Chapter 39: Episode 010: Aftermath Part 05- The Inner Thoughts Of A Nun 02

My Lord, I pray you to protect me from the dangers of the road, and from the evil eye of those who would seek to harm me, and from the wrath of my enemies. My Lord, I pray you protect dreamers from my nefarious curse. May they not suffer the same fate as I.

“Hey, Dorthaunzee, we need to speak with you.”

My Savior speaks to me! Has he come to tell me a fable and to teach me a lesson? So that I may grow in wisdom and grace? I am your lost sheep. I have wandered far away from my flock. I am alone. I am lost. I am helpless. I am yours. Brandish your toothy whip and correct my errant path. Guide me, oh Savior... Perhaps I should peel away the cloths that hug my body? My body would better learn its lesson

—oh, allow me to lend you a passage into my thoughts!

“So, it’s about the last mission...”

.....

....

...

Pardon me? I killed three people? And I did not know. I’ve done wrong, and I didn’t even know? I could be so cruel?

But I do not understand! I saw no light in that dark alley. And at that foul party, my companion startled the innocent dreamers away. Did my Eternal Darkness still reach them? Fool, fool, thrice a fool; how could you be so blind, Infernal Dorthaunzee?

Fool, fool, thrice a fool; how could you think to pray, drenched in blood of whose you know not the name?

Salvation will not come for me. There is no hope. No help. No Savio--

“Hey, listen.” 

My Savior? You would still look upon me so kindly?

“It was an accident.” 

There are accidents that should never be allowed to happen--HARK! He is holding my hand! He has reached out to my filthy thing! How can this turn? I could not be so rewarded for something so foul!

“You’re not a bad person. None of us think that.”

How could that be true? I brutally snuffed out the light of dreamers and buried it beneath the soil.

“It’s more my fault than it is yours, Dorthaunzee.”

No, Elma! Please do not bear this burden! Your shoulders are tired, and your soul cries. No more should impale you!

“I told you to weaponize your tentacles. Can I not transfer my Hero Merit to Dorthaunzee? She shouldn’t have to suffer so many deductions because of my direction.” 

Could someone truly be so kind? Even after bearing witness to the wanton destruction I leave in my wake? Most dreamers... they ran from me at the mere sight of me. But Elma would stay?

“Dorthaunzee, listen, we don’t want to forget what happened here. We don’t want you to either.” 

My Savior? Why do you cast your gaze upon me in such a manner? Am I not to be punished? To be cast aside? I did something so disgusting. I killed without knowing the dreamer’s face.

“We all know you’re a good person.” 

You do? Truly? I am! I really am! Or no; I try! I swear I try! I live so that one day I may call myself good!

“We want you to keep doing your best.”

I wish to do the best I can as well!

“And remember Dorthaunzee--“

Elma? You still have kind words in your heart for me. Yes, I’m listening. Forgive me for engorging myself. I never knew this could be so sweet.

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“We were fighting a tough opponent in that assassin. We relied on you because it was the best shot we had at the time. The best way to prevent something like that from happening is—actually, can you answer what the best way is?”

The best way... If you wish to keep me by your side and not cast me away. If you wish to forgive, then there is only one option left to me... 

I MUST CAST THIS FOUL BODY INTO THE MOST PURIFYING SACRED FLAME. I must be broken down to my rawest form and be remade. My impurities must be removed, and I must drag myself from the ashes. 

Only then may I be able to be of service and help the others below my Savior become better heroes!

I thought myself weak--that impurity plagued me still. I used it as cover to hide, but no more. I have come forth from the shadows my slothful nature cast, and have entered the light. I have exposed myself, and I am no longer afraid of the trials that may await. 

My weakness gave way to tragedy. Dreamers have fallen to my Eternal Darkness, but their faces were always known, and my light was always reflected in their eyes. Showing them the light that points toward my Lord is the only mercy that I MUST afford them.

“Zee, are you committed to being the best Hero you can be despite this accident?”

I am committed. I am more committed than I ever fathomed I could be to anyone other than my Lord. I will do whatever you ask of me until the day that I am no longer an eyesore. I sacrifice all that I have.

My Savior! Take me in your arms. I throw myself to your mercy. Baptize me in your flames and burn my tainted soul. I will embrace the fearful heat of your love, and I will reject the comfort of your mercy. I will let myself be consumed. Take me into your glorious mouths and remind me of the putrid ooze that I am. Chew me and spit me out. Tell me the decrepit nectars leaking from my body are not enough for your glorious tongue. The words will pierce my heart, but--

Ahh, your embrace. It feels so comforting. Your hands wrapping around me--is this the paradise my Lord led me to?

Tell me I’ve failed. Tell me to strip myself bare. Tell me to reveal all to you in hopes that you can salvage some meager thing. Tell me, and I shall do whatever is necessary. Please, just say the words. A sinner has no need for shame.

“... We’re all in this together.”

Pardon me? That is what you say?

...

I see... Am I like Elma and the goddess of the Hero Hub to you, My Savior? You would elevate me so? If you speak like that... how could I ever improve by scorning myself? I don’t know any other way...

A prayer is required. If you refuse to treat me as I deserve to be treated, I must change my path. I must find the strength to not grow conceited and comfortable. I request a time for prayer. Oh! You will pray too?! Oh my! My Lord, My Lord on High, Hark! My friends wish to commune with you!

...

My Lord, She Who Shepherds The Shepherds, I beg for your forgiveness. I pray you were watching over me, and that you succeeded where I failed. I know well that when I cross the endless desert of time and look over my shoulder; the footprints left in the sand are yours.

I pray for the souls who were lost, unknown to their killer.

I pray for Elma, who carries a darkness I wish to alleviate.

I pray for My Savior, for without whom I would be lost.

I pray for the goddess, so filled with regrets.

I pray for the strength to be able to improve on myself despite being so full of euphoric joy.

...

I pray that these days never end.

 

 

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