Chapter 16: The Hare Show – Tweedlegoth and TweedleEmo

[The Ice Cream Shop]

 

“Kweeny you should really buy some Ice Cream” Hare says “This shit slaps”, “Ew no way, Sugar causes me to break out in hives” Kweeny holds the mirror up to her face.

 

“Hu hu hu” Alexandre flaunts “but don’t we all want nice, gooey, chocolatey goodness”, “Dude your breathe is so bad it actually makes the ice cream taste worse” Hare says “Shut up”, “Last Time I ate chocolate, I couldn’t go to school I looked really ugly” Kweeny responds.

 

“Hey Hare check it out I got my ice cream shaped like your head” Yunda tells Hare, “Oh wow that is really interesting, how did you pull that off? I thought they didn't make custom orders, and changed the shape of their ice cream?” Hare asks.

 

“Oh anything is a possible if you tell them there is a bomb in the building” Yunda suggests, “There is a like bomb in the building, my hair will get ruined” Kweeny shouts. “That would be for the best” Hare remarks, All of a sudden Alexandre, Hare, Yunda, and Kweeny hear crying behind the building.

“Hey does anyone hear that crying” Hare says, “Hu hu hu we should go check it out” Alexandre suggests, “no I do not want to be anywhere near the loud ass crying” Kweeny shouts.

 

Hare grabs her hand and they check out the crying.

 

They approach the shadowy figure, “You know I am starting to regret moi’s decision” Alexandre remarks, “Oh now you do” Kweeny responds.

 

Hare jumps in, and Yunda follows him and they are all shocked “TOM!” Hare shouts “Why are you crying”, “B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-because sh-sh-she doe-doesn’t looooooove meeee” Tom cries “I’m go-go-gonna sl-slit my wri-sts”, “Make sure to do it vertically, horizontally makes you look like an attention seeker” Hare shouts.

 

“Hare” Alexandre shouts “I am applaud”, “What I’m just trying to help him” Hare responds. “Anyway who doesn’t love you Emo Face?” Kweeny asks, “I’m Goth you Plastic Bitch, and it’s the love of my life Charlotte” Tom answers.

“You mean the other weird Emo” Kweeny asks, “She was also goth, we were dating, but then she decided to be an Emo Kid and she left me” Tom shouts, “Yeah oh no not Emos” Hare says, sarcastically.

 

“You don’t fucking understand” Tom shouts, as he goes back to crying. “Well, We can’t leave him here to cry” Hare says, “Uhh yes we can” Kweeny shouts, “Shut up and stop disagreeing with Hare Thomas, we are gonna help Tom no matter what” Yunda says.

 

“No matter what” Hare says, “Yes No matter what” Yunda responds, “Good let's go to fairy’s house” Hare demands, “Ugh” Yunda shouts “I hate that red headed bitch.”

 

“I as a french person value love, after all my Country is known as the country of love” Alexandre states, “Oh I would love to come, but I have a nail appointment, bye” Kweeny dashes off.

 

[Fairy’s House]

 

“Hare, what are you doing here?” Fairy asks, Fairy notices Hare dragging Tom as Tom squeals in sadness. “Listen here you redheaded bitch you are going to help Tom, because Hare told you to” Yunda states, “yeah I was gonna do that anyway lol” Fairy says “but whatever I’ll help”

 

[Fairy’s bedroom]

 

“So why is Tom sad?” Fairy asks, “because he is bitchless,” Hare explains. “Yeah really funny” Fairy says, “No seriously his girlfriend left him” Hare continues, “Huhuhuhuhu it was such a tragedy” Alexandre says.

 

“His girlfriend is Charlotte right?” Fairy asks, “My girlfriend was Charlotte” Tom cries, “Ok, I can create a robot version that will be madly in love with you” Fairy explains.

 

“Please dooo” Tom shouts, “Alright” Fairy says “let me get to work.”

 

[Thirty Minutes later]

 

“Ok I introduce you to Charlotte-Bot or Charbot” Fairy shouts, “What does it do?” Hare asks, “When I turn this thing on the first person it sees will be the first person it will fall in love with, pretty sure I already explained that like thirty mintues ago” Fairy states.

 

“Shut the fuck up” Hare shouts “Anyway start the robot”, Fairy pushes a button, and a thought runs through Hare’s head.

 

“Yunda is a psycho girlfriend and she is hot, why have one when you can have two” Hare thinks to himself, Hare gets a dangerous grin. Hare jumps into the robots vision, the robot scans Hare Thomas.

 

“Hare, what are you doing?” Fairy asks, Then Charlotte-Bot dashes towards Hare, and kisses him.

 

“Not even the robot wants me” Tom shouts, crying and running off.

 

“Hare are you kidding me?” Fairy shouts, “Nope I wanted two crazy girls in love with me” Hare explains “Ouch the robot is hugging me too tight”, “get away from my boyfriend” Yunda shouts jumping the robot ripping off its head and everything else.

 

“Sweet a cat fight” Hare shouts, “hahahah ah yes very interesting” Alexandre agrees with Hare.

 

Yunda ultimately overpowers the robot, and smiles “No one gets with hare” Yunda threatens, she turns to leave, and the robot reforms. “Hare Thomas” The robot shouts, grabbing the back of Yunda’s neck and slamming her into the ground.

“Wha-why is it indestructible” Hare shouts, “Simple if she is supposed to be Tom’s love we can’t have her break easily, Tom has anger issues” Fairy explains. “What have I told you about making Indestructible robots” Hare says, “Ugh Robots that are indestructible are oftentimes a nightmare to deal with” Fairy quotes Hare word for word.

 

“Look where is the remote so this thing will shut off and stop fighting Yunda?” Hare asks, “Oh right here” Fairy holds up the remote with a smile on her face.

 

Only for a knife to go flying through the robot and it slams into the remote. “YUNDA” Fairy shouts, “Whoops sorry” Yunda apologizes “but it wasn’t important”, “Yes it was it turned off the robot” Fairy explains.

 

“OH NO” Yunda shouts, “Do you have a backup plan?” Hare asks, “Yes if Tom falls in love with someone other than Charlotte-bot, the robot will explode” Fairy explains.

 

“Ok well I have a plan” hare shouts, “Not a good sign” Fairy remarks.

 

“Ok so Yunda, Alexandre, and Fairy you guys need to go find Charlotte to change her mind, and I will stay behind to distract the robot” Hare explains, “yeah no this is starting to sound like a personal problem so Ima dip” Fairy leaves the room,as she grabs a box.

 

“Ok well uhh it sucks I guess” Hare explains, “hare are you sure you will be safe with this Bitchy Bimbo Bot” Yunda asks, “yeah I’m stuck with you aren’t I” Hare answers, “Ahhhh … thats cute” Yunda hearts starts to warm up.

 

“If I may ask, distract le robot from what mon amour” Alexandre asks, “Just go” Hare shouts.

 

Yunda grabs Alexandre and bolts off.

 

Hare then turns to the robot and grins “Alexandre almost blew my cover, hey CharCharBot wanna fuck?” Hare asks.

 

[Ten Minutes Later]

 

“Where the fuck is charlotte” Yunda asks, “If mi memory serves me correcto I believe that Charlotte may be at the Mall” Alexandre answers. “Then lets get there” Yunda continues running, and Alexandre starts following.

 

[The Mall]

“Charlotte” Yunda shouts, “Yunda is talking to me” Charlotte starts hyperventilating. “Char you ok?” Alexandre asks, “Oh uh yeah i am” Charlotte responds “What is the problem?”

 

“We need you to date Tom again” Yunda states, “Why?” Charlotte asks.

 

“Well milady first Tom was crying behind the ice cream shop” Alexandre says.

 

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“Normal Tom Behavior, I’m following” Charlotte interrupts.

 

“So we decided to take him to Fair, and fairy made a robotic Clone of you so it’ll fall in love with Tom” Yunda continues.

 

“Ok now I’m having trouble following” Charlotte interrupts again.

 

“But The robot scanned hare instead of Tom, and the only reason to get rid of the Robot is for you to love Tom again” Yunda finishes the explanation, “Ok fine I will be with Tom” Charlotte answers.

 

Yunda and Alexandre dances.

 

“Under one condition” Charlotte interrupts them, “I’ll do anything, what is it?” Yunda asks, “I won’t do much,” Alexandre says.

 

“Yunda you will be my girlfriend” Charlotte says, Yunda passes out.

 

“Yundal, Yundal, Welp I’m surrendering” Alexandre holds up a convenient white flag, and leaves.

 

Yunda gets up, and grabs Alexandre’s leg “We are not giving up. I hate disappointing Daddy Hare, I will be your girlfriend” Yunda shouts, giving charlotte a dead stare.

 

“Good meet me here at 6:00 PM” Charlotte throws a slip of paper on her. “Well this is a special occasion” Alexandre remarks, “Maybe it’s special enough to wear some mouthwash you cheese eating surrendering rat” Yunda shouts.

 

“Listen here Yundal I personally believe-” Alexandre gets cut off, “I don’t care about what you believe you have done nothing of worth so far, If I could I would beat you up” Yunda shouts.

 

“And this is exatcly why I surrendar” Alexandre says “I hate pain”, “You also hate a goddamn toothbrush” Yunda stomps off.

 

[3:00 PM]

 

“Fairy help me please” Yunda begs, “Well, well, well the girl who hates me now needs my help huh?” Fairy taunts Yunda “Sure thing I will help out only so I can stop hearing robotic moans”, “Thank you”

 

[Fairies Room]

 

“Ew it smells nearly as bad as Alexandre” Yunda says covering her nose, “Welcome to sex school all of the rules you need to know about sex” Fairy says, “Can I use my knives?” Yunda asks, “Depends on the type of person,” Fairy says.

 

“Madam perhaps Charlotte just wants a date and not a sex time” Alexadnre says, “Oh please everytime Yunda comes by, Charlotte freezes up she has Yunda pictures in her locker” Fairy explains.

 

“Wha-what” Yunda shouts, “you never noticed” Fairy says in confusion “Whatever let's continue this”, “No way stalking people is weird” Yunda says, “Oh but stalking Hare isn’t?” Fairy asks.

 

“Fine I don’t like charlotte but if It’ll fix crybaby tom its worth it” Yunda sits down.

 

[5:00 PM]

 

“Ok so are you ready?” Fairy asks, “I’m more than ready” Yunda says, lightheaded.

 

They get a doorbell ring.

 

“KWEENY” Fairy shouts, “Oh like hey guys, are you dweebs still trying to fix Tom?” Kweeny asks, “We are almost done” Yunda shouts jumping over Kweeny.

 

Yunda dashes towards the restaurant, Kweeny, Alexandre, Fairy, Hare, and Charlotte bot follow, Hare drags Tom across the concrete.

 

[The restaurant]

 

“You know sometimes I forget she is goth” Yunda says looking at the big sign.

 

The sign reads Demonic Dragon, “Who cares just go in” Hare pushes Yunda in. 

 

“Hey the robot wants to do it in public huh?” Hare says, “OMG like please like don’t” Kweeny protests.

 

[The date]

 

“So when do we have sex?” Yunda asks, “Oh no I’m a christian I get married before I have sex” Charlotte says, “You are also a goth lesbian” Yunda remarks.

 

“So what gay christians exist” Charlotte says, “No they don’t” Yunda protests “there is literally a verse in the bible saying otherwise”, “Not if you cut that part out” Charlotte remarks.

 

Yunda slams her knife on the table, “I have a knife just like that” Charlotte responds, “Please no sharp objects in the restaurant” Eddy says in a waiter outfit.

 

Yunda throws her knife at him, the knife goes through a window.

 

“Hey guys look I’m riding my bike” Pierre says cheerfully, only for a knife to deflate his tires.

 

“I’ll show you Charlotte you either get with Tom, or I’ll kill you” Yunda threatens, Hare runs in “Yunda you can’t do that” Hare shouts, Kweeny grins “look Charlotte if you don’t want to be with Tom you don’t have to” Kweeny says. 

 

Charlotte kisses Yunda, and leaves.

 

“Great, now how will we fix Tom?” Hare asks “Kweeny where are you going”, “Tom are you ok?” Kweeny asks, “I’m still heartbroken about Charlotte” Tom cries, “it’ll be ok there are plenty more fish in the sea” Kweeny grabs Tom’s face then she sighs.

 

“And I like really like uh I like you” Kweeny stutters, “maybe you're right I should get over Charlotte” TOm gets up.

 

“REALLY IT WAS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE” Hare shouts, “Wow sometimes I over-think” Fairy says, “and sometimes I don’t think at all” Hare remarks.

 

Tom kisses Kweeny, which causes Charlotte-bot to spaz out, and explode.

 

“Oh man decapitation” Eddy says, screwing his head back on. A bolt hits him “Well atleast my day get any worse” Eddy turns to leave only for a rug to slowly surround him.

 

“Yes we did it” Yunda shouts, “And we made love happen” Alexandre takes a big bit out of his celebratory croissant.

 

“That was a waste of time” Fairy says.

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