Chapter 89: 81. Team Noir: Boss Crawl

For a long, arduous, and seemingly endless time, Jay, Tim, Emily, and Kleo worked around the clock. They couldn’t rest completely. They couldn’t stop. They had to keep going. If they stopped, the child would die, and both Jay and Kleo were sure of that. So they kept on no matter how tired and hopeless they felt.

It didn’t seem like an issue the first few hours as the tunnel rose, lowered, curved around, and led them to different caverns. More mushrooms. More hanging vines. Sometimes the floor was water. Sometimes putrid muck. Variances appeared where a tunnel or cavern had so much wet muck it reached up to the knees. Or they’d enter a section filled with dangling vines that, after a dare from Emily, Jay [Identified], tore open and drank the juice from.

It left a tangy minerally taste. But it was drinkable. Good for hydration. And some of the mushrooms were edible. Others were poisonous, acidic, or plain dangerous, which made Jay think they should pick some carefully for Lilith. The kiddies held onto those. Anything else that was consumable they ate and drank as they scanned the way forward for threats.

Most of the time, Jay caught warriors hiding in wait every six hundred to a thousand feet. Sometimes he’d miss one and Emily’s [Spooky Friends] would catch them moments before a deadly ambush. Tim rarely had the opportunity to catch one ahead of the others, but when he did, it saved Malcolm from achieving his Death Flag destiny.

Those close calls had been quite the scare.

Still, whenever they caught a warrior waiting ahead of them, they had to stop. They made sure the big kiddies dealt with the waiting warrior while Jay and Kleo served as overwatch. The gravity duo would take some time to scan ahead and behind them just in case. Then move on. Their progress slowed to a crawl sometimes depending on how many warriors waited. Emily had her little kiddies fashion a hammock from the vines. That way, Malcolm could sleep and get carried along with the parade. Emily had more mobile hammocks made for her and Tim to rest as the parade moved along bit by bit.

Jay stayed on his feet. He would sleep-walk if necessary, letting Kleo have command of him and the others. He didn’t trust the story to let him lay back without punishing him and Team Noir.

They didn’t come across any more grunts. And the number of warrior ambushes lying in wait decreased gradually. The Noir Parade still couldn’t afford to slacken their thorough searches, though. It was a long, seemingly never-ending, constant march, and that included having to turn back and retake different routes if they went the wrong way. Then they had to contend with any change the lair made when they weren’t looking. Especially if they had to backtrack. Then they would find more diverging paths to choose from. That was another time killer.

But the Noir Parade remained undaunted, especially when Kleo started to become more active as the fairy guide. At some point, she automatically picked up on which tunnel to take whenever forks or four-ways came up. As if she could read ahead of the lair boss’s tricks, consuming whatever secrets were lying in wait as time went on.

They eventually reached a tunnel that was very different than anything they'd ever seen.

***

“There will be no enemies in this section,” Kleo said.

Jay was more of a machine than a magical teenager at this point. He was preparing to scan ahead again. It took him five seconds to register what his [Faerie] had said.

“What?” Jay shook his head slowly. “Really?”

“This section is free of enemies,” Kleo said. “The lair queen wants us to experience it as an unofficial safe zone.”

“Is it more of that [Faerie] awareness coming to light?” Emily asked with Tim and Malcolm playing rock-paper-scissors behind her. Tim would form his choice faster than Malcolm so the end result would be fair.

The gangster and Narc halted their game to pay attention, shifting around on their wildly fantastic seats.

They were sitting on a giant mushroom cap raft bound together by snapped-off claws attached to vines turned into rope. They hadn’t even come up with the idea. The big kiddies that were formally warriors had improved upon the harness prototypes. Then the kiddies worked out a raft-carrying rotation among the undead without the guidance of the living. The kiddies would swap out grunts to serve as raft carriers.

Like an undead palanquin.

The carriers got switched out so they could have their turn to clap and dance around as others took over for them. Then they would circulate every thirty minutes until they all had gone before starting at the top of the rotation. Only the warriors remained outside of the rotation, more mindful of their duties as the bigger and stronger fighters outside of parading around.

Not only were the kiddies all about good vibes, but they were fair to each other and nice to everyone who was friendly. And constantly creating and innovating, turning vines, mushrooms, weird plants, non-monster critters, or whatever into art, dresses, hats, and gifts. And lots of other fun things. It was hard to believe this came from the Death [Medium], Emily, of all people. Her kiddies provided the team with constant entertainment in between the small bursts of action when outing warriors in wait.

It was tempting to sit on the mushroom cap raft, but Jay stayed on his tired feet.  He waited for Kleo to explain her reasoning as they entered a darkened tunnel that looked like all the others they’d seen.

Kleo said nothing. She allowed them to see for themselves.

The tunnel lit up like a Travis Scott album brought to life.

At first, Jay raised his sword and coated his body with dangerous gravity magic. But Kleo sent him reassuring feelings through [Faerie Master]. She helped him calm down from his frantic ready-to-battle self to a more guarded but curious mood. That way, he could start to appreciate the most beautiful section of the Yoroachian Lair.

Little fuzzy roaches with white coatings and cotton-soft antennas flew and crawled everywhere. The countless number of them would’ve sent most people running away if it wasn’t for their bioluminescent ability. They lit up a circular tunnel that was fifty feet wide and high. The walls were covered with the-drinkable vines, which were probably a source of nutrition and hydration for the non-monster critters. But there were so many of the bioluminescent roaches that you’d be hard-pressed to see the vines on the walls. The true magic at play was nothing massive. Nothing reality-bending.

The true magic was the synchrony the bioluminescent roaches had when they filled the tunnel with color patterns that smoothly transitioned from cyan and white to purple and magenta to green and yellow and more. Sometimes they shifted into a solid color. Sometimes they would form bands of three colors swirling around each other. They filled the entire tunnel with the same pattern while crawling or flying through the air in formations that brought wonder to the observer.

Jay watched in awe as they journeyed through the tunnel at a gradual but consistent pace. He couldn’t stop himself from scanning ahead just in case. It was an automatic process for him now. But he trusted Kleo’s advice and didn’t stop the parade from moving forward as the kiddies danced and sang and played more than ever before. The kiddies caught bioluminescent critters and placed them in baskets weaved from a certain type of mushroom that had a cap covered by reed-like straws. The kiddies stripped fibrous cords from the underside of mushroom caps, tied the ends of the cords to bioluminescent critters, and followed their shiny and tethered critter around like they were walking their pet.

It was all maddening. This was unlike anything Jay had ever imagined. Interplays of magic meeting magic that was crazier than being under hallucinogenic drugs.

“Is this why you do it?” Malcolm asked, now on his feet as he reached up and passed his hand through a flying cloud of shiny and colorful bugs. “You get to see stuff like this?”

“We didn’t see anything like this on our first crawls,” Emily explained, mesmerized by one of her bigger kiddies mixing vine water and sweet sap from a honey mushroom. The kiddie slathered its creation on a mushroom hat. A countless number of bioluminescent critters flew to the cap as the kiddie wore it gleefully. The newest fad passed around the parade, and in due time, everyone was wearing crawling bioluminescent outfits.

Tim gawked at the mushroom hat that had somehow ended up on his head as it buzzed and crawled with glowy critters.

Emily had her arms coated in the sap mixture and started waving them around as the colorful critters crawled or fluttered around her limbs. She could be the poster child for bio-bug raves. If the Multiverse had magic psychedelics and drinks, Jay's hedonistic lifestyle would rocket into the sky.

“Brit should be here," Emily said as she danced and waved her arms with her kiddies. "This is the type of stuff she wants to see more of. The stuff that’s so beautiful and weird, you have to be there to experience it.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be here." Malcolm donned his black ops helmet a kiddie had improved with critter attracting sap. Now it shone like he was a rave-going agent. “My daughter told me to refuse the job. She said she got bad feelings from it. And the grandkids have been begging to see me more.”

“Stop, Malcolm,” Jay said, feeling queasy. His meta-g felt like it was getting punished with spikes of death. “Please stop, you’re killing yourself.”

“Jay, I don’t know whether I’m going to die or not,” Malcolm said, handing out high fives to a passing congo line of kiddies coated in bioluminescent critters. “But I’m glad I got to see something nice in all of this. Like hiking with my grandpappy and seeing the night sky on Black Elk Peak. Right before he died, too.”

Jay shared a sad look with Emily. She drifted away to see the latest art project her kiddies were working on. The [Death] Medium was barely holding in the tears.

Jay turned to see if he could convince Malcolm to lower the Death Flag down from the top of the flag pole. This was ridiculous.

“Let him be,” Kleo said at a volume only Jay could hear.

“He’s dead,” Jay said.

“But he’s having fun,” Kleo replied. “Isn't that the point?"

Jay had nothing else to say to that as Malcolm laughed like he was a kid. He wrapped an arm around Tim's shoulders. The Narc and gangster joined a line of kiddies hopping through hoops and swarms of bioluminescent bugs. Their movements stirred the shiny critters to swirl around like twisters and vortexes and spiraling tunnels that swept you into a word of light and color.

"It's all too beautiful," Jay said.

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Kleo rubbed her little hand behind her master's ear.

Eventually, they reached the end of the bioluminescent tunnel, and Kleo gave the order that they should return the little critters. The parading kiddies were a little sad to give back the colorful critters, but Kleo believed it was part of the deal. Experience the fun and revelry, but take not from the tunnel of fuzzy bioluminescent critters.

“Why would she do this?” Jay asked.

Kleo tilted her little head to the side. “She is the creator of this place, the mover and decider. Like a dungeon core. Sometimes, very skilled and powerful dungeon cores and lair bosses want to try new things and see what happens. As long as it follows the rules of the System and the game they’ve set.”

Jay nodded. He paused and looked back at the bioluminescent tunnel. They had entered another nondescript cave with various routes to choose from. Nothing special. Nothing like the last few hours that took Jay off this planet and showed him something truly different.

What more did Multiverse have that wasn’t all horror and killing?

***

They faced a wall with two ways out. Back where they came. Or up. The big and wide hole had junked furniture, rotten human food, and aged appliances stuck to the walls with a putrid brown substance that solidified everything together. More vines dangled down from the opening high above them. Jay flipped gravity for Team Noir so they could walk up the wall.

The Noir Parade crawled or flew along on its own.

At the top of the hole, they entered a single cavern that fused a bunch of the themes Jay had seen already. Scattered half-buried human junk. Piles of rotting garbage. Pockets of mushroom forests that stood as tall as three-story buildings. Stalactites and stalagmites ranging in size from knee-high to twenty feet tall. A ceiling dangling with countless vines filled with tangy, drinkable juice. And a single mundane log cabin with working lights surrounded by a field of moist dirt.

On the porch bench sat the Yoroachian Queen. Beside her was a young boy who looked about four years of age. They were reading a picture book together.

Jay’s meta-g went crazy without providing any meaning unless he seized. He motioned for everyone to move away from the hole and form up between a giant rock mound and a forest of mushrooms. Then he had Noir Parade halt as he tried to keep his eyes on the Yoroachian Queen and her captive while scanning the area around him. He couldn’t find anything.

This space was completely solid. No quivers. No magical faults. Everything fell in place like a solidly made house. Jay gave Emily a signal to have her [Spooky Friends] keep searching the area. Tim would automatically keep sniffing around just in case. For now, Jay and Kleo moved three dozen feet ahead before slowly leading the Noir Parade toward the Yoroachian Queen’s strange cabin. 

A mundane cabin with no magic, too. It was a small thing. Cozy looking. The lights worked because of an electric generator. And it had a chimney with stacks of smoke rising out. It was normal, a disturbing find. That would mean the boss gathered all of this from the surface and had plenty of time or hands to have it built quickly.

Jay felt the bizarreness of this discovery intensified by his dinging meta-g as if he was about to face something terrible. Something that he should’ve seen coming, or he should’ve confronted instead of playing ignorant. He couldn’t even break through the queen’s obscuring magic, leaving him unable to [Identify] her.

The Yoroachian Queen closed the picture book. She urged the child to enter the cabin. Then she stood politely, walked down the porch steps, and came out to meet Jay and Kleo and their dancing army.

The closer the queen drew, the more uncomfortable Jay felt. His guts twisted into knots. His sword grip shook. The inside of his mouth dried. His [Faerie’s] darkening mood and sudden burst of ravenous hunger kept him on edge and ready for a fight even if his willpower quivered behind the wall of his Conviction.

“Ah, this is the meal I seek,” Kleo said. “The others were poor creations.”

Jay clenched his jaw as he came to a stop with forty feet between him and the queen. She stopped as well. With a graceful motion of her hand, the soft earth around them trembled.

A huge Yoroachian monster rose out of the soft field. It kept rising and rising until it reached fifteen feet in height. It was thick, muscular, and armored around its limbs, torso, and head. It was a pillar of Resilience and Strength that dwarfed the past Yoroachian Warriors and Grunts. Jay imagined it wasn’t the Yoroachian Witch mentioned earlier. He couldn’t use [Identify] on it either.

Then nothing more happened for minutes as the two sides looked at each other. All eerie silence and uncertainty. Until a small smile crossed the face of the lair boss.

“Hello, Jay,” greeted the Yoroachian Queen.

“Why the kid?” Jay asked with a croak.

“I wanted to feast on the child for the novelty.” She shrugged. “But he’s at the age where he should be in daycare and has this cute rascal charm to him. Kinda reminds me of someone.”

Jay’s stomach flip-flopped with horror.

The Yoroachian Queen continued.

“I’m not sure what will work as my monstrous theme. As you can see, I’m new to this.” The queen gestured at the mixture of designs strewn around the boss chamber. “I’ve barely had time to settle in. But as soon as I heard tidings of you, I knew the end would arrive if I didn’t act boldly. Like a certain risk taker.”

Jay pushed aside his discomfort. “What does it mean for you to act boldly?”

“To go all out.” She looked up. “There’s a war on the surface to keep the others away.” She looked to the side with narrowed eyes. “And a war between us arisen monsters, we sisters of the mother's blood.” She looked back at Jay. “And the final war. The desires between you and me.”

Jay was struggling to keep his head on right from the sight of her. She was everything like the original. Amazonian. Curvy. Hourglassed. A lion’s mane of hair framed her flawlessly symmetrical face and her naturally long eyelashes hanging above darkly attractive eyes. Absolutely gorgeous. Perfection perfected. And no scar, either. Then she widened her smile, peeling aside her beautiful and velvety lips to show the truth behind her facade.

Mandibles for teeth.

Jay sighed as he looked back at Emily and Tim’s wide-eyed, horror-stricken faces. Malcolm looked in confusion between them all. Kleo was barely able to control herself as she eyed the queen hungrily. 

Jay’s meta-g had the answer. He didn’t want to look at it. He really didn’t want to. But all the signs were there. His meta-g would only confirm it.

Jay accepted the revelation, which he’d known all along deep down. The reason why Kleo had lied to Malcolm and the CWG agency when they first discovered the Yoroachians.

This was all Jay’s fault.

“The blood,” Jay muttered, shaking his head. “A roach got to the blood I tossed away.”

Out of sight, out of mind….

The Yoroachian Queen’s smile widened further, looking monstrous as she raised her hand. With one dainty wave, two more giant Yoroachians smashed through the ceiling and plummeted in a controlled descent on top of Noir Parade. Another one rose from a giant mushroom patch off to the side. Then a final giant Yoroachian rose from underneath the Noir Parade, having gone completely undetected the entire time they’d stood on it.

[Madly Identifying:] Yoroachian Queen, Lvl ?? –???

[Madly Identifying:] Yoroachian Guardian, Lvl ??–???

Five guardians. One queen. All unknowns. Jay, his team, and their 350 parading kiddies had their work cut out for them in this boss fight.

“[Cloak of Freakish Relativity],” Jay said.

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