Chapter 25: Sweet Assurances

That night Aditi dreamed. It was not her usual dream of her parents when she sat on the temple steps with her head in Ma's lap. Nor was it of her father when he frolicked with her in the cave pool, laughing his infectious laughter, filling her heart with indescribable happiness.

This was a different dream.

She was at the racecourse, riding one of Grandpa Raisingh's horses. Her Dadaji watched her from the Executive viewing gallery with Grandpa Raisingh lurking behind. The stands around were empty, the sun blazed hot, and its searing heat pierced her skin, leaving red welts. The horse under her buckled as if something sharp pierced its shiny coat. It flailed with pain and reared on its hind legs. Aditi fell back, eyes scrunched shut, waiting in desperation to fall to the hard ground.

This time, no one saved her.

She fell with a bone-crunching crash, limbs splayed on the hard, dry dirt track.

The pain came flooding, but she felt nothing. Her body went numb, her brain stopped, and her heart shuddered to a sudden halt.

Her eyes, though, stayed wide open. They saw people laughing. Jockeys, trainers, and sundry racegoers, suddenly gathered around to watch her embarrassment. More came pouring through the invisible stands. Her brain spun in dizziness as cold faces gawked at her, jeering, leering, drooling in delight.

Through a cacophony of sounds came a burst of deep, throaty laughter. She recognized it instantly. It was him. This time he hadn't bothered to catch her. Instead, he'd joined the melee of onlookers, enjoying her spectacle, ridiculing and mocking her in her agony. And he looked happy, too happy to see her in distress.

Tears rolled from her eyes. She so wanted to get up on her own two feet but had no strength left to do so.

When she woke up finally, alone in her bed, eyes streaming in panic, cold sweat drenched her body. Luckily, she was alone in her room. The heckling crowd had disappeared. The pitter-patter of soft rain falling outside brought her some relief. It was just a silly dream; she realized. There was no way Darsh would do it to her. Yet the ache in her heart was unbearable as if she'd been let down by the one person she trusted in the whole world.

"I told you, you are in love," Vivaan mocked her as he floated away in the dark. His words had registered somewhere deep, even though she had refused to acknowledge them at the time. "Just wait for it," he added, sneering evilly. "Wait until he lets you down, just as you did to me."

A desperate confusion riled her heart as more tears came flooding. Vivaan was just being vile, she didn't want to believe his words. Yet she knew it wasn't utter rubbish. At least a part of it was true.

Clutching her covers to her chest, she sat against the headrest and waited for the morning to come. Better not dream any more dreams lest they actually come true.

*****

Two days later, Aditi limped down for breakfast, looking drained and white. Her fiance had left her alone for the time, but his nightmare plagued her endlessly. She'd tried to shrug it off as if it was just a play of her mind and his words. But for some reason, it kept returning. Every time she woke up trembling in tears, then sat in her bed cursing herself. So weak she was to let him control her mind, so weak to allow him to torment her this way.

Her only respite was Mohit, who had buried the hatchet and was back to being his normal bubbly self. Not only had he visited her a few times, but he also looked quite taken by her fiance. Aditi sighed. This engagement had solved a lot of problems, yet created some of its own. She wished Kanta Chachi was here, she was the only one who could understand her trouble.

She entered the dining room to see Darsh sitting with Dadaji. They were engrossed in some deep conversation over black coffee and toast. The rest of the family was nowhere to be seen. She wondered where they were. The last she had seen them was the day of her engagement when Ravi Chachu had got insanely drunk, Mansi Chachi had teetered from one guest to another and Nidhi had stood on the sidelines watching the display with a forlorn look as if waiting for someone.

Aditi wished she could talk to her. The girl must be suffering now that any hope of Vivaan was lost forever.

Chewing her lip, she pulled a chair and grabbed herself a toast. Her fiancé’s laser eyes landed on her, scanning her in one swift glance. She felt her skin prickling. Keeping her eyes down, she gulped her food. She had to finish fast and get out of here before his devilish brain could decipher what was going through her mind.

"I think it's time we start on the hospital project," Darsh's voice rumbled through the air, making her snap up in surprise. A wide smile erupted on her face. Darsh pursed his lips.

"My team will be here tomorrow to start on the initial surveys. I think the village green is an ideal place. It's large enough, and the access is good."

Her face fell. Not the village green?

"But... that space is used by the villagers," she spluttered in confusion, looking from Darsh to her Dadaji. "Kids play there and we also hold our annual fairs there. I have another place in mind. We can convert the old cottages on the eastern side. It'll be much quicker and easier."

"That place is good enough for the charitable hospital." Her fiance's voice was calm yet firm. "I am talking about the other hospital. It'll need a much bigger space."

Aditi fell silent. He was talking about the luxury hospital; she realized it a little too late. Her charitable hospital was not on his agenda. The last time she rejected his proposal, she'd told him she'd build it herself. He was just holding her to her words.

She shook her head, trying to hide her disappointment. Fair enough. Her hospital was her responsibility. She will build it with her friends, she didn't need anyone else. But the village green...

She turned to her grandpa. "But Dadaji, the villagers love that space. There are other places you can use.."

"We have already discussed this with the Village Chief, Aditi." Her Dadaji's tone was clipped; she noticed he avoided her gaze. "The villagers have agreed to accommodate. It's our land anyway, we can use it the way we want."

Her face fell further. Of course, it was their land, and of course, the villagers wouldn't mind. They loved her grandfather. But even then...it didn't sound right. Swallowing an uneasy lump, she got up to leave. It seemed she needed to catch up. A lot had happened during the two days she was bedridden.

"Where do you think you are going, girl?" Her Dadaji's sharp voice halted her steps. "Sit and eat properly. You've just had a toast."

"I'm fine Dadaji. I am full," Aditi said turning in surprise. "I am just going to the clinic. It's been a few days, Dr. Wadhwa must be struggling without me."

"Sit down, girl," Balwant snapped curtly. "You'll stay in your room until you get better. And maybe you should cure yourself first before worrying about others."

Aditi blanched. What was the matter? It felt like her Dadaji was holding himself from lashing out. She glanced at Darsh for some clue, but he avoided her gaze, suddenly too interested in his fingernails.

Frowning at herself, she turned back to her grandpa. "But Dadaji, you know Dr. Wadhwa needs me. He depends on me for critical cases..."

"Not anymore. Darsh has appointed a new allopathic doctor in your place."

She stared dumbfounded. The words took a while to reach her brain, and when they did, they sapped away whatever little color her face had gained that morning. A new doctor? To replace her? Why? Her panicked eyes flitted to her fiancé, who gave a slight shake of his head.

"I'm sorry, Aditi, but I had to do it. Dr. Wadhwa was having trouble coping without you and you are still not recovered. So I found this middle way."

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Again, there was nothing wrong with his logic, it was good he had found someone to help Dr. Wadhwa. But... but that clinic had been her respite for so long. She didn't just go there to help others; it helped her to forget too. Now it seemed she was losing that little sanctuary.

"How long is he going to stay?" She asked, holding her breath.

"A couple of years." Darsh watched her closely. "He needed a longer contract, and I thought Dr. Wadhwa could use someone more permanent."

Her eyes stung with sudden emotion; she didn't know where to look. Pressing her lips, she nodded in agreement and started for the door. At least she had her hospital to work on, her promise to her dying mother.

"And yes, one more thing, Aditi," her Dadaji called again. This time, he actually looked angry, a white-hot vein popped in his forehead. "I have informed your friends the charitable hospital project is postponed indefinitely. You need to recuperate. The faster you recover, the quicker we can set a wedding date."

Aditi stared aghast. "But... the villagers need a charitable hospital, Dadaji. Their situation is desperate. I see it every day at the clinic..." Her lips quivered as she tried to suppress the lump in her throat. She couldn't fathom what was happening. It felt like her whole life was falling apart.

"Well, Palampur is a small village, we certainly don't need two hospitals here." Balwant's face was set with steely determination. "And I think the arrangement with Wadhwa and the new doctor should hold. They can use the facilities of the new hospital, and we can always appoint more doctors if needed."

But...what about her promise to her Ma? She wanted to ask. Her Dadaji knew of her promise very well. She didn't want to remind him. She shouldn't need to remind him! Aditi looked at him in desperation, her heart in her mouth, eyes stinging with hurt. Balwant pursed his lips and turned his head away.

For the next ten minutes, the two men discussed their plans. Aditi stood quietly, half-listening, half-staring at her own feet. Sometime later, she dragged herself out. She needed to be alone. Away. Anywhere else, but here.

***** 

Aditi hobbled out as fast as her aching leg allowed - down the front steps, around the house, through the gardens back to Aron's stable. Vivaan's insane laughter kept echoing through her mind. Her heart burned, and her throat stifled a painful lump. Jolts of shooting pain erupted through her leg, but she carried on heedless.

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Walking in a daze she reached Aron and stood near him shaking. The horse looked at her puzzled, waiting for her to stroke him, but she just stared, as if she expected him too to fling some nasty surprise at her.

Nothing happened for the next few minutes. Aron gave an impatient nicker and fidgeted for her to come close. Tears of desolation rolled her eyes as she stroked his beautiful head, then walked on, past the stables, towards the back gates. Beyond the gates were paddy fields that stretched miles to the mountains. She wished she was there. She wished she could run away and hide there somewhere never to return.

"Aditi, wait!" a voice called from behind. She hurried her steps nearly breaking into a run.

"Stop Aditi." The voice sounded earnest as it came closer. She felt a strong grip on her arm before Darsh pulled her to a stop. "Where are you going? Running away is not going to solve this problem."

She turned around slowly to look at his handsome face. He was the same man she had saved her ten days ago at the racecourse, the same man who'd let her down this morning. The same man who had helped her umpteen times. He had also set his price, and it looked like he didn't want to wait.

Her eyes teared as a raw ache gnawed at her heart. She shirked his hand away. "Stop chasing me and I'll stop running."

"No one is chasing you, Aditi."

"You are, and you know it!" Her words spat venomously as she turned her back on him. Faster, further, far away; if it were possible, she would have disappeared in thin air.

"Stop running from me and I'll stop chasing."

His words halted her in her tracks. She turned to him, pinning him with her steely gaze. "So you agree you are chasing? You did all this to bring forward the wedding?"

He let out a sigh. "Can we sit somewhere? I can explain. It's going to start raining soon and.."

"NO! There's nothing to explain. Everything is crystal clear. Dadaji was worried and you took advantage of his weak state to turn things your way. How could you Darsh?" Her eyes blazed with anger.

He grabbed her shoulders, his jaw clenched. "That's not true Aditi. Let me explain..."

"What did you tell him?" Her scathing voice cut him short. "Oh wait. Let me guess. You told him what I did on that bridge. That is why he is so angry, isn't he? That is why he is punishing me! How could you Darsh? I trusted you, I thought you cared. I thought...I thought you..." Loved me? Her words burned in her throat as she struggled to breathe. Her heart throbbed with an insane agony that she couldn't put a name to.

"I do care Aditi." His hand raised to cup her cheek. "But you are getting it all wrong. I didn't do anything. It was Dadaji's idea. I tried to talk him out of it but he was adamant."

She snorted and shirked his hand away. "Yeah, why would you try to convince me when everything is going your way? My clinic is gone; my hospital is gone. My promise to my mother..." Her voice caught. All that she had left now was this marriage. It was her only reality while everything else was just a dream. This was what Darsh meant that night when he'd wished her goodnight. How easy it was for him to destroy it all - a snap of his fingers and everything went up in smoke.

"Is this my punishment?" She asked as tears rolled down her cheeks.

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"This is my punishment for defying you, right? You told me that night there would be consequences. You told me you'll make me pay. I was wondering that day in the hospital why you were so calm. Now I know. This was your plan all along. You made me change my statement for the sake of Dadaji. And then you went and told him yourself. How could you Darsh?"

Her head whirled with dizziness as she looked at him forlornly. He was no better than Vivaan after all. It felt like she had just exchanged one man for another.

"That's enough!" Darsh thundered as rage clouded his face. His body quivered as he took a menacing step forward and grabbed her shoulders. "Now shut the hell up and listen to me! It was Zorawar. Zorawar told Dadaji, not me!"

Her face paled. Zorawar?

"The night we returned from the hospital they had a chat in the study, something they do daily. I don't know what passed there, but since then Dadaji is furious."

She swallowed a hard lump. Why would Zorawar do it? She trusted him. He had never said a word about that night when she asked him to go after those boys. Why would he snitch on her now?

"He never said anything about that night as Dadaji never asked. But he couldn't keep quiet about the bridge incident since Dadaji was quite shaken. I am guessing he inadvertently blabbered something that made Dadaji suspicious and then he had to come clean."

Her eyes widened. "You...you know I used Zorawar that night?"

"Of course, I know," he snapped in irritation. "Do you think I am an imbecile to pursue a woman that I know nothing about? I have done my homework. I proposed to you knowing everything. I know that night you sent Zorawar after those four boys. I also know they got into an accident and Dr. Wadhwa refused to treat them." His grip slackened as raked an uneasy hand in his hair. His eyes were distant, sparkling with some dark emotion she couldn't fathom.

"How do you...?"

"Let's just say I put two and two together." He gave her a penetrating look. Nothing about her was hidden from him, everything was laid bare. "I have said it before and I'll say it again, Aditi. I know you. I don't blame you for doing what you did, hell, if I was in your place I would have done the same. Those boys deserved their punishment and Vivaan did too. I only wish you had trusted me to handle things. We could have avoided all this mess."

*****

The rain poured in earnest as Darsh grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the stables, to an empty stall. Aditi walked in meekly without making a move to resist. Standing in the little cubicle full of hay and horse smell, she crossed her arms to hug herself. Her hair was plastered to her face, her clothes were dripping wet. Darsh watched in distaste as she stood shivering, warding herself off from the biting cold.

"I can't offer you my jacket this time," he said in irritation. "It's wet, thanks to you. And it's also my last, considering you haven't yet returned the other two."

She pursed her lips and ignored his words. She had more important things on her mind.

"Does... Dadaji know everything?" Her voice came in a scared whisper.

Darsh grimaced. "I don't know for sure. He definitely knows about the bridge incident. He didn't talk about it, but he is miffed at me too for keeping it from him. All he told me was to get on with my hospital project. I tried to talk him out of canceling the charitable hospital but he doesn't look like in the mood to listen."

So he knows! Her heart sank. No wonder he was angry. She had broken Dadaji's trust and lied to him to keep her secret. And this was her punishment for letting him down. Her hospital was snatched mercilessly and she was to be married away asap. Maybe he thought she was too much trouble, his old bones were unable to shoulder the burden anymore.

A sudden weariness washed over her as pressure built in her chest.

"I am not ready," she whispered staring at her feet. Darsh frowned.

"Ready for what?"

"For marriage. I can't... It's... too soon." She closed her eyes as her face clouded in shame, her silent tears making their way out. She wished her Ma was here, or at least Kanta Chachi. She needed someone to lean on, someone who would understand, hold and support her until she gathered herself.

Darsh came closer. A gentle finger tipped her chin up as he watched her ashen face - dull, lifeless, devoid of any joy. Gone was the sunny girl he had seen two weeks ago. This was just an empty shell, a mere remnant of what she had been once.

"Is that why you've been pushing me away?" He asked tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her face flushed as she stared at her feet, unable to meet his eye.

He pulled her close in a gentle hug. "I understand. You have nothing to fear from me. I know saying it won't make it happen, but please try to trust me, Aditi. I'll..I'll never hurt you, you can rely on me."

Bending down he kissed her brow, then stood holding her close. Her doe eyes kept watching him through her tears as she slowly began to relax. His warmth spread through his body as he engulfed her fragile frame. And she leaned on him, finally letting go.

***** *****

 

 

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