Chapter 3: Book 1: Chapter Second Rule of Sun Knights: “Gracefully, Leisurely, and Most Importantly, Fair-skinned”

Book 1: Chapter Second Rule of Sun Knights: “Gracefully, Leisurely, and Most Importantly, Fair-skinned”

As we had successfully accomplished our mission to persuade the king to stop raising taxes, Storm and I were both given a few days off work.

It might be, though, that the Pope just couldn’t bear to see Storm with his eyes swollen to the size of chicken eggs, obscuring his vision to the point that he was crashing into pillars as he walked… (Or perhaps he just didn’t want to see another pillar damaged – for the record, the pillars in the church are all ornately carved works of art and are terribly expensive.) …which was why he gave us a few days off.

The moment we were given leave, Storm immediate turned and left the Sanctuary of Light, making a beeline for the knights’ area – the Holy Temple.

The reason? There are women serving as clerics in the Sanctuary of Light, and none among the knights of the Holy Temple.

To someone with eyes swollen to the size of chicken eggs, even if the female clerics of the Sanctuary of Light were all as beautiful as goddesses, winking at them would still be an excruciatingly painful business.

Storm left like a hurricane, and though I too was impatient to begin my vacation, I had no choice but to leave gracefully, walking at a turtle’s pace.

As the whole continent knows, of all the knights, the Sun Knight is the most graceful and no matter what he might be doing, he will never lose his graceful demeanor.

I can still remember how much I used to admire my teacher; no matter whether he was standing, sitting, squatting, mounting, dismounting, running, or fleeing, he was always graceful.

In fact, one day, I was about to use the toilet, but forgot to knock on the door. I opened it abruptly, only to witness my teacher still squatting within and a certain dangling black thing stuck in a difficult spot…

My teacher revealed the brilliant smile which was the Sun Knight’s trademark, and then elegantly finished what needed to be finished before gracefully wiping his bum clean. With great elegance he donned his pants, gracefully picked me up by the scruff of my neck, and then proceeded to give me a thrashing – gracefully.

My teacher often said, “Child, you must know, even if the Sun Knight were to fall down, he must still fall down in an extremely graceful fashion!”

I don’t know if it was revenge for having forced him to use the toilet so gracefully, but for a whole month I fell down on a regular basis until I could – whenever, wherever, no matter how sudden or unexpected – fall down with incomparable grace.

Later on, just by falling I even caused the queen of some country to donate ten thousand gold ducats to the Church of the God of Light for my “healer’s fee”.

Although, ever since then, I have no longer dared to stand next to the church’s finance manager, for whenever I stand next to him there is always a hand lurking behind me, intent on pushing me down a flight of stairs…

But aside from falling down and the slightly troublesome task of having to make sure that the door is locked whenever I use the toilet, walking gracefully can be quite advantageous.

For example, being graceful gives me a good reason to move slowly…and moving slowly is extremely useful when I’m walking through the Sanctuary of Light, because it enables me to record the beautiful female clerics from the corners of my eyes.

Yes, you heard right. It’s not “look” or “peek”, but “record”!

Because as the whole continent knows, the Sun Knight has vowed to dedicate his entire life to the God of Light; he is the most loyal knight of all!

As such, the Sun Knight has absolutely no interest in women!

Even if there is a woman standing next to him who has a face as lovely as a goddess’s, a super curvy figure, and is completely naked, the Sun Knight will not even turn his gaze in the least to glance at her. He will only look ahead steadily, completely unaffected by her presence!

Brother, if you are a real man, do you think something like that is actually possible?

Yes, it is! Not turning one’s eyeballs and looking straight ahead – that is definitely the right answer.

“Child, you are already fourteen years old, and it is time to teach you how to look at women.”

“But teacher, didn’t you dedicate yourself to the God of Light and so have no interest in women?”

“Child, I may have dedicated myself to the God of Light as a knight for him to use, but the God of Light has not dedicated himself to me as a woman for me to use, so I’ll still have to look for ordinary women if I want to ‘use’.”

“…”

“Child, let me tell you, as a Sun Knight, even if the person next to you is a naked, incomparable beauty, you must still look straight in front of you. In order to reach that level, you must learn to how to focus your gaze in front of you and then, using your peripheral vision, record the beauty’s appearance in your mind. You may then retrieve the information from your brain after you return to your room and view it at your leisure!”

Whoa… The one who just went by on the left is not bad, recording!

Whoooa, is the one on the right a newcomer? Don’t think I’ve seen her before, recording!

“Sun!”

I halted and turned gracefully to look at the person who had called me. Inwardly, however, I was actually very tempted to swear. God damn it, what the hell are you calling me for?! I’m not done with recording the newcomer yet!

“Brother Ice, may the benevolent God of Light melt your frosty expression.”

He is the Ice Knight, one of the holy knights who is not on my side.

Why do I say that, you ask?

As the whole continent knows, the Twelve Holy Knights can be further divided into two groups. One is the “good, warm-hearted” faction led by the Sun Knight, and the other is the “cruel, cold-hearted” faction led by the Judgment Knight. It should be obvious that good, warm-hearted people and cruel, cold-hearted people cannot possibly get along well, and that they have to fight whenever they have nothing better to do.

“Sun, you should learn to adopt the God of Light’s severity rather than go easy on that incompetent king.”

Ice’s face was pretty much devoid of expression, but it wasn’t because he had anything against me. As the whole continent knows, the Ice Knight’s expression is perpetually cold; even if the sun hanging in the sky were to hang right above his face, it would still be unable to melt that chilly look of his.

“The benevolence of the God of Light has allowed me to realize that even sinners may someday repent and turn over a new leaf, and I cannot give up any opportunity to redeem their souls.”

A sorrowful yet compassionate expression appeared on my face. Inwardly, I yawned – loudly. Ice Knight wasn’t a talkative person, so according to our “past encounters”, he would only have to add another retort and we would be able to close shop for the day.

“Sinners should be punished. They do not deserve to be given the opportunity to redeem themselves!” As soon as he finished speaking, Ice turned and left, not giving me the opportunity to reply at all.

That’s what I like about him!

Ice Knight is even less fond of arguing than I am, but since it’s what the whole continent expects of us, he would reluctantly come up with a couple of sentences for appearance’s sake.

Moreover, as the whole continent knows, the Ice Knight’s personality is cold as ice, so not only is his face devoid of expression, he also hates to talk. Therefore, actions such as leaving abruptly are also perfectly in line with his character.

But although we always have to argue a little every time we meet, our relationship’s actually not too bad. He, who specializes in ice magic, would make a bowl of ice for me to eat whenever the weather’s hot.

Of course, in order to appear as though we are “opposed” to one another, he would always deliver the opening line of an argument first. Then, when I am mentally prepared, he would hurl a bowl at me for me to catch, and quarrel with me for another couple of lines before lobbing a jar of his handmade blueberry sauce at me. Finally, he would “attack” by casting an ice-type spell at me, sending a huge pile of shaved ice hurtling my way, landing squarely on my head, face, body, and the bowl in my hands… Ah! So nice and cool!

After that, I will have a bowl of blueberry-flavored shaved ice to tuck into, and the image of us being “opposed” to one another will remain unaltered.

That is why I really like that fellow, Ice. However, I am from the “good, warm-hearted” faction and he is from the “cruel, cold-hearted” faction, and as the whole continent knows, we cannot possibly be friends, so we can only be “friends who are not friends”.

Speaking of friends, I think I probably should go and visit my “good friend”, Earth Knight, before going on my vacation.

As the whole continent knows, the Earth Knight has a loyal and sincere disposition. He is tall and physically impressive, yet very shy when speaking, and would even stammer sometimes…

“I’m so-sorry; I’m not too used to speak- speaking with girls…” said Earth Knight, lowering his head bashfully as his cheeks grew flushed.

I pushed open Earth’s room door just in time to hear him saying that sentence for the thirty-first or thirty-second time to the thirty-first or thirty-second girl whom I’d seen him with.

It was then that Earth shot me a discreet glare for the thirty-first or thirty-second time. The look in his eyes was extremely menacing, but there was still a foolish smile on his face as he greeted me, saying, “Sun, y-you’re back.”

“Yes, under the blessing and with the support of the God of Light, Sun has been so fortunate as to not fail in his mission and has successfully fulfilled the God of Light’s wish, which was conveyed to Sun by the Pope.”

“I see! Hohoho, congratulations! Is there something you need me for?” Earth Knight asked.

Despite his foolish laughter, there was impatience in his gaze, which I did not fail to notice.

“Under the well-intentioned prompting of the God of Light, I have come to greet you, my friend, Earth. The Pope has sensed that assignments no longer enable me to experience more of the God of Light’s benevolence, thus I will be experiencing the God of Light’s teachings beneath the wide earth and open skies.”

That is to say, I, the Sun Knight, will be going on vacation!

I definitely read “F***! If you’re going on vacation then hurry up and scram” in Earth’s eyes. As for the woman next to him, she stared at me, unmoving – I can guarantee that she hadn’t understood a word of what I had just said. It is impossible for a person to understand the meaning of my words unless he or she has known me for over three years.

It is also the main reason why I can’t find a girlfriend, since whenever I try to chat up a girl whom I admire, she would think that I’m preaching to her, and would hurriedly leave me with some money for incense before running away.

“That’s great, you can take a holiday.”

Earth was still looking at me with that silly grin on his face, that face with its simple-minded expression which has tricked heaven knows how many girls.

Compared to Storm, who casts flirtatious winks at women every day until he gets a muscle cramp but is very likely to still be a virgin, Earth is the real lascivious villain who manages not to have a reputation as a dissolute fellow. For as the whole continent knows, the Earth Knight is loyal, honest, and sincere, so how can such a person possibly be dissolute in his ways?

It’s inconceivable! It’s just as inconceivable as the idea of the Sun Knight being a drink fiend!

Although I have already seen thirty-one or thirty-two different women in his room by now, this fellow is still firmly entrenched in first place on the yearly poll for “The Man Women Want Most as Their Husband” year after year.

Although I am better-looking than Earth, have a higher position that him, and have a higher salary than him, my name has never once appeared on the “The Man Women Want Most as Their Husband” poll, because as all the women of the continent know, the Sun Knight only loves God, not women.

F***!

That is why I hate him.

Coincidentally—or most likely because I always open the door just as he’s luring a woman to his bed—Earth hates me as well.

However, as the whole continent knows, the Sun Knight and the Earth Knight are the best of friends… So the two of us have no choice but to be “good friends who loathe each other!”

I revealed the brilliant smile that I’ve practiced for ten years. Instantly, that woman’s face turned bright red, and though she wanted to duck her head and pretend to be bashful, she couldn’t bring herself to tear her gaze from my face.

Although I can never seem to make it onto the “The Man Women Want Most as Their Husband” poll, I am still the long-term conqueror of the number one position on the “Sunshine Beautiful Men” poll. It is absolutely not a problem for me to make a woman quickly forget the man she wants most as her husband!

“Sun, aren’t you going on vacation?” Earth glared at me ferociously, but his tone was still loyal and honest as he spoke – his ability to pretend can give my smiling face a run for its money! “Hurry and think about what you want to do; the holiday will be over very quickly.”

I heaved a sigh feelingly. “This must be the God of Light speaking through you, Earth, to remind Sun to hurry to the wide world and experience the will of the God of Light. Sun shall bear with the pain of parting and bid farewell to you, Earth.”

Scram!

Although I could see that word blazing in Earth’s eyes, the look on his face suggested perfectly that he would be looking forward to my return. In a sincere voice, he said, “I look forward to seeing you again, my friend.”

Hahaha! Wearing a smile on my face, I nodded and then shut the door in high spirits. Seeing how that girl was so mesmerized by me that her eyes had turned to hearts, Earth’s attempt to deceive a girl is destined to fail this time, hahaha!

To be able to interfere and prevent someone else from romancing a woman always leaves me in especially high spirits. Very good, it looks like my vacation is on to a beautiful start.

Oh, no! Wait; I can’t go on vacation yet.

Although I mentioned earlier that my relationship with Ice Knight is pretty good, out of the Twelve Holy Knights, he’s still not the one whom I have the best relationship with. Before I go on my vacation, I think I’ve got to pay a visit to my actual best friend, otherwise I’m afraid he’ll charge me with “forgetting friendship at the sight of beauty”… That is, seeing that someone else has a beautiful woman, hurrying to get in the way of that person’s happiness, and consequently forgetting one’s own friend.

According to what I’ve heard lately, it seems that the number of crimes requiring judging has been particularly high, so I guess I’ll be able to meet him if I wait in the toilet of the Judge’s Complex.

As expected, I had only just carried two stools and a basin of water into the toilet and settled down gracefully on a stool next to the squat toilet for no longer than three minutes when a knight with black hair, black eyes, and wearing a black knight’s uniform rammed the door open in great haste. Upon entering, he hurried forward, knelt down, and proceeded to throw up noisily.

While I’m sitting here elegantly on a stool and waiting for him to finish puking, I might as well introduce him to everyone. This triple-black fellow (with black hair, black eyes, and black clothes) is “my best friend who is not my friend”, who also happens to be the leader of the “cruel, cold-hearted” faction: Judgment Knight.

As the whole continent knows, the most terrifying, the cruelest knight among the Twelve Holy Knights, the one whose name you could use to scare three-year-old kids, make them cry, and not even dare to sleep at night, is none other than the Judgment Knight, who is responsible for judging criminals.

As I am the leader of the good, warm-hearted people and he is the boss of the cruel, cold-hearted people, the two of us are sworn enemies.

I always say, “The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”

He always says, “The harsh God of Light will punish you for your sins.”

From this you can see that the God of Light must have a split personali— I mean, split divinity!

A crooked stick will have a crooked shadow, so the knights under Him are all a bit peculiar.

The first time he interrogated a criminal, he, who should have been the terrifying, cruel Judgment Knight, dashed to the toilet to puke right after he finished his interrogation.

Although that shouldn’t have been anything strange either, since he was only thirteen years old when he had his first practice interrogation. It’s very normal for a thirteen year old child to be unable to stomach a flogging with all that blood and gore.

I can still remember the day he had his first practice interrogation; my teacher had brought me along to have my first practice quarrel with the future Judgment Knight.

When I saw the serial rapist hanging from a crucifix, beaten beyond recognition, there was a feeling of satisfaction in my heart.

You bastard!

Do you know that the Sun Knight can only love God and not women in this lifetime? Do you know that the Sun Knight’s way of talking may render it impossible for me to get a woman into my bed in this lifetime?

You, you criminal, actually daring to use such a dastardly method to get women! This simply makes me so (envious)…so pissed off! A scumbag like you deserves to have your corpse flogged even after you die!

Just as I was wondering about stuff like how one should go about flogging a corpse and so on, my teacher gave me a surreptitious nudge, reminding me what I had come to do. Oh, right; I’m here to have a practical on how to quarrel with the future Judgment Knight.

I immediately put on a Sun Knight-styled compassionate yet sorrowful expression, exclaiming, “This is simply too piteously cruel! How could you possibly use such methods to treat a child of the God of Light? Even if he is a criminal, he may still repent! The benevolent God of Light will certainly not condone such brutality!”

I’m done! I’ve started the argument; it’s your turn now.

I turned and looked at my teacher. Seeing the approving smile on his face, I could tell that I’d done a good job of starting the quarrel.

That black-haired, black-eyed, and black-garbed little Judgment Knight did not say anything for a long time, however, and I could swear that I saw self-reproach and a profound regret in his eyes, as well as sparkling tears when I castigated him.

And then, with tears welling up in his eyes, he wrested himself free from his teacher’s hold and knocked me aside as he ran away with his hands over his mouth.

“Child, are you not going to hurry up and follow him, to teach him the benevolence of the God of Light?” my teacher said, patting me on the back.

What? I still have to quarrel with him? I don’t think that’s nice, he’s already crying…

“Remember to bring with you a handkerchief, clean water, and two stools.” After giving me such strange instructions, my teacher turned and began to argue with his sworn enemy, the big Judgment Knight, verbally hurling “benevolence” and “harshness” at one another.

Although I was full of doubts, I did not dare to go against my teacher’s orders, so I hurriedly looked for a basin of clean water. I already had the handkerchief, so with two stools tucked under my arms, I ran off to look for my future sworn enemy.

In the end, I found him in the toilet next to the Judge’s Complex. He was in the middle of puking his guts out, and was still puking even though there was nothing left in his stomach for him to throw up anymore.

I stood like a block of wood to one side, waiting. When my feet grew tired, I remembered the stools I was carrying. I walked over to pass a stool to my sworn enemy and then placed the other one beneath my own butt.

I continued to wait woodenly for some time, and at long last, he finally stopped puking.

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Seeing his messy appearance, I automatically handed the water and handkerchief to him. He too received them woodenly and began to clean himself up.

The handkerchief, stools, and water have all come into play… I was struck by a sudden realization. Could it be that my teacher had also once sat in this toilet, watching his sworn enemy throw up?

When the future Judgment Knight was finally done throwing up, he wordlessly washed the handkerchief clean and handed it back to me. He didn’t say a word of thanks because he couldn’t say it; the Sun Knight and the Judgment Knight are eternally sworn enemies as we each represent a completely different image of the God of Light. As such, each of us definitely cannot get along well with the other!

The two of us merely sat there, looking at each other wordlessly. I did not wish to reproach him with the benevolence of the God of Light, and he did not wish to use the harshness of the God of Light to rebuke me.

From that time on, the two of us would frequently have our “exchanges” on the God of Light’s benevolence and harshness in the toilet. I would often bring a basin of water, stools, and a handkerchief to the toilet and wait for him there. In turn, he would always prepare tea and pastries before his interrogations, and then bring them with him as he rushes to the toilet after interrogating.

You should know that a person would usually be kind of hungry after throwing up.

However, the pastries that he brings with him are always the type that’s so sweet that you could almost mistake them for a heap of sugar – the type that he doesn’t like, but I love.

Just then, it seemed that Judgment Knight was finally done throwing up. As before, I handed him the basin of water and the handkerchief, and he carefully freshened up, even as he said, “You have not concerned yourself with the judging of criminals for a while now, Sun. I thought that you had finally understood that only the harshness of the God of Light can bring an end to their criminal ways.”

I understood what he meant by those words. My good friend was complaining that I had not come to chat with him for such a long time.

“The God of Light’s benevolence does not exist within the Church alone. The palace, too, requires the illumination of benevolence, and His Majesty the king thirsts for the teachings of the God of Light more than anyone else.”

Meaning I was dispatched to “educate” that pig of a king.

“His Majesty the king surely treats you with scorn. Only the God of Light’s harshness can make him aware of the perils he faces.”

It must been really tough, dealing with that pig of a king. Judgment gave me a sympathetic look.

“Through the efforts of Storm Knight, His Majesty the king was able to experience and comprehend the God of Light’s benevolence.”

If it weren’t for Storm that fat pig would still be unwilling to back down and lower taxes.

“Storm Knight must deeply regret not having educated the entire palace with the harshness of the God of Light; can his eyes not see the wickedness in the palace?”

He went to the palace, which is full of women… Are his eyes okay?

“He used his eyes to witness the wickedness in the palace, and though it was excruciatingly painful, he continued to forgive them with the benevolence of the God of Light.”

He only just stopped short of going blind.

“May the God of Light have mercy on him for witnessing wickedness and yet administering no punishment.”

Poor thing… I hope his eyes recover soon.

“The Pope has already communicated to us the support of the God of Light. The warm sunlight of the outside world will shine on his forgiving eyes for three days, and Sun has been most fortunate as to be able to experience together with him the God of Light’s benevolence.”

He’s on leave for three days, as am I.

“May the noon sunshine allow you two to experience the God of Light’s fiery harshness. No matter where you may go, the God of Light’s harshness will bear witness.”

Hope you guys have fun! Where are you going?

“The God of Light’s benevolence shines upon every corner of the continent, even if it is the lowly Sun Knight’s room.”

I’m going to hole up in my room like a turtle.

Judgment finally caved in and allowed a grin to appear on his stern and cold face. He shook his head, still grinning, and then took out a pastry and handed it to me. “May you come to accept the God of Light’s harshness one day.”

“May you learn to accept the God of Light’s benevolence soon as well.”

I took the pastry from him and took a bite. Yum, blueberry flavored, it’s really tasty.

As I told Judgment Knight when our conversation turned to my three day long holiday, I planned to stay in my room to sleep… Hey, what sort of look is that you’re giving me? You don’t believe I really am going to stay indoors to sleep?

What? Go pick up chicks?

Don’t be a fool; I have no intention of helping the Church earn money! As such, I have absolutely no desire to hit on those girls whom I’m interested in only to have them mistake my pick-up lines for preaching and throw incense money at me before running away!

Eh? Am I not a drink fiend? Go for a drink at the tavern?

You must be out of your mind!

Have you forgotten who I am?

I am the Sun Knight, okay?! How can the Sun Knight, who collapses after just three drinks, go to the tavern?

Do you think that I’m not a Sun Knight just because I’m on leave?

My teacher often said, “Once a Sun Knight, one must smile and smile until the day one dies.”

Even if I’m on vacation, I am still a Sun Knight; the only change is that I have become a Sun Knight on vacation.

Even if I’m on vacation, the smile on my face must still be as brilliant as the sun.

Even if I’m on vacation, I must still mention the God of Light’s benevolence once every three sentences during a conversation.

Even if I am on vacation, when I see a beautiful woman I can only use my peripheral vision to record her.

As such, I would rather hole up in my room and sleep. There, my expression can be as sour as I want it to be and if I have nothing better to do, I am free to yell, “Go to hell, you fat pig of a king!” After that I can pour my efforts into retrieving the recordings of various women from my brain and use them for all sorts of OO and XX fantasies…

I can then, while fantasizing about a gorgeous woman, open the trapdoor beneath my bed and then head into the cellar to drink a couple of bottles of wine made by the previous Sun Knight – or the one before him, or the one before that one. Also, in order to show my gratitude to the previous Sun Knight, as well as to benefit the next Sun Knight, I will have to go to the kitchen and bring some apples back.

My teacher often said, “Child, it’s fine if your swordsmanship is poor, because the worst thing that can come of it is an early death.

“It’s fine if you have a hard time learning holy magic, since the worst thing that can come of it is that you won’t be able to heal your patients’ wounds, in which case you can just give the patient a couple of blessings and wish him an early reunion with the God of Light.

“But you must learn well the art of wine-making! Otherwise, even after you’ve returned to the company of the God of Light, future Sun Knights will, for lack of good wine, curse your name for generations to come!”

My teacher was most proficient at making grape wine, so I have an entire cellar full of grape wine to drink. As for me, I am best at making apple wine, so my student will have an entire cellar full of apple wine to drink.

However, as a result of taking too many apples, the cafeteria lady always serves apples as my after-meal fruit…

So my feelings toward apples are about the same as my feelings towards Earth Knight; I am the apple-loving Sun Knight who hates apples!

Because I don’t want to smile!

Because I don’t want to say “the benevolence of the God of Light!”

Because I don’t want to see an apple!

So I think I’ll just hole up in my room like a turtle, sleep, and do some skin care while I’m at it.

What? Why the heck would a guy need skin care, you say?

Brother, you really are clueless… As the whole continent knows, the Sun Knight is a beautiful man with golden hair, blue eyes, and skin so fair that he practically glows!

For the sake of becoming a beautiful man with skin so fair that he practically glows, every single Sun Knight has inevitably become an expert in making skin whitening body masks. However, I believe I must be one of the foremost experts amongst them.

Although I am called the Sun Knight, in truth, I hate being in the sun because I tan very easily. Each time I spend some time in the sun, I will have to apply a body mask for the entire night after in order to salvage my fair skin.

At the same time, I am also experimenting with all sorts of body masks in order to allow my easily tanned self to remain as fair-skinned as ever, even if I had just spent the previous day fighting under the sun.

At the moment, the most effective body mask resulting from my experiments involves mixing soured milk with ten drops of lemon juice, the extract of thirty roses, the extract of ten stalks of lavender, and a small amount of flour. After the mixture is ready, I would lather it all over my body, set a pot of water on the fire, and use the steam produced to give my entire body a good steaming for an hour.

(Please note that I, the Sun Knight, have done this many times before; don’t try this if you’re not a knight!)

This mixture guarantees that after an entire day of sunbathing, one will still have skin as fair as soured milk, with a tinge of egg yellow.

Truth be told, however, I’ve always suspected that the first Sun Knight was simply an albino!

How else could he have been able to stay in the sun all day, training, fighting, listening to the king’s lecture, et cetera, and somehow still leave behind that damnable image as a beautiful man with a fair complexion for the whole continent to know?

Regardless of whether the first Sun Knight was actually an albino, however, I have no other choice but to strip myself naked and give my entire body a good steaming every week.

There is one thing, however, that is even more evil than apples and Earth Knight: Every time, after I’ve stripped myself naked, lathered the skin whitening body mask all over my body, and am about to begin steaming myself, some jackass or another would usually appear, knocking on my door…

Knock-knock-knock!

You see? Damn it, it has got to be a curse!

I’m almost used to it already.

“May I ask which brother is it beyond the door, who has been, with a gentle murmur, reminded by the God of Light to come forth and seek out Sun, in order to discuss the God of Light’s benevolence?”

He had better damn well be looking for me for some important matter, otherwise I will scrap off the body mask from my body and then shove all of it into his mouth!

“It’s me, Leaf. Thank goodness you’re in, Sun. Come quickly; an undead creature has appeared in the city!”

Leaf Knight? Of all the knights in the “good, warm-hearted” faction, he’s one of the rare few whom I actually like.

The reason is that he is truly a nice guy.

“Please hold on for a moment, brother Leaf. Under the prompting of the benevolent God of Light, Sun has sensed that he will need to face this world with a clean appearance.”

No matter how urgent the matter is, you still have to let me scrape off the body mask from my body and put on my clothes first!

Otherwise, when I appear, it’s hard to tell if everyone will attack me instead of the undead creature… Right now, my appearance on the whole resembles that of an undead creature that’s still decomposing!

“Sure, take your time, Sun. I’ll go and help keep the undead creature busy. Don’t worry; I’ll leave it for you to finish off!”

Sure enough, after he finished speaking, I heard the sound of the Leaf Knight’s urgent footsteps as he left in a hurry.

You see, he’s such a kind person! If I were a woman, I would definitely say to him in my gentlest voice, “You truly are a nice guy!”

As the whole continent knows, the thing which the Sun Knight hates the most is none other than undead creatures. Such creatures of darkness completely defy the edict of the God of Light, and as the element of darkness within them and the Sun Knight, who faces the light, are diametrically opposed to one another, thus the Sun Knight will always go berserk upon catching sight of an undead creature!

Of course he will go berserk, because the only thing that the Sun Knight doesn’t need to forgive is an undead creature!

Meaning, I can go ballistic and roar, enraged as I chop that fellow up into a ton of mincemeat. As for my resentment at having to smile every day, having to mention the God of Light’s benevolence in every sentence, being unable to look at pretty girls openly, at having to lather on a body mask every week, I can vent it all on that fellow!

My teacher often said, “Child, you absolutely must seek out undead creatures on a frequent basis.”

“Is it because the Sun Knight has vowed to destroy all undead creatures?”

“No, you must seek them out frequently so as to vent your emotions.”

“What?”

“Think about it. You must smile every day, forgive every piece of human trash, and praise the God of Light – whom you will probably never meet in your entire life – in every sentence. If you don’t have a channel by which you can vent your feelings, then if you end up with depression, you might no longer be able to carry out your duties as a Sun Knight properly. If you fail to carry out your duties properly, you will lose your job, and after losing your job you will become even more depressed. In the end, you will be so depressed that you’ll be reunited with the God of Light. Now, you surely wouldn’t want to meet with such a tragic end, do you?”

“…I don’t.”

“And so, child, you must look for an undead creature to vent your frustrations on at least once a month, understand?”

“What if I can’t find one?”

“Do not worry, child. Here, this is the name card of the necromancer whom the Church has specially contracted; not only can you specify the type of undead creature that you want, you can even report this as work expenses and get the Church to pay for it.”

“…”

In order not to become depressed, in order not to become unemployed, and in order not to be reunited with the God of Light too soon, I hurriedly scraped off the skin whitening body mask. I was in a rush to vent my resentment on the undead creature.

It’s a good thing I hadn’t begun to steam myself yet.

I say that because body mask that’s still wet and dripping is definitely ten times easier to scrape off than body mask that has already dried. If you don’t believe me, next time when you’re free, take a pot of glue and coat your body with it. Let the left half of your body stay wet and bake the right side dry, and then compare the difference when you try to scrape it off.

(I should still remind you, though, that I, the Sun Knight, have done this many times before; if you’re not a knight, I won’t be responsible for the consequences if you try it.)

I can still remember how, when my teacher first taught me to make the most basic of skin whitening body masks, he forgot to give me a very important piece of instruction. By the time he remembered and hurried back to remind me, the body mask had already dried and I was busily scraping it off…

“Child, you absolutely must not coat the body mask onto your ‘important area’, otherwise—”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

My important area has not grown a single hair from that day on.

My teacher has always felt that he had failed me, and so after that incident, he would be especially serious and put in extra effort when teaching me and he no longer dared to forget to mention even the smallest piece of instruction.

We’re going off-topic. In any case, the wet and dripping skin whitening body mask only needs to be rinsed off, and I would be completely clean. With that rinsing, however, goes the two hours’ worth of effort that I’d put into mixing the body mask… Oh, the heartache! The Church won’t reimburse me for the money spent on buying roses and lavender!

I watched with unshed tears in my eyes as part of my salary was washed away… Damn it! I’m so going to vent all of my resentment onto that damnable undead creature! I am so pissed off!

I donned my knight’s uniform and picked up a sword. Charge!

I kicked open the door to my room. After charging out, I wasn’t sure which direction I was supposed to head towards. Luckily, that fellow Leaf isn’t just a nice guy, but is nice and very meticulous. Not only had he gone ahead to help me reserve that undead creature, he’d also left behind a knight-apprentice to point me in the right direction!

Leaf! I swear that when I’m done with venting my emotions, I will definitely send a recommendation to the Church to issue you a certificate for being such a nice guy.

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