Chapter 95: 95

When I came to my consciousness, I didn’t feel the slightest bit of pain. I could only feel Father’s firm arms and pounding heart, and Kir’s whimpering cries and the touch of his clenched hands.

Surely the fire overtook me? It’s bewildering that my memory and the sense of reality are different. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t hurt when that great disaster hit me.

“What happened? The last thing I saw was fire…”

Why am I fine? I couldn’t bear to ask this. Kir looked at me blankly. I waved my hand at his hesitant expression, who probably doesn’t know if it was okay to say it or not. I urged him to answer. Even so, he looked at Father with a glance, perhaps feeling anxious.

Kir, who was hesitant, saw the signal Father gave him, told me about the moment I passed out.

“I didn’t know that the fire would come out all of a sudden. I’m sorry.”

I got goosebumps when it was mentioned that a fire came out. It was terrifying just to hear that. A shuddering sensation came. But apart from my suffering, it was not Kir’s fault.

“You didn’t even know. It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

“Nothing much happened. As soon as the fire grew, you fell and then the fire disappeared without a trace.”

Kir’s explanation came as a shock. I couldn’t believe it.

“The, the fire… didn’t hit me?”

“Yes. It didn’t reach you.”

To my surprise, Kir responded cautiously. Hearing his words, I took a deep breath. It was confusing. Well, then what is the pain I’ve been through? What kind of heat did I feel? I really thought I was going to burn to death. I thought the flames were going to melt me… But the fire didn’t even reach me?

Father comforted me as my body began to tremble again.

“It’s okay. Aren, it’s okay.”

I buried my head in Father’s arms, who said I was okay. Father’s hand gently patted me. Even though I wasn’t used to it, it seemed like it wasn’t the first time.

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Come to think of it, something similar happened before. It was troubling like a nightmare, and I remembered only being comforted by Father after waking up. Even then, I felt like I had seen the fire at the end.

I know now. This wasn’t the first time. At that time, I couldn’t remember everything. It was so shocking that I must have erased it from my memory. And unlike me, Father had already gone through it and knew the reason for my reaction.

I was reincarnated and lived a straight life, but my body was young, so there were many restrictions. Like cooking, for example. I had never handled fire myself. So I didn’t know No, I may have unconsciously pretended not to know.

I have a trauma about fire. As soon as I saw fire, I would reflexively think of the painful death in my previous life. The terrible pain of my body burning as I desperately begged for help.

The memories of the desire to live and the instinct to know that I couldn’t live were mixed together to create realistic phantom pain.

Yes, I was terribly afraid of fire. Even after admitting it, I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t even wonder why it happened. I just wanted to rest. So I just closed my eyes in Father’s arms.

* * *

Is it because I passed out and Kir was sobbing and making a fuss? The Grand Duke must have known that Kir and I had sneaked into the treasure trove due to the commotion, but the Grand Duke didn’t scold him for it.

He didn’t mention anything, as if nothing had happened. Everyone else was also silent, perhaps because I was terrified by the very sound of ‘fire’.

Compared to other people, I was calm. My phobia didn’t manifest without fire, and it wasn’t something I was aware of until this incident. So I went about it as usual. It wasn’t a lie. It just felt far away as if it was a dream, and there was no special feeling.

It’s a psychological shock anyway. Knowing that I couldn’t easily overcome it and that there was no way to fix it, I decided to just accept it. Even if I thought it was a complacent attitude, I wasn’t too afraid because the symptoms weren’t immediately apparent.

Maybe it’s because I, the person involved, have a normal life. Neither Kir, nor Father, nor anyone from the Grand Duchy mentioned it again. They didn’t even ask me why.

In Kir’s case, he showed signs of being conscious of me because he couldn’t hide everything. But I didn’t ask him anything, and the incident itself was quickly settled. So we went back to our usual routine.

Instead, Kir’s mischievous behavior has diminished. My fit seemed like a shock even for the little boy.

That’s how my 8-year-old life passed calmly and routinely.

***

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