Chapter 40: CH 20.2

“… Raise up.”

Soon, the emperor spoke in a very subdued voice. At some point, the emperor couldn’t help his gaze from fixed on Yeonbin, overshadowing everything he tried to take his gaze away from Yeonbin back when he entered.

As if the news that he suffered from nightmares last night wasn’t a lie, Yeonbin’s face seemed to have lost more weight in a day and looked pitiful at first glance. Yihan slowly got up from his seat, but he couldn’t easily get his eyes off Yeonbin.

Am I harsh? Am I being mean to him?

When that thought invaded him without his knowing, Yihan quickly settled his mind—repeatedly thinking that it was impossible. Considering what Yeon Hwawoon had been doing, no one could say that Yihan was harsh to him.

Then, how come he couldn’t take his eyes off that person? How come he didn’t know what to do, as if he was upset or heartbroken by looking at his face?

“I’ll leave first since I have remaining work to do.”

After saying that short sentence to the empress, Yihan walked between the concubines who stepped back to both sides. Somewhere in the middle, Yihan hesitated in his step for a moment, but he didn’t stop. 

“Take care, Your Majesty.” 

The emperor walked out of the empress’ palace while guessing the voice of someone he was not even curious about among the several voices heard behind his back.

In fact, there was no need for him to come here only to tell that, and the emperor decided not to think about it.

***

“I did that because I love you…! Your Majesty! Do you really don’t know about my feelings?”

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That day, the emperor looked down with cold eyes at Yeonbin, who was prostrating and imploring in front of him. Although Yeonbin, who looked pale, was crying, he did not seem to be intimidated or guilty at all. That shamelessness of him nearly made the emperor force laughter.

Over the past few days, the emperor visited Jeongan Palace every night. The emperor came and comforted him because he couldn’t turn a blind eye to Yeonbin, who was sick and only looked for him.

However, that also turned out to be a lie. Yeonbin tied the emperor next to him on the excuse that he was sick after secretly taking medicine that made him get sick—because the emperor hardly visited him.

He said he did that because he loved the emperor. Said that all of those were because ‘I love you.’

The emperor only made a hollow smile, as he had already heard that excuse countless times. He wondered what the meaning of the guilt he felt when he stayed next to Yeonbin, who smiled happily while saying that he was happy because the emperor stood by his side when he was sick for the past few days.

Even though I don’t like him because of how bad-tempered he is, am I being too harsh to the one, who only looked at me and entered this palace because of me? What if this person gets sick like this because I treated him harshly? 

Times, when he was uncomfortable with such thoughts, became meaningless in an instant. 

“If I don’t do this, then would you have come here?”

Nevertheless, Yeonbin was saying in front of the emperor that he was also to blame for not loving him with all his heart.

The emperor with a stiff expression slowly opened his mouth, looking down at Yeonbin. 

“Does your love mean to deceive me?”  

The emperor knew well that no one in the imperial palace could always live sincerely. Life may be the same for everyone, but among them, the emperor, whose life was threatened by the hands of his trusted brothers, knew better than anyone else that this imperial palace was the place where lies were the thickest. 

There was no exception to the empress or any concubine. They loved their husband with all their heart, but living in the imperial palace was sometimes like walking on thin ice. So, who could deny that behind that love lurked the glory of their family, their safety, and such?

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