Chapter 1: Stupidest Bitch Alive

Maya regretted leaving her earbuds at home. Not because of the outdated pop music blasting through the store, or the feral kids running through the aisles. She was unbothered by those things. No, the issue today was that she could hear her co-workers talking.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying,” one said, “It’s got to be like a social thing. Like childhood development stuff.”

“Right? Nobody cares that suddenly half the planet is transgenders,” another replied.

“I don’t know,” a third chimed in. “I think they’re just trying to live, you know?”

Bless your heart, Karen. Maya thought. At least one of her co-workers would stand up for her. Well, stand up for trans people in general. None of them knew she was trans, and she hoped that would continue.

“Ah, I don’t buy it,” one of the annoying ones spoke again. “If that was the case, they wouldn’t be shoving it in our faces all the time.”

“Ehh, maybe.” Karen said.

Noooo, Karen. You were doing so well too. She couldn’t be too upset, though. That was already further than most people were willing to go to defend her. It’s only a couple more hours, Maya told herself while she continued to mop the floors. All she had to do was push through this stupid conversation and she could–

“What do you think, Maya?”

Fuck. Do they know?

Maya looked up and saw her co-workers all looking at her. It was the greasy loser who had started the whole conversation.

Alright, if I say nothing that would just be awkward. And maybe they would suspect something. But if I tell them off and reveal my hand it could make work suck for the rest of the semester. And if I take their side they’ll just make some other person’s life hell when–

“Hello? Maya, you good?” God, they really were so annoying.

“Umm,” she started, “yeah, seems kinda like… ummm… not a big deal? Never really thought about it.” She tried to laugh nonchalantly.

Perfect, they won’t suspect a thing.

She used the time they spent rolling their eyes to discreetly steer her mopping away from them. And, thankfully, the conversation died out. It wasn't the first awkward talk she'd had to endure, but she'd usually avoided being dragged into it.. They're getting more comfortable around me, that's good, right? Maya wouldn’t complain about being stealth. Her trans status was unknown to everyone here. It was all she had wanted since being a teenager, she should be happy! I am happy! It’s just… people suck sometimes.

For the rest of her shift she laid low, making sure any mopping, shelf-sorting, and bathroom scrubbing was done far away from her co-workers. Except Karen. Even though she was a few years older than Maya, she still liked gossiping with her when she got bored.

“So, are you excited for classes to start again?” Karen asked her.

“Actually, yeah. This summer has been pretty boring, honestly.” Maya held back just how true that was. And I’ll get put in an asylum if I don’t get a change of pace soon.

“That’s why you should have done a summer internship or something! That would keep you busy and look good on your resume, you know.”

Maya stared at her for a bit, thinking hard on how to phrase her next words as kindly as possible. “Well… I sorta need money, is the thing. That’s why I’m here and not just lounging around at the beach.” Actually, there’s a bigger reason I’m not at the beach, but whatever.

“Oh, right. You always have next summer anyway, you’re only a sophomore, don’t get too worried about all of that.”

I literally wasn’t worried until you brought it up…

“You could join some clubs this year maybe! Meet some more people! When I was in school, clubs kept me from losing my sanity, ya know.”

Maya grinned. “Actually, I already signed up for one. First meeting is right after my shift ends. Speaking of…” She headed toward the break room to clock out.

Karen followed her. “That’s great! Which club is it? I was in the Young Democrats Alliance, and let me tell you, it will change how you interact with the world, seriously!”

“It’s umm, an academic club. Like for studying and stuff, making connections,” Maya had to force a smile to keep up her lie. “I’m excited!”

“Ah, that’s good, too. Glad you’re thinking of your future, Maya, I see lots of potential in you.”

Maya smiled genuinely this time. “Thanks. That’s really nice of you.” She remembered why she liked Karen. Very sweet where it counts, always encouraging her. It was embarrassing to admit, but she viewed her as an older sister at times.

“Aw, don’t worry about it sweetie,” Karen said as she pat Maya on the head. That was another reason she liked Karen, she was taller than her. Superficial, yes, but it was still true. Nothing made her feel better about being 5’9” than spending a whole shift feeling short.

 

Maya said her goodbyes to Karen and headed out into the sunlight. Immediately she felt incredible. All the political ramblings of her co-workers had vanished from her mind. Warm sun on her skin, fresh air in her lungs, positive thoughts in her mind. God, I can’t remember the last time I felt this good.

It wasn’t a very quick walk to get to campus from where she worked, but it gave her a good amount of time to clear her head and enjoy the outdoors. Lots of fresh faces passed by while she was lost in her newfound optimism. The leaves were turning gorgeous shades of red and gold, drifting down to float along the stream running parallel to the sidewalk. A lone duck with brown speckled wings swam alongside her. Serenity.

For the past two weeks she had constructed dozens of vivid scenarios of what might happen at the club. Coincidentally, all of them were overwhelmingly positive. And finally, it was the day. Everything would start to improve, she would finally belong somewhere. A community, a place to share her experiences. Maybe she could even mentor someone who had just started their transition! She had made so many mistakes herself, all easily avoidable with some proper guidance. If she could help someone out, it would have all been worth it. Hell, there might be people even further along who could give advice to her!

She pictured a hundred different scenarios of what could happen at the club, 

We can all help each other thrive and improve so much, it’ll be perfect.

When she was about halfway there, her phone buzzed. A text from Ethan asking if she could meet up after work. Oops, I forgot to tell him about this. She sent back, “No sorry I have my first meeting of LGBTQ club today” and stuffed her phone back into her pocket. It was nice of him to ask. Maya knew they would find time eventually, even if it had been a couple of weeks.

She met Ethan back in middle school, and of all her old friends, he was the only one who hadn’t ditched her after she transitioned. Though she always wondered if he was truly comfortable around her or just didn’t have many friends himself.

Her mindset began to slip, letting a few negative thoughts in. What if someone I know is there and they tell my co-workers? Or someone from the club might talk to me at work and ruin everything? Maybe I should just be more open with everyone. But if people in my classes know, it could destroy any chance of getting a boyfriend. God, maybe I shouldn’t do this...

She took a few deep breaths and watched the duck swim in circles next to her. Another buzz, “damn :( k have fun at gay club.” Maya snort-laughed. Well, I’ll still go at least once. What’s the worst that could happen? 

The rest of her walk was pleasant enough, no more depressing and intrusive thoughts, at the very least. Eventually the stream separated from the path and she had to say goodbye to her duck friend, but not before she caught him dipping his head underwater. Besides, it wasn’t long before she stood in front of the building she was after. Okay. Okay okay okay. I’m a few minutes early, maybe I should just wait out here a bit.

She marched up the stairs and put her hand on the doorknob. Then, she immediately turned and walked back. She began to pace around ahead the entrance, making lopsided figure eights by the stone stairs that led to the door. Actually, this is only an introductory meeting, it’s not a big deal if I miss it, right? And I could do some prep before classes start, I need my books still, not to mention– 

“Uh, are you good? Do you need help?” A voice broke her thought.

Maya’s face flushed red in an instant. She realized how insane she must look to anyone walking by. Meekly, she turned around to see the boy who snapped her out of the spiral she was in.

Huh. He’s cute, was her first thought. Dresses as if he's still in high school, though, as she made a note of his loose-fitting jeans and graphic tee. And his hair, she peered at the shaggy blond mess on his head, could use work. She realized she had been staring slack-jawed at him for a few seconds without responding now. He looked bewildered, more than anything. Oh no, he thinks I’m crazy. Hopefully he just keeps walking and isn’t here for the club.

“Are you here for the club too?” He asked.

NO! Come onnnnn, are you kidding me??

“Hello? Seriously, are you okay?”

Maya cleared her throat. “Um haha sorry. Just thinking haha. The club, yeah. Yes.” She kept nodding, even after she’d stopped talking.

His look of confusion faded. “Yeah, you’re gay alright,” he chuckled to himself. “Must have been thinking about something real serious to pace the way you were.”

“Hey, hey, hold on, I’m not gay I’m straight,” Maya stated with a bit of annoyance building in her. “Pretty rude to assume stuff like that, especially for someone in this club themselves!” She smirked, very satisfied with herself as she finished her sentence.

“The fuck? Why are you at this club if you’re straight then?”

Maya realized what she just did. Great, my dumb mouth signed me up for this. “Umm, I, umm, I’mtranssothatswhyI’mhereokay?”

“What? I can't hear you.” He walked up a single step and held his hand to his ear. By that point people were frequently passing them and going inside. “You’ll have to hurry up, we’re about to start I think.”

She took a deep breath, and paused a brief moment for someone to walk by and out of earshot. “I’m trans. That’s why I’m here.”

His face kind of scrunched up for a moment. “Oh okay, why didn’t you just say that? Could have saved a lot of time, you know!” He chuckled to himself some more and walked in.

Jeez, I take it back, NOT cute. Very annoying in fact. She huffed in disbelief and headed inside behind him.

 

He was already out of sight by the time she opened the door, but she wasn’t complaining. She followed the signs on the wall to get to the right room, trying to calm down from her run in with… well, she didn’t get his name but calling him Mophead felt right.

Down one hall, make a right, down another hall, and she found it. Voices from inside were pouring out, making Maya anxious, but she was done hesitating for the day. Everything seemed to get louder when she entered, but luckily nobody gave her more than a quick glance.

A quick scan of the room revealed a few things. First, there were a lot more people than she expected. A huge group of chairs sat in the middle of the room, while everyone crowded all around it. Like over forty people, maybe fifty? She couldn’t say for sure but it was a big room, the kind that gets used for storage in the summer, and yet they were filling it sufficiently.

So many people… that means more people who might notice me though. The second thing worth noting was there weren’t many men there. Under a dozen, for sure. Huh, I wonder what’s up with that. And among those few men she could see, Mophead wasn’t anywhere in sight. Where the heck did he go? He came in before me… Oh well, maybe he decided he didn’t want to be here and left.

“Excuse me, can I just– Oh, are you serious?” Yet again, Maya was startled by an impatient voice behind her. Though this time she knew who it belonged to.

You are reading story The Heart’s Reflection at novel35.com

This time less meek and more indignant, she spun toward him. “Sorry, Mophead, I’ll get out of your way.” She took an exaggerated step to the side and slid out from the doorframe. To seal the deal, she mimed a quick curtsy.

His eyebrows shot up and he laughed. “Wait, did you seriously call me ‘Mophead’? What are you, ten years old?”

“No, I’m just not putting up with you being rude for no reason.”

“Me rude? Really? You’re the one always blocking the doors to stuff.”

“Well… whatever. Sorry I was in your way, won’t happen again.” Maya turned toward the front of the room where some other people were gathered.

“Wait,” Mophead stepped in front of her. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I sorta had to pee really bad.” A nervous chuckle followed his apology.

It took a lot of restraint to stop herself from facepalming, but Maya managed. Oh my god I’m so awful. I've been a huge bitch this whole time. “No, I’m sorry. I was in your way again, I’m seriously completely at fault.” Her hand instinctively tucked her hair behind her ear, “and sorry for calling you Mophead. My name’s Maya. You could tell me your real name if you want.”

“Oh, you actually nailed it, my name’s Mophead. How did you guess?” he said with a cute, stupid smirk on his face.

“Wow, you’re super funny, like actually hilarious. Has anyone ever told you that? No? Wonder why!” She started to turn around when he stopped her again.

“Sorry, sorry. Ben. My name is Ben. And I like the name Maya, it’s nice. It suits you.” He held his hand up in a half-wave motion.

Once again, Maya’s face glowed bright red. “Th-thanks,” she said. “Ben is good, too. Like, a good name for you, I mean.” Why am I blushing, he’s literally at a gay club, he doesn’t even like women, I’m being so dumb.

“Thanks, thanks,” Ben looked around the room. “Hey, so this is my first time at one of these things, do you want to explain how it works?”

“Um, this is sort of my first time, too,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t worry, we can figure it out together. Let’s talk to someone who knows what’s up.”

A path through the crowd suddenly opened up, as if he was silently commanding them, though nobody seemed to even notice him. Careful not to be left behind, Maya stayed close to him, and they were quickly on the other side. There were lots of pamphlets and a collection of colored flag pins displayed on a table. A couple people, likely the heads of the club, stood behind it making sure things went smoothly. Maya stood to the side while Ben grabbed some things from the table.

“Here, skim through this,” Ben said, offering her one of the pamphlets. Another few were gripped in his other hand.

Huh, Maya thought as she looked over the pamphlet, ‘Activities Fair: Creative Minds Needed.’ Hmmm. I like to think I’m creative.

It would have to wait to be opened however, as one of the people behind the table began to stand up. “Attention everyone!” They cupped their hands around their mouth, “Attention, attention! Please find a seat, we’d like to start discussion early and then more of you can come up for pamphlets and pins afterward, we promise.” The whole room started shuffling around and chairs were claimed quickly.

Ben shoved some more pamphlets to Maya. “Take these and find a couple seats, I’ll grab a pin for you.”

“Okay,” Maya nodded. The chairs were getting taken really fast, making her rush to the nearest two she saw. But those got taken. Fine then, this seat over– Also taken. She groaned, and kept getting further away as seat after seat got nabbed right in front of her, until she found herself at the back of the room with a row of empty seats all to herself. Defeated, she sat down and placed the pamphlets on the chair next to her to keep it free for Ben. Just in case.

Once the majority of the room was seated, those leading the meeting spoke again. “Hello and welcome everybody! Very big turnout today, I mean honestly, wow! We hope to keep all of you invested in this club’s future throughout the…”

Maya tuned out as she saw Ben approaching. I guess he kinda makes those clothes work for him… Her mind wandered while she watched him grow closer. Maybe he’s bi. I wonder if he’s even attracted to trans women. Would a bi dude even bother going to a club like this? I mean he could already be seeing someone! I need to chill. She shut her brain off of ‘fantasy’ mode when he reached her. “Here, let me get these out of the way,” she said, pulling the pamphlets into her lap.

“Are these really the best seats you could find?” he asked and sat down.

“Yes!” she yell-whispered. “Everyone kept swooping in before I could get there, it was so annoying!”

He chuckled. “Just kidding, I saw you struggling from the front of the room. Was funny watching you get that upset over chairs.”

“Wow,” she scoffed, “do you think I just exist to amuse you?”

“No, not exclusively. Here,” he held out a closed fist, “this is yours.” His hand opened up, revealing a little circle pin with the transgender pride flag printed on it.

“Oh, thanks.” It was then promptly taken and pinned to her shirt. “Where’s yours?”

“On my bag,” he motioned to the floor under his chair, where a backpack sat.

Maya couldn’t see the pin on it, though. Aghh, must be on the other side. Dammit, is this dude bi or not!

Ben leaned over and whispered, “Seems pretty lame so far, don’t ya think? Feels more like a lecture than a club.”

“Mhm,” Maya nodded along. Ok well I guess I’ll find out what I need to know on my own. “Not a lot of guys here either. If that’s what you were looking for, I mean.”

“Nah, it’s good. I’m bi.”

Yes! Nice! Okay, step one. When she finished mentally fist pumping she gathered some more courage for her next question. “Ah, so you’re trying to date a bi girl you meet here?” She watched him carefully.

With a raised eyebrow he turned toward her. “Maybe I’m here for a little sense of community, did you think about that?” he said. “But yes, if I met a bi girl here I wouldn’t be opposed to dating her. Hey, maybe I’ll even meet a straight girl I like here,” he said, trying but failing to hide a smug grin. “Now, will you please let me pay attention? I want to hear all the boring stuff they’re saying.”

AAAAAAAHHH! How can he stay so relaxed while saying stuff like that?! Maya recalled all the terrible flirting attempts she’d had in the past, like telling the guy she was crushing on that she “thinks he’s neat” then immediately running to the bathroom to puke. Or when she sweated through her shirt in freshman year of high school and had a guy she liked be the one to tell her about it. They never spoke again, after that.

“Now, on to the Activities Fair,” the speaker’s voice pierced through her daydreaming, “our area will be about informing anyone at all who has questions about our community. And, there will be an art piece made by you folks! It won’t be one big cohesive one this time, though. We’re going to be doing multiple, smaller sections this year due to the large number of people. Each section will represent a part of our community, so for example, the L will be made by whatever lesbians here wish to make it. We really want every section to look its best, so please volunteer wherever you can!”

Excitement flared through the crowd. Even Ben seemed excited, Maya noted.

“You plan on helping with that?” she asked.

“Yeah! I think it will be fun, and maybe I could meet some people. Plus, I’ve heard that expressing yourself is actually a good and healthy thing to do.”

“Yeah yeah, you’re right.” Maya rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“What about you, you’re going to sign up too, right? We could work together on it!”

“Umm,” Maya started, “I’d be working on the Transgender piece, you know.”

“Uhh, okay? That’s what I figured.”

She blinked in confusion. “Well why would we work on the same-”

Maya was so dumb. Maya was SO dumb. I am so so so SO DUMB. “I’m so dumb, I’m so sorry, I even made fun of you earlier for–”

Ben cut her off with a mocking, high-pitched tone, “Pretty rude to assume stuff like that, especially for someone in the LGBT community themselves!” And then the laughing started. It moved rapidly from just chuckling to a full-on belly laugh.

“Stop! Are you serious? Come on, don’t be so loud,” she pleaded with him.

Without dampening his volume at all, Ben reached down and turned his backpack over. Sure enough, pinned to a shoulder strap, was the same trans pin she had on her shirt.

“Oh my god, I’m seriously the stupidest bitch alive.” She slumped down into her chair, partially to hide from her own mistake, but also to avoid eye contact with the people in front of them who were starting to stare at the psycho dude cackling next to her.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “I just really loved using your own annoying line against you. Can ya really blame me?” The oxygen he lost from laughing for so long was catching up to him, and his breaths were shallow and littered with stifled giggles.

At some point during all of that, the meeting must have wrapped up, because everyone started standing and gathering their things. Another small group formed around the table up front to grab pins, Maya was sure. “Is that really it? I thought these went on for two hours,” Maya asked.

Finally seeming to have regained some composure, Ben responded, “Yeah, but this was just an intro meeting. Let us know what to expect from the club and all that. Honestly I should have skipped it, but I guess I’m glad I didn’t.”

“Ah, yeah… same,” Maya said. “I’m sure these pamphlets will explain everything you talked over.”

“Excuse me, you did most of the talking, I was basically held hostage.”

“Don’t care, you chose to sit next to me,” she said. She stuck out her tongue and flipped her head around, swinging her hair into Ben’s face.

“Blech, do you ever wash this? It’s not naturally brown, right?”

“I don’t want to hear it from you, Mophead.” With a fistful of pamphlets she got up from her seat. “But, um. Next week. You’ll be here, right?”

“Of course, why would I only come for the most boring meeting?” His goofy grin made Maya unable to look away from him, or even blink. In fact, it was starting to make her really dizzy.

“Oh, yeah, good point. Well then, um… I’ll see you then!” She waved and rushed out, ripping the pin off her shirt and jamming it in her pocket before anyone could see. If she hurried she could get an earlier bus, but that wasn’t why she was rushing. Another tragic vomiting incident was setting itself up to ruin everything. And to think, I was doing so well at not being a nervous wreck today. Kinda.

Ben waved back, but he was already too far away to be heard.

It took until she got outside that Maya felt her stomach settle down. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.

You can find story with these keywords: The Heart’s Reflection, Read The Heart’s Reflection, The Heart’s Reflection novel, The Heart’s Reflection book, The Heart’s Reflection story, The Heart’s Reflection full, The Heart’s Reflection Latest Chapter