Chapter 3: F*cking Horcrux these nuts d*ckhead.

''MAGICAL PUNCH!" Colt kicked off the ground, slamming his knee directly into Lucious's nuts, He was cleaning the place out. Hunting down known death eaters and forcibly finding the ones still involved, leaving the ones who truly left them alone.

Lucious the poor dude gripped at his nuts as he fell to the ground holding them tenderly, wheezing out. ''You said punch...''

''Damn, did I? Sorry, let me fix that.''

''MAGIC PUNCH!" A bit of flame left the front of his foot, suddenly swinging it back before flame escaped the back of his foot as he slammed his steel-toed boot directly into the man's nose. Actually kicking the man hard enough to send him across the room and slamming into the wall.

Lucius slumped to the ground, along with the many other death eaters that lay in piles of their own bodies, broken bones, cracked skulls, and noses, he basically kicked their fancy magical door in, and even as he caught a large number of killing curses to the face, proceeded to gut fuck each and every one of them with his fancy new magical boots.

Before his foot lowered back to the ground, he leaned forward as his boot landed on a table, examining his new boots as he gushed.

''Look at them, not a scratch, not a mark, not even a piece of brain matter!''

''You said punch again.'' A heavy staff click as Moody wobbled into the room, his wand waving as he pushed gore and blood out of his path making his way over to Colt.

''If I was just a few years younger, I'd try and bed you.'' Moody stated a matter of factly, causing Colt to laugh.

''If I was into men? I'd fuck you now!''

Moody chuckled, shaking his head. ''Bodies too old for that now, but thanks for the vote of confidence.''

Moody stopped before he turned to look at Colt. ''Actually... I take that back, after what you said earlier about the Devil's Snare, I don't know if you be willing to fuck me is a compliment, or just how you view it.''

Colt raised his shoulders. ''Have a body like mine, that's immune to magic diseases, or anything like that, and you'd be able to get a lot more freaky to.... I plan to fuck the sun eventually.''

Colt grinned a bit, his mind turning to the image of a smoking hot dark-skinned woman with a sizable rear end. ''At least... A few versions of it.''

Moody chuckled as he used his staff to help him walk away, using his wand to pull what looked to be a ring from through the wall, before tossing it to Colt.

He caught it, sending it straight down his throat as massive gout of flame suddenly burned brightly as he melted the ring and the soul within it down, before pulling out what looked to be a stone, that seemed like he was picking his teeth to do so.

''Huh... Would you look at that?'' Colt said, causing Moody to look around, his eye going wide before he hissed. ''Put that away!''

It vanished in a puff of smoke. ''Cool, you think they'll let me keep it?''

Moody growled as he began to walk out, since Colt had not only killed everyone but also set every single trap off on his way to the main panic room he didn't worry about any magical trap as he walked back towards the exit... At least towards the large broken wall Colt had kicked in next to the door.

Did he say he took the door earlier? Slipped his mind.

''Not like anyone could take it from you... All thought I'm not going to say anything if you won't''

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Colt threw his arms open towards Moody. ''Have you ever considered becoming a woman? It's in the bro code that if a homie becomes a girl, you can smash without worry.''

''Bro... Code? Why does it sound so... familiar despite me never having heard it? Whatever... No, I am quite comfortable being a man.''

Colt clicked his tongue as he began to walk out with him. ''Damnit, I needed me a morally questionable milf.''

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''FROM DOWNTOWN!" Colt said as he leaped through the air, drop kicking a large crystal pedal stool inside a dark dreary cave.

Only for massive gout of magic to slam into him and toss him across the water like a stone before he sunk into the depths.

Harry watched, flabbergasted at the events. The entire trip here had been a roller coaster.

Is it weight that despite it, Harry was growing fond of Colt? His bearing, and how he was able to make everything seem fun just... Helped Harry a lot.

Dumbledore watched as creatures began to swarm the water towards where he had landed.

''Headmaster... should we help him?'' Harry asked, somewhat unsure.

Dumbledore chuckled softly, shaking his head. ''Harry, you should be asking if we should help the creatures from him...''

Soon, a massive amount of bubbles began to rise as it looked like the water was boiling.

Before a flaming boat suddenly popped out of the water, a flaming skeleton holding an oar made of flame as he slowly rowed over towards them.

He cackled, his voice seeming echoey as he spoke. ''A coin to cross the river Styx?''

Dumbledore used magic to toss the locket toward him. ''I've no coin to give, but shall a trade do?''

A skeletal hand reached out to catch it, watching the chain and locket melt within his hand before he grinned, eating it directly as a loud roar was heard, another massive gout of flame leaving his mouth. ''Aye, that will do. Get on.''

Harry tentatively got onto the boat, despite the flame it was very comfortable, even as he settled in it felt like the flames were slowly healing him, aches and pains he didn't know he had slowly left. Dumbledore got in as well, practically groaning as he leaned back against the side of the boat. It seemed it was helping him as well.

No one but Colt seemed to notice the flames licking along Harry's scar, but he grinned as he began to row the boat out of the cave.

(I admit, it's a bit freeing to right this story a little bit. It amuses a scratch in my brain.)

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