Chapter 30: 30

——Until he decided to go to the “Grey Lands” in search of the holy sword, Lloyd Allen Reuning’s world was fundamentally monotonous.

“You have that same face you always have.”

A very disgruntled voice came from right next to him.

Lloyd looked to his right. Because of the height difference, he was looking down.

The girl whose hand was twined around his right elbow–Esther Elle Stuart–was expressing her dissatisfaction with a furrowed brow.

The two were strolling together in a certain garden.

The bright sunlight, the traces of summer, illuminated the brightly blooming summer flowers. Even the color of the stones underfoot was dazzling.

Esther’s long, soft golden-brown hair was tied up in a bun, and her face was even and symmetrical, but her large, round eyes stood out from her rounded, somewhat innocent features.

Her expression constantly changed, which seemed to divide her reputation as a noblewoman into two.

Lloyd was unsure of his lover’s intentions.

“What do you mean by ‘the same face you always have’? I thought faces didn’t change.”

“Ugh! You know how good-looking you are, and I hate it!”

“When people have been telling you that for years, even a little kid would become aware of it.”

“Wow, that’s the kind of thing that would make the members of the same sex angry with you! You don’t have any friends, do you!?”

Lloyd’s lips quirked up at those unreserved words that were not befitting a young lady. The Stuarts were a family that had a long and distinguished history, but Esther had an unusual reputation as a tomboy.

However, Lloyd never took offense to her open and transparent mannerisms. She was much easier to get along with than those of the opposite sex who wished to play games with glances and gestures, and it was nice to be able to have a succinct conversation.

Esther suddenly became quiet, then timidly looked at Lloyd.

“Hey. Are you really going to marry me?”

“I will. What, is there something wrong with that?”

Esther shook her head.

Lloyd felt her arm curl tighter around his elbow.

“Are you being harassed again?”

The Stuarts were one of the most prestigious families, but their family’s rank wasn’t in balance with that of the Reunings.

However, Lloyd didn’t become lovers with Esther for balancing their family ranks.

The relationship was established in response to Esther’s feelings.

In the first place, the current Duke and Duchess of Reuning married despite the disparity in their family ranks, and they were now famous as one of the most loving couples in high society. Having been raised by such a couple, Lloyd had no qualms about having a relationship without any self-interest.

Those who didn’t understand this tried to overflowingly gossip about Esther’s bad reputation to Lloyd, and Esther was also subjected to insinuations and harassment from jealousy and envy.

Lloyd dealt with them and removed what he saw as obstacles. Based on their own experiences, the parents left much to Lloyd’s judgment about marriage and love.

So finally, he was at the point where he could make a formal engagement with Esther.

He thought he had prepared almost everything perfectly, but were there still problems that made Esther make this expression?

Lloyd made a few guesses, but Esther shook her head. Then she nervously looked up at Lloyd. Her eyes were shaking like a young child seeking for comfort.

“Um…um, Lloyd. Do you love me?”

Lloyd was caught off guard. He realized that his guesses were completely off the mark.

——He felt a sense of déjà vu and a faintly weary feeling in his heart.

“Have I been unfaithful to you?”

Esther shook her head again, then turned her head and answered in a feeble voice.

“…Lloyd, you’re always kind to me and you never lie. I know that. You made someone like me your lover…you never looked at the young ladies who are much prettier than me or the noble women who are much wealthier than me. Well, I was a little worried when I heard that those kinds of people had been your lovers before. But you told me from the beginning that once you had a lover, they were the only one for you. You had been true to that ever since…”

I was so happy that it was like a dream, Esther said.

Lloyd had nothing to say in return. The words Esther spoke did not match her demeanor.

——He wondered if he had made a mistake.

He had quite a few romantic relationships with women, but he had never done anything to make anyone find fault with him. If he got a lover, he treated them accordingly. He was thoroughly sincere and never directed his gaze at someone else. He persisted with this mindset so much that his same-sex friends were astounded by him and teased him.

“…That’s why, I fell in love with you. Like I was tumbling head over heels, I fell in love with you much more than I did at first.”

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Esther’s voice was faintly trembling.

Lloyd’s brow furrowed.

“Is there something wrong with that?”

The only thing that crossed Lloyd’s mind was pure doubt.

But Esther’s shoulders shook as if she had been heavily censured and finally raised her eyes to look at Lloyd. Her large eyes were wet and trembling.

“Lloyd. Can you tell me that you love me a lot more than you did when we first met?”

Lloyd’s eyes widened for an instant. Suddenly, he felt a sensation like a small thorn pricked his chest.

The faint shock reminded him of the day he had received Esther’s confession.

“I-I love you! I know we’re of different standings, and I know I’m not good enough for you, but…!!”

At that time, Esther’s face was as red as an apple, and she told him those words with tears in her eyes.

——Lloyd had been surprised, because until then she had flared up at him every time they saw each other.

He didn’t remember when he first became acquainted with Esther, but every time he met her at an evening party or some other occasion after that, Esther blatantly showed her repulsion at his domineering attitude, or his boasting of his high social standing and good looks.

Lloyd found her unflirtatious gaze and mannerisms refreshing. No other young ladies had ever snapped at him like that, and he found it amusing that she would so easily leap over the distance that other girls would keep.

After they became lovers, the sharpness of Esther’s tongue subsided. She showed many expressions and gestures that were typical of a girl in love, and he found it slightly charming that Esther also acted like a girl of her age–and was only slightly bored of it at times.

But that is no answer to the question posed to him.

Esther seemed to understand exactly what the silence meant. Her face, which had been displeased and angry just a moment before, suddenly clouded over. As if it would rain at any moment.

With a smooth motion, Esther removed her arm and took a few steps away from him.

“I thought so. You never lie, do you, Lloyd.”

The girl’s face scrunched up.

Esther, Lloyd called her name, but he couldn’t say the words to follow.

“At first I thought, I didn’t care if it was a one-sided love. I thought that it was more than enough for you to make me your lover and treasure me so much. But then I got more and more greedy…I kept chasing and chasing after you, and then I realized. No matter how much I reach out my hand to you, my heart won’t reach you. At this point, I’m suffocating. I’m tired of it.”

——I wanted neither position, nor fortune, nor prestige, nor marriage for the sake of my family.

Saying this, tears overflowed from her large eyes. With her eyes and cheeks wet, the girl gazed into the golden eyes of her lover.

“Do you understand? The feeling of my heart being so full of you that I couldn’t eat anything. The nights when I couldn’t sleep because my mind is so full of you. My emotions are so tied to everything you do that I don’t feel like myself anymore. They say love is a disease, but it’s true. …Lloyd, do you understand? Has your heart ever been so disturbed by me?”

Lloyd did not answer. He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and reached out to wipe the tears from her eyes. For that was what a lover should have done.

But Esther shook her head and rejected him.

“I’m not strong enough to be convinced by that. I just wanted to be in love with you. But if I can’t do that, then let’s break up.”

Lloyd stopped his outstretched hand. Then he slowly lowered it.

“Is that your decision, Esther?”

“…Yes, it is. I’ve already made up my mind.”

Esther hung her head and said in a stifled voice.

She looked so crushed that it was almost painful. ——The same as his former lovers. 

“You are the ideal lover. Just like a dream. And because it’s a dream…you’ll never give me your heart.”

Who was it who said that?

Lloyd spared no words for his lovers. No matter how trite the compliments or words of love.

He never lied. He never coerced them. He would always maintain the correct and ideal image of a lover.

That was why he said this.

“I understand.”

Those short and candid words marked the end of the conversation.

Esther’s shoulders shook, and she looked up. Tears were wetting her cheeks and running down her chin. The face of a hurt young girl was there. But then, her face, soaked with tears, twisted, and she spoke in a trembling voice.

“I’m sure that someone like you will never know true love!!”

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