now! Nothing had changed since that day. I keep repeating the same mistakes. No wonder Yuuri hates me.

Yuuri had always seen through my naivete. I was half-hearted and unprepared to face her.

“Does Ouka have someone she cares about?”

“My children, I guess”

That much is non-negotiable. I understand the meaning of what Megumi was saying. If I had hesitated for even a moment to answer Megumi’s question now, I would not have recovered.

“If so, tell them how important they are, how precious and treasured they are. It’s not enough to just think about it. You have to tell them with words and attitude, otherwise you can’t build trust with them.”

I cared about my children more than anything else. But it was just a thought. My words, my attitude, my actions, all of them denied my feelings and hurt that child, Yukito.

For 16 years. Even if I suddenly tried to face him now, the negative trust I’ve accumulated would get in the way. I finally realized that Yuuri and I had a decidedly different starting point. There is no way I will be able to do the same as Yuuri. I am far in the back of the pack.

Looking around, I saw a few people who were particularly close to Megumi looking at me kindly.

“Megumi, you’ve become a beautiful woman.”

“It’s thanks to all of you who encouraged me back then.”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll invite my husband over when I get home for the first time in a while.”

“I got a text from my husband. When I went out, he was so casual and pretended he didn’t care, but he’s so cute and adorable too.”

The conversation was lively and centered around Megumi. She does not grumble as she did earlier. Before I know it, the complaining has turned into fond banter.

“I see. Right. I’ll do my best too, Megumi.”

After greeting everyone, I left the reunion early. I wanted to see him as soon as possible.

I hurried to get a cab without worrying about getting wet in the rain.

I was branded as an unfit mother, but I wanted to make up for the past 16 years.

[Mother PoV]

A memory of the abominable past. A record of mistakes I don’t want to remember.

“Let’s go. Yuki-chan, you’ll be killed if you stay here.”

“–Yes.”

My son took Sekka’s hand instead of mine. Yuuri did not say anything. It was just as Sekka had said.

“……Why……”

Yuuri’s voice was muffled as if it had been snatched away. Please stop, don’t take him away! I desperately reach out my hand, but my son doesn’t turn around, only his little back denies me.

I see, I’ve been given up on. The realization weighed heavily on me, and I let out a sob.

“Why did you–!”

My son stopped Sekka, who was about to throw words at me in a fit of rage, with a small shake of his head to the side.

The hostility directed at me by my sister. I may never see my son again. And yet, I couldn’t move a single step from that spot.

“Goodbye.”

–For the next month, we didn’t see each other again.

“What’s wrong, Mom? Something happened?”

“Just let me do this for a little while.”

I remembered when my children were born. Tiny hands gripping my fingers tightly.

I was happy. The best in the world. I could believe that without a doubt. I swore to myself that I would be a good mother so that I would never let go of this happiness.

Everything was a series of new experiences for me. But every day was fun and happy. I had studied parenting, watched and listened to many stories and experiences, and put them into practice.

So how could I have forgotten? Regret is all I feel. I remembered everything when I was raising Yuuri. I should have done more for him.

I can give him a sense of security by hugging him. I should have known that it secretes oxytocin, the hormone of love.

What did I do to this child who had given me so much happiness? Even the fact that I switched to milk early on and held him close to me was nothing compared to what I did for Yuuri. Because I did it for Yuuri, I didn’t have to do it for him. Such a logic is not possible.

My son’s body is warm in my arms. The fact that he is here in front of me like this now, I can’t help but think it is a miracle. Yuuri wants to be skin-to-skin with him because he wants to feel that this child is still alive. I fear more than anything else that I will lose him again.

He rolls his eyes and wonders. No wonder Sekka is surprised.

Suddenly, he comes home from the reunion, a soaking wet rat, stockings streaked and heels broken. The price to pay for pushing himself so hard and running so hard for so long.

When a mother like that suddenly hugs you, you are bound to be worried.

Since that day, I had been afraid of my son. I was afraid of being told in no uncertain terms. He said he didn’t need me, he didn’t need such a mother, and he hated me.

I still remember that day with nightmares. I made a crucial wrong choice that day.

I should have gone after him no matter what it took, no matter how badly I clung to him, I should have told him that I needed him, I should have proved it.

When I thought he had given up on me, Yukito must have felt abandoned when he saw me not holding him back. It was a cruel, laughable, and cruel crossing of paths.

I think at that moment, Sekka despised me with all her heart.

After that, I repeated the same mistake over and over again without learning my lesson.

One year, I visited his class. I had an important meeting to attend, and I couldn’t make it due to work. So I asked Sekka to take my place. I didn’t want him to feel lonely.

Unexpectedly, the meeting went well, and I went to dinner as invited by a man from a business partner. I was unaware that Sekka had accidentally seen me doing so.

I have nothing to feel guilty about. It is just a business relationship.

But to Sekka, I looked like I was enjoying a leisurely dinner with a man, leaving my child’s class attendance to myself because I had work to do.

Since then, I have never attended Yukito’s class. Sekka would not allow it.

It was natural that I would lose her trust if I kept doing that.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good mother to you.”

“You need to change.”

“Please. …… I just need one more chance.”

“I don’t have that kind of authority……”

I hate myself for speaking like a temptress who has cheated on her husband.

“I’m such a toxic mother. I failed to grow as a mother in an immature way.”

“What? If you don’t take a bath and change your clothes soon, you’ll catch a cold.”

“I want to start over with you, as your mother.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to take a bath with me now?”

“Hmm?”

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“I care about you. More than anyone, more than anything. That’s why—“

I gently put my hands on my son’s cheeks. When I saw my son’s face up close, it was not only cute, but also very interesting and good-looking. His long eyelashes and eyes that looked as if they would absorb me made my heart pound, and I was slowly drawn closer to him.

“What’s wrong, Mom? Your face is getting clos——e——-?!”

After all, my mother and sister are parent and child, right? (White eyes)

I had an experience that I am not even afraid to mention. This may be what is called a secret that I will carry with me to my grave. Eh? I’ll leave it to your imagination.

Last night, my mother came back from the reunion and suddenly declared that she would start over as a mother. What does she mean by “as a Mom”? Is that a start-over?

Being a mother is a kind of second job, a subclass, an acquired job. To me and my sister, Mom is Mom, but to Mom’s classmates, she’s just Ouka Kokonoe. I wanted her to go to the reunion, a place where she didn’t have to worry about her role as a mother, and refresh herself as much as she wanted, but for some reason, a mysterious surprise was waiting for me: she was going to become a mom. I was in for a real surprise.

“Oya, what’s that?”

Sunday. On my way back from training as a warrior, I found something unexpected.

I heard that if you eat it to purge yourself of evil spirits, you will live a long and immortal life. No wonder Nekutaru appears as a recovery item in video games. Peaches have been considered a sacred fruit since ancient times, as in the phrase “Peach Garden,” and with a peach in my hand, I was at a loss.

I made the mistake of thinking that I could get some as a souvenir on my way home.

“I must have bought too many…….”

Peaches are normally in season in the summer, but the earlier harvested varieties, called “early peaches,” are available from this time of the year. The opposite is the “Late Ote” variety. I bought some peaches that a farmer was selling directly, and when I inadvertently asked him about his story, I was served. There were too many peaches, no matter how many I bought. We are a family of three.

“Ara, hello.”

“No need to catch me, I’m already on my way.”

I turned around when I was suddenly approached from the roadway. It was not a catch, but a woman in a full face and rider’s suit straddling a motorcycle.

“Ah, a lady robber just in time, no thank you.”

“No Yukito. It’s me”

The woman in the rider’s suit took off her helmet, and what was revealed was an astonishing figure.

“Himiyama-san?”

“Well, that’s just awful, Yukito. Calling me a robber.”

My brain refused to recognize the current situation. This is a far cry from Himiyama-san’s image of a quiet older sister. No matter how I look at it, she looks like a gang of big robbers who appear and disappear like gods.

“So your hobby is riding motorcycles.”

I tried to cover up my upset with casual conversation so that she wouldn’t notice.

“It’s not really a hobby of mine, but I’ve always liked it. Besides, it’s inconvenient to drive a car because it’s not so easy to get around.”

I have come to know an unexpected side of Himiyama. The relationship between Himiyama-san and I is that we are e-mail friends. For some reason, I communicate with her more often than with the fresh, good-looking guy.

“Oh, that’s right! Do you want to ride with me, Yukito-kun? I’ll get you a helmet. I’m looking forward to it. I’ve always wanted to go touring with two people.”

“Why does so much anxiety haunt me?”

It might be the effect of the sunlight. Sweat was running down my back.

“It’s okay to dive.”

“I knew you were a lady robber!”

If it was a lady robber, she would have been evaded at the last moment, but this was a straight shot to the finish line. The chapel bells might ring in the white church.

“What’s that, Yukito-kun? It looks heavy. ……”

“Oh, right. Would you like some, Himiyama-san? It’s a bit much.”

“Are you sure? Then, why don’t you come over to my house later? Let’s cut it and eat it together.”

We are already close to home. Himiyama-san has already gotten off her bike, and it looks like she is going to push it.

Crap! While I was caught off guard, I ended up going to Himiyama-san’s house again by natural progression. For me, Fushimaden pandemonium is full of danger. If this happens, I have no choice. I’ll try to get out of this predicament even if I have to lie against my beliefs!

“I’m sorry, Himiyama-san. I don’t have any plans after this.”

“Then that’s good. Yaay. It’s my lucky day!”

Stupid, idiot! I’m an honest fool!

“Earlier, I was meeting with my brother.”

“I’m glad you and your brother are getting along so well.”

While Himiyama-san is cutting peaches, she tells me about the events of the day. I’ve never heard of her having an older brother, but from my point of view, it’s a blessing that they don’t hate each other.

“I guess we’re just normal. We haven’t seen each other for a few years. He’s going to get married soon. I haven’t seen him in a while to hear the news.”

“Congratulations.”

As a complete stranger, it was hard for me to feel what it was like, but being Himiyama-san’s older brother, he must be quite a handsome man. I gave him my blessing.

“He’s so busy that he doesn’t get a chance to relax unless it’s an opportunity like this”

“What does he do?”

“Well, he works for the government, I guess. But my grandfather, parents, and brother are all very good people, except for me.”

“That’s not true.”

“No, it’s true. I’m the only one who hasn’t been able to move forward, and I’ve been stagnant for so many years.……”

The self-deprecating words were imbued with a deep sense of resignation.

“Then you are just like me. Mom and sis are both brilliant, and I’m the only incompetent one.”

“No, that’s not true! You always work so hard.”

Himiyama-san, who was suddenly at a loss for words, rushed over to me.

Working hard. That does not necessarily mean that it will be appreciated.

No matter how hard I practice basketball, it’s meaningless if I can’t play in the games. If I fail to live up to the expectations of those around me, I will be treated like a war criminal.

Even if I study hard, I am only trying to make up for the serious score I have received in my internal examinations. If my grades were the same, I would not be chosen for anything other than my performance.

There is nothing positive in it. I’m always just filling in the negative. Whether or not I am making up for it, I doubt it, but I couldn’t imagine my life without it.

Or maybe even love. If I don’t fill in the negative first, I am not allowed to even qualify for it.

I longed to be normal. I was tired of relating to people. That is why I wanted to be a shady loner, and I wonder if Himiyama-san is the same way.

Why does she always care about me like this?

Like-mindedness. I sought a reason for this unnatural kindness.

“I’m sorry I talked about such trivial things. Now, I’m done cutting.”

Have I met Himiyama-san by any chance?

Now, such a question comes to my mind. I have dared to pretend not to notice.

From the moment we first met, my affection for her had been shaken out of control. Even I, as expected, felt a sense of discomfort.

But even if we had met in the past, I don’t understand why Himiyama-san is treating me as if we were meeting for the first time. She didn’t even mention it.

That’s why I didn’t mention it. I can’t remember, and if Himiyama-san wants us to meet for the first time, that is the most appropriate distance for both of us.

I can’t recall. Don’t want to remember? Maybe Himiyama-san was in a piece of the past that I had forgotten.

I had to forget or erase the painful past, or I would not have survived. I couldn’t remember it forever.

Living life to the fullest. As the word suggests, I am just trying my best to live in the present moment.

No time to look back at the past, no time to think about the future.

So I am sure that we will continue to pretend to be each other without knowing each other.

–That is the only right thing to do.

“It tastes so good. Can I have this much?”

“Yes. It’s as if I got more as a bonus prize.”

Eat peaches with a single mind. Never eat the peach next to it, no matter how tempting it may be.

Goodluck, Yukito Kokonoe! I feel like a dog being left in charge!

“Well, ……, it’s Sento, right ……” [TL: The peach is used by the immortals such as the Queen Mother of the West in myths and legends. Generally known as peach tree or peach fruit. Called the peach in the forbidden garden.]

“Sento? Aren’t those the kind of peaches that immortals eat? I think these are just ordinary peaches. What’s wrong, Yukito, you’re all sweaty?”

It’s the season for light clothing. She was leaning on my arm, and not only a beautiful peach, but even the feeling of her peach …… or the first part of the peach was directly transmitted to my arm. The tension is so great that I can’t taste it.

“What an outrageous peach!”

Somehow, this Himiyama-san. My favorability rating has reached the upper limit without any awakening items. I’m afraid that I might be invited to join a religious group one day.

“By the way, Yukito, do you like late peaches?”

“I like all kinds of peaches.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So you’re okay with mature peaches. Everyone likes them young.”

“Suwa, what a clever leading question!?”

I felt the pressure of the peaches on my arms increase.

“You can eat anytime you want.”

“I’m a little full.”

That’s strange. It’s not dinner yet, but I’m full.

“Too bad. But there will be another time, right? —Meeting like this again.”

Behind her smile, her voice sounded somehow very sad.

“Uhm…… it’s Sento peach right……”

After dinner, this time we eat peaches in our living room.

“Sento? I don’t know what you are talking about. They are not ordinary peaches.”

“They are a little early in the season, but they are very sweet and delicious. Thank you.”

On both sides of the sofa, my mother and sister are sitting in a wooden room after taking a bath.

It’s the season for light clothing. She was leaning on my arm, and not only a beautiful peach, but even the feeling of her peach …… or the first part of the peach was directly transmitted to my arm. The tension is so great that I can’t taste it.

After all, are these peaches delicious!? I still can’t taste them.

As I suspected, the exact same situation unfolded as it did a few hours ago.

Hahahan, I see. It’s a secret huh?

They must be communicating with each other about how to bully me without my knowledge. I was right in the middle of it.

“That …… unbelievable peach, can’t you do something about it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean?”

The outcasts were all whitewashing me. Finally, I snapped. I stood up with a clatter.

“If you are so inclined, just like Himiyama-san, I can eat them all with a delicious bite! I’m starving!”

“Why is that woman’s name mentioned?”

“What do you mean? Did something happen to Misaki?”

“Ah!”

Mouths are the source of all kinds of misfortune. I had ignited a rivalry that was unnecessary.

“If you want to eat so much, come to me. Unlike the old ladies, I’m in season now.”

“The young and green ones are not as sweet as the old ones.”

“It’s just a figure of speech, right……”

Huh? That’s not the reaction I was expecting.

“Let me see if I have a stomach ache.”

“So, did you actually enjoy the food?”

I was taken to the bedroom without ever being able to taste a peach properly.

Eh, after that? Well, you know, mouths are the root of all evil. I’ll refrain from going into details.

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