Chapter 12: Chapter 12: Lordess of the Mushroom Kingdom (Ensemble Chapter)

“Hello! I’m your host, MC Ballyhoo! And I’m here with you live on Ballyhoo Tonight with our new guest, the Mystical Wizard Merlon!”

Merlon sat in the chair next to Ballyhoo and tried to make himself look comfortable in front of an audience of millions. Of course, at the moment there were merely cameras, and the audience was small, quiet, not easily laughing so far.

“Hello, I’m happy to be here,” Merlon said.

“How are you adjusting to your new life?” Ballyhoo asked. “Now that you’re the Defense Minister, you’ve sure got a lot on your plate, especially with SERVING YOUR COUNTRY!”

The audience clapped and politely cheered with their patriotic fervor. Very polite.

“It’s...” Merlon paused. He loathed himself for taking the job. He knew he wanted to stop Bowsette from taking control of the country. He hated her so much, but he took the job to work to keep Mushroom Kingdom safe as much as he could. He knew that she had essentially sidelined him and kept him in a position where he could be of little influence, but he had to keep the spirits of a conquered people alive. He couldn’t just... quit. “It’s going very well. We’re making a lot of progress. Goomboss has surrendered his claims over Goomba Village and the Shiver City Republican Confederation has submitted to Mushroom Kingdom oversight. The threats in our wake are fading and we will be able to rest easy without fear of destruction.” Except for... from their very own dictator.

“That’s awesome!!!!” Ballyhoo shouted. “Gee whiz! Want to go have a party?”

“Y...Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to do.”

Merlon was trapped in a world of appeasement. He had to save the people of the Mushroom Kingdom by keeping them content. He had to appease the Lordess Bowsette by keeping her pleased. And he had to appease his inner conscience telling him everything he was doing was wrong.

To accomplish the first two, he had to set aside the third.

Merlon and Ballyhoo began dancing on stage to a jiggy tune, and it took all he had to keep from crying.

***

Parakarry swooped down to Luigi’s house and dropped off a letter. “Letter for the Marios! Addressed to the Mario Household!”

He saw Luigi and noticed that the man was in his pajamas, hair disheveled and eyes sagging. What a wreck... What a loser.

He didn’t know of the contents of the letter, of course, as opening letters was against the sacred duty of mailmen across the globe, even if they had bombs or lethal toxins inside. It was a relationship between the sender and the reader, and that was the only thing that mattered. Mailmen were the middlemen, the mediums to all of this. Not participants.

However, Luigi’s expression brightened considerably when he read through the letter. “Thanks, Parakarry,” he said softly.

“Not a problem.” He flew away and wondered what about could have been in that letter, what its contents may have been.

If he were in Luigi’s position, he would have been a depressed loser himself. If his wife had been kicked past the curvature of the Earth and due to his poor fighting abilities... well, that would have been utterly humiliating.

But Parakarry’s fighting days were in the past, anyway. He was getting too old for that shit. So he was just glad that kind of situation would never present itself to him.

***

Several Koopas sat together at a bar, watching TV as the latest tennis match between Rosalina and Nina, facing off to win the all-new Bowsette Cup that had been created just a few weeks ago. Rosalina was basically cheating what with her ability to levitate off the ground at all times, but she was still losing to her opponent so far.

One of these Koopas was Kooper, a former partner of Mario and currently gulping down his fourth drink of, um, “Zess Tea.”

His friends were rowdy watching the tennis match, but he faced away from them, instead staring at the large portrait of Bowsette that was now legally mandated to be placed in a prime location in all restaurants, bars, and places of food or drink service. Her image was captured in the midst of laughing, her sharpened fangs showing and heavy amount of cleavage right in the center of the frame. They had all ogled it at first, but now it was clear that it had become an eyesore in an otherwise-classy establishment.

If Kolorado were still around, surely he’d have thought of something to help them out of this jam. But Kooper... he just wasn’t strong enough.

One of Kooper’s friends noticed his dour mood and put his hand on his shell. “Kooper, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? We’re being ruled by this jerk here and... Well, we had enough of that already, didn’t we?” Kooper had had a little too much “tea” to be able to form coherent thoughts at this point.

“Bowsette? Ah man,” one of the other Koopas said. “Saw her in person the other day when she spoke in Shroom City. Finest piece of shell I’ve ever seen.”

“Why’s she got that shell anyway?” another asked. “She part Koopa or something?”

The other shrugged.

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“She’s just another... Bowser... or something...” Kooper mumbled. “Koopa Village ain’t for that.” But tensions between Toads and Koopas had begun running higher ever since Bowsette’s takeover. Koopas were being more readily recognized for new government positions. Koopa Village was receiving more financial assistance than Goomba Village even though the latter had just been razed after the Goomboss Skirmishes. Kolorado’s wife had gotten a death threat on her answering machine the other day.

“It may suck here,” one of the Koopas said. “But it still beats Bowserland. Never going back to that horrid place.”

“I heard there's been a lot of bloodshed out there these days, with all the Koopalings or whatever. Mushroom Kingdom’s way better.”

“But... then why did Koover go back?” Kooper asked, starting to cry. Kooper and Koover had gotten so close recently, and then suddenly... He was just going back to the place where everyone’s treated like slaves? It was insanity. And he couldn’t even stop him.

Kooper continued into his fifth drink. And then his sixth.

Rosalina ended up winning the tennis match.

***

Lumpy and Moustafa sat together under the shade in an unassuming bench in an unassuming part of Dry Dry Desert. Lumpy hadn’t considered that this type of meeting would actually be happening, not in a million years, but it looked like he was finally making it happen.

Bowsette’s wonders never ceased.

“So, how are things going?” Lumpy asked, his mousy whiskers twitching as to give Moustafa an indication that things were currently okay to divulge the good details.

“We excavated the pyramids and Tutankoopa’s grave has a great many wonders... that we can use. Its ancient Chain Chomp forces are excellent...”

“And so you’ve given my proposal some thought?” Lumpy asked.

“An exclusive, lifetime contract with the Lumpy Oil Conglomerate Association, Limited? For all our energy and water supplies... it’s a tough one.”

“But you’ll be safe,” Lumpy added. “I can protect the Dry Dry Republic with all means at my disposal. Buzzar protects Mt. Rugged, and my oil tankers by the sea...”

“It may seem too aggressive...” Moustafa was always waffling back and forth. He was not a true leader. He was a puppet, and that is exactly what Lumpy required him to be for his oil empire to truly succeed.

“If you secede, they will invade. I doesn’t matter if it’s Peach or Bowsette, they will invade.” Lumpy clasped his hands together. “You must do what’s best for your people.”

“You’re right...”

Lumpy smiled. “Then we have a deal.”

***

Huff’N’Puff looked down from the clouds, past Flower Fields, down to the world below.

Nimbus Land had fallen, and was now an official territory of the Mushroom Kingdom. The Royal Family had fled and were in exile in Delfino.

But...

Huff’N’Puff’s territory had remained untouched. A land of plants and nature, a world of beauty and strategic resources (shooting stars were quite powerful). A land of Tuff Puffs and Lakitus that reigned free (or as free as Huff’N’Puff would let them be). And yet...

Why hadn’t the mushroom Kingdom attacked him? Why wasn’t he given the chance for a negotiated surrender giving him asylum and free access to Mushroom Kingdom diplomatic resources so that he could leave this dreadful place and finally get on with his life? It’s not like he WANTED to be a dictator. It just sort of... happened.

And if they weren’t going to take his land over, he couldn’t just invade THEM, or it wouldn’t be the same. He wouldn’t be making the same mistake as Goomboss, Brighton rest his soul.

Why was Nimbus Land chosen and not Flower Fields? It wasn’t fair!

Everything that Bowsette woman did... it was too irrational. She was such a poor dictator... Huff’N’Puff just wished he could... guide her. But it seemed as if that was never going to happen.

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