Chapter 36: Chapter 36 – An Accidental Self-Discovery

Chapter 36 - An Accidental Self-Discovery

After that, we could not get the Lady to respond to Jax at all. Even requesting the purchase of her skill was met with silence. On the other foot, my own interface was working just fine, so we were at a complete loss as to what was going on.

“Ye don’t think she’s cut me off forever, do ye?” Jax asked, wringing her hands together.

“I doubt it,” I said, after a moment of hesitation. “You said she won, right? Maybe she is busy… collecting some sort of winnings? From someone?”

“Then why do She answer ye and not me?”

I twisted my lips to the side, “Yeah… that’s a good question. Although, all I was doing was asking to look at my stats. Will She tell you those, at least?”

She took an aside to check, and then she blanched, “Oh. She answered that time. But just said to quit pokin’ at Her? Says She be busy.”

I frowned. Bunch of esoteric bullshit artists… Here She had asked me some weird-ass question, and then when I had tried to puzzle it out, instead of so much as even letting me know whether I was right or even close, She skips away like a damned fairy. And to top it off, now She was too busy to even let us buy a skill? What a load of crap!

“You know what? Fuck it,” I said finally. “We’ve got things to do. We’ll buy something later.”

Jax was still unhappy, but she nodded firmly enough, “So… ye want me to try sending me shadow then?”

“May as well,” I said. It was a fair idea as probes went. If we were lucky, it might give us a clue as to what to expect in there.

Jax prepared herself to release it, but she hesitated. Turning back to me, she asked, “What did ye mean afore? About expressin’ me desire?”

“You mean instead of moaning?” I asked, glancing back to her. “Well… I’m… How would I know? I’m not a lilim, am I? What do you think?”

Crossing her arms, she began working at her teeth with her thumb-claw. “I ain’t sure,” she said finally.

I let out an exasperated breath. We were never going to get this Key. “Okay… uhm… Is arousal different for you now than when you first got the skill?”

She just looked at me, her face slack. If ‘bruh’ were a facial expression…

“Right, silly question,” I shook my head at myself. Of course it would be different. And she was not even finished changing yet. Still, I was determined to help her through this as best I could. But first, I needed more information, “I… don’t suppose you could put that into words?”

She sucked in through her teeth at that, “Ah… It still be pretty new, Donum. I ain’t sure I can.”

I nodded in understanding. That was fair. I mean, I had been a man my entire life, and if someone suddenly asked me to put into words what it felt like to be aroused as one — as opposed to anything else — I would be at a complete loss. How do you describe what a hard penis feels like to someone who does not have one? It was like the old chestnut, how do you describe the color blue to a blind person? On the other hand, Jax would be in a unique position here, getting to experience both sides of things… or at least, male to lilim. So, I felt that it should be possible for her, given time.

“Hmm… I guess you just need more experience then,” I sighed.

Jax’s slow grin prompted me to quickly reevaluate what I had just said, and I sputtered, “Not right now!”

“Why not?” she asked, leaning towards me. “Ye could eat a Gem or three. And I’ll mmm… think about how it feels?”

“Oh,” I chuckled nervously, “Right. Yes, I suppose I could do that.”

In the moment, Jax’s flirtations must have temporarily scrambled my brains, so instead of just using the Inventory function, I reached into my crotch-pocket and nervously fumbled around in there. She, of course, watched all of that with quiet bemusement. Eventually, I came up with a few Minor Gems, and we got started.

For now, I would go slowly. This was about feeling things out, not pushing all of our chips in. So, with that in mind, I tossed one into my mouth. The result was much the same as it ever had been, though comparatively mild and not overly long lasting.

“Aww,” Jax pouted when it was over, “That weren’t nothin’.”

“Must be getting used to them. Though, that was just a Minor Gem,” I said with a shrug. “Okay, that’s about as minimal as we can do at a time. Observations?”

Jax shifted her stance, “Maybe do another?” Something felt off about her delivery. From the tone of her voice and the lack of eye-contact, I had a feeling she was gaming me.

“You’re getting in the mood just thinking about this, aren’t you,” I accused, half smiling.

“A little,” she admitted, returning my expression. “Come on, then. Do another!”

Well, then. If she wanted to play… “Say how you’re feeling first,” I teased, rolling the next Gem in my fingers tauntingly. “Or we could just go for that Key. We have been faffing about in this drain for a while. I’m sure Hess would be fascinated to…”

“Flushed,” Jax said immediately. “I be feelin’ a little flushed and short o’ breath.” Her scowl could have melted lead.

“Interesting,” I said, more to her words than her expression. Then I sighed, deciding to try and move past it, “Shall we continue?”

She stared at the Gem — and me — for a while, her countenance gradually softening. Then dropping her hands to her hips, she sighed, “Sorry. I know we swore oath to Hess, but she ain’t bound yet. If she sees us doing aught she may get ideas.”

I made a face, not understanding. Or not completely. “Uhm. I wasn’t really suggesting… Bu… uhm…” I liked my lips, “We? Ideas?”

“Aye,” she nodded vigorously. “She got what I ain’t after all. She may think she can jump ahead. It ain’t her right.” She bounced once on her heels, landing solidly. As if that explained everything. Never mind the fact that she had completely skipped over the whole ‘we’ business.

“So…” I hesitated. I felt as though she had just casually danced across a minefield, leaving me behind to trip my own way over it. “Are you saying that, as long as you’ve done it first…?”

“More frequently,” she corrected immediately. “I be first, after all. And only with Hess. I’ll not tolerate outsiders.” She crossed her arms confidently, “Hess’ll not either. Ye’ll see. When she be bound. Them’s the rules!”

“Rules?” I shook my head, chuckling.

From what I had seen, I was pretty sure that this was a much more recent behavior. My running hypothesis was that you had to be at least four Layers into lilim-hood before a person would start to care about that sort of thing. Or at least, enough to be vocal about it. However, that was on the assumption that it would not be unique to Jax, contrary to her own expectation. But time would tell. In any case, “Jax, you talk as if I’m some philanderer that you’ve managed to hogtie. I’ve never even… Well, currently, you’re the only one I’ve ever really done anything with.”

“Truly?” Jax asked, wide-eyed. From her expression, you would think that I had just offered her up an entire kingdom. “Not no one? Ever?” Then, her expression fell just a tad as she remembered something, “Nay, ye kissed Hess. But that be just a little thing. An’ she be oath promised.”

“Well…” I hesitated, thinking back. “There was one other incident. Since you’re counting kissing.”

Jax’s face quickly went stony, “Go on.” Her voice was a cold thing.

Oh… oh, that was a mistake. I swallowed, stepping back, “There was a girl, uh… some time ago. I think she had a bit of a crush on me, and we made out a little. One time.”

Jax had started to bare her teeth. “Anything else?” she growled, following me.

I looked around nervously, still backpedaling. I could not lie to her. I knew that. But… I did not think this was going to go over well. “Now… Jax, this was well before you and I were…”

“Answer me question.” The words were clearly enunciated, set in march step to her stalking toward me.

“Uh… Well… Things did start to… progress,” I admitted, speeding up. I held my hands up, placatingly, “But they stopped before…”

“How far!” she barked, matching my pace.

“She did let me… touch her…” I bumped into something, and I heard a noise, like a piece of glass falling to the floor.

“Ye touched her?” Jax’s face was stretched into a rictus of primal rage. “Where? Where did ye touch?”

Something flickered in my peripheral, but I was too distracted to pay attention. Cringing away, I held my hands in front of my face, “Her breasts, okay?! She let me fondle them a little, but that’s all! We never got any further than that.”

Jax had stopped. Cautiously, I peeked down at her, but she was not looking at me. It seemed like she was having an argument with herself. Finally, her head jerked up, “Where they bigger’n mine?”

I hesitated at the question. It was hardly fair. But not answering was, itself, answer enough.

“WHORE’S FUD!” she screamed at the floor. Swinging around, she stalked away, but almost immediately, she crashed face first into some kind of forcefield and collapsed onto her backside. A bit of electricity calmly rolled across its surface from the impact.

“Jax? Are you okay?” I asked, running forward to help her up. As I did, I quickly scanned the area and realized what had happened. Somehow, in a fit of wildly fatalistic inattention, we had accidentally managed to slip into the room with the Key in it. And now we were standing right in the middle of the trap we had just activated. Of all the stupid ass…

As soon as she regained her feet, Jax spun around and grabbed my head. Pulling me down to look her in the eye, she growled, “Name?”

“What? Jax, we’re in the middle…”

She pulled me closer, “What were her name, Donum?”

I sighed, exasperatedly, “It was Stevie, since you want to know, but…”

“Just Stevie? No Clan?” Jax had a look like she was engraving the name onto her very soul.

“Clan? N… Or well, that’s the only name she ever told me,” I clarified. “Jax…”

“Clanless, then.” Releasing me, she began pacing, muttering to herself. “Human, I’m guessin’? Like ye?”

“Yes, but that’s neither here nor there!” I shouted. “Jax, for fuck’s sake, we’re in a trap! We’ve blundered into the Key room.”

At my words, she quickly scanned around her and dismissed it. Walking back up to me, she kept on the heat, “Ye say she took a shine to ye? Took yer kiss and yer… and then rejected ye!?” She snarled deep in her throat before continuing, “Servant girl, then?”

This was getting way out of hand, I decided. Rolling my eyes to the ceiling, I said, “By the Three, what does it matter? Like I said, it was a long…”

“It matters,” she interrupted again, “because ye’ll be bindin’ her, ye will.” She had a look of conviction on her face as she said it. She would brook no argument in this.

I was certainly going to try, though.

Drawing back, my head shaking, I said, “W-what the fuck are you talking about? Bind her? Are you crazy?”

“Nay, nay. Course not,” she chuckled. “Now. This were in yer homeland, I take it? I know it weren’t north, like ye told Hess. We’ll need to get back there somehow.” She started pacing again, mumbling something about disguises.

“Jax… stop. Please?” I sighed. “It’s not possible. Whatever it is you’re thinking, it’s just not possible. Okay?” Not to mention extremely wrong. On so many levels.

“Not possible?” she halted, glancing up at me. “What do ye mean? Where can ye be from that…” Slowly, her eyes widened, an intuitive leap coming over her. “North?” The word was a whispered, fearful thing. “That be what ye meant?” Hopping in place, she looked around to make sure that none were around to overhear. Unnecessarily. “The Floating Isles? No wonder ye never said.”

I clicked my tongue and sighed. Jax had lost her ever-loving mind.

 

Sitting with my back against the pedestal, I rolled the Key around in my palm. It looked virtually identical, save for the color, to every other Key I had seen — a trilliant cut gemstone that fit snugly within the palm of my hand and glowed with a faint inner light. I was eager to go see what it opened, but first I needed to address another problem.

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Apparently, when I had bumped into the pedestal, it had knocked the Key from its perch, and triggered some form of forcefield to spring up around us. And from the electricity crackling along its surface, I was in no hurry to test it. We were effectively trapped in here for the time being.

Jax passed in front of me again. Okay, another two problems. She had been pacing like that, muttering to herself ever since she had ‘guessed’ another piece of my increasingly fictional backstory. “…makes sense… …language I never… …human? Who ever heard…”

For a while, I had tried to talk her down, but she was far too worked up. So eventually, I had decided to just settle in to wait her out.

I had, of course, seen a bit of land floating in the sky during my fall into Vrekfren. Naturally, a landmark like that would have something of a reputation, but from the way she was going on about it, it was something of a notorious one. However, from what else I had gleaned, no one was known to have ever come or gone from that place. Or places? I was not sure about that part yet. So, I had no idea what was so insidious about it.

In any case, for the time being, it was a perfectly decent country to have not, in any way, been cast out from. At the very least, from what I was hearing, it would be a difficult thing for someone to check. But that really was not all that important to me. I had never once claimed to be from anywhere, so much as simply allowed the fiction to grow around me. And at this point, I was just curious to see how far or wild the fiction might develop.

“…but how do we get up there? I never heard o’ no one…” she muttered passing me by again.

Lightly tapping the back of my head against the pedestal, I groaned. I mean, I knew that she had gotten rather unreasonably possessive of me of late, but this was nuts! A normal girl would have just expected a regular, monogamous relationship, never mind my past, and I had been preparing myself mentally for entering into one with Jax. She had said we were sort of married now, after all. But from the way she talked, that was not at all what she had in mind.

And this obsession with retrieving Stevie? Jax had progressively been adding little details to the story as she went. From what I was hearing, she was now a servant girl who had seduced me with her body, and then fearing my position and perhaps my father, had rejected my advances and shattered my innocent heart.

Of course, no part of that was true. She had been a girl that I had met while roleplaying in a comic shop. We had hooked up that night over drinks, and while it was true that I had wanted to see her again, she had just been in town visiting friends. She had left the next day, and I never saw her again. It was one of those little might-have-beens that happen sometimes where circumstances did not align. I did not even know where the girl lived anymore or really if she was even still alive.

I sighed. For a moment, I considered trying to figure out the trap we were in on my own, but whatever it was, we were unharmed and nothing had changed. If I started fiddling with something while she was like this, it was likely that I would have to snap her out of it by force again. And I did not want to do that if I could help it.

“…can nay believe that whore’d have bigger… …but how do we get to her?” Jax paused her pacing to make an announcement, “I’ll kill ‘er! After ye bind her, I’ll kill ‘er. And when she comes back, I’ll kill ‘er again. ‘Til she knows her place. That’s what I’ll do.”

“Jax, can we please talk about this?” I asked again. “You’re being entirely unreasonable.”

“Unreasonable nothin’!” she growled. “How big were they?”

“How big? Stevie’s breasts?” I asked, sighing. “I don’t know.”

“What do ye mean, ye don’t know? Ye said ye f-f…” she gripped at nothing with her claws, “fondled ‘em.”

“Yes, but they were under her clothes still. She didn’t actually let me look at them for a size comparison,” I said exasperatedly.

“She didn’t?” For some reason, that seemed to make her feel better. Starting up her pacing again, she started to look like she was reconsidering, but then after a moment, she spun around, “Still, ye’d say they were bigger’n mine, right?”

“Well… yes. So far,” I admitted. I had actually remembered the incident rather fondly, despite its brief nature. Up until now, at least.

“So far?” Jax asked suspiciously. “What do ye mean, ‘so far’?”

“I mean that hers were bigger than yours currently are. You’re still growing,” I explained.

“What?” she stood up straight. The anger that had been consuming her vanished in a puff, replaced by desperate hope. “H-how do ye know that?”

“Oh…” I said, getting to my feet again. Walking towards her, I reached for her top, but I hesitated, “May I?”

She snorted, giving me a look like I was being silly. Raising her hands and folding them behind her head, she pushed her chest out to me.

I swallowed. Despite everything, she very much wanted me to pull her shirt up and do whatever it was I was planning. I could tell that quite clearly. Gently, I loosened her drawstring, and lifted the garment up and over her little bosom. Her mouth lightly parted and she drew in a breath, her eyes locked on mine.

“Now… uhm,” I cleared my throat. “If you’ll look here…” I paused to wait for her attention to shift, but she seemed reluctant to tear her gaze from mine. Finally, she turned her head down slightly, flicking her eyes to where I was pointing. “Your areolae are still quite puffy, forcing your nipple into a conical shape. Now, I can’t be sure, which is why I haven’t mentioned it, but normally that indicates that your breast tissue is still developing. Or that’s how it works in young women.”

She frowned slightly, “I nay understand all o’ yer words, but… yer sayin’ they’ll get bigger then? How’ll I know when they’ve stopped?”

I took a breath, “That’s… hard to say. But in a mature breast, the… well, this part here,” I pointed, “will flatten out evenly with the rest of the surrounding tissue.”

“And that’s when they’re biggest?” she glanced up at me again.

I shook my head, “I don’t think so. They should still fluctuate after that. With weight gain… hormones… pregnancy. That sort of thing. But with you? I really don’t know how it’s going to end up working.”

She frowned back down at her still developing chest for a moment before narrowing her eyes at me again, “And how do ye know so much about all o’ this?”

“Sex ed,” I replied without thinking, but then I hastily amended, “Uh… I had a teacher who talked about it.”

“A teacher? Taught ye all about that?” her eyes were starting to get dangerous again.

Sensing another blowup, I held up my hands, “Easy now. It’s not what you’re thinking. It was a skinny old guy who had a book with drawings in it. That’s all.” And yes. I will admit that to my perverse teenage mind, that particular section was of keen interest. “Why are you so obsessed with this anyway? Do you want to have the biggest breasts ever or something?”

“Yes!” she said immediately, but then she recoiled. “No?” Apprehensively, she reached up and placed the palm of her hand to my sternum. She stared at it absently for a while before shifting her gaze up to me, “I… ain’t sure.”

“Alright,” I said. I could deal with uncertainty. I was learning to swim in that particular soup on the daily. “What metric are you comparing them to? The biggest I’ve come in contact with?”

She frowned again, “Ye said ye’ve only felt the one! There be others now?”

I rolled my eyes. Me and my big mouth. “No… Just… Well I’ve… seen peep shows.” This whole inability to lie thing was a gigantic hassle, but at least I seemed to be able to talk around some things. Actually, I had never been to a live event in my life, but the Internet was certainly a thing. And I was a long time bachelor.

Her mouth twisted a bit, the claw of her index finger lightly tapping at me. She still had a suspicious expression, but eventually, she allowed, “A bit of entertainment be nothin’ to fret over, I guess. But to put words to yer question… I want…” she sighed, her eyes breaking off and going distant for a moment, “I want mine own to be what ye compare all others to.”

I slowly blinked at her, “Don’t you think that’s a bit of an unreasonable expectation? For them to be that nice… well, that kind of thing is incredibly rare. You do know that even if they stayed just as they are, I would never complain, right?”

The corners of her eyes crinkled, and she put on a bemused smile, “Oh, ye’d not complain with yer mouth.” She tapped at me again, “But I’d know.” Heaving a sigh, she pushed away. “Yer right, though. I guess. Maybe that be too much to hope for. Still, it’d be nice if when I pulled me shirt up, ye’d at least swell for me.”

I coughed loudly, “Have mercy! We were arguing! And we… I… well, I’m still recovering!”

She laughed gaily at that, and after a moment, I joined her. What a crazy-ass turn this whole thing had taken. The second Jax had started to sprout breasts, our whole relationship had been turned onto its head, and ever since then, I had been trying to hold on for dear life. Eventually, I hoped there would come a time where I could get ahead of this thing, but for now, I was just along for the ride. And sure, Jax was… perhaps a tad homicidally possessive, but… it was kind of nice to feel so wanted.

Finally, as our laughter came to an end, Jax clapped her hands together, “Donum! I got it!”

“It?” I prompted.

“Me desire! As a lilim, I mean.” She started hopping in place, “I figured it. And why none but a lilim could have it so!”

My eyebrows rose, “Oh, yeah? Do tell.”

Jax started to frown in consternation, “Mmm… but how do a person express such? That be the trick…”

I shook my head. There she went again… “Yeah, maybe if you filled me in, we could work on that?”

She glanced up, and with a grin, she lightly swatted at me, “Oh, come now, Donum. Ye should o’ figured it before I.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Oh, for fuck’s sake… “Jax…”

“It be ye, o’ course!” she explained brightly. “Yer desire fer me be what I crave most. It feeds me. Sustains me. Makes me throb! Just the thought…” Suddenly, she gasped, and weakly, she fell against me. Looking up through half-lidded eyes, a slow grin formed on her face, “Why, Donum… I do believe we have aught in common.”

I cleared my throat as she began to rub herself on my rapidly expanding girth, “Yes, well… it is rather difficult to control oneself when a… person declares things like that.”

She sucked in a breath, “Ahh~ Keep talkin’ yer noble words at me.” Reaching up, she began fiddling with my covering, but I quickly stepped away.

“Let’s… do this later, okay?” I laughed nervously. “I’m still a little sore from the last time, and anyway, I thought you were full.”

She looked at me sullenly, “I ain’t so full as to turn ye down.”

I closed my eyes. Great. Now I felt guilty. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just trying to be smart here, okay? We can’t just start ripping each other’s clothes off all the time at the drop of a hat. I mean… we are caught in a forcefield right now. Or need I remind you?”

“It ain’t goin’ nowhere,” she smiled. Reaching up, she began to play with her nipples, taunting me. “Come on, now. Fish out that dobber o’ yers for me. It don’t care about no traps.”

I sighed. My lilim was becoming rather insatiable. But it was better than her being angry. And she was right. I was certainly ready to go. Ah well… what was another fifteen minutes?

Reaching down, I pulled my loincloth to the side, letting my member spring into the cool air. “Alright, come here.”

She giggled and clapped her hands together, “Yay!”

 

Some time later, I flopped onto my back, exhausted. In the space of twenty-four hours, I had been fellated to completion thrice. And I could tell. I felt as if I had been working the rowing machine, but with some kind of special penis attachment. I was not even sure if I could walk right then.

Glancing over, Jax was sitting on her haunches, contentedly wiping at her mouth and humming to herself. It was almost like watching a cat groom itself but without the licking.

“You know… I feel bad being the only one on the receiving end of this. I would be happy to try and return the favor,” I offered.

She paused and then chuckled at me, “Return the favor? Do ye have any idea the unimaginable pleasure ye give me on the daily? If anything, it be me what’s returnin’ favors.”

“Still, though. Normally, this sort of thing should be a two-way… or… hmm…” Yeah, she would not understand that phrase. “Well, anyway, I would like to pleasure you, too. When we do this.”

“But ye do!” she smiled, crawling up and laying on my chest. I grunted a bit from the weight, but I endured. “Consumin’ yer desire be me greatest want.” Idly, she traced a claw across my shoulder, “But I suppose ye’d nay understand that. Just be patient a while.”

I sighed, “I don’t know why you’re so scared of letting me…”

“Leave it be,” she poked me. “I nay want ye to have memory o’ me this way.” Pulling herself further up, she kissed my lips, “I want ye to remember me for what I be, not what I were. Alright?”

I smirked. I could respect that. Still… “You know, technically, I’ve already seen…” Her claw drilled just a little too hard into my shoulder, and I winced.

Grimacing, she wiped at it, as if that would help at all, but she had not drawn any blood, “Sorry, sorry.” Then she frowned and jabbed at me again, with her knuckle this time, “Ye forget that! That were a remnant of a dead thing! Not o’ me!”

“Alright, Jax.” Gathering her in my arms, I gave her a light kiss in return. “Alright. Now, maybe we should think about trying to escape?”

“Escape?” Looking around, as if for the first time, she shook her head and sighed dramatically, “This were terrible foolish. Why, anything could o’ happened whilst we were tossin’ the hay about. What e’er were ye thinkin’, Donum?”

I gave her a flat look, and she grinned.

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