Chapter 12: CH 6.2

Ahjin stood up while feeling a minor relief, along with a far greater fear. Then, she began to take off the ornaments decorating Hwawoon’s hair one by one. After sighing once, as if he had been nervous for a long time, Hwawoon said.

“By the way, Ahjin. Could you gather everyone who work in the Jeongan Palace in the yard tomorrow morning?”

“Everyone?”

When Ahjin asked back, Hwawoon looked at his appearance in the hand mirror, which he still found to be awkward, before answering.

“Yes. Please gather everyone without exception—from the young court ladies to the eunuchs on probation.”

Today, she only decorated him in bare minimum following Hwawoon’s order, but at a glance, the ornaments owned by Hwawoon were not the usual fancy ornaments. 

For Hawoon, who was born as a man and only tied his hair with a string of cloth all his life, nothing was easy. When he recalled the time when he had to sit upright and stay still, accepting women putting binyeo and other sharp things in his head was overwhelmingly frustrating, and Hwawoon tried hard to get rid of useless thoughts.

Anyway, what Hwawoon was most worried about was facing the emperor, and fortunately, it didn’t seem like he would be looking for him for a while. For now, it was necessary to solve the problem of Jeongan Palace, which he was facing right away.

Hwawoon, who was having that thought, soon talked to Ahjin, who was looking at him with an uneasy face as soon as their eyes met through the hand mirror.

“I have no slight intention to hit anyone, so don’t worry.”

Seeing Ahjin’s face burning red with surprise after his words, Hwawoon shook his head. It seemed like he had a long way to go.

***

Laying alone in a big bed that was still spacious even if two people laid on it, Hwawoon stared quietly at the high ceiling. Why the ceiling was made that high when even a human’s height couldn’t even reach its half, or why did that high ceiling was decorated fancily when it was hard to look at it—Hwawoon couldn’t know the reason for that. He only wondered if that was an important thing for the higher people.

As his surroundings sank into the stillness of the night, his thoughts deepened. When he was awake, he was so busy dealing with the unexpected situations that he couldn’t afford to think more, but now that he was alone, he clearly remembered back what situation he was in.

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He took out his hand, which was gently tucked into the blanket. The texture of the quilt on the tip of his hand was so soft beyond description. Not to mention the straw-like sheet of blanket which he wore to spend his whole season outside, even the blanket in the barracks where the other low guards like Hawoon which had made his eyes reddened with emotion, can’t even be compared to the blanket covering him now.

He wondered if he should be happy with this. Should he be happy with this since if he took another look at this situation, this was kind of a one-day luck thing?

Although his original body had died, he had nothing to regret in his life. For Hawoon, he had no relatives, let alone parents, and he had no one to interact with except the owner of the inn who hired him. Even the teacher who cared for Hawoon was in a faraway place, so he couldn’t exchange even for a few letters recently. Moreover, even if people outside heard about his death, there was no one to pray for his repose.

When he started his life in the palace, he got close to some of the guards who took the same test as he did, but he didn’t spend much time with them. Even if they might be sad for a moment when they heard that he was dead, it was no doubt that there would be no one who would remember him for a long time, missing him and be sad. 

Hence, the people who knew about his situation would surely say that it was a good thing. Although his reputation wasn’t good, and he was despised by the Emperor, he was a proud concubine of this nation and his father was a meritorious and loyal servant of the Emperor, which no one dared to compare.

No matter how hard ones struggled and made a big achievement on the battlefield, it would be impossible for them to rise to a great status as what Hawoon had achieved now.

“Yeah, when would I ever have this kind of luxury?”

Hwawoon murmured as if he were persuading himself, and closed his eyes—ignoring his bitter heart.

Through his darkened vision, he was reminded of the emperor’s face which he saw for the first time on the street that day. Even though it wasn’t just for himself, the gaze of the emperor looking at his people was as warm and benevolent as if he was looking at his precious child.

As he sighed and turned to his side, this time he remembered the face of the emperor standing in front of himself. With a cold face which was hard to find the warmth from that day, the emperor did not even try to hide his contemptuous voice.

“Good. This is a good thing.”

He pretended not to know his saddening heart, muttering such words several times as if he were casting a spell on himself, and Hwawoon went to sleep.

He thought that it would be nice if he dreamed about the dream from that day tonight.

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