Chapter 220: Chapter 219 – River

Yuna stumbled through the forest, cracking branches and shoving through bushes as she tried to run away. Away from the others. From her thoughts. Her emotions. All of them, she ran from. 

She took another step and heard a splash from underneath her. Then she felt the water that gently lapped against her ankles as it tried to get around her on its journey down the small river. 

Then the sound of rushing water filled her ears. A familiar noise. She let out a sigh as she let the soft trickling water fill her mind. Her muscles loosened and her legs weakened. Stumbling a bit more, she waded a bit deeper into the small river until the water reached her thighs.

“I’m pathetic,” Yuna whispered as she stared up at the twinkling night sky. “Why am I like this?”

The night didn’t reply. She reached down and touched the top of the lazily flowing river. The tips of her finger skimmed the water as it went by. 

“Here I am pitying myself about my emotions while others have to live with the deaths of their loved ones,” she murmured. 

It made her problems seem so insignificant. Like Sarah has said, she was young. There’s no way her own experiences could compare. 

“But I can’t help it!” she growled, slamming her fist into the water. 

Why did Sarah have to bring up such a topic? Why did she have to ask Yuna that question? She already didn’t know what to do. And now she also knew that her problems were so childish. So stupid.

A sigh escaped her and she knelt down in the water until the river met her stomach. As she stayed there, the face of a woman appeared in her mind. Zero.

‘Stop,’ Yuna pleaded. ‘I can’t do this right now. Please.’

Her mind didn’t listen. Zero’s soft pink lips parted and she spoke softly. 

“What are you going to do?” Zero’s gentle voice asked.

Yuna closed her eyes and bit her lip. This was exactly the topic that she wanted to avoid. This was what she hoped the mission would distract her from. With Zero not there, she thought that there was a chance. But no matter what she did, it always seemed like everything would lead back to Zero along with the jumble of emotions that inevitably followed her.

Scooping a little of the river water into her hands, she splashed against her face. Her fingers ran through her hair. She didn’t want to deal with this right now. She couldn’t. Taking in deep breaths, Yuna tried to calm herself down. Tried to empty her mind. She focused on the rushing water around herself, letting that wash away her thoughts. 

But that proved fruitless. The voice in her head persisted, always asking what she would do. Telling her what she could do. And what could happen. Scenarios played in her mind, continually getting more and more elaborate. All of them never ended well. 

‘I hate this,’ she thought. ‘I hate this.’

Then another thought. Another possibility. One that she hadn’t considered before. What would she do if Zero died before she could confess? How would she feel? Sad might just be the tip of the iceberg. 

‘Or, what if…’

What if she did confess and Zero died? Because of her confession? Her mind jumped back to those hateful comments and violent intentions that she read. Those stories about alienation and even murder. 

‘If that happened, I don’t think I would be able to live with myself.’

A little voice in the back of her mind whispered that such a thing was unlikely, but she could barely hear it. The rest of her worried and ran with the idea, creating more and more situations where Zero died. When if felt like her head was going to explode, she covered her face with her hands and let out a scream.

“I hate this!” she cried. “Why did this have to happen? Why did I fall in love?”

‘Love is stupid.’

She always heard about the joys of love and the warmth and comfort that came with those feelings. It sounded so wonderful. So pleasurable. But now she knew that it was anything from the truth. Maybe it was a small side of it. But love was stressful. Painful. And dangerous.

‘I wish that I never knew these things,’ she thought, sinking further into the water. ‘I was fine. I didn’t need this. If only I hadn’t met her.’

Though she thought that, her heart ached for Zero. For the warmth that her arms could provide. She wanted to be hugged, to be told that everything was fine. She wanted her worries to melt away as she clinged onto Zero. For Zero to stroke her head and whisper into her ear softly.

‘But she isn’t here,’ Yuna thought, clutching her chest as it throbbed with pain. ‘She isn’t here. She isn’t here.’

And when she wasn’t there, there was only pain and anxiety.

‘Please, make it stop,’ she pleaded as her heart cried. ‘I can’t take this.’

Tears leaked from her eyes, but she couldn’t stop them no matter how much she tried. She gave up and let them rain from her eyes. The river washed them away as they fell. 

“Yuna?” a voice asked from behind. Yuki. “What’s wrong?”

“Please go away,” Yuna said, not turning around. Her voice cracked. “Let me be alone for now.”

“What’s wrong?” Yuki repeated. His voice was unwavering. 

“Everything,” Yuna said. “Please. Just go.”

You are reading story The Hidden World at novel35.com

“What’s wrong, Yuna?” he persisted. “I won’t be going until you tell me. Is this about your feelings?”

Her head went up.

“How could you tell?” Yuna asked, still not turning. 

“I said before, I watch people. I know how they react to certain problems,” he replied. “Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

“I don’t know.” Yuna looked down and stared at the water. “I don’t know if you can help.”

“I can try.”

Yuna quieted. Then she sighed. 

“You know I like a girl, right?” Yuki’s silence told her yes. “I don’t know if you can help with that. You’re a guy.”

“What do you mean by that?” Yuki asked.

“It’s normal for you to fall in love with a girl,” Yuna said, stirring the water with a finger. She bit her lip. “Guys can just go up to that girl they like and just tell them. No worries about what the girl’s reaction will be or what other people’s reactions will be.”

“Really?”

“It’s easier at least.”

“I can’t deny that.”

“That’s why. How can you help me? You’ld just tell me to tell that girl my feelings, wouldn’t you? I can’t do that. No matter what choice I make, something bad will happen, I can feel it.”

“But maybe I can offer some advice,” Yuki said. “It’s possible that it won’t help, but maybe something for you to consider.”

“Maybe. But I don’t know. I don’t think you’ll understand,” Yuna replied, covering her eyes. The pain flared up again. “I don’t know who can help me with this. Who I can tell.”

“Akira? Erica?” Yuki suggested. “They can help.”

“I don’t know.”

“I can help too. I may not look like the best person, but I can help,” Yuki said. “Just give me a chance.”

“I don’t know,” Yuna repeated, her voice rising. “You’re a guy. I don’t know if you understand.”

“I don’t understand because I’m a guy?” Yuki asked.

Yuna stayed quiet. 

“That’s how you see me,” Yuki said. “I see.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuna said. “I didn’t mean to be mean. Please, let me be for now.”

‘I wish she was here,’ she thought. ‘Just so she could comfort me.’

“Who?” Yuki asked. Yuna realised she must have spoken her thoughts out loud. “Who do you wish was here?”

“Just. I wish that the one I love was here,” Yuna replied. “I won’t say anything to her, but her just being here would be enough.”

Yuki quieted. Time passed by. He must have left by now. Yuna sighed. It was for the best. She just wanted to be alone right now. Then someone called out to her.

“Yuna.” The voice was different now. Softer. Melodic. Familiar. 

Zero.

Yuna whipped around and saw her standing there at the bank of the river. She wore Yuki’s shirt, Yuki’s pants, and Yuki’s shoes. But it was Zero that stood there. 

“Zero…?”

“I’m here,” Zero smiled, reaching her arms out. “I’m here.”