Chapter 91: 83.1 A Parade of Monsters (1 of 2)

For a moment between nowhere and eternity, all Tim could do was look around, highly aware of his body moving way too slow compared to his mind going at normal speed. He could watch both of the giant Yoroachians lean down with their multiple big mitts glinting with claws coated in magic.

They were slowed to a halt, too. Those claws hun over Emily and him, ramping up the fear factor for Tim, breaking up all the cement in his basement. He hoped desperately for Jay to run to their rescue.

Maybe Jay’s the black death machine Emily had prayed to, giving the guy who already had ridiculous powers more of a boost.

But Jay didn’t come to Tim and Emily’s rescue.

Time returned to normal without the [Freak] making an appearance.

Tim and Emily remained pinned and about to get clawed up and squished. Tim was left to wonder if this was the moment he’d break down crying and whimpering.

He didn’t of course. He was too much of a Junker for that. So, he held Emily a little tighter and glared at his oncoming death.

Two enormous arms punched through the rock wall above Tim and Emily. They grabbed a Yoroachian each by their heads, throwing pieces of rubble everywhere.

Tim saw the opening presented and ran with everything he got as giant monsters and debris fell all around him. One glance over his shoulder revealed the actual black death machine sprinting right behind him, dragging both guardians through dirt piles, rock mounds, mushroom forests, and everything else in the way. The black death machine smashed, crashed, and roared with a fury that filled Tim with next-level primal fear he’d never felt before. 

Fuuuuuuck!

Tim ran, ran, ran, tripped, tangled up with Emily, picked himself up, picked her up, and ran for the damn porch and the damn kid. He ran for a damn miracle that would end this nightmare once and for all.

At the very least!

The cabin was still intact except for the missing door. The kid was there, looking all wide-eyed but not exactly scared.

Junker kids were made of sterner stuff.

And from here, Tim and Emily could see… uh.

Jay and RoAnna were on the ground right next to each other.

Tim didn’t want to pry, but other than the enormous black death machine tackling the last Yoroachian like a NFL pro linebacker tackling a little girl, there wasn’t anything else on TV. Oh hell, might as well get his dosage of drama.

“Did I provide an adequate fight?” asked RoAnna.

“We got to use [Judging Finger That Cuts Divinity] and [Mana Power Cycle],” Jay said. “And I know now I’m more than just Kleo’s home.”

“So, I made you stronger,” RoAnna said. “Good. Good. At least I’ve served Her well enough. Ignorant as She is, I’m still another one of her pawns. Better Her….”

“Than?” Jay prompted. “Than the System Admins?”

“I can’t say,” RoAnna admitted. “But I think you know who. It’s best we don’t speak further about this. Please.”

Jay chuckled darkly, the [Freak] always finding a way to laugh like a clowning villain straight out of a Batman comic. “You shouldn’t have happened. How can I be so careless?” He turned to look at her. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“Shush, Jay,” RoAnna said. “There’s more at play than just your actions. Again, I can’t say further, but consider it.”

RoAnna raised a mangled hand.

“Please forgive Her, too. And endure Her. The burdens laid upon Her shoulders are the stuff that’ll demean and pulp gods long into their divinity.” RoAnna sighed dreamily. “She is so young. We all are.”

Jay took a deep breath before he tensely asked, “Who destroyed her Pantheon? The System Admins? Their backers?”

Both Tim and Emily leaned in to hear this. Things were quiet now after the black death machine ripped the last giant to pieces with its teeth. It feasted in the background like it was at a buffet.

“I’m not telling you,” RoAnna. “To speak of this will draw the ultimate enemies when we’re… you’re not ready. It must come to light when the revelation is most pivotal.”

“That’s dangerous. Revelations can come out when you least want them.” Speaking from experience, Jay?

“It is the way of the Multiverse System. Levels. Stats. Magic. Story.”

Jay nodded, falling silent. They lay there for a while. Tim wouldn’t dare interrupt. 

RoAnna let out a weary sigh.

“Be done with it, Jay Luckrun. And gain further power for your unruly ambitions.” RoAnna smiled, flashing broken insect teeth that made Tim shudder.

Jay rolled over and mounted Yo… no… RoAnna.

Tim watched as Jay's chest shone with that eerie purple light with a darker bent than his usual gravity light. Since most of his clothes were torn off from all the fighting, Tim could see something squirming around inside Jay's chest. Like an X-ray video of an alien baby.

Was that… Kleo?

Holy shit. She really did live inside of him. That wasn’t just a bullshit joke.

It looked like she was active. Like she was going to break out of Jay’s chest at any moment. Or do something creepy. Whatever she planned, she just kept squirming and crawling around like a demonic imp inside of Jay’s lit-up chest.

“Good fight….” Jay hesitated.

“RoAnna,” Tim said, filling in the blank.

Jay snapped his head up like he was seeing Tim and Emily for the first time. RoAnna looked behind her. She was less beautiful now after taking a whooping, but there was still a lot of grace for a mangled bug lady. Her eyes shone with a strange kindness Tim couldn’t place or understand.

“They are better than any of us can hope for, your Champions,” RoAnna said.

Did RoAnna mean YoAnna’s Champions?

Or was she referring to Jay? That didn’t make any sense. Jay was just another Champion like the rest. Tim almost wanted to ask. But he was glad he didn’t say anything.

“Goodbye, RoAnna,” Jay said before biting her neck.

Tim might’ve blacked out the rest. It reminded him too much of the horrid shit Zombie Boys had done before they got wiped out a while back.

In the end, Jay was standing over RoAnna’s headless corpse, his lower face smeared with dark blood and glimmering hints of white. The lights had that shine to them that reminded Tim of Brit’s Holy Affinity, but grander. Then the lights winked out like a space monster eating the stars at night.

From inside Jay’s chest, Kleo’s demonic laughter sounded out in between slurping, chewing, and disgustingly loud crunching. The sound of her feasting was downright monstrous. Tim might stop thinking of Kleo as a doll-sized babe from here on out. She really was Creepy Kleo.

In Jay’s hand was RoAnna’s head, gripped by the scalp. Her bountiful hair looked sad and less majestic while it dragged on the floor.

Jay followed Tim’s gaze to RoAnna’s hair, then Jay used his gravity magic and made it float behind him instead. For some reason, seeing that lion’s mane of hair float behind Jay made things way too freaky.

The uptown guy looked mortified, absolutely screwed up in the head, and touched by a level of madness that even Rick would find troubling. Then Jay transitioned smoothly into a relaxed demeanor that Tim would call the definition of serial killer scary.

Tim shifted near Emily, ready to grab her and run from Jay. Just in case.

“It’s over,” Jay said. “The boss fight, that is. We have to leave this place and check on the other Champions now.”

“What will happen to the lair?” Emily asked tersely. She was unhappy. Maybe having to see the roach version of your queen get her head bitten off by a Champion was… ugh.

“Most of the incomplete parts will fall apart,” Jay said. “Might cause damage to our world. Might not. But the more solid parts. This boss room, for example. The bioluminescent tunnel, too.  Those may stay.”

“Won’t go like a dungeon?” Emily asked.

“Monster Lairs are half-dimensional realities that work differently than separate pocket dimensions,” Jay said. “That’s what Kleo’s telling me. She’s still busy absorbing her meal, by the way.”

Her meal?

But didn’t he eat…?

Nevermind. Tim wasn’t going to dig into that can of worms any further.

“So, that’s that, then,” Emily said.

“No.” Jay pointed up. “The monsters aren’t reliant on the lair boss. They’re created by her. They follow her. But with her dead, another can take over. Hopefully, the others eradicate them all.” He pointed at the black death machine. “We gotta take her with us. Let’s just say she’s a big reward for this win.”

Then Jay pointed at himself. “And I owe you guys an explanation.”

Emily nodded stiffly. “I might have a gist of what happened. But I will hold complete judgment until I hear the full story with my sisters and the rest of the Champions.”

Jay looked a little less cool. He shrank into himself as if he didn’t kill the boss monster all on his own. And gave her a permanent and gory hickey.

Hell, where was his sword?

Tim looked around. He saw the warped and snapped piece of metal lying off to the side that had once been a sword.

“How?” Tim muttered. “How are you so strong?”

“Titles,” Jay said. “And Kleo and I have ridiculous synergy. And RoAnna was a unique challenge for me. And was Kleo’s prey.”

“Fucking anime bullshit,” Tim cussed.

“Yeah, sure, anime bullshit,” Jay said, turning around to go face the black death machine.

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Tim looked at Emily.

She glared as if she was thrusting cold daggers into Jay’s back. She walked stiffly down the porch and trailed after Jay like a lustfully vengeful wraith. Tim wasn’t sure if he was willing to risk a Divine’s wrath just to have her undivided attention.

Tim looked down at the Junker kid they came here to save.

The kid looked up at Tim like he was down for whatever. No cares.

“I’m Timothy O’Kelly,” Tim introduced. “I’m getting you to your dad. What’s your name?”

“Malcolm.”

Tim clenched his jaw in disbelief. You couldn’t write this shit. And if someone could, fuck that guy. He was an asshole for doing so.

Tim took the kid’s hand. Tim walked the kid over to another strange and scary and unbelievable sight. The kid barely batted an eye. Again, Junker kids were made of sterner stuff.

A giant black gator woman sat happily while she munched on the remains of the Yoroachian Guardians. Surrounding her were the remaining kiddies linked claw to claw and dancing in a circle like some voodoo tribal stuff that George would probably like.

It was as ridiculous as it could get.

A bunch of undead roach girls. Dancing, clapping, holding hands.

And one giant gator girl. Eating, relaxing, and sitting around just fine.

All of them were vibing after so much death and destruction.

Jay walked up to the gator girl like the monster was no big deal.

“Hey, wanna come with us?” the [Freak] asked.

“Raaawr!” She roared before snapping her jaws twice. Thunk! Thunk! 

“Sounds like a yes,” Jay said.

“How do you know?” Tim asked since Emily was as silent as a... grave.

“I can’t exactly say,” Jay answered. “But she’s giving my meta-g good vibes like we unlocked a hugely awesome character in our JRPG. Like. Hugely, hugely awesome. And she gave us the way out, anyway.”

He pointed at the hole the black death machine smashed into existence. Beyond Malcolm’s corpse where it lay undisturbed. Jay paused to acknowledge the body, but he barely showed any emotion.

“He fulfilled his purpose in Emily’s story. The Death Flag. A herald to the noir monster that’ll punch its way to our rescue,” Jay explained. “I didn’t know at the time. But it all makes sense in hindsight.”

“It makes no sense. Whatsoever. And Malcolm’s dead because of us.” Tim huffed, feeling moody.

“But I’m alive,” Kid Malcolm said. “You saved me.”

Tim rubbed his hand over his face. He walked himself into that one, didn’t he?

“Old Malcolm wanted you to call his family, Jay,” Emily said through gritted teeth.

Jay’s calm facade broke for a second. A quiver passed through his eyes. Then he hardened up better than most Junkers. Jay forced a smile back on his face that was a little unnerving.

“Fine,” Jay said.

He looked up to the gator girl as she stood to her full height of three dozen feet. That didn’t include the huge tail sweeping behind her. Or the strangely scaled dreadlocks streaming from the back of her head. Her locks were nearly as long as her tail.

Why did a gator girl have scaled dreadlocks? Was that a monster girl thing? Was this what Jay wanted to show him and Rick?

Weird.

Rick might be into it, though.

“It’s the only way it can have hair like the original,” Jay said, creeping Tim out with his super-advanced sensory abilities. “Sorry, I just saw you looking at the hair and inferred you were thinking about it. Gatanna… yeah, I’m calling her, Gatanna… so, yeah, she seems just as vain as YoAnna, too.”

Gatanna took a tiny mushroom hat from one of the kiddies and placed it on her head. The monster looked at Jay expectantly.

“It looks good on you,” Jay complimented.

“Raaaawr!” Thunk! Thunk!

Was that her cheering?

“How does she even exist?” Tim asked.

Jay shrugged. “Blood. Rain. Sewer gators?”

Tim nodded. That would make sense even if he wasn’t sure why blood was involved in all of this. Was YoAnna giving away free blood just for it to end in the trash and down the sewers?

Must be a deity fetish thing. She should keep that at home and to herself. Her fetish was getting people killed.

“Can we go?” Emily grunted.

Jay nodded. He motioned for Gatanna, the giant black dreadlocked gator girl to follow. Then Jay turned for the exit with RoAnna’s head tightly gripped at his side, her hair wavering around like a grisly flag that trailed behind the [Freak].

“Raaawr!” Thunk! Thunk!

Huh, that actually might be a yes or affirmative, after all.

Or Gatanna wouldn’t follow after Jay, shaking the earth with her rumbling steps. The fifty kiddies remaining moved the parade alongside their new gator monster friend. They were trying to have fun while hauling a bunch of mushrooms, knickknacks, and souvenirs nabbed throughout this long lair crawl.

Tim looked over to the kiddies’ death momma and didn’t like the look on her face. He felt nervous for the kiddies.

“They’ve served their purpose, haven’t they?” Emily asked coldly. She raised her hand toward the kiddies. “I can end them now so they wouldn’t be a blight seen by our world. We’ve already introduced too many of those.”

Tim reached out and grabbed her forearm. She whipped her head around and looked at him as if he shouldn’t dare touch her.

But Tim dared because he couldn’t let the kiddies be wiped out just like that. The kiddies had followed, fought, and worked alongside Team Noir. The kiddies had spread joy, created stuff, innovated on ideas for more fun and comfort, and given Team Noir lots of entertainment value that kept getting zanier and interesting. The kiddies weren’t just stupid undead. They were the Corpse Kiddie Parade. Nobody knew how long they’d last. But the kiddies deserved to keep partying until it was time for the death energy to run out or for them to lose their death-life for the Champions in a different battle.

“They did good work. Let them be,” Tim said, crunching down everything on his mind to a few lines.

Emily’s challenging glare was crushing. Her Conviction was huge in comparison to him. She was stronger than him, and a Rank 2. All Tim could do was make a suggestion to a more powerful Champion. And, to his fortune, the Death [Medium] listened. 

She didn’t kill her dead kiddies. Or re-kill them.

Emily reached for her glasses, but they weren’t there, so she reached into her dirty, ragged, wet, ripped-up sweater, and found her metal case for smokes. Two remained.

“None for Jay,” she said bitterly, giving Tim one.

The [Fighter] felt his hopes rise that they might share a single. Instead, she mouthed the last for herself. They sparked up.

Kid Malcolm made annoying grunting noises to have a ciggy. He was a few years too young for that. If he was ten, then Tim would’ve shared. Ten was the proper age for Junker kids to start smoking.

“I need magical therapy,” Tim said as they fell behind the happy monster parade.

“Talk to Brit,” Emily said between drafts.

“She’s busy.”

“She’s your teammate.”

“And she’s busy.” Tim shrugged.

Brit was also hard to talk to. Rick liked talking to her. But Rick could endure her when she got into her holier-than-thou moods. Tim, not so much. 

Maybe he should just do as usual. Make a new cement basement. And get high. Very, very, high.

He really should after this crawl.

Because he was following behind an odd, grisly, and monstrous procession born from a crawl so damning, it was kinda worse than the Ratling Bog Dungeon. Because actual people were involved–and this might be the fault of the Champions somehow. And this parade of monsters was led by one of the Champions’ biggest monsters, an uptowner named Jay Luckrun, the friend of the other great Champion monster, Lilith Hernandez.

Those two should never be on a team together, honestly.

Some bastards deserved really bad deaths. Monsters, especially. But Jay and Lilith would be an apocalyptic reckoning like no other. Tim wouldn’t wish on his worst enemies. It was a wonder how that Mike kid was friends with those two. Mike didn't fit in with all the craziness surrounding Lilith, Jay, and even YoAnna. Especially Jay right now.

At least Malcolm’s corpse was getting one hell of an unofficial wake as the kiddies carried him out like a hero. Better than what most people would get, especially Junkers. Tim would rather be on the right side of the ground than get a hero’s farewell carried out by the undead. Especially if it meant he would avoid getting human sacrificed.

Tim built another cement basement in his head. The foundations were pretty bad. Lots of cracks forming. Might fall into a sinkhole. He should talk to somebody about that. But Tim figured more cement would work anyway.

 

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