Chapter 3: Chap 3 : Gathering Information

Zoemie grumbled and groaned in frustration as she looked at the device. "That's gonna be a PITA to sift through" It was a complicated piece of magical machinery, magenta and silvery, with seemingly no method or button to turn it on. However, taking it into her hands had made something move under Zoemie's skin in a way she couldn't describe, like sludge under her skin, and activated it on the spot.

This caused a variety of screen containing a variety of detailed informations, some of which Zoemie cared about and most of which she didn't. "Genealogical data ? Who cares about that ?" What was frustrating Zoemie, however, was the results it showed her. "Fuck. FUCK ! Dammit... Why do I get jack shit in weapon choices other than giant swords ?"

She sighed, for the third... fourth ? Fourth time, trying to calm herself down to think about it rationally, and failing every single time. She was horribly frustrated at her lack of choice in weapons. Mostly, Zoemie was annoyed because of the "I'll look like an idiot and a tryhard swinging around things like that !" factor, but there was a bit more to it.

To be fair, Zoemie was an edgy tryhard, but anyone attempting to bring it up would be swiftly silenced with a fist to the face, not helped by the fact Zoemie would interpret any comment about her being over-the-top as mockery, something she lost all of her patience for a very long time ago.

"The real kick in the cunt, I gotta say, it's that I don't get anything else ! Nothing ! Bows ? Axes ? Spears ? Nope ! Not even a fucking gun ! Just giant swords. Fists are... acceptable in terms of, like, potential, but won't do for anything serious..." Guess that experience beating up assholes came in handy after all.

"Fists have short range. I don't wanna get in overtly-close melee if I can help it. Easy way to get sucker-punched." Zoemie had some experience in the domain... typically as the puncher rather than the punched, however. "Maybe they never learn from their mistakes... but won't prevent me from trying to at least."

"It's so fucking frustrating cuz like... any random schmuck can be trained to shoot a musket OK. That's why muskets became so widespread, training archers is a pain." Zoemie listed off, vaguely remembering this off an presentation in history class from one her classmates It was a PITA. Schoolwork is a PITA. Life is a PITA.

"Same for spears, too, right ? You could grab a levied peasant and have them have a basic sense on how to stab things quick. I don't even get that little." Zoemie looked at her arms, disappointed. "And... well, how do I lift swords that big without ending up looking like a muscle mountain ?" Zoemie had no particular love for muscles. She found them gross, in fact, particularly on very muscular people. She had no desire to be very muscular.

"I assume there's no way to change it either, huh ? Fuuck..." Zoemie understood, in a weak, inchoate manner that it was pointless to get angry about things she could not change, but it did not make her feel much better, a bitter taste in her mouth still. Zoemie grumbled as she tried to sift through other information. "Who knows ? Might be something in there give me more options."

Zoemie lifted an eyebrow as she noticed her abilities in magic, however. "Huh. That's more convenient." She had above-average abilities in almost all magical categories, with a particular emphasis on dark and cosmic magics, and awful holy magic. "Curious about cosmic magic, though. What does it means ? Cosmic horrors ? Because I'm not getting anywhere close that kinda bull."

As Zoemie pondered that, her mind filled itself with the answer to her questions. "Guess I don't need to RTFM when it's in your head. So it's more like... teleportation and time-space distortion and shit. Sounds convenient. Hmmhmm." Maybe I can use that to return back to Earth... Do I want to ? I don't know, actually...

"That sounds like something complicated I don't wanna have to think about right now... Fine. Let's look at whatever else of note. Since I can use anything other than holy magic, I'm gonna be fine on that end, but it kinda implies magic will be a big part of what I can do. I'm... gonna have to try shit out and experiment." Zoemie grumbled. That sounded like it would take a while.

"I guess this qualifies as the sandbox zone, so that should be easy enough. Thank fuck for that." What Zoemie referred to as "the sandbox zone" was her definition for reaching the point in a video game whereas it becomes possible to test out more or less anything without excessive effort. It was for Zoemie an enjoyable part of the gaming experience, for it allowed her freedom to try out and test things. Something Zoemie did enjoy, as such tests typically lead to optimizations in turns.

"I'm... gonna have to make a bunch of... urgh... giant sword designs and try them out. Gonna have to check out how to use combat magic, cast spells, also maybe summon items midfight ?" An infinite supply of healing does sound useful. Also maybe drop boulders on enemies. "Once I have a better idea of what I need."

"Anything special to notes amoing my magic abilities... I can do necromancy, but that's a no. Corpses are gross. I can do curses, hella curses actually... Hmmm... Maybe I should curse some of these assholes. Or maybe positive effects ? Like cursing Dad and Neth with good luck or something ?" Hold that thought, and put it on the to-do list.

"Beyond that... Uh... fusion ability ? What the hell is that ?" Zoemie asked herself, glimpsing it on one of the screens, before gaining her answer in a flood in information she was slightly getting used to. "So I can... fuse items together ? Into whatever I want, combining their abilities and shit ? That... is both confusing and busted as shit."

"Guess it doesn't matter that much about the weapons, then. I mean, I could just make a vuvuzela or trumpet or something to ring the end of the world, and bam ! The world ends." Zoemie thought about it again. "On second thought... let's not to do that.". Although, Zoemie could most likely survive the apocalypse hidden here in the ruins.

Trying to focus herself away from that dangerous train of thought led Zoemie to finding another piece of useful information. "Dungeon Warden ? Hmmm ? Ooh, so that's what touching the orb did. So, as a Warden, I have... the ability to resurrect as long as the core is intact. Unless I kill myself." Noted, Zoemie acknowledged with another monosyllabic grunt.

"It also gives me... boosted strength ? So that means..." Zoemie conjured the sword she had found earlier. "Hhmhhm" she grunted with satisfaction. "I can, in fact, lift this thing now. Easily, in fact. Talk about a sucker punch, heh. They'll never expect the giant sword." It was almost surreal, seeing a seemingly-scrawny teenage girl lift such a large and heavy blade with no issue.

Said blade, to boot, was not built to be light like mundane Earth swords were. And while even a large Earth sword rarely if ever weighed more than 4kg, the one the ruins had conjured was notably heavier. Still, Zoemie nodded with satisfaction. She was curious, however. "Did you know about my proficiencies or what, big guy ?"

The answer she got was... complicated, but seemed to indicate a "I didn't know your proficiencies outright, but the magic did". "So it's that kinda deal, huh. Fair enough... So what else do I get from being a warden ? Boosted str, I know... boosted intelligence and toughness... I don't feel smarter, though. Maybe I'm too dumb to begin with..."

Although that was questionably true, as Zoemie's grades, while not exceptional, were sufficient, and even these had less to do with stupidity and more to do with her detesting school and having a hard time working in general.

"I... have boosted cosmic-magic affinity... hmmh... and... improved regeneration ability, as well as immunity to disease and organ failure, unless from external causes. Hmph. So I'm basically immortal ? Or maybe long-lived ? I dunno..." Zoemie put the device down, dispelling the screens, and lied down. "I'm gonna have to think about it."

Zoemie considered. She needed to arm herself first, no matter what. "Whatever way I go, I'll need a weapon." If she decided to stay, she'd need to fight off the priest and potentially her classmates. If she decided to go... she'd need something for her self-defence. "I don't seem to have much affinity for heavy armor... but I can prob fuse something to make up for it ?"

She moved towards her computer, and opened up a text processor. "I'm gonna have to note shit down... Where to start ?" Zoemie shook her head. She was tired, again. "Hard to focus. Fuck." She looked at the blank page, attempting to think. "Not gonna get anywhere, huh... Fuck... How do they do it ? I can barely get anything done without needing three hours of breaks after !"

Zoemie grumbled in frustration, again. She considered her options. "Seems like I won't be able to do anything more today... fuck... I already had two naps, more would be bad." She emitted a grumble of frustration. "Gaming ? ...Let's go with that" she ultimately decided.

---

Zoemie enjoyed video games. It was one of if not outright the only thing in life she truly enjoyed. Playing a game she liked, enjoying the music as she did things and played. Wandering in an artifical world, stacking up stats and collectibles, completing everything and leaving no stone unturned.

Filling up monster and items libraries and compendiums. Hunting achievements, from the easy to the toughest and grindiest. Clearing out things as quickly and efficiently as possible. Massive chains of combination and crafting and synthesis that grants overpowered equipment. Figuring out the synergy in the build that made it click and turned the superboss rush into a joke.

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Going as far as the game allowed and even further beyond, optimizing, bringing the game to its knees. The gameplay edges were a place where Zoemie was at home, pushing the game as far as it could take. Whether it be endurance or even infinite levels in tower defense games, reaching massive populations in city builders, shaving off turns and improving reliability.

Zoemie did not like games that were very nervous and reactive. She was awful at real-time games because of her poor reflexes and tended to avoid them for that reason. Zoemie hated losing, too, hence she only played single-player games, where the only opponent was herself. She did not like games with events-only content either, unless glitches allowed her to circumvent it.

Zoemie typically skipped the story when she played games, assuming the game even had a story to begin with. Zoemie's father did not have the money to spare on game consoles, so most of Zoemie's games were either free, played on emulator, or... acquired through high-sea sailing, riding down torrents deep in the darkest realms of Internet.

That was assuming the games weren't flash games on Internet websites to begin with. While the software itself might have been discontinued, Zoemie had found and downloaded an archive of flash games, and transmitted her saves over, so she could continue playing these games and even discover new ones.

Zoemie had asked herself what to play for a short while, before she had moved to an old flash grid tactics game, as she wanted to check something out. "Load save for memory Yeti fight... okay. Let's figure out how to make this easier and more reliable."

---

Zoemie played for around one hour and an half, before taking a short break, mostly unsatisfied by her results. "8PM. Hmph. Gonna be food time soon." Zoemie stretched her arms back. "I'm curious what's on the plate for tonight." Being able to tolerate the meal to begin with was typically sufficient for Zoemie, so for her to look forward to it was unusual, although she failed to notice it.

She swiveled out and into the kitchen, drinking some tap water and washing her hands in the bathroom on the way. "So, today's dinner... is I don't know what." Zoemie swiveled in place, and looked at the warm meal.

"It's eggs and greens and... I don't know, cheese sauce. Welp, no point waiting." Zoemie said. She took in the smell, braced herself, and started eating the meal. This... is actually pretty fucking good. I'm not sure what the greens are, but the sauce really make'em go down. Zoemie's father wasn't a bad cook, but he never managed to make her eat much veggies, mostly because they both disliked most of them.

Once Zoemie had finished her meal – the plate of poached eggs and spinach in cheddar cream sauce thoroughly cleaned – she picked up some white chocolate yogurt for dessert, and then went out to brush her teeth. "Can't I do that with magic ? No ? Not entirely. Okay. I'll have to start doing it after brushing, though."

Zoemie then went back to her bedroom, and lied down on the bed, now fed and somewhat clear-minded. She looked around, before sighing and conjuring some paper sheets. "I can't start trying these out but I can at least put some design downs ? Maybe ?"

Zoemie realized there was a problem, however. She knew jack shit about swords. She could barely differentiate a bastard sword, a claymore, and zwai... zwi... that German two-handed sword. An idea came to her mind. "Maybe I can just conjure the swords themselves, though ? Hmm... I still have a the big sword from before... maybe I can start from there ?"

Zoemie considered it, and retrieved the sword from her magical storage. "It's still feels really fucking weird to be able to lift that thing." she grumbled as she looked at the massive weapon. Zoemie was fairly certain the sword was bigger than her, but she was actually wrong, as the sword didn't quite match Zoemie's 1m61.

It had a mostly unrefined shape, sharpened on both sides of the blade, save for a ricasso. The sword was made of grey metal, probably steel, except for the brown and pink hilt. It had a large, forward-facing crossguard as well, and the pommel was also large and wheel-shaped. Oddly enough, the grip of the sword a separation in the middle of the hilt, such as the wielder would have to have an hand in the upper area and the other one in the lower.

"So." Zoemie asked herself, after looking at the massive blade. "Big guy. Can you drop me an encyclopedia on swords or something ?" If I know jack shit about swords... then this is how to solve that problem ! I'd rather have asked Wikiwiki or even Ixfast, but... you gotta make with what you get.

As Zoemie almost facepalmed, thinking she could've conjured that encyclopedia herself, a large book dropped on her bed. "Hmmh... That'll do. Thank, big guy. You're a bro." Reading time, I guess. Zoemie would've rather spent the evening gaming, but... I don't have the luxury of that. I need equipment ASAP. Zoemie sighed and grumbled, as she opened the large book and got to reading. "Let's see..."

---

Zoemie grumbled. Things were vaguely starting to make sense. She had managed to doodle basic scribbles of possible swords, varying shapes and sizes. She even had started to consider basic option for her equipment and armor. Still, she didn't want to decide too quickly, plus it was late and it struck her as stupid to take big decisions that late in the day.

Zoemie looked at the paper. "Alright...", she suppressed a yawn. "I've got a good arrangement of weaponry. Curved swords, straight swords, thrusting, swinging. I'll have to conjure them... tomorrow, though. Right now it's late and I'm tired.", she mumbled.

"Maybe I could take a look at other things I can do as a Warden ? Is there anything to note I haven't seen before ?" Zoemie asked herself as she focused again. "I can... summon monsters, which is a no." Zoemie might not like people at all, but she did not like animals very much either – they were noisy, messy, and required upkeep in time and energy she'd rather not spend.

"If I conjure monsters, it'd probably be robots or golems or things like that..." Zoemie concluded. "I can conjure... facilities... but most of them are useless to me, snice they're about... army management and shit and I don't wanna bother. I can conjure... statues. Why ? I don't want statues of myself. Who would want to look at statues of themselves ?"

The answer to Zoemie's question was mostly a question of character. Most Wardens were monsters. They had low to medium intelligence, if they weren't outright magically-reinforced animals, aggressive behavior, and being in leader positions tended to overinflate their egos.

The ability for the dungeon to create statues of the Warden was in fact because the Warden is assumed by the dungeon to have such an ego. This also meant that most dungeon fell because of either of stupidity, bloodthirst or pride – they either lacked the cognitive abilities to come up with complicated dungeon layouts, wanted to fight adventurers or underestimated their enemies.

The fact that Wardens came back to life and, although Zoemie wasn't aware of that specific ability, could resurrect their dungeon's monsters, meant that both monsters and Wardens were even more reckless than normal monsters in combat. Zoemie, by comparison, had no need for any of that, as what she was looking for was not a fight, but peace and quiet.

Most non-monsters Warden were in fact, if not necessarily amicable, mostly willing to negotiate with other non-monsters, whether it be for resources, shelter, or protection. That said, many of these arrangements had fell through to history, the dungeons wiped out by either extremists or enemy forces.

"Other things I can conjure include... traps. Quite an arrangement, too, huh..." They were many variants of traps available to Zoemie. "Arrow-shooting traps, spiky balls, energy beams..." What is a bear trap doing here ? Some also had customability, such as a trap that cast a spell when triggered, and allowed her to pick which spell beforehands, such as by example cursing all enemies in an area.

There were also a variant of traps which were... puzzles. As in, puzzles straight out of a dungeon crawler, whether riddles, hamiltonian paths, knight-and-knave puzzles, and the oh-so-beloved teleporter maze straight out of Yggdrasil Odyssey's douchiest floors, memories of the Empyreal Path giving Zoemie a chuckle.

Zoemie sighed, satisfied with her progress. "Enough for today." She decided to play for the night, booting up her computer and restarting her gaming. "Hmm... What am I gonna play... Trak Maniak. Yes, that sounds good." After all, she did not have much else to do. And it was around 2:30 AM, deep in the night, that Zoemie tucked herself in and went to sleep for her second time in another world.

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