Chapter 26: Chapter 25

The question that plagues us regarding the existence of alternate realities, is whether or not they would all develop similarly to us. Would the inhabitants of such a reality be human? Would they walk on two legs? What would they love? How would they love? If the Goddess existed in their reality, what would her nature be? These are all burning questions which unfortunately cannot be answered. More importantly, if the Mah'Kur came from another reality, then in whose image were they created?

-From the Study of Temporal Phenomenon, Page 221

“How long have you known?” My words came forth as a strained whisper; something about my face just didn’t feel right; Sheena had told me it was swollen. The High Lady stood at the end of my bed, arms folded, her guards, as usual, flanking the door with shouldered weapons and stern expressions.

“Lyra,” Sheena hissed. “Show some respect!”

“That’s quite alright, Sheena,” She waved her hand dismissively as she regarded me. “I’ve known since just after the summit. Balthasar originally concealed much of his knowledge of the Stormveil, though I fail to see why, and when he’d heard about you, and your decision to become Lyra, he came forward in an effort to make sure you were protected. Today I would judge that his efforts paid off.”

“But you knew I wasn’t him,” I said with great effort, my muscles straining with every movement of my lips. “you knew, and you still treated me like him.”

“Because you were him for a while, Lyra,” The High Lady unfolded her arms and stepped closer, standing across from Sheena and resting her weight on the bed. “Balthasar explained to us how this happened, and it was decided that we would wait to see which personality won out. Clearly, Micah was the weaker. I’m sorry Lyra, but I took the word of the man who had known you for forty years.”

“Forty years? So why not tell me what happened in the Stormveil?” I demanded. “Why are you leaving me in the dark like this? If you know then tell me!” 

“Lyra!” Sheena hissed as I raised my voice at the end of the sentence. I dropped back onto the bed, my head slamming against the pillow with a ‘poof’. 

“Telling you would be counterproductive,” The High Lady explained in a terse tone that clearly invited no worthwhile discussion. “Lyra, if your mind isn’t ready to remember then force feeding you the information isn’t going to help you. In fact it might hurt you. Lyra, listen, this is a world of steam and machines, cranks and gears, and brutal politics; the supernatural is not our forte, you understand. We have very little understanding of what happened to you, even Balthasar who witnessed it firsthand. We don’t know how to help you other than in the ways we already have.”

“What if I went back to the Stormveil?” I argued. “I had another life, somewhere else, it’s hard to remember, I just have flashes and-”

“Lyra, I am sorry,” The High Lady said firmly, positively indicating that it was time for me to stop speaking. “We don’t know, we simply don’t know. If you can come up with a convincing reason why we should mount an expensive expedition using highly experimental technology to transport one single person through the Stormveil, likely sacrificing dozens if not hundreds of others in the process, then I will absolutely be opening to listening to you. Until then, try enjoying what you have.”

I looked over to Sheena who sat beside my bed, giving me a perplexed stare; I closed my eyes, a feeling of shame suddenly overtaking me. The room lay silent, the hum of a intravenous pump resonating louder than before as I finally opened my eyes and looked to Sheena who had now leaned back and folded her hands onto her lap.

“Lyra, seeing as you are Lyra,” The High Lady said, stepping back and around to the end of the bed again. “Your sentence is suspended indefinitely, I release you into the custody of your sister, she will dictate your life course until you reach the age of majority.”

The High Lady left us alone in the recovery room, Sheena began to wring her hands. Finally, she broke the uncomfortable silence by standing and crossing the room.

“Sheena,” I called after her but getting no response as she shot me one more disdainful glance before exiting the room. I lay there on the bed in complete shock; what had happened? Why was she angry? What had I done?

I tried to stand up, to follow her, but found that my muscles just didn’t respond in the way they should. I made it halfway off the bed before Caius’s assistant entered and told me to stay put. And so I laid there, all day, hour after boring hour as the sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. Finally, there was a knock at the door, prompting me to look up; Jen stood in the door along with Miah and Sophia. I smiled weakly, so much as I could with a swollen face and they stepped in to congratulate me.

“Caius says you did well!” Jen exclaimed happily. “And look at your face!”

“And everything else,” Miah pointed out. I followed her gaze, looking down at my body for the first time. My eyes went wide as I saw a form completely unfamiliar to me, yet perfectly right. I ran my hands up and down the fabric of the brown frock they had dressed me in following the procedure, feeling the perfect sculpting of my breasts, thighs, the curve of my waist. 

“I…I need a mirror,” I said, struggling to climb off the bed. Jen laughed and pushed me down, I crumpled under her strength. 

“Perhaps later,” Jen told me. “They say you’ll need your rest for several days yet.”

“I need to see Sheena,” I told her, struggling again. “I-”

“Why is she not here?” Sophie asked, causing me to go slack. 

“I…”

“We passed her in the Octagon,” Miah offered helpfully. “Did you not see?”

“I hadn’t paid too close attention,” Jen laughed. “We were in such a rush to get here!”

“She looked upset,” Miah said with some degree of concern. “Did something transpire between you two?”

There was little that I could think of, save for my conversation with the High Lady, but what could I tell them about that? The very concept of another world, especially the one that I had supposedly come from would make me sound, well, insane. Not to mention I was fairly certain that I wasn’t supposed to mention it.

Eventually, Miah and Sophia left, leaving just Jen to sit with me. 

“I cannot wait to see what you look like once the swelling recedes,” She chattered on. “And your shape now! The things you will be able to wear!”

She continued speaking of things that should have been of the utmost importance to me but as she chattered on, all I could think about was Sheena. Why had she left? Why hadn’t she come back? I tried my best to participate in the converation with her but between the swelling of my face and the growing sickness in the pit of my stomach, I found myself unable to concentrate on anything she had to say.

“You seem tired,” Jen smiled. “I must make my way back to the dorm. Oh! They finished the servant’s quarters, we’ll be moving in there shortly. Is that not exciting?”

“It is,” I said, offering her a swollen smile. It was the best I could do.

The day faded away into a sleepless night as I awoke several times in a cold sweat amongst the whirring, clicking, and pumping of darkened machinery. At one point I even awakened thinking it was odd that none of the machines were lit; why would I even think that? Then, in the darkness, I cried. I turned onto my stomach, in spite of Caius’ orders and screamed muffled sobs into my pillow. I’d done something, something awful and now Sheena was gone. I just wanted her back, just for a minute.

No. No I couldn’t be like this. I turned over, wiping my eyes and wincing as the skin became irritated. She’d left me, it was over, she didn’t want me to be her sister anymore. Did she really even want it in the first place? Of course she didn’t, why would she? After all, look at me. A boy pretending to be a girl, and a girl pretending to want her as a sister. I couldn’t fault her for being nice, but I also couldn’t deny how much it hurt. I had to find a way to make it without her. I had done it before, hadn’t I? When I’d first come here, Sheena was no one to me, just a cruel overseer, someone to be avoided. I could have made it without her help. Why did she have to stick her nose into my life?

I tried to thoroughly convince myself and failed miserably; I found myself crying into the pillow again, sob after sob accompanied by the occasional cough and snot accumulating on the fabric. My eyes were raw by the next morning when Caius’s assistant returned and set me to performing a series of exercises to strengthen my legs. I was glad of it, as the work served to take my mind off of Sheena, but each time we were drawn into conversation, I couldn’t help but think about her, about what I’d done. I was alone now and there was nothing to be done for it. 

The next day the swelling had gone down; I was feeling better, though I was unsteady on my feet. Finally, Caius himself came to evaluate my condition.

“The swelling has subsided quite nicely,” He said, pressing his fingers to my face and then touching various parts of my body. “I was unsure how the procedure would go, we’ve never sculpted a body using Mah’Kur energy, well, at least not as much of a body.”

“I guess I was your test run then,” I offered a mild joke, but it didn’t quite take.

“In a manner of speaking,” He said, either dismissing the humor or missing it entirely. “we have used the crystals to sculpt in the past. Funny things these crystals, we know so little about them yet we are so bold to use them in life or death situations. In the past thirty years we’ve designed medical devices around them, used them as power sources, even combined them with Arctesonite.”

“Arctesonite?” I perked up a little. “What does that do?”

“Ah, the eh…power source that Lady Jenwise had ordered integrated into the palace. It hasn’t quite reached the outer reaches of Auglire yet but I assume it will.”

“How does it work?”

“I am a doctor, Lyra,” Caius said as he scrawled some notes. “You might ask Parsifal, it would be more appropriate.”

“I apologize,” I said. “I didn’t mean to presume.”

“No matter, I am, however, clearing you to leave. You’ll still be unstable on your feet for a few hours, so I’ll arrange for that sister of yours to pick you up.”

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Caius left me in the room and I sat there in anticipation. Sheena had been so angry when she left me, would she really come now? I waited for what seemed like hours, inching closer and closer to the edge of the bed and then pulling myself back, lying down, sitting up. She wasn’t coming, I convinced myself. She had abandoned me, as she should. I felt the tears coming again, that telltale pain in my forehead as a sniffle burst from my nose. Wiping my eyes, I immediately fell back to the bed and cried into the already soiled pillow. I stayed like that, sobbing, shaking, trying to will myself away from the situation. I wanted to float into that eternal blackness, away from this, away from Sheena, away from everyone who had invested their time in me. I wasn’t worth it; I had never been worth it. 

“Lyra,” Sheena’s voice sounded from beside me. Warily, I raised my head which was now practically plastered to the sleeve of my gown and looked at her through burning, tear-stained eyes. She looked at me indifferently and then pursed her lips as if trying to avoid speaking. “Get dressed.”

I slid into the blue dress she’d brough with her; it was a simple garment, lacking a bodice or a petticoat which made it far easier to slip into the wheelchair that she’d brought with her. I resisted the urge to make any sort of commentary on my distaste for being in a wheelchair again as she wordlessly rolled me out of the recovery room and into the main hallway of the hospital quarter. The trip back to the servant quarter was completely silent; we passed few people in the hall, and instead of wheeling me back to the dorms, she took me to a lift that led directly to the hallway where her office resided.

“I didn’t know there was a lift here,” I tried to sound excited, hoping to incite a conversation, but got little more than a grunt from Sheena.

Inside the office, she helped me to the couch and then pulled the chair away from her desk, positioning it in front of me and taking a seat. We sat there for a while; I was unsure of what to say. Finally I spoke, had to.

“Sheena, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me. I need you, you’re my elder sister, I…I can’t…I can’t live without you. I don’t know what I did; if you just…if you just tell me what I did I promise I won’t do it again, I’ll do better, I promise.”

“Lyra…” She said, trailing off and leaving the sentence open ended. With no option left, I gripped the edge of the couch and scooted myself forward, dropping off the edge and onto the floor, kneeling in front of her and staring up, into her utterly shocked face. I yelped at the impact, my legs barely able to handle the strain. “Lyra!”

“Please, Sheena,” I said as sincerely as I could. “I can’t lose you, I can’t…please, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, I love you!”

“Lyra!” She hissed, almost angrily. “Did it ever occur to you that you had nothing to apologize for?!”

I looked at her, utterly confused as she rose from the chair, tossed it aside and kneeled on the floor, directly in front of me. She took my hands in hers and scooted closer, our faces inches apart. 

“But I do!” I protested. “It’s always me, Sheena, it’s always me! Ever since I came here I’ve been the problem! I didn’t listen to you, I fought you every step of the way! It’s my fault that you hate me!”

“Oh Goddess, Lyra, I don’t hate you!” She said, sounding shocked. “I could never hate you, not as you are now! When you came here, perhaps more than a bit, but there is so much more to you! I left you alone because I knew there was no reason for me to be as angry as I was, I wanted to avoid saying anything…rash!” 

I sat there stunned as she took me into her arms and hugged me tight. The upset of the past few days washed away; she was my sister again, and I wouldn’t ruin it this time. 

“I should have been there,” She said, her head still resting on my shoulder. “I should have stayed by your bedside as you recovered and for that I am sorry. Can you forgive me, little sister?”

I sniffled and nodded into her shoulder, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I was forgiving. 

“Come on,” She said, helping me to my feet. “We’ll be starting soon, but first, you must see.”

“See?”

“Come,” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and led me across the room. I limped a little bit as the soreness in my muscles flared. Caius had told me it would be a result of the sculpting and would subside shortly. I wished it would hurry up.

With her help I stumbled over to a full length mirror on the other side of her small office. It wasn’t a huge mirror; it was placed next to a clothing rack that contained several colorful gowns - perhaps too colorful for wearing around the palace, especially as a servant. It occurred to me that she’d probably worn them at home, back when she was still attending family functions.

“Look,” She turned my head away from the dresses and toward the mirror; a gasp escaped my parted lips as I beheld myself for the first time since the procedure. The girl in the mirror was me, but she was something completely different. A young girl, my age, my complexion, but the face was softer, rounder. The body had more of a curve to it, and I seemed thinner overall. It was impossible, completely impossible, but as I touched my fingers to my trembling face, I knew that it was real. The countenance of Micah Lavoric was gone and had been replaced with the girl I knew to be Lyra. The uncertainty, pain, and sadness off the last few days dissolved completely as Sheena leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Welcome home, little sister.”

“Thank you,” I said, still trembling as I turned to embrace her. “Thank you, Elder Sister…”

She laughed and returned the hug, then pulled back, grinning softly at me.

“Well,” She said. “We should ready ourselves. It’s almost time.”

“Time for dinner?” I asked as my stomach rumbled. She laughed and walked to the clothes rack, pulling out a long white dress made from a thin material, which she set aside.

“Let’s get you dressed,” She said. 

I didn’t ask questions, I didn’t want to ruin the moment, whatever this moment might contain. I removed my blue dress and carefully folded it, then slipped into the long white dress. Unlike the blue dress which I’d just removed, this one was much lighter, softer, and flowed all the way to my feet. I giggled a little as I did a slow twirl, euphoric as the material swished against my legs. Sheena wrapped a white sash around my waist, bringing the ensemble together. Then, she pulled a similar dress off the rack for herself, and tied it at the waist with a green sash. 

“Are you ready?” She asked me, smiling warmly and extending her hand. I didn’t know exactly what I should be ready for, but I nodded and took her hand anyway, allowing her to lead me from the room. The soreness in my legs was beginning to subside just as Caius said it would and it wasn’t long before I was walking relatively normally. In the hall, we met Sophia, Jen, Miah, and Kayla, all of whom were wearing similar gowns with different colored sashes, red, blue, green, purple, no particular pattern to it, but matching nonetheless.

“Well if it isn’t Lyra!” Jen threw her arms around me, laughing a bit as I winced. 

“So that would be what she looks like then!” Miah inspected me, looking me over from head to toe. “Come a long way from that first morning in the locker room, aye?”

“She has indeed,” Kayla agreed. “Are we ready?”

“We are,” Sheena acknowledged. “Quite so.”

“Everyone take a lantern then,” Kayla gestured to a row of brass lanterns that had been lined up against the wall behind us.

We walked in a group, chattering amongst ourselves quietly as we entered the main concourse. To my utter shock and surprised, we fell in step with a multitude of other girls, servants, commoners, and upper class, all dressed in the same white gowns.

“Where are we going?” I whispered to Sheena. She smiled and wrapped took her hand in mine as we followed suit with the others, passing through the Vice and out a side door that led us to the eastern wall, the door of which was already opened. We walked down a gravel path for a time, my senses overwhelmed by the scent of grass, the sight of flickering torch-bugs that dotted the air around us, flickering on and off in rapid but random succession. Gravel crunching beneath our feet, we moved through the light of dusk and entered a brief patch of forest which opened onto an open field that completely and utterly took my breath away. Laid out before us was an extensive marshland surrounded partially by trees, obscuring the city wall behind us, but the rest was exposed to the open countryside stretching before us in an endless carpet of green as the light of dusk gradually faded, giving credence to the yellow light of our lanterns. That, however, was dwarfed by the sight in front of us. We passed through the marshland, our feet splashing the shallow waters as we passed through the knee-high ferns, all of which were alight in their bioluminescent secretion that brought them to glow green against the night while simultaneously bringing the fen itself to a lesser, but albeit brilliant shade of lighter green; a pull of radiance in the night accented by the twinkling torch-bugs that gave life to the night. 

On the opposite side of the fen I could see a line of men, servants, nobles, and other commoners, dressed in their own shade of white pants and light tunic tops, each, each carrying their own lantern. We met in the middle, walking in a circular fashion, counteracting one another until we stood in a large circle, women lining the center, men on the exterior. As I observed them out there on the edge, a rush of excitement washed over me as I realized that this was the Beltane ritual. I had never participated in it before; in Axock they didn’t allow such superstitions, but being here, on the inside circle with women treating me as one of their own, I felt validated, I felt happy, I felt free. Sheena gave me a quick pat on the arm as she stepped into the center of the circle along with another woman in white, a man who looked to be in his forties, and another man, none of whom I recognized. The four of them stepped toward the center and placed their lanterns on a wooden pedestal that must have been placed there in advance. Then, as they stepped back, Sheena spoke first, her voice booming across the surface of the water, her face and features brilliantly illuminated in a mixture of flickering lamplight and radiant green from the glowing fen. 

“Guardians of the watchtowers of the east, wise eagle, sunrise, morning dew, I ask that you join me tonight in my Beltane celebrations, share with me as I bring forth the powers of love and lust, to fertilize the sprouting of dream and desire alike. Join me! Blessed be!” She finished her call, and an excited call of ‘blessed be’ murmured through the crowd, I joined in a little to late. Then the man spoke in a gravely tone.

“Guardians of the watchtowers of the south, mighty lion, powers of fire, join in my Beltane celebration. Share your passion and heat with me tonight, warm me and my desires as the seedlings of love manifest. Let my will grow and merge with your bright flame. Be with me now! Blessed be!” As he finished, the other woman spoke up, calling her quarter.

“Guardians of the watchtowers of the west, gently flowing rivers, joyous palfins and reedshires, join me here in my circle tonight as I celebrate the most fertile of holidays, Beltane. Flow through me as I move with the tide of my emotions slowly, with burgeoning passion as the tide moves in, swells, then crests, only to begin again. Be here now! Blessed be!” And then, finally, the younger man raised his arms and called his quarter.

“Guardians of the watchtowers of the north, loyal wolf, majestic mountains, be with me in my Beltane celebration. Share with me the mystery of, dark, damp places, your warm soft spaces, where joy and new life begin. Join me now! Blessed be!”

There was another murmuring of ‘blessed be’ and then complete silence, some heads bowed, others basking in the splendor of the fen. Finally, it was Sheena who spoke.

“Brothers, sisters, noble, commoner, servant and lord alike! Before we conclude our ritual and move on to the feast, I would take this opportunity to call claim! I welcome into my family, Lyra, my beloved sister who came to me unexpectedly, but has grown on my heart!” Sheena looked to me as she stepped to the center, near the lanterns, holding out her arms and beckoning me toward the center. I froze in place, terrified, but Jen gave me a light push, forcing me to step through the water, toward Sheena. The bottom of my gown was soaked and felt as if it weighed a million pounds, and my heart pounded in my chest as all eyes were on me. But then, as I stepped up to Sheena, we were alone in the darkness, standing in the a pool of radiance, surrounded by disembodied yellow lamplight. She looked down at me, a smile on her lips, her black hair free and flowing about her shoulders, her freckles a mural across her radiant, yet pale face. I trembled in her presence but at the same time, I felt an absolute warmth that radiated from my chest and filled me in a way that I had never before experienced. 

“Lyra,” she said softly, but loud enough for the bystanders to hear. “Over these past months, we have had our differences, but you have surprised me in many ways, and I have come to love you as a sister. Here, tonight, in the light of fen and fern, in the sight of the Goddess, I lay claim to you as you lay claim to me. My oath to guide you and protect you is as strong as the northern winds and as everlasting as the sky. In the light of the Goddess, in the tradition of Klocby, we stand together as one.”

I was crying again. Goddess I cried a lot lately. Sheena touched my shoulder and then turned back to the crowd. 

“I call an end to our Beltane ritual and declare a beginning to the feast! The circle is open, but unbroken. Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again!” This time, the crowd shouted it back loudly, the girls nearest us cried out in jubilation with warm smiles and laughter as they walked toward us, several of them hugging me. Sheena turned to me in the light and smiled. “Blessed be, little sister.”

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