Chapter 256: Wanting To Protect You...

Jiang Lanying hugged him tightly and broke into muffled sobs. She was trembling in his embrace as her cries echoed in the room.

Jiang Li had gone through such a serious accident that had caused serious harm to his body and he suffered everything alone. From the accident to taking in this heartbreaking news, nobody got a whiff of anything.

"Why didn't you say anything? H-How did nobody in the family come to know about your accident?"

He clenched his jaw.

"Because I didn't want anybody to know about it! It was my luck that nobody could contact the family members and I let it remain that way. I wanted it to be a secret and especially from you…" his voice was cold and menacing.

She looked up at him, taken aback. "Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to leave me!" Jiang Li suddenly burst into a slightly louder voice than usual.

He took a step back as his chest heaved up and down, taking rapid and anxious breaths. The veins on his forehead faintly became visible as he clenched his jaw with a strange sense of animosity and resentment bubbling in his chest.

The fear that was rooted in the deepest part of his heart all this time finally came to surface. He confessed his despair and for the first time in eighteen months, he was standing bare with his feelings exposed.

Jiang Lanying, who always wanted him to show his most vulnerable side to her, was there in front of her right now.

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back against a wall. He trapped her within his arms and his dark eyes stared at her, swirling with a whirlpool of possessive emotions. It made her heart flutter in thrill but also shudder in fear.

Jiang Li lifted her chin and narrowed his eyes. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get embarrassed of me and then leave me forever."

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Her eyes slightly widened in shock.

"It is embarrassing, right?" He dryly laughed. "Having problems to make you pregnant is shameful, isn't it? Just like Lai Chang said, I indeed cheated on you by hiding this from you. Why? Because I didn't want you to think less of me. That's why, I started distancing myself from you. Because I couldn't face you! I had problems and I had decided to only speak when I would be cured. Otherwise...if I had been nice to you, if I had shown a happy marriage in front of everyone, what reason was I supposed to give you for not wanting a child? So, I acted cold because I wanted to make you feel that I don't like you anymore. So, I don't want a child either."

She stared at him in a daze.

He chuckled. "I know it was stupid of me to treat the woman I love the most in this cruel way. I know you were hurt because of my avoidance and ignorance. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't gather my courage to tell you the truth. I had very slim chances of recovering, and I had to know if I could be cured or not. What if I couldn't and you start hating me because of it? What if I would lose my place in your heart? The mere thought sent chills down my spine."

There was a beat of silence in the air as he took a pause.

"You know, Lanying? I thought about this many times. I had immediately started my treatment, but it was difficult to get the toxins out of my system. It had already formed a small tumor in my body. It is not life-threatening, but it is the cause of my illness right now. Jin Zhilan, the gynaecologist I was meeting all this time, tried many treatment options on me, but her medications didn't work. It was too difficult to flush out the toxins from my blood and make me healthy again. Today, she came to hand me a report of yet another failed treatment…" he laughed.

"The last hope I had burnt into ashes. She is the best in her field and she did everything she could. I did everything I could, but nothing gave results. And then, I began to get more withdrawn. Time passed and I knew that everybody was expecting a child. You too. You never said it upfront until that night when you finally asked it. But I always understood your desire whenever I looked at you watching other children and their parents. You wanted a child and you had a husband who couldn't give you one.

So sometimes I thought that it would be better to free you from a man who would never be able to make you a mother. You deserve to live a happy life and have a happy family with lots of kids calling you Mama. You should marry a man who could give you the joy that I cannot."

He lowered his gaze that seemed more obsessive than before. He leaned his head until their noses bumped.

"But you know what, Lanying?" He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "When I imagined you marrying another man, sleeping with another man and carrying another man's children, it made me so, so angry that I wished to tear this whole world apart. I am extremely possessive of you. You are mine. You are my woman. Nobody is allowed to even look at you or I will gauge his eyeballs out. You are also not allowed to think of anybody else but me."

"I didn't tell you anything because I feared that if you knew the truth, you would not want me any more. You would talk about leaving me. You would desire to marry another man who could keep you happy. And if I ever heard those words from you, I feared that I would lock you up in a room and imprison you forever. I didn't tell you anything not only because I didn't want you to feel ashamed of me but also because I wanted to protect you from...me."

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