Chapter 3: The Hare Show – Penny’s Magic

[The Lunchtable]

 

“Yeah, then while I was cooking somebody said “‘that smells good’ and I’m like well duh I’m cooking” Roger says, stuffing a hotdog down his throat. “No offense Roger, but didn’t you say that you lived alone?” Hare asks. “N-No what absurdity is that, I’m throwing my plate away” Roger says, furious “You calling me a liar”, “No Master Roger” hare says, quivering.

 

“Take my Business card” Roger demands as he rubs his shirt and leaves.

 

Roger leaves, but Penny barges through the door “Guys look” Penny shouts. “Look” Penny shouts, Everyone in the cafeteria looks at Penny, and then they go back to eating. “Why is no one looking?” Penny asks, with a sad face. 

 

“Because every lunch period you show up to show your faggy retarded ass magic trick we look and it never happens!” Joskin shouts, “That's because you're not waiting long enough” Penny explains. “Yeah sure totally, I’d totally wanna wait seven minutes for your stupid ass magic trick yeah defintally” Torch says, sarcastically.

 

“Fireball!” Penny shouts, “H-h-honey i-i-i th-think you you are cr-crazy” Reggie stutters. “No I’m not crazy, you’re all crazy for not watching” Penny rebuttals, “I’m leaving” Fairy states. Everyone gets up and throws away their trays except for Hare, Joskin, and Jeff, “Why are you guys here?” Penny asks crying, “We’re just bored” Joskin answers “So cast a spell.”

 

Penny jumps with glee “You won’t regret this!” Penny exclaims “You will not, FIREBALL”, “So we just wait seven minutes?” Hare asks, “Yeah” Penny answers “Trust me.”

 

[Seven Minutes later]

 

“You know this is bullshit right” Hare says, getting up, but as he is about to leave; A fireball goes flying past him hitting Eddy. “Goddamn it fucking fireball” Eddy shouts. Hare, Joskin, and Jeff look at Penny with surprise and then they huddle together.

 

“We could make money off of this” Hare mumbles, “Yeah every wish costs a dollar” Joskin says, rubbing his hands together and a smug smirk. “Then we use that money to take over the world I pump all of it into the Nazis, they return and I get to meet my Idol Adolf Hitler” Jeff thinks to himself, then accidently lets out a crazy laugh “HAHAHAHHAHAHA” Jeff laughs.

 

Hare looks at him disgusted, “you didn’t tell us you had tourettes” Joskin says. “So what do you think?” Penny asks, “ba-babe th-th-that was incre-e-e-e-edi-bl-y” Reggie shouts, twitching. “Move out the way Queer Lord” Joskin shouts “Me and Hare has an incredible idea we create a business where every wish costs a dollar”, “Yeah i see nothing wrong with this” Hare says.

 

“B-b-b-but we nee-need to ta-take in-into con-si-deration” Reggie stutters “L-like th-the go-goverme-ment hu-huntin-ting her d-d-down f-for p-p-powers” Reggie runs around. “Oh please, Reginald you worry way too much trust me this will work just fine” Penny reassures him, “Wha-what what if so-som-some-one use-uses your p-p-powers for evilllll AHHHHHHH” Reggie runs back around and around. “Can someone give this boy some Adderall?”  Joskin shouts, pointing at Reggie. “No can do last time we gave him Adderall he got addicted” Penny says.

 

[kindergarten]

 

“Adderall, Adderall,Adderall” Reggie scratches his arm aggressively “I NEED Adderall, you with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is there Adderall in there?” Reggie’s teeth clatter.

 

[present day]

 

“Oh yeah, isn’t that where he got the Nickname Adderall Andy from?” Joskin asks, “That and the fact how he really needs Adderall” Penny answers.

 

[ten minutes later]

“Ok so here is the booth” Penny says showing it off, “Dude We are gonna make so much cash” Joskin says. “But before we continue is there anything you can’t wish for?” Hare asks, “I can’t wish for Money everytime i try it says ‘trying to take the easy path in life’, but I can wish for anything else” Penny says. 

 

Jeff lets a smile and then says “You know you should give us all powers just incase your sick”, “Wow thats a great Idea” Hare says “I usually don’t expect good ideas to come out of your mouth only conservative shit”, “Ok” Penny shouts “I wish Hare, Jeff, and Reggie had powers.”, “Why not me” Joskin demands. “Because you’d plunge the world into world war three” Penny says.

 

“Open business” Penny shouts as she sits down “Go spread the word.”

 

They all leave, and start looking for customers.

 

[four minutes later]

“Hey my good friend Tom what’s up” Hare asks, “Not my self-esteem” Tom answers. “Well guess what, you can wish for your self esteem to go up” Hare says excited, “Can I wish for the creator of Hot Topic to go to the most terrible place on earth and his business and all the workers to slowly die out to a plague that will then be brought upon their families and as I slowly watch as Orv Madden slowly die, he falls and then he burns in hell for all eternity but not cool hell with Cthulhu and Satan no bad hell with lame people and all the conformists?” Tom asks, “you shouldn’t but you can” Hare says.

 

[Meanwhile]

“Hey Eddy you fucking nerd” Joskin shouts “Join Penny’s magic thingy majigy or else i’ll give you a swirly.

 

[later that day]

“Hey Tom, so here to make a wish” Penny asks, “Yes, I wish for high self esteem” Tom says. “Great, fantastic” Penny says, snapping her fingers. “I still feel like shit” Tom says “you lied to me”, “No, no you don’t understand wait seven minutes and it’ll work” Penny says, Tom grabs her shirt and balls up his fist “I’d punch you twice one for not wearing black and two for scamming me however I’ll wait these seven faggy minutes”

 

[Seven Minutes later]

“Woah I don’t feel like shit” Tom gets up and starts dancing “Has my dancing always been this good” Tom runs towards Penny with a megaphone in his hand “Everyone Penny isn’t bullshitting she is magical give her a dollar, and she’ll cast any wish”

 

Everyone is standing there shocked, “By the way” Tom says “could you perhaps put the creator of Hot Topic to go to the most terrible place on earth and his business and all the workers to slowly die out to a plague that will then be brought upon their families and as I slowly watch as Orv Madden slowly die, he falls and then he burns in hell for all eternity but not cool hell with Cthulhu and Satan no bad hell with lame people and all the conformists?”

 

“Wh-what i can’t do it that's immoral” Penny says, “yes sir” Joskin interrupts Penny “yes we can”, “What are you doing?” Penny asks, “Doing what your too scared to do the brave wishes now I’ll go back inside and read a book about slavery with Jamal see ya” Joskin leaves.

 

“Yeah I gotta go to breakfast I don’t want Rabbit getting on his little talk” Hare says, leaving. “D-D-D-D-D-D-Don’t w-worry b-babe I-i g-g-g-got you” Reggie says.

 

“Thank you Reggie, now let's get a wish solved” Penny shouts.

 

“Yes Can you give me a dildo that will fulfill what I want” Fairy asks,

“Give me a plushie of hare thomas completely detailed.” Yunda demands “before I kill you”

 “I wish that I could be the best Prankstar,” Xavier shouts.

 “I wish I was American,” Cacrizarp says, sadly

 

 “fhawfhsfkasofiawj binga bong bong bong” Ling Ling says, “I don’t understand but ok” Penny says.

 

“I wish to be respe-” Eddy says, “Boo boo boo boo boo boo get him out” Penny shouts.

 

“I wish that Monika was real” Lepus demands.

 

Mime shakes his hands vigorously, “Uh huh yeah” Penny says, sarcastically.

 

“I wish tha *Pause* that *Pause* Alcohol cho *pause* Alcohol was in-finite please” Craig says, before vomiting into a nearby trash can.

 

[The next day, at school]

Penny walks down as she hears cheering, upon cheering from her peers. Hare and Joskin run up to join her. “Hey wanna eat lunch with us?” Hare asks, Penny gasps “yes, yes i would love to eat lunch with you, I usually only eat it with Reggie” Penny exclaims.

 

Hare and Joskin both leave, and then Reggie approaches Penny shortly after “H-h-ey P-penny I g-g-g-g-g-g-got your fa-a-vorite sn-ack, its Sh-sh-sugar with added S-ugar, to the average person it's too sw-sweet and would cause your t-teeth to fall out, but you l-like it. Wanna s-sit tog-ge-ether at l-l-lunch tod-day again perhaps?” Reggie asks.

 

“Sorry i got invited to Sit with Hare and Joskin, but we can hang out after school” Penny grabs the sugar with added sugar and then leaves, “O-o-o-ok b-but do-do-dont ea-t i-t- all” Reggie says. When Penny leaves, something in Reggie's brain clicks. “J-j-joski-n and h-hare is ta-tak-takin-g my g-gir-lfri-end agi-an AHHHHHH” Reggie runs around.

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[the Lunch table]

“Hey Penny, what are you doing in my seat?” Yunda shouts, “Hare said I can sit here” Penny answers. “Yeah nice try, trying to take my boyfriend” Yunda says, “Nope” Hare answers “infact, we gave your seat after realizing how penny is cooler than you, because she doesn’t have a crippling addiction like you or carries dangerous bladed objects like you.”

 

“Fine Fuck you all, I’ll kill you penny” Yunda shouts she goes to sit with Reggie, and Jeff. “EWW great not only am I sitting next to a Sped person, I’m also sitting next to a Jap” Jeff shouts, “I hate Penny, she stole my man” Yunda looks back at her and grabs the knife out of her skirt, “W-Wa-wait” Reggie grabs the knife “th-th-ther-theres a sm-sma-smarter w-wa-way” Reggie stutters on his words.

 

“How about we tell the government about Penny” Jeff says under his breath “that’ll work”, “Wh-what n-no I-i pro-pro-prom-ised P-pen-penny” Reggie says, freaking out. “She left you” yunda says “For my boyfriend, shes a fucking maniac!”

 

“N-no w-way” Reggie runs off, Yunda gets up but Jeff sits her back down. “I wish Reggie was bound and gagged in my Basement” Jeff says “Now we wait”, “I’ll call the FBI about Penny” Yunda says.

 

[After School]

“Hey, who are those really buff men in black suits?” Hare asks, “Probably no one” Penny answers. The two men approach Penny, one of them grabs Penny's hand and pulls her to him “We are the FBi and we have been gathering proof of your magic powers” The other one says, “Oh yeah?” Penny says “prove it.”

 

“We have been looking at everybody's wishes, and we have photographic evidence” the first one says, the second one throws photos down “We have a picture of an inflatable Hare Thomas, An Infinite bottle of Alcohol, A real-life version of Monika, a dildo, and last but not least” The man throws down a picture of furry porn “Whoops wrong thing” he said, trying to hide it “The creator of Hot topic on a fucking Island so we can gather information that states you are an Alcoholic, Weeb, slut that likes Dildo, and you’re Goth.”

 

“Wha-what the hell no” Penny states “I cast wishes for money”, “Oh well we will still arrest you bye bye” he grabs Penny’s arm and drags her into a Black van. “Hey let her go” Hare shouts as he attempts to chase after them, but they are in their car, and they drive off. “Bullshit” Joskin shouts, “We need to get after her!” Hare demands.

 

“G-guys th-thi-this i-is yo-your fa-fault” Reggie shouts, he clutches his fist. “Look we can get her, then get some money” Joskin says, nonchalantly. “Y-y-your g-goi-going to g-get my f-f-fucking gi-girl or else” Reggie shouts, grabbing Josking shirt “A-a-and I’m co-coming” Reggie continues. They all jump in a car and start chasing the FBI van.

 

“Hey let our friend go”Joskin shouts, in a megaphone. “Shoot the tires” one FBI man demands snapping his finger, The other one grabs his pistol and shoots their car tire. The tire loses air as they slow down, “Goddamn rabbits gonna beat the shit out of me” Hare says, jumping out the car to check the tire.

 

Joskin snaps his fingers “The police station” Joskin shouts, “What about it?” Hare asks. “I don’t know I thought someone smarter would continue” Joskin answers, “th-the po-pol-lice st-ation ca-can tr-track ph-phone num-bers” Reggis says, ecstatic.

 

“Or better yet Fairy” Hare answers, “Damn I come up with good fucking ideas” Joskin says, rubbing his chin.

 

[Fairy’s house]

“Fairy it's me Hare” Hare shouts, banging on her door. Fairy opens up the door “Oh hey hare” Fairy says. “Something is leaking from your pants” Hare informs Fairy, “Can I like it?” Joskin asks. “Sh-Shut u-p my girl-f-frien-d i-is-a-at ri-sk” Reggie shouts, “Whatever be a bitch” Josking says.

 

“I re-membered th-the license plate number” Reggie shouts “RAF-660”, Fairy runs to her room and grabs a machine “Input the number here and you should be able to follow the truck” Fairy instructs, “A-alright” Reggie answers.

 

[20 minutes later]

Penny is thrown into a cell “Why aren’t my wishes working?” Penny asks, “You're not the first person to have magic powers; these handcuffs will prevent them from working” A Fbi agent says, taking off his glasses.

 

Then the Fbi man slowly starts to fade away. “What’s going on” the FBI agent shouts, “I-I Don’t know” Penny says. The Fbi agent turns into a pile of dust on the ground, Penny looks and finds a key, the FBI agent dropped and takes it and unlocks her handcuffs and the cell.

 

[Meanwhile]

“Oh my god we are approaching the building” Reggie shouts, looking at the device. “Thats nice” Hare says, he looks at his hand and notices its fading “What the fuck is going on with my hand!” Hare shouts. Joskin looks at his hand and he's fading too “Goddamn it” Joskin says, pissed.

 

Reggie notices he's fine “G-g-uys I kn-n-oow that P-penny could fix this” Reggie says, “If I turn to dust and you don’t save me, I’ll beat your ass in hell” Joskin threatens as he disappears. 

 

Reggie runs at bumps into Penny, Penny hugs him and begins to cry “I want to go home, people keep disappearing and I hate it” Penny's voice starts to break “Who is doing this.” Reggie begins to think and then slowly realizes something “We're going back to the town without a T and we are confronting Jeff” Reggie demands.

 

“That's the first time you didn’t stutter all day” Penny says, as Reggie grabs her arm and runs off.

 

[the town without a t]

Reggie and Penny walk towards the town and look through it they notice a lot of things, the first thing they notice is the lack of people here “Where is everyone?” Penny asks “I’m seeing the same.generic.white.boy and fuckin eddy cause of course he gets to live we totallllyyy love him.”

 

“L-loo-look j-e-e-jeffs h-h-ou-s-se” Reggie says, scared “I-i-im t-t-to s-sc-scared” Reggie says, breathing in and out. “Honey we can do this” Penny grabs his hand, and they both walk into Jeff’s house.

 

[Jeff’s house]

Reggie looks around and sees numerous confederate flags, Penny notices a shrine to donald trump, A sign is up on a wall that reads “Go back to the cottonfield monkey”, Another sign reads “Chinese is generally asian”, and the last sign reads “Shut the hell up Retards.”

 

Reggie is shocked, but Penny grabs his hand and they both walk up the stairs. They get to Jeff’s room and see Jeff on top of a throne. “Damn it I guess I forgot to wish for Retards to go away as well” Jeff says, he turns on a radio, and a song starts to play. “What the hell is that song?” Penny asks.

 

“Friday Night Funkin King Tabi” Jeff remarks, he snaps his fingers and Nazi’s come out of his closet with smg’s and shotguns. “Listen you lousy Nigger” Jeff says “If you kill yourself I’ll let your chromosome missing ass go”, “Br-br-ing ba-back Hare, and Jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-joskin” Reggie Demands. 

 

“The furry and the Ginger” Jeff says, then he grins “shoot these fags” Jeff widens his eyes. Gunshots go flying, Reggie and Penny run down the stairs. They jump behind a sofa “Wha-what’s t-th-the pl-plan?” Reggie asks, “That's it!” Penny grabs something out of her pocket.

 

“It's a bag?” Reggie asks, “A bag of sugar coated in sugar, something you gave me during lunch” Penny answers. “B-b-but y-you l-l-love th-tho-those” Reggie says, “Dumbass eat them, and get a sugar rush you’ll be faster” Penny hands him it.

 

Jeff walks down the stairs “Ohhh~ retard” Jeff raises his hand, and drops a burning cross. “Now Penny shouts “and if you run around the world in the opposite direction fast enough, you can reverse the time I read it in a comic book.”

 

“Th-th-this is st-st-stupid wha-wha-what if I-” Reggie gets cut off, and Penny puts her finger on his mouth “if you do this I’ll give you pussy”, Reggie grins.

 

Reggie starts running, he runs through the wall.

 

He runs around, and around the globe and reverses the planet. Reggie looks at his watch “time is reversing” Reggie says with excitement.

 

[Back in time one day ago]

 

Reggie stops, right in his school's hallway “O-o-o-ok I-I-I’m he-here” Reggie looks at his clock, and the bell rings. Reggie stops and looks for Penny only to see another Reggie. “A-a-a-a-ahhh” Reggie shouts “Wha-wha- tha-tha-tha-that's m-me, o-oh-oh n-no I-i fu-fucked u-up th-the sp-space ti-me continuiu-m wha-wha-what if, he-he hates me, or wha-what i-if he’s e-evi a-and wa-wants to ki-kill m-me”

 

Reggie runs towards Penny and grabs her shoulder “P-P-penny I-i sa-saved the d-day” Reggie says, “How?” Penny asks. “The future was fucked so I ate sugar covered in sugar and went b-b-back intime by running a-across the e-earth” Reggie says.

 

Penny laughs “HAH, there is no fucking way you did that, pfft that shit only happens in comic books”, “And you s-said y-you’d f-fuck me” Reggie says.

 

“I wish I knew everything you were talking about” Penny says, “YES, YES” Reggie shouts “y-y-you made a wish”

 

“I did?” penny says “Well I guess we will find out in seven minutes”, “y-yeah I g-gotta g-go to the b-bathroom” Reggie says, he runs out the school and smiles “P-penny, I-i-i sa-saved the day”

 

[Seven minutes later, math class]

 

Penny sits in class then all of sudden gains memory “Damn” Penny says under her breath ‘I do owe Reggie.” she continues, “Whatever.

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