Chapter 68: Volume 3 - CH 5.1

[Shakado PoV]

I, Anya Shakado, am an introvert. My history as an introvert goes back sixteen years. It’s a well-seasoned introversion, and a lifelong dedication… Hihihi.

“Hihi… I brought you some food. H-here, Chi-chan. Have your meal…”

I feed Chi-chan, the chameleon inside the cage. Its long tongue extends and grabs the food. I watch with a smirk on my face… No, not a cute smile, yes. A sly smile. Hihihi…

Chi-chan’s skin is looking great today. Compared to me, we’re worlds apart…

But you know what, Chi-chan? I’ve been working hard on my skincare lately. I try to talk to it, but Chi-chan remains indifferent, just as always. This tsundere…!

I, Anya Shakado, am a lover of reptiles.

I’ve always loved reptiles, but it seems nobody else shares the same enthusiasm. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my interest in reptiles was an unusual one for a girl.

Maybe that’s why, from my early memories of kindergarten, but especially in elementary and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I couldn’t join in the girlish conversations of my classmates and remained untouched by romance. I was always alone, sitting in a corner of the classroom.

I… I am truly an introvert… Always with messy hair, hunched posture, and a gloomy smile, no one in my class would ever want to approach me.

Forming pairs, creating groups with people you like… That was impossible for me. I was always forced to join groups where there were leftovers.

Thankfully, I was never bullied or mistreated. Rather, people found me repulsive and kept their distance. They didn’t even know I liked reptiles; I kept that a secret. But my introverted aura seemed to push my classmates away.

Before I knew it, I had become invisible, treated as if I didn’t exist. Maybe I had also turned into a colorless, transparent being.

I remember back in elementary school when I told a girl, with whom I often talked, that I liked reptiles. She said, “You’re weird.” It was a gentle denial wrapped in a euphemism, and I realized that she stopped talking to me after that.

Even someone as socially inept as me can tell when someone is being overtly rejected. “You’re weird.” Underneath that, there’s a feeling of creepiness. When I realized that, I cried.

I, Anya Shakado, am weird.

That thought became natural to me. Gradually, I stopped talking to my classmates, and my rejection was naturally conveyed to them.

Isolation deepened, and I remained alone, always vaguely unseen by anyone, as the colorless, transparent Anya Shakado, kept in the classroom cage.

My parents worry that, as an only child, I don’t have any friends, but there’s nothing they can do about it. Maybe they should have given me a younger brother or sister. I might try asking for one on my birthday. Hihihi.

But, it can’t be helped, can it? I don’t know how to make friends…

Talking to others is difficult. The threshold for introverts is high. Curiously, I find it harder to communicate with humans than with Chi-chan. The world is so unfair.

“Aren’t you lonely, Chi-chan…..”

I wonder how Chi-chan, always alone, feels. I can’t comprehend its emotions, but I still have these conversations with Chi-chan every day. I didn’t want to go to school. I just wanted to play with my pet like this.

I go to school because I have to. I don’t want to worry my family any further… Hihihi.

I’m sure it will continue like this in high school. Just like in elementary and middle school, the introverted me will be treated as an invisible presence, an non-existent being. Tedious daily life, colorless every day… That’s what I thought.

――Before entering high school.

But then, I met him. A god. There was a god in this world…

Before entering high school, I thought I was different. But perhaps that was a misunderstanding. The words I heard in elementary school weren’t true. My perception shattered like tiles falling off. I was like a frog in a well; before me lay an immense ocean.

He is someone who doesn’t care about anything.

To him, I’m just ordinary. Overwhelmingly ordinary. I’m embarrassed by my misconceptions and feel extremely ashamed.

Unbelievably dazzling, overwhelmingly intense—he doesn’t think I’m different. He doesn’t think that of anyone. He doesn’t care.

Y-Yes. That is charisma. The introverted charisma.

Thanks to him, now I’m just a regular classmate as well.

He turned me from being special to being ordinary. Anya Shakado, who is not special but just ordinary.

This brought a significant change within me, turning the school, which used to be so burdensome, into something enjoyable. During summer vacation, I feel lonely because I can’t go to school…

Now, for the first time, I’m able to enjoy school life without isolation.

However, as I have grown so accustomed to the life of an introvert, I am puzzled about how to communicate. I clearly lack experience.

Still, no one rejects me. Even when my love for reptiles was exposed, my classmates accepted it as part of my individuality. And of course, they should. There’s someone with an incredibly strong personality right in front of us. My uniqueness is nothing compared to that.

I remembered the day when my love for reptiles was exposed. Right after entering school, I was looking at my Chi-chan collection in the classroom when he passed by and immediately recognized that Chi-chan was a Panther Chameleon. He said he had considered having one as a pet before.

He unexpectedly knew a lot about them, and I got excited and talked about it, but he didn’t seem to mind and accepted it without a second thought.

Since then, something has changed. I don’t know how my mindset shifted, but people started naturally talking to me more. Maybe it was me who was rejecting and distancing myself.

Ever since, I have started feeling embarrassed about my messy hair and started to care a little more about my appearance.

Of course, because I used to be so indifferent, it didn’t come naturally. When I went to ask Mom what to do, she was very happy to help. Hihi… I’m sorry to trouble you.

Before I knew it, people started talking to me without hesitation. Maybe it was me who was rejecting them all along.

The “Invisible Aura” acts like a barrier. I learned that if I take even a small step forward, there are people who will respond to it.

I received a notification on my phone.

“W-Who could it be…? It’s from Eli-chan…?”

I checked the screen, and it was a message from Eli-chan.

An invitation to hang out. Eli-chan is actually Sakura, a completely opposite type of girl compared to me. She’s a top-tier girl in the social hierarchy, someone I wouldn’t normally associate with. Even though I call her Elizabeth in my mind to show respect, I can’t bring myself to say it out loud in front of her. Only he, the god, can confidently call her Elizabeth. He is truly a god. Trembling all over, I read Eli-chan’s message.

“P-P-P-P-Pool!? Is she planning to sink me by luring me out, or is it the kind of outing where we swim in swimsuits!?”

Instead of just inviting me to hang out, she suggested going to the pool. As an introvert, it’s beyond my capacity.

Fuaaaa, what should I do? What should I do?! I can’t stay like this.

I rushed out of my room and headed to the living room.

“Mama… W-w-w-w-what should I do!? M-My friend invited me to hang out, but what if it’s at the pool and I need a school swimsuit!?”

Mama’s eyes widened in surprise, and she seemed to be on the verge of tears.

“So, you finally made such a friend, An-chan… I’m so happy for you! But, An-chan, I don’t think you have a school swimsuit. Shall we go buy a cute one together?”

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“I see… I didn’t think of that. Thank you so much for telling me.”

Mama was in a very good mood. She seems happy lately.

The loneliness I used to feel has disappeared somewhere. I wish the class wouldn’t change until graduation. I wouldn’t have thought about such things in the past.

He, who creates daily chaos, is also stirring up my dull daily life. Every day is a whirlwind of changes. But it’s so enjoyable and pleasant that I can’t help it.

That’s right, Yukito Kokonoe is the man who is worshiped by his classmates without realizing it.

[Yukito PoV]

It must have been annoying. I’m sorry, Yuri.

We go to school together in the morning and sometimes she sleeps in my room at night.

It pains me to see my mom’s eyes filled with sadness, like an abandoned puppy. Sorry …….

On holidays, we went shopping and watched movies together. We even went bowling together.

Basically, she never denies me what I want to do. She affirms everything I want to do.

I tried to make her “less sensitive” to me, but apparently she is not less sensitive to me as well as Himiyama-san and my mom are.

As soon as I said I needed to buy suspenders, my older sister rushed out of the house without a moment’s hesitation. When she returned, I was met with a terrible sight. This must be the infamous “Gate of Nakedness” that everyone talks about. But, could such a thing really happen?

Even as the sister of the villainess in a story, if I go too far, my sister will retaliate.

Over the past week, I’ve identified the cause and reached one conclusion.

My sister is clearly pushing herself too hard.

The more I try to get close to her, the more she tries to accept me, but her expression tightens, her heart pounds intensely, and her breathing becomes erratic. Her body trembles, and she breaks out in a cold sweat.

Trying to force our broken relationship back to normal only creates a distorted and fractured illusion.

There was one time my sister showed me her true feelings.

“I hate you! Just disappear!”

With those words, she pushed me away from the playground equipment in the park.

I ended up being seriously injured and had to be hospitalized, but I never resent my sister.

It was my fault for always sticking around her. I should have disappeared just as she said.

Since then, I’ve tried my best to avoid any interactions with my sister.

Now, in hindsight, it was probably the right decision. Those words she spoke back then were her true feelings.

Things began to change after I entered high school. It’s only now that I’m starting to realize.

That’s why my sister is suffering. It’s become especially apparent lately; she’s deliberately keeping her distance. She spends most of her time locked up in her room and sometimes avoids meeting me altogether.

Of course, when I visit her room, she warmly welcomes me, and she’s always willing to do things together when asked.

But I know. Afterward, she’s suffering alone.

I’ve even heard her crying late at night.

Yes, my sister had been forcing herself to like me.

After my serious injury, my sister, tormented by guilt, tried to become an unwavering ally. She vowed never to repeat the terrible incident she caused.

She used her rationality to suppress her true feelings of dislike.

Inside my sister, there exists only the feeling of liking me.

She will never allow herself to harbor any other emotion toward me.

However, if she continues to force herself like this, there will be a breaking point.

Between the conflicting emotions, my sister continues to suffer.

There is no reason for us to get along just because we are siblings.

If she dislikes me, then it’s okay. Trying to forcefully deny it only makes things complicated.

There are siblings who don’t get along, and there are countless others who remain indifferent to each other.

Since the accident, my sister and I have maintained a suitable distance from each other. Thus, it’s not hard to imagine that the current situation, where that distance is wavering, is an unbearable pain for her.

Realizing this, I purposely closed the distance between us over the past week.

What my sister needs is the courage to admit that she dislikes me.

To release her heart from the prison of lies and face her true feelings.

I can see that my sister is growing increasingly haggard day by day. She’s reaching her limit of endurance.

Even so, I won’t stop getting closer to her. Even if it pushes her to a corner, I will continue until she completely reveals everything.

Enough is enough. She has cherished me until today.

My sister has endured so much suffering. From now on, she should seek her own happiness.

I somehow understand that this is what independence means.

Until now, my sister protected me under her wing. But that time is over.

I can handle most things on my own, and there are plenty of allies around me who will help.

My sister doesn’t need the curse called “Yukito” anymore.

I hold deep respect for my sister. The time to say goodbye has come.

“Thank you for staying by my side, even while disliking me. Nee-san.”

All that remains now is a feeling of gratitude.

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