Chapter 33: 30. Technical Queen of the Universe

It was a surprisingly pleasant August day outside when Jay found YoAnna. Even more surprising, the rampage turned out to be a civil one. There was no doubt that YoAnna would cost the government lots of money for the destruction she wrought, but it wasn’t as terrible an ordeal as it sounded.

Jay was walking past a crowd of non-combative adults who stood in awe on the sidelines. Soldiers ran back and forth, ignorant or uncaring of Jay’s importance in the chaos. Jay didn’t blame them. The soldiers’ job was to stop an attack, even if it was coming from a deity.

The teenage godling didn’t seem to care about the plight of the soldiers.

Several tank-like vehicles, important-looking vans equipped with large antennas and dishes, and whole trailer containers filled with electronic equipment were flipped on their sides, crushed into the ground, or ripped into metal sheets.

YoAnna was in the middle of stalking another expensive piece of equipment, an armored personnel carrier. She casually picked it up by the side with one hand, tilting it slightly until she heard a scream inside. She gently shook it, jostling the person around until they fled out of the hatch in the back.

YoAnna nodded, seeming satisfied there was nobody inside.

Then she flipped the vehicle on its side with a lazy flick. The ground shuddered, and the hammering sound of metal on the cul-de-sac street made Jay wince. Then he stood by, eyes opening wide, as YoAnna pulled the armored vehicle apart piece by piece like she was shredding cotton candy with her bare hands. She tossed aside large patches of the vehicle that probably weighed a ton or more. Every chunk hit the street with a ground-breaking, concrete tearing impact.

She made it look effortless. It was plain to see the ease she felt on her untroubled face. A beautiful but monstrous joy glimmered in her eyes.

When derelict soldiers frustrated by their impotence opened fire on her, YoAnna’s divine visage turned toward them. She strolled with all the grace and marvel of a girl most men wouldn’t dare face or try to court without tons of money backing them.

Seeing her move about in a yellow dress that hugged her tall, curvy figure while treating a scene of destruction and gun violence like she was walking the park on a pleasant Sunday was visually stunning. Jay could imagine it was maddening for the soldiers to shoot her directly and see no effect. Not to her. Not to her clothes. Not even to her bubbly mood.

She caught one soldier by the hand. She took his rifle from him like arresting a toy from a tiny and feeble child. She looked over the weapon curiously, as if it warranted her attention more than the man.

Then her eyes flashed gold.

The weapon disintegrated.

It became a shower of metal shavings that splashed on the ground. The shavings got on the soldier’s legs while avoiding YoAnna altogether.

The soldier gaped. YoAnna kept prodding at him like he was a mere toy. She pulled at his body armor. Her hand moved to his helmet next and rustled it around gently. When the soldier, a big and muscular man, finally got over the shock of his gun being taken and destroyed, he let his big and muscular instincts take over.

He tried to punch YoAnna in the face.

YoAnna flicked his fist away with a perfectly manicured nail.

The man yelped in pain and shook his hand about.

To Jay’s surprise, YoAnna had spared the man a destroyed hand. She probably bruised the knuckles, teaching the trigger-happy soldier a lesson while applying the least amount of harm.

That level of control was more stunning than her more powerful showing. She didn’t even toss the man aside when she grew bored of him. She left him standing and wandered off to the next thing that piqued her interest. Like a very polite child who found it appropriate to let out her destructive divine tendencies without directly hurting people.

Jay broke into mad laughter, probably one of the most insane ones he’d had in a while. It was just too damn funny seeing YoAnna be the sweetest goofball ever in a moment where she was putting fear into the hearts of old, hard, and/or highly ranked men who usually got their way unless an older, harder, and higher ranked man (or woman, even if a little rarer) threw their weight around.

It was too much fun seeing these serious government types get flexed on and have their minds boggled by a polite but destructive girl. Jay nearly wanted to let YoAnna keep doing her thing, but his laugh served another purpose other than expressing his glee.

It stole YoAnna’s attention from her next vehicular victim.

Faster than Jay could track, YoAnna appeared in front of him.

The ground broke apart twice simultaneously. It happened once where she’d stood and again where she relocated. A massive gust of wind and the crack of a broken sound barrier told him all he needed. His hand found Kleo without looking and held her gently until the wind died.

“Bah! What the hell, godling bozo?” the [Faerie] shouted, floating up on her own. “My little ears hurt. And look around you. The weaklings have fallen over. Some of them look old, too, and might have those stupid old people’s bones. Stupid weaklings are fragile, so be more mindful, godling bozo!”

Jay kept his mouth shut as YoAnna’s overeagerness to see him slowly morphed to confusion at Kleo’s words. Then she expressed horror as she looked around her.

Researchers and staff who’d been standing aside near Jay were on their knees or knocked over. They cowered in fear, slow to recover from YoAnna’s explosive movements.

One of them was the Head Researcher, the woman looking up frightfully while on all fours.

“Oh my, I took this a little too far,” YoAnna said with a pained expression. “This is why I shouldn’t let myself cut loose. How idiotic and irresponsible of me.”

“Hey, let’s put aside the self-criticism and try helping these people with magic healing?” Jay asked, getting serious the moment YoAnna harped too harshly on herself. “We’ll right this wrong, calm things down, and get to the bottom of this.”

***

Twenty minutes later, Jay sat across from the Op Commander and his closest advisers and aids. Beside Jay was YoAnna, sitting regally with the air of an enchantress who was secretly goofy inside. On the other side of Jay were Mike and Dennis.

Frank elected to sit beside the Op Commander.

Frank hadn’t explained himself. He would rarely say a word now. He was still toting the greatsword, having it lean against the desk beside his right arm. Now and then, he would move his missing left arm and be reminded that he couldn’t do anything casually with it anymore.

More than a few times did Frank catch his fellow [Fighter] Dennis staring. The Superjock hugged Ogre Hunter’s colossal blade to his chest as if it wasn’t safe to leave it unprotected in a government site. The Superjock used both arms to keep the weapon secured, of course.

Regardless of Frank’s silence and the meaning behind sitting on the Op Commander’s side, the turmoil weighing him down was in constant flux. It had lightened a little when he and the others made contact with YoAnna while she was healing the people she’d harmed with her sonic movements and others willing to take advantage of YoAnna’s kindness. The healing had included the dungeon crawlers, of course. She had erased all the skin-deep scars and a couple of under-the-surface wounds.

Jay was pleased he wouldn’t have to explain his awful dungeon-crawling scars to people at school.

YoAnna’s healing had fixed all of Frank’s scars, too. But it failed to bring his arm back.

Now the crawlers were sitting in a nicely carpeted mobile office with all the important people. The Op Commander was complaining about the damages when YoAnna turned to Frank.

“You will remain a Champion of mine,” she told him.

The Op Commander puffed up with anger. He was a huge man, so he had weight to him. But that was it. He was merely a man. The glare coming from the steel-blue eyes of the Op Commander meant nothing to the godling. Jay imagined that must be frustrating for the Op Commander. But he could nurse his ego later. Jay hoped YoAnna could help Frank.

“I’m serious, Frank,” YoAnna said. “This is not the end of you.”

“I’m an ineffective and broken agent,” he mumbled. “A replacement who can meet your metrics will be best. But this isn’t the time to focus on me.”

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Jay stopped himself from covering his face. He knew this was coming. Hearing this from Frank was still a hit from the blindside. Dennis started to speak up, but Mike urgently shushed him. This wasn’t a moment for the Superjock to shine.

Their Godling of Challenge and Change was here. The stage was hers to work on, and Jay was eager to see how she’d handle it. The power she’d exuded was one thing.

Politics was another.

“I’m getting rather cross with our relationship, Commander Steele,” YoAnna said, turning to the man in charge of all three dungeon anomaly quarantine sites. “I get held by a long distance Multiversal scrying call with a System Admin rep, who had the most spotty dimensional connection ever, and in the hours I’m gone comforting the egos of a man who’d find it more convenient our dimension is churned like worm bait by a cold, unbiased System so it could pull in their winning fish, my Champions are held in cells.”

YoAnna breathed deeply, sounding like a rumbling air current flowing in and out.

“My Champions are precious to me. They are my first chosen ones. I’ve worked hard ensuring each was the right choice for me and each other. I’ll be open by saying that losing one would be devastating of a blow to me and the others. With that said, I will admit that I’m at fault for underestimating all required to involve my Champions. I didn’t fully comprehend the dangers they’d face and the lack of training that could’ve helped mitigate the issues that cropped up.”

Frank lowered his head.

Commander Steele let a slight glint of smugness enter his eyes. He started to open his mouth when YoAnna continued.

“But all twelve returned alive.” Her voice sounded like a babbling current, quiet but steady. “Each team conquered their dungeons in ways that are so spectacular, the lower echelons of the System Admins are deeply flummoxed and demanding more and more of my time because their superiors are demanding answers because the superiors of those superiors are demanding even more answers.” Her voice became like a great river cutting through the land. “Ah, I see that you are lost. You mustn’t be blamed for your confusion. You lack the context. Imagine a civilian before becoming a soldier. Imagine them getting the gear, the fit body of a soldier, and the mission without the boot camp. Then imagine three small teams sent out like Green Beret and ending three different wars around the world through sheer grit, creativity, and–”

“The smell of teen spirit,” Jay cut in, like a happy fish breaking the surface to fly briefly into a storm.

YoAnna’s cascading moment to crash down on the commander like a tsunami broke gently. She gave Jay a perplexed look before letting slip a giggle when the joke registered. With a sigh, she turned back to the commander, who had no idea Jay saved him from getting hurt. At least physically.

“So, why is it a theme where heroes aren’t welcomed but ostracized and abandoned in this world?” YoAnna asked. “Why must you cage my Champions and hold them without proper information as if you were trying to soften them before interrogating them? As if they are terrorists? Do you not understand how much it hurts me as their godling that I’ve failed to help transition from dungeon to home because I trusted you to facilitate that process per our conversations? Must I truly email you to be heard when I’ve given you much of my kindness and consideration?”

YoAnna’s voice cracked like splintered glass before she reined in her emotions.

“You are not the person cutting my check, girl!” Commander Steele shouted, slamming his fist on the heavy, intricately made oak desk he’d probably hauled everywhere.

Kleo had been sitting on the desk, being less of a menace, when the commander’s outburst shook her. She frowned at her master sitting behind her. Jay gave her a quick head pat to calm her before she dropped Steele into the sky.

“Do you have something to say to me, Commander?” YoAnna asked with neutral politeness.

“For years, we’ve been playing this game by your rules, getting fed crumbs when we give you support that’s burning through taxpayers’ money. And what do we get out of it? One agent on your special squad. None of these magical loot items for us to study. No access to the so-called System. No meeting with these powerful Multiverse Admins. All we have are your words.”

“And my power,” YoAnna added.

“At this point, how do I know this isn’t all your doing?” Commander Steele asked. “You could be a damn alien playing games with us. The amount of damage you’ve caused today is staggering, and I have to treat it like it’s a young boy out driving his pappy’s pickup truck and batting mailboxes. My name’s attached for allowing it to happen and not bringing anything to the table that you’ve told us is out there.”

“Does it concern that today’s events will negatively affect your leadership?” YoAnna asked.

“You surely aren’t helping with that,” the Commander said before looking down at Kleo. “That thing should be in a containment unit and studied right now. It’s a goddamn monster, and we’re letting it sit its ass on my desk as some horny boy’s pet?”

Jay winced. When he first met the Op Commander, he should’ve picked his words carefully.

Steele kept powering forward, seeming to sense blood in the water concerning Jay. “That kid and his living doll attacked my soldiers when they were fulfilling their duty. He used technology, superpowers, magic, and what have you, and you’ll have me let them go out into the streets just like that? No questioning? No screening to ensure they’re even safe to be part of civilization? No medical examinations, or at least a damn checkup? No, they leave, and that’s that. How is that not making my leadership a laughing stock and misusing our relationship? I should be cross with you.”

YoAnna pushed a finger through the desk like stabbing playdough. The splintering wood cried out in protest. The Godling remained silent, seeming deep in thought, when she started making a second hole.

Kleo stood up, interrupting YoAnna’s disregard for property.

“My name is Creepy Kleo. I’m Master Jay’s [Faerie], a familiar who had once been a toy and a dungeon monster. A familiar isn’t a monster, so that’s not your concern. I am not a pet, either. And Master Jay is most horny for the godling girl. It’ll be part of my duty to aid and protect the master as he flails around in courting her or whatever female creature he fancies and isn’t scared away by his silliness and moments of craze. He is a growing boy with needs, after all.”

Jay rubbed his eyes. “Someone, kill me now.”

“See, we could use more of that information,” Commander Steele said with a wave. “Look, maybe my orders came down strong. Perhaps I can talk to you, Kleo, and learn–”

“I didn’t finish, human of little tyranny,” Kleo said, letting out a tiny ripple of gravity.

The commander became still. It was one thing to expect a showing from YoAnna. It was another from a doll-sized creature from the dungeon.

“Other than being a [Faerie] of Master Jay, I hold and share the title [Slayer of Tyranny]. This title is bugging me a lot right now, so I will end this and explain that this court expressing our grievances is foolish. My Master and his friends need to head home, and you are holding them to talk nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense! It’s part of what makes this nation a democracy,” Commander Steele pressed forward in his seat and loomed over Kleo.

“Democracy?” Kleo tilted her head. “That doesn’t matter anymore. A godling exists in your world. When she appeared and became Multiverse System Guide without challenge, she became the most prominent figure in your dimension. The Godling is technically the queen of your universe. But she is filled with levels of unbelievable kindness. She entertains your tirade and disrespect and holds back the truth of her divinity under tight lock and key.”

Kleo spoke the following words with a small gravitational force rippling out. “She can kill us all. Easily. Like scratching an itch with her fancy nail, but that scratch wipes out an entire city.”

Commander Steele reddened. The idea of being at the mercy of a girl like YoAnna was undoubtedly an affront to him. Like her existence slandered Jesus, Buddha, or whatever people would become super angry for Jay found a tad on the ridiculous side.

Kleo pointed towards YoAnna. “I think I like you. But you have much growing to do, Godling. So, I will help you since Master Jay likes you, and you are his Patron. So, riddle me this, what is the quickest way to put this little human in his place so we can depart without harming him directly?”

Commander Steele gave Kleo a look that expressed murder.

Jay’s arm slid forward next to Kleo, stealing the commander’s attention. His stern steel blue eyes clashed with Jay’s glowy purple pair.

YoAnna thought for a few seconds before pulling out her phone with a mundane flick of her hand. A few minutes later, Commander Steele was answering to the President of the United States of America.

After the call ended–where Dennis got a promise from the United States President to throw a football around one day–the Op Commander stood, walked around the desk, and kowtowed at YoAnna’s feet.

Jay requested a little something extra from YoAnna.

Kleo laughed like a maniac when the Op Commander had to kowtow to the [Faerie], too.

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