Chapter 1: Episode One – Hare The God

The Hare Show - Episode One Hare The God

 

*The following show is very rude, crude, and filled with racial, ethnic, and political slurs. if you don’t like snarky  characters, edgy humor, or stereotypes. This show isn’t for you and remember these are jokes, not political statements.*

 

Hare Thomas was walking down the street from a friend’s house, with his hands in his pocket when all of a sudden a man ran up with a gun. “Put all the money in the bag” The Robber shouts, “Bro, i don’t mean to be rude, but why are you stealing from a highschool” Hare says. “Put the money in the bag” Hare mocks.

 

“What money I’m a fucking highschooler” Hare says, “If I hear one more word come out of your ass, I’m shooting it” The Robber says. “Words don’t come out the ass they come out the mou-” Hare gets cut off and falls over”, “Shit now I gotta run” The Robber panics “I knew I should’ve gotten a gun license.”

 

[Three days later]

 

“God please let hare rest in heaven” Rabbit prays, “But Wabbit you and I both know that Hawe, is not going to heaven” Bunny says, “Yeah you’re not wrong” Rabbit says.

 

Then all of a sudden, as if it was a string of luck the electrocardiographic heart monitor starts to beep faster and faster. Bunny and Rabbit look up, Rabbit proceeds to punch Lepus and he looks up “Oh he’s just coming back to life” Lepus says looking at his phone again.

 

“They come out of the mouth” Hare shouts suddenly after waking up “Wait where did he go”, “Who?” Rabbit asks. “The Robber, a man tried to rob me, then I got shot, then I saw Kobe Bryant, and Michael Jackson even though I thought he was on an island with Tupac and Biggie Smalls, and I’m in a hospital now” Hare says.

 

“You died” Rabbit explains to him “You’ve been dead for three days”, “Oh wow” Hare says, then he looks up and mumbles “This is a sign”, “What sign?” Rabbit shouts. “A sign that I’m a god” Hare shouts as he jumps on top of his Hospital bed “I AM GOD” Hare shouts.

 

“Sit down Sonic.Exe” Lepus says, “HAH, I don’t have to listen to your weeb ass anymore, I’m god” Hare exclaims “Look at me!”, “You know I really regret wanting him to come back to life” Rabbit says, “What did you see when you died?” Bunny asks. “Fire and lots of it” Hare says, grabbing bunny’s face and pulling it towards him “I don’t know why, but Heaven’s bright”, “What else did you see” Rabbit asks. “I saw brimstone and tons of it” Hare continues.

 

“You were in the Nether” Lepus says, “Yeah because I totally know what the nether is” Hare says with a sarcastic tone. “The Nether is the equivalent of Hell in the Minecraft universe” Lepus says, “Oh why didn’t you just say Hell” Hare says, “Well if you weren’t such a normie you would know what the Nether is” Lepus says.

 

“Whatever Lepus, once I tap into my powers of godhood I will take over this world, and reclaim it” Hare shouts and exclaims, “But Hawe, you awen’t a god” Bunny says. “Yes I am” Hare shouts, “I don’t mean to be rude” Rabbit interrupts “but all you did was survive a gunshot, you can’t be a god.”

 

“Ok rabbit maybe your fucking retarded so let me explain, I died and woke back up on the third day like guess guess” Hare says, “Who” Rabbit says. “Jesus, son of god or just another prophet if your a terrorist” Hare says, “So what does that mean?” Bunny says.

 

“That means I’m god” Hare shouts as he runs out of the hospital room. “I have a bad feeling about this” Rabbit says, “I think this could go gweat” Bunny remarks.

 

[That Night]

Rabbit walks into the house and closes the door behind him “So, i got the groceries and,” he says as he turns around “Hare what the fuck are you doing” Rabbit asks, Hare is on a cross, crucifying himself “As you can see I am dying for your sins” Hare answers.

 

“Dumbass” Rabbit says “Nigga get your ass down”, “No, Bitch who do you think you are, you must think your Peter telling me to get down off this” Hare says “What’s next your gonnna deny me three times and run off like a little bitch.”

 

“Hare you are not Jesus, what sense are you dying for?” Rabbit shouts, “Well see Jesus was supposed to come a second time so i assume that he is resetting the process for the next generation cause we have technology n‘ shit” Hare answers.

 

“Goddamn your fucking retarded” Rabbit says facepalming, “hey bitch fag don’t use my name in vain” Hare says “OW” hare shouts. “What's wrong?” Rabbit asks, “Being crucified hurts, get me down from here” Hare remarks, groaning in pain.

 

Rabbit gets hare down and proceeds to talk to him “So, how was the dying for our sins” Rabbit asks, “Shut the fuck up, I’m still a god” Hare says.

 

[School Lunch]

“Hello Table of the heroes” Hare shouts, “What bullshit is it this time?” Fairy asks. “I’m a god” Hare says, “Blasphemy” Omar shouts “Muhammed is the one true god”, “Muhammed can suck this big, hairy, sweaty ballsack” Hare thomas shouts across the cafeteria. “Say that again I dare you” Omar shouts.

 

“Muhammed can suck my big, hairy, sweaty ballsack” Hare Thomas shouts. Omar gets up then leaves. “How are you even a God?” Fairy asks, “I got shot; died then came back the third day” Hare says. “Wow that’s really hot Hare” Yunda says, “You everything he does it hot Yunda” Fairy remarks.

 

“Because everything he does is hot” Yunda says “he’s so cool I even have a jar full of his farts”, “Well, since this is your religion will gays be accepted in your religion” Sugondese asks, “G-gay people” Hare says “I don’t hate the gays, I really don’t but I don’t want any of our people to get sexually assaulted.”

 

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“You homophobic asshole” Sugondese shouts throwing his tray away, “Fuck you Honkey” Hare shouts. “So Sir-fags-alot what are you gonna do now that your god?” Joskin asks, “I don’t know” Hare says “I want to build a church”, “A church isn’t that for christians” Joskin asks “if you're a god you should rename christianity to something cool like Joskinism” Joskin shouts.

 

“I’m the god your just my prophet” Hare says “I’ll rename it to Exceler8tion”, “But why” Joskin asks.

 

“That's my gamer tag” Hare responds “Now let’s build that church”, “I already know the answer to this question but can I go into heaven” Eddy asks. “Fuck off Eddy” Everyone shouts in unison “Nobody likes you.”

 

[Hares house after school]

 

“Alright gang I want a picture of my Ballsack right there on top of the door” Hare orders, “But, nobody else deserves to see you or touch your balls except for me” Yunda says, scarily. “But, I don’t remember you ever doing that to me?” Hare questions, “You don’t remember what happens when you're asleep” Yunda says.

 

“That’s terrifying” Hare says, “Nigga has me painting a 69 on the church door this shit is retarded” Joskin remarks. “Hey you’re not Black or special ed you can’t say that” Wendy shouts, “Fuck off nobody cares about your Political corret culture you dumb bitch get off your period” Joskin replies.

 

“Bong Chang bing bong bong ching chong?” Ling Ling asks, “What is he asking? I don’t speak chinese” Hare says. “He’s asking do you believe in dragons” Fairy answers, “What that shit first graders believe in no way” Hare responds. Ling Ling's face gets bunched up “Bing Bong Bong chong chong chang choing” Ling Ling slams the paintbrush on the ground then leaves.

 

“Ayo my Nigga check this shit out don’t that shit look fresh Dawg” Jamal says, “Let’s go” Hare says “You spraypained an Uzi!!! Good job”, “Hey Nigger get over here” Jeff says.

 

 “Yeah Jeff?” Hare asks, “I made this for your Jigaboo ass” Jeff says. “Oh that’s a burning cross” Hare says, “That’s right fits your lazy cotton picker ass” Jeff says, “Ok get him out of here” Hare orders. “Sure lets beat this Honkey” Joskin shouts, cracking his knuckles.

 

“Nigga I wanna take a break” Jamal says, “Oh you wanna take a break?” Hare asks. “Yes Nigga I wanna take a break foo” Jamal shouts, “Oh really? Sure you just won’t get into my kingdom of heaven?” Hare says. “Nigga I’m sick of this work” Jamal shouts, “I’m god your a fucking following, dicksucking pathetic loser” Hare says sternly.

 

“Fuck your bitch ass” Jamal shouts leaving.

 

“Tomorrow is Saturday. I want to be different and unique. I'm opening my church” Hare says “Be there Yunda, Joskin, Fairy, and get whoever else wants to come.”

 

[Church]

“Wow we have a crowd here” Hare asks, “hey did you make this church yourself?” Bunny asks. “Oh yeah” Hare says, “What no we painted this church you did nothing but bark orders like a dog” Fairy shouts, “Get off your period” Joskin shouts. “Yeah fuck off” Hare says, “Fine” Fairy packs her stuff and leaves.

 

“Hare, why did you paint a 69 on our house” Rabbit asks, “Look at the crowd” Hare says “My very own church.”

 

“Wow that’s like 10 people” Rabbit says, “Well no shit you can count” Hare remarks. “Hey what are those sounds coming from outside” Rabbit says, “My audience” Hare shouts he runs out onto the patio only to get struck with a rock.

 

“Get him” Sugondese shouts, Hare runs back inside “Someone just tried to kill me” Hare says scared for his life. “Damn that's rough,” Joskin says. “I’m scared” Bunny shouts running off, “I wanna watch Demon Slayer so I’m going” Lepus walks out the room, “I love you Hare” Rabbit says “But I love bunny more see ya.”

 

“You two won’t leave me right?” Hare asks, “Two people will never leave you, your bro and your hoe” Joskin remarks “But I’m leaving cause I like living and you didn’t name the religion after me. However, I’ll tell you this if you want to live. I suggest you tell everyone you're not a god but are just a human”, “But I am” Hare says. “You're not, the whole reason I stuck with you was because I was bored” Joskin remarks.

 

“He’s right” Hare says “Yunda lets face this together”, “Sure thing Daddy” Yunda answers. Yunda and Hare hold hands as they both walk out onto the patio rocks and stones are thrown at them. Hare grabs a microphone and sighs “People of the town named Own” Hare mumbles “I am no god, I am but a human.”

“You still insulted Muhammed” Omar shouts, throwing a bomb at them. “I know” Hare says, dodging the explosion “I should be the one sucking the Big, hairy, Ballsack not you guys I’ve been wrong this whole time I’m sorry Sugondese, Jamal, Jeff, Fairy, Rabbit,Omar and whoever else I pissed off, except for you Eddy”

 

“Hey” Eddy shouts, “Can you blame him Faggot?” Joskin asks. “Can we just be friends again” Hare says “Back when we would beat up on Eddy, call him a Pussy or whatever we wanted”, “We forgive you” Fairy shouts through a megaphone. The crowd rejoices and Hare jumps down from the patio, and everyone is happy.

 

[The next day]

“I’m so glad you stopped thinking you were a god” Rabbit says, “Yeah if i kept going who knows what would’ve happened” Hare says. “What wewe you gonna do if you kept thinking you wewe a god” Bunny asks. “I was going to walk in crocodile infested lakes to prove I’m a god,” Hare remarks.

 

“Oh that’s not good” Rabbit says, “I know” Hare responds.

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