Chapter 16: 4.1

Spring had arrived as the harsh winter disappeared, and the lively freshness took its place. The clothes of the Heritage students had also become lighter. Light cotton suits and loose dresses were seen on the campus.

Graduation was also just around the corner.

Although there were slight differences in the schedules, depending on whether the school the students were aiming for was domestic or international, the college entrance exam was just around the corner. There was a sharper, pressing atmosphere surrounding the future graduates. Of course, John was completely free of it.

“John.”

“Mn?”

“I mean you.”

Dominic, who had been quiet throughout the meal, spoke out of nowhere. John was dipping bread in a hot goulash1, and raised his head. Dominic, who was sitting opposite him, was looking at him with a complicated look on his face. These days, their schedule didn’t match at all, so they were having lunch together for the first time in a while.

“What about me?”

John swallowed the chunk of meat he was chewing on and raised his eyebrows. Dominic remained silent and then shook his head.

“It’s nothing.”

There was a one hundred percent certainty that meant Dominic had something to say. John giggled and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Don’t you think I know you? Don’t make me curious. Tell me quickly.”

But despite the light joke, Dominic’s face didn’t seem to soften. Only then did John, who became more serious, erased the smile from his face.

“What’s up? What happened?”

“…”

“What is it?”

Dominic was stubbornly silent, despite John’s willingness to know, but finally responded in an unwilling tone.

“Just… I think your mood has changed for some reason these days.”

“Me?”

“Mn. But it’s kind of strange. I don’t know how to say it, either…”

John swept his cheek reflexively at Dominic’s words. 

My mood has changed. What changed? 

John had a moment to reflect on himself, but still had no clue. In the end, John gave up pondering over it and asked Dominic the most important question.

“I don’t know, but is that good or bad?”

“It’s neither good nor bad. It’s strange if I have to say something. Just like something unexpected suddenly popped out of the bush.”

“…Dominic, I know you love romantic literature, but I don’t. So can you thoroughly explain it in a manner that is more understandable?”

“…I don’t know. To be honest, I have no idea either.”

As John was puzzled, Dominic himself did not seem to be able to organize his thoughts either, unable to voice what he wanted to say. The handsome forehead was crinkled in thought, appearing like an agonizing philosopher. It was Dominic, who was usually an eloquent speaker, but now it seemed difficult for him to find the appropriate expression.

“Whatever, it’s not important. By the way, did you find a partner for prom?”

In the end, Dominic chose to change the topic, and John also did not question Dominic this time.

“No, not yet.”

“That’s just the answer I was expecting.”

In a response to John, Dominic smiled, as if he had already known it. John, who was emotional for no reason, asked him with an aggressive tone.

“Shut up. Did you find one?”

“Of course. Don’t tell me, you didn’t?”

“…”

“It’s not like you didn’t know I was popular. I got calls from all over as soon as prom was announced.”

“…You’re so unfortunate, jerk.”

“Thanks for your violent compliment.”

John didn’t hide his expression, which showed he was offended by the brazen answer. Dominic laughed briefly at John, who was chewing on the bread, but it soon faded away. The long fingers played with the surface of the beverage can. The gaze at John was slightly more direct than usual.

“You haven’t asked anyone to be your partner yet, have you?”

“What… That’s true, but no one offered to come with me either.”

“Ah, you really are…”

Dominic clicked his tongue.

“John, I guess you forgot, but you’re a Beta.”

“And what’s up with that?”

At John’s counter-question, Dominic looked even more dumbfounded. However, John couldn’t get the hang of it and just tilted his head. In the end, Dominic explained to him step by step.

“Usually, when you’re a Beta, men ask women out first, especially at events like this. Why don’t you know and I do?”

“…Ah, right.”

He didn’t notice he did, but John awkwardly laughed because his expression was so blatant.

“You thought I didn’t know? I just didn’t think deeply about it.”

“You’d better look for a partner if you don’t want to be a miserable solo, since you’re a senior without a partner.”

“Uhm… I wouldn’t like to end like that.”

“How about Cloe? Or Joyna. Because… you like women.”

John opened his eyes wide to those names, as he had never considered them. The girls Dominic mentioned were all John’s classmates, pretty Betas. The contact between John and them was that they took the same class. There was nothing more special than that. At least John felt so. Following that feeling, John gave a poor answer.

“Why are you saying their names? I haven’t even talked to them.”

“…”

“Putting reality to a side, they’re not really interested in me.”

“You really… That’s why I pity your virginity.”

“You even care about my virginity, what a good friend.”

Dominic had a pathetic look on his face, but John kept eating the bread with an indifferent look on his face. Dominic, whose personality was to use harsh mockery, was quiet for some reason. After a moment of silence, Dominic called out ‘You’ to John. There was hesitation in the words that were pronounced, which were slightly more dragged out than usual.

“Who are you going with then? All the ones you’re close to have already found partners.”

“I’ll think about it. I still have some time, right?”

“…Do you want me to do it, if you don’t find someone?”

John’s eyes got bigger than usual at the unexpected suggestion. Dominic had a strange expressionless face, but his eyes were full of palpable nervousness. When John didn’t answer, Dominic added casually.

“It would look a little ridiculous for a graduate to go alone.”

For an Alpha and Omega pair, it didn’t matter if they went to prom together, even if they were of the same sex. However, a same-sex couple of Alpha and Beta, Omega and Beta or even Beta and Beta, weren’t so common. Furthermore, Dominic was a popular Alpha among Betas and Omegas, even though he pretended to be arrogant as a joke.

John had no intention of being Dominic’s first and last prom partner. It was also true that Dominic felt sorry for John, which is why he made such a suggestion. John giggled and lightly turned down Dominic’s offer.

“Forget it, I’m not worried enough to take advantage of your pity.”

“Pity?”

“Yeah. There’s no reason for you to make such an offer other than that.”

“A reason.”

Dominic pursed his lips together, but said nothing. Instead, he just mumbled, like it was a joke with a twisted smile.

“Maybe I’m interested in you.”

After seeing off Dominic, John walked in the hallway by himself. That lunchtime conversation reminded him that graduation was really just around the corner. Although he had sounded so sure when he spoke with Ryan, John still felt anxious and unsure because he feared the expectations for his upcoming future. Mentally, John was still immature, but he felt like his body had grown so much.

Trapped in his own thoughts, John belatedly realized that Joseph was approaching from the opposite side. Only when it was time for the two to get closer did John raise his head and made eye contact with Joseph. Unlike John, Joseph seemed to have been keeping an eye on him, judging from his calm expression.

“…”

Joseph had apologized to John, although he was reluctant to do it, and since then, they had been in a different state. As before, they didn’t approach each other aggressively, but that didn’t mean that they talked. Sometimes Joseph avoided John first, when Joseph encountered him.

John didn’t think Joseph was friendly, but John didn’t think Joseph was difficult to talk to. However, Joseph now felt strange instead of being annoying like before. John felt confused about which one was better.

“…Hey.”

This time, John impulsively called out to Joseph, who just wanted to glance at John and pass by. Joseph was surprised that John had called out to him, but he stopped obediently. Turning back his body, Joseph raised his chin and responded.

“What.”

As soon as he heard Joseph’s arrogant voice, John regretted stopping him, but John couldn’t turn back the time. John hesitated for a moment and asked Joseph the question Dominic had asked. Graduation and prom were in everyone’s interest, they were easy topics to bring up with anyone.

“Are you going to prom?”

Joseph was honest, so as soon as he heard John’s question, Joseph couldn’t hide his expression as to ‘why did this bastard ask me this’. John’s ears were flushed by his blatant doubts and questions. John’s own behavior was unexpected for himself, and it was because he thought he could fully understand Joseph’s nonsense.

However, contrary to John’s expectation that Joseph would be sarcastic, Joseph nodded slightly, while giving him a wary look. Encouraged by it, John asked him one more time.

“Who’s your partner?”

“What are you trying to know?”

“…”

At such rebuttal, all John could do was to remain silent. Joseph, who bit his lips when John didn’t respond, asked him again.

“I just asked you, why are you trying to know that?”

“…I don’t know, I wasn’t in my right mind for a moment.”

Joseph hesitantly looked at John, who was staring elsewhere.

“No way, you.”

“Mn?”

“You weren’t going to ask me to be your partner, were you?”

“What?”

When John was bewildered by the unexpected words, Joseph answered furiously with a twisted smile.

“If that’s the case, stop dreaming.”

“Ha… that’s not what I meant.”

“…”

“In fact, it’s my fault for asking when I don’t even know if you’re going to the prom or not.”

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Joseph kept his mouth shut this time. In an awkward silence, John sighed. If you do something you haven’t done before, you’ll get sick, and if you’ve done something for nothing it will make you feel frustrated. Wanting to end the conversation somehow, John expressed his innermost thoughts with desperation.

“I don’t have much time left to graduate, and you’ve apologized first before.”

“…”

“I thought that gesture meant that you wanted to erase the resentment of the past.”

“…”

“But I see it was all my misunderstanding. I’m sorry to bother you.”

John shrugged at Joseph’s still sharp look. Since he was different from Joseph, saying sorry didn’t seriously damage his pride. It was better to apologize a hundred times and end it roughly than to keep facing that obnoxious face. With that thought in mind, John was about to pass by him.

“Lawrence Connelly.”

“…”

“My partner’s name.”

John, who couldn’t keep up with the context for a moment, realized that it was the answer to the question he asked earlier and gave a silly response, “Ah.” Lawrence was a lovely-looking Omega girl, with a high-class aristocratic family. John didn’t know if Joseph was joking with him, but just by their looks, they made a good couple.

“You match.”

When John responded honestly, Joseph smiled with a proud look on his face. However, contrary to his facial expression, his voice was filled with impatience.

“We’re just going to a party together, don’t make any stupid misunderstandings.”

“What? What do you mean?”

When John asked again with a face that showed that he had no idea, his confident face was cracked. As Joseph kept his mouth shut, like a mute, an unnatural silence settled between the two. John opened his eyes a little. Joseph’s ears seemed to have turned red, but he didn’t know if it was an illusion or not.

“Who’s your partner?”

Joseph, biting his lips, asked John. Although the purpose was obviously to turn the topic around, John, who knew his fiery temper well, responded obediently instead of provoking him with sarcasm.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Aha.”

After hearing John’s response, wrinkles appeared in Joseph’s face. John’s mood was even lowered by Joseph’s obnoxious look, which made John want to hit him.

I knew I didn’t do anything wrong.

John, whose desire to talk to Joseph had completely disappeared, had turned his back on Joseph, even though he knew that was impolite.

“…Hey!”

As soon as Joseph said that, John began walking forward, pretending not to hear his voice. Joseph shouted once again to John’s back, in a slightly nervous voice.

“Why did you talk to me first and then leave?”

John remained silent, and there was grumbling behind his back, but Joseph also didn’t go up to John to catch him. Joseph’s attitude toward John was better than before, since they did not get into a childish argument. But John thought this would be the limit. It was clear that the relationship between John and Joseph would continue to draw parallel lines forever.

John stopped walking in the hallway again because Valentine suddenly came to his mind.

Who will be Valentine’s partner?

There were several candidates that came to mind immediately. Valentine could definitely take anyone to prom if he wanted to. Everyone admired him and wanted to be close to him. He didn’t know exactly, but Valentine would have already been asked by several people. The moment he thought about it, John felt a cool wind blowing in the corner of his heart.

“…”

John didn’t know why he lost his composure and became upset just by imagining it. No, it was more accurate to say that he knew exactly, but didn’t want to admit it. John felt that his thoughts were going down a dangerous route. John tried to dispel his thoughts because it seemed that the truth that was hard to handle, would emerge if his thoughts progressed further.

However, John kept thinking of the question that came to mind. He got anxious imagining Valentine entering the hall affectionately with someone unknown, dancing, and talking with them. He felt nauseous. It was an event that he didn’t pay any attention to until a while ago, but he felt annoyed with himself as he was worried about it.

“Haaa.”

In the end, John sighed and tried to distract himself. An emotion he didn’t even know that had existed before, had often appeared recently, weighing heavily on him. John really didn’t like himself now. What he didn’t like even more, was how difficult it would be to ask Valentine a question that had nothing to do with Dominic or even Joseph.

This wouldn’t have happened in the past…

John didn’t know what to name his relationship with Valentine. A disturbing relationship that was ambiguous, irrational, and not easy to define. Other than that, there was no other explanation.

Was Valentine really okay, or will he soon be confused because he will have absurd feelings like me? Now he acts as if nothing was wrong, but Valentine will soon be aware of the reality. After that, you will regret your irresponsible behavior.

…But what should I do if Valentine does?

Suddenly, his heart seemed to burst, and John lowered his head, as if he had committed a crime. Taking advantage of his weakened mind, anxiety tightened his neck.

* * *

Unlike other schools, students could choose their own classes at Heritage. That’s why students were free to choose the classes they wanted every semester.

Instead of having a separate class, the school assigned one mentor for each of the five students for the purpose of probation. Unless there were any problems, they would share their careers and various concerns for a year.

Today John had a consultation with his mentor, Sam. Ahead of his appointment at 8 pm, he headed to the Western Annex. Passing through the field covered with artificial grass, he looked around the campus with a fresh state of mind.

The buildings standing under the deep blue sky appeared even older with the sparkling lights. The beautiful quietness was felt even in the wide field in front of him. Thinking that he would miss this scenery even after graduation, he hurried his steps.

“Sam, I’m here.”

“You’re just in time, John.”

Arriving in front of Sam’s private lab, John opened the door after a light knock. Sam, who was looking at the monitor, greeted John with a smile.

“Would you like some cookies?”

She handed over the plate that was on the desk. On the plate were a couple of large cookies full of M&Ms. John smiled lightly and shook his head.

“I’m fine. Didn’t the doctor tell you to be careful about your diabetes?”

“That’s why I’m just looking at it. It’s really a torture.”

Pregnant at the age of forty, Sam was suffering from gestational diabetes. It was unexpected, as she had a sweet tooth. She was desperately patiently thinking of her child, but she seemed to have reached her limit. With a grunt, Sam rose from his seat and approached John with an envelope. Sitting face to face, she lifted up her glasses.

“Anyway, I didn’t call you to talk about cookies. You know that, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ll be straightforward. Are you sure you don’t want to go to college?”

John smiled instead of replying. Sam, once again, confirmed that his thoughts were firm, and also smiled faintly. Then added in a tone that felt a little bit of persuasion.

“You know your grades are pretty good amongst your classmates, right? You know that your essay in your sociology class was positively talked about among teachers.”

“Well… Thank you very much for your kind consideration.”

John responded awkwardly, with an avid smile. He knew well that his grades were good. However, what he told Ryan last night was the conclusion he came to after a long consideration and was still firm.

“Sam, I still haven’t changed my mind. If I really change my mind about going to college, I’ll think about it seriously.”

“Uhm…”

“Be a rightful person and contribute to society. That’s Heritage’s motto. I’m just trying to get into society a little faster than anyone else.”

Sam nodded at John’s firm will. Instead of persuading John more, she held out the envelope she was holding. But just as John reached out, Sam lifted it and shook it in the air.

“One-third of the Heritage graduates go to Cambridge, the rest go to Manchester, Warwick, King’s College– You know, they scatter to some of the most prestigious places. You’re such a freak.”

“I found an admirable mentor, Sam Matthew, and changed my life.”

Sam burst into laughter at John’s words and finally handed over the document to him. The envelope on the shiny surface had the group name GOFIE written on it. John looked at Sam.

“What is this?”

“The company where my friend works.”

“The company where your friend… works?”

“She’s the VP of a non-profit organization. An international human rights organization, where they strive for the free communication and information exchange of humanity around the world. We had a separate meeting a little while ago, so I talked about you and they found it quite interesting.”

Only then did John open the envelope in his hand. Along with the application documents, there was a brief introduction to the organization. As Sam said, it was an organization focused on freedom of expression and free exchange of information. It seemed to be active mainly in Asia, Africa, Southwest Asia, and Latin America.

John looked over the contents with the documents fluttering. The way he read the documents was quite serious. Staring at John’s neat hair, Sam opened her mouth.

“I can arrange an interview with her, if you don’t mind.”

“…Really?”

John’s heartbeat raised the tempo unconsciously. His face was usually low-key, but now it was blushed. Sam nodded her head.

“Of course, she’s in charge of the internships. But think about it and let me know when you decide, because I mean, objectively, it’s a good opportunity to support you on whatever path you take.”

“…”

“Don’t you know? Maybe in a decade, you’ll become a celebrity enough to surpass your father in this field.”

“…Thank you, Sam.”

John responded quietly, without hiding his shyness, and Sam reached out with a warm smile.

John returned to his room after talking to Sam and stood facing the window for a while. He couldn’t calm down because an unexpected opportunity came. He repeated his conversation with Sam carefully.

“If you get to work at GOFIE, living abroad is inevitable. You’re more likely to be sent to dangerous places like Africa, and even if you don’t, you’ll go on business trips very frequently.”

It was an organization that mainly operated overseas. Sam explained that, even though the headquarters were in London, they spent most of the year abroad. The nature of the organization seemed to fit John’s aptitude, and overseas life was also expected when he developed a vague dream of working for a non-profit organization. However, he felt an indescribable feeling, when the path that seemed like a distant one was presented as a clear reality.

“…”

Unconsciously, John was chewing on his lips. Sam wasn’t particularly meritorious, but judging from her cautious nature, it was clear that this proposal would be a difficult opportunity for John alone. However, John wasn’t happy enough to be embarrassed of himself.

If he were him from not long ago, he would have agreed right away without further consideration. But now it was different. John’s world had changed unconsciously. Now that he realized the fact, John felt far away.

There was only one thing that made John hesitate to change now. John’s green eyes sank.

I’m leaving Valentine and going somewhere else…

It wasn’t that he didn’t know that he had to be separated from Valentine after graduation. It was expected enough, and even a matter of determination, but now John was hesitating. The spring breeze blew gently through the open window. Only after the fresh wind touched his skin, did John realize that his body heat was higher than usual.

Was I… Was I always this weak?

John bowed his head. The dense eyelashes made a long shadow over his cheeks. Suddenly, he heavily squeezed his chest, and John placed his palm over his heart. Recently, this heavy pain had been felt frequently when he thought of Valentine.

“…Valentine “

When he said his name out of his mouth, a buzzing resembling a light fever penetrated John’s heart. Feelings that had sunk like sediment at the bottom of his chest, which he constantly tried to turn away from, began to float. Now, the guilt and anxiety that he had become accustomed to, have multiplied and raised. But it wasn’t only that. What sprouted behind it was an abnormal desire to stay like this forever.

Valentine and him had been on the wrong path for too long to go back. It would never be possible to go back to the past, when only pure, brotherly love existed between the two.

…No, do we really have the heart to turn back?

The envelope was crumpled in his hand, as he squeezed it hard. Surprised, John woke up and shook his head. He needed to calm down somehow. An unconscious dry sigh ran past his thin lips.

Whatever it was, he would see it over time. His relationship with Valentine and his future.

So… It’s okay not to decide anything yet.

John usually didn’t keep secrets from Valentine, but now it was somehow hard not to do so. He wanted to be sure first, and he didn’t want Valentine to get on his nerves, as Valentine was about to take an important test.

Therefore, John decided to think about his future alone. Until then, he had planned to keep all of the confusion and career concerns a secret. After making up his mind, he folded up the envelope and hid it behind his desk.

I know it’s quite a short chapter, please don’t kill me;; Btw, did you like that Dominic and John interaction? Will he be a second ML? Maybe, you will find out soon…(?

Goulash is a Hungarian soup or stew of meat and vegetables, seasoned with paprika and other spices.

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