Chapter 13: Chapter 13: Heartbeat

The Hero Became a Mousegirl
Chapter 13: Heartbeat  

 

“Some of the other adventurers looked a bit weary of you,” I noted to Myra as we left the guild. “Are you sure they’re not suspicious you might not be a gnome?”

“Ah,” Myra giggled. “Not at all. They’re just suspicious because I struck one in the face with the butt of my blunderbuss.” 

“Why would you do that?!” 

“I heard a few of them having a rather vulgar conversation about you, and I didn’t like it. So, I walked up and hit one of them as hard as I could.”

“And the guild just let you do it? Are there no ramifications for infighting?” 

“Hmm, I’m sure there are. But in this case, I was defending your honor, so I’ll probably get away with it.”

“Defending my honor… For you— someone who keeps trying to see me naked, to say that, I don’t even want to know what you heard.” 

Myra turned to me, oozing an aura of mischievousness. “Only I get to fantasize about you without your clothes.” 

“Eh,” My cheeks heated as I looked away from Myra. “That, it’s not normal to have such fantasies about your siblings.” 

“True,” Myra hummed, turning around to walk backward in front of me. “Hey Caelan, let me see your guild card. I want to know what rating you got.” 

“Sure,” I nodded and handed Myra my card. “What do the letters and numbers mean anyway?”

“A tier,” Myra whistled. “Wow. So the letter represents the guild’s rating of your strength. It starts at G, which is basically invalid. I have no idea why they even give out G tier cards, because they don’t let G tier adventurers take any quests. After G you have F thru D, which are often inexperienced and younger adventurers. Then you have C thru A which are those who have the power and skill to be relied upon, even in dangerous situations.”

“So A tier is the highest? What does the number beside it mean?”

“Well, beyond A tier are the Special Tiers, they have an S before them. SC, SB, and SA, people with those tiers are living legends. Those with special tiers are often nicknamed Dragonslayers, because apparently you have to be at least that strong to fight a dragon and live. The number beside your tier is your rank. The higher your rank, the more reliable you are in the eyes of the guild.”

“How do I increase my rank?” 

“By taking assignments from the guild,” Myra grinned, pulling a sheet of paper from her cloak. “Since we’re going out of the city to practice shooting your pistol anyway, I went ahead and took one for us. As long as we report to the guild that we worked together, we’ll both get credit.”

“What’re we supposed to be doing?” 

“Goblin slaying.” 

I froze. Something about what Myra said just didn’t sit right with me. I knew that goblins were demons, a living plague upon civilized peoples, and I’d personally killed thousands. But Myra herself was a goblin, the idea of making her slay her own kin, it felt all kinds of wrong. 

“Caelan?” 

“Why would you take that one? Was it forced upon you, did you not have a choice?” 

“Caelan,” Myra grabbed one of my hands and held it to her chest. “In front of us, just pass the peddler, at the mouth of an alleyway, do you see the man there?” 

“Yeah. Is there something wrong, do you know him?” 

“Nope, he’s a complete stranger to me. But you see how he’s dressed, don’t you? He’s one of the city guard.” 

“…” 

“If you pulled your sword out here and started to kill people, he’d have to aim his musket at you. To protect innocent people he’d do everything in his power to kill you, he’s not going to hesitate, even if you were the same race as him. For me, it’s the same. Most goblins are bloodthirsty creatures, I kill them to protect innocents from harm.”

“I guess, you make sense. Sorry… Meeting you has messed with how I see the world. I’m starting to see the mortality of creatures I would’ve never thought twice about killing in the past.” 

“You’ve got a big heart Caelan,” Myra giggled. “I love it. But, we’ve never found another like me. You should probably just think ‘Myra is Myra’ and separate me from them. We share an appearance, but as far as anyone knows, I’m the first to have a heart.”

“Myra is Myra, huh?” I mumbled what Myra said to myself before chuckling softly. 

“What you laughing about?” 

“Well, I’m just relieved the goblins won’t run up to me and start begging to see me naked. The only threat to my modesty is you.” 

“Caelan…” 

“Pout all you want,” I giggled and took Myra’s hand, pulling her down the street. “You know it is true.” 

“It’s not a threat to your modesty if your sister does it!” 

“Us being siblings gives you little more power than if we were friends, stop trying to leverage it as some sort of advantage.”

“It’s a better advantage than what I had last time,” Myra mumbled. Given the chatter of the crowd around us, I could hardly hear it. I wasn’t even certain if I’d heard her correctly.

“Could you repeat that? I missed it.” 

“It’s nothing,” Myra waved it off. “Just saying that I’ll make you crack someday.”

“Not going to happen.” 

“Aww…” 

“What happens if I do crack?” I asked as we left the city behind. “Siblings… aren’t supposed to be like that.” 

“Well, we’re not legal siblings,” Myra giggled. “So we just drop the sibling act if it gets inconvenient for what I— we, want.”

“You are terrible.” 

“And you are blushing,” Myra poked my cheek. “You can’t be that against the idea.”  

“I’m not even--,” sure if I like women. I let the latter half of what I was about to say die in throat, unsaid. In the past I’d lived a celibate life. No matter how hard I tried, I could never drum up the emotional energy to date anyone, regardless of their gender. In practice, I was completely asexual.

I couldn’t tell Myra that. At nineteen years old, I was probably expected to understand something as vital as my own sexuality. If I told her I was unsure, what would she say? Would it be weird to her? Would I be forced to reveal my past?

My heart ached at the idea. The thought that I’d have to share that I was someone other than who I was now, pained me. I didn’t know why, after all, I’d been the hero. One of five who slayed the Fell Dragon and saved the world. My past identity should’ve been something I bragged about, instead it felt like a dirty secret. 

“Caelan,” Myra pulled me into a tight hug. 

“Wh-what?” 

“I’m sorry Caelan. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” 

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“I’m not—,” I rubbed a pair of fingers beneath my eyes and felt the moisture there. I was actually crying. 

“I’ll stop teasing you so much.” 

“It’s not,” My heart was racing, the whole world suddenly felt like it was spinning away from me. For a moment, life felt like a dream that I was about to wake up from. As if everything I’d experienced so far was a cruel fantasy that existed to do little more than tease me. 

“Come here,” I grabbed Myra by the wrist and pulled her behind some trees so that we were out of sight. Then, I collapsed. 

“Caelan, what’s wrong?!” 

“I just… need a second.”

I laid a hand over my chest and made a fist in the fabric of my dress. Color faded from the world as ancient battles began to play before my eyes. Battles that’d taken place in lands far from where we were now. 

“Caelan, you have to control yourself!” Eyrina hissed in my head. 

“Control myself… ?” Was I speaking aloud? I didn’t know. 

“You’re drawing the scepter’s magic to you and corrupting it. If you don’t control your emotions now, you’ll warp reality.” 

Closing my eyes I forced myself to breathe deeply. Emotion was a crutch on the field of battle, even the greatest warriors could be laid low by it. As the hero, I couldn’t afford such a weakness. 

Myra wrapped her arms around my neck and held me close as I focused my entire being inward. She was still panicking, but I couldn’t help that, not now. The only thing I could pay attention to was the beating of my own heart, rapidly drumming like a frightened animal. I willed it to slow, to calm. At first my heart disobeyed, it continued to rampage within my chest all on its own, until it finally surrendered. 

Once my heart slowed I focused my attention on the magic swirling around me. It wasn’t mine, but it perversely obeyed me, warping reality according to some unknown logic it’d found within my subconscious. I wrapped myself in mana, using my holy magic to shield myself from it. Temporarily severing any connection between myself and the scepter’s magic. 

When I opened my eyes again, the forest was dark. I heard a hiss on the wind and then a violent roar as a plume of flame appeared from the tip of a silver barrel. A step before me was Myra, guarding me from an endless wave of shadowy demonic creatures. 

Not far from her, a light moved among the trees. A wolf with golden flame in the place of fur charged the creatures, blowing torrents of fire from its mouth, and decapitating shadows with its fangs. 

Finished reloading, Myra pulled the trigger on her blunderbuss again, this time a swirling storm of snow and ice appeared from its end, freezing a dozen would-be attackers. 

I forced myself to my feet, preparing myself for a fight, only to realize that Myra and Eyrina had already finished it. 

“Caelan!” Myra squealed, dropping her blunderbuss she ran forward and wrapped her arms around me. “Caelan, you’ve been unconscious for hours, I’ve been so worried.” 

“For hours?! It… wait where are we now?” 

“Right after you became unresponsive the two of us were teleported here. If it weren’t for your guardian spirit I doubt I could’ve protected you. What happened?” 

“A panic attack,” Eyrina answered telepathically, padding over to us.

“A panic attack?” Myra looked at Eyrina in confusion. “But—“ 

“The scepter’s magic has begun to distort,” Eyrina shook her head. “It’s a threat to Caelan and everyone else.” 

“Eyrina, please don’t say anything about the scepter to Myra.” I don’t want her to know about my past. 

“It’s too late Caelan,” Eyrina chuckled. “Though not because of anything I or you did. It’s time Myra, please tell Caelan who you are. She needs to know.” 

Myra’s shoulders went stiff. “I don’t… want to.” 

“She doesn’t want to tell you either. One of you has to break.”

“Myra… what, what is Eyrina talking about?” 

“Nothing I’ve told you has been a lie Caelan,” Myra said solemnly as tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. “I just… decided to leave out a detail.” 

“Which is?”

“Two weeks before you showed up in our house, my amnesia vanished. After nine years of living with Syene, believing I was just a strange little goblin, I realized the truth was even stranger than I’d imagined. Instead of memories of myself as an adolescent goblin, I had memories of myself as a human. Memories of a sorceress who lived more than a thousand years ago.”

“You can’t be serious…” 

“You surprised me, showing up looking like you do. I even doubted my heart for a moment, even as my heart cried that you were you, my head said it was impossible. Then Eyrina came to visit me…” 

“The scepter’s magic was woven into her,” Eyrina explained. “Even though I didn’t want to show myself to anyone, I felt it was too strong to ignore. I had to examine Myra and find out what was happening with her. I had no idea she’d be a reincarnation.”

“You were a cute little cat when you came to me,” Myra smiled sadly. “It’s a little scary to see you in your wolf guise.”

“So you’ve known all along… Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Did you want me to say anything? I’ve lived nine years as Myra… even if I have her memories, I’m not the same as her. I don’t want you to get the two of us mixed up. Even if my heart feels a fondness for you that isn’t my own, I want you to like me, Caelan. Not as the woman who inherited your dead friend’s memories, but as… Myra.” 

“I…” I bit down hard on my lip. “It’s a little hard. I… I wanted to see Elise again so badly, to apologize. To explain myself better, to let her know why I rejected her. We were friends, she deserved the truth, and I failed her. She died before I could make it right. Now you’re saying you have her memories… but you’re not her.”

“You didn’t fail her,” Myra sighed. “As gallant, and amazing, and considerate as you were, you failed to conceal your sadness Caelan. She went to you knowing she’d be rejected, it was obvious to her that you were suffering, she just didn’t know what to do about it. She was planning to wait, to let you find yourself before she said anything. The only reason she came forward when she did was because time ran out.”

“I don’t have a single memory of the old Caelan smiling,” Myra continued. “Not really. She could always tell that you were forcing yourself to smile, creating a fake illusion of happiness to prevent the troops from losing morale. If the hero looked sad, they’d assume it had something to do with the war, and begin to fret that defeat was upon them. You were trapped living more as a symbol than as a person. Did you ever know your own truth? Did you even have the chance to find it?” 

“You’re trying really hard not to say Elise’s name…” 

“Yeah,” Myra kissed my cheek. “I’m terrified that you’ll forget it’s not mine. Please don’t let this conversation change things between us…” 

“And here I was thinking about actually letting you see me naked.” 

“Well… okay, don’t let it change everything. If it makes you more likely to want a bit of skintimacy with me, I’m down.” 

“That’s the Myra I know.” 

“Before you two start flirting,” Eyrina chuckled. “We should find out where we are. It doesn’t look like the city is anywhere nearby.” 

“That’s… not good.” Myra frowned. “We don’t have enough food and water to stay in the wilderness for long.”

“If we look for a game trail we should be able to trace it to water,” I noted, gazing at our surroundings. “That isn’t a concern. As for food, I’m confident all three of us can hunt as needed. As long as we work together, finding a village near here should be easy. Then all we have to do is ask directions, and hope they know where we’re talking about.” 

“Guess you can get some pistol practice in as we travel.”

“With everything else that just happened, I’d forgotten about it completely.”