The Reason Why We Shouldn't Get Married
Chapter 9
[tw; self-harm]
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Diana prayed for a long time for both Scintilla and her unborn child. By the time she left the prayer room, the sun was already setting. Considering it was spring, she must’ve been there for a very long time since the sun stayed up for a while.
“My lady!”
Sitting in boredom outside, Jesse rushed over. Diana wanted to enter the prayer room alone, so she had been waiting alone outside.
“Are you hungry? Did you finish your prayers well?”
“Yes, I prayed well. Though I don’t know if I’m hungry.”
“Hah, you must have a lot on your mind since you’re going to be married soon. What did you pray for?” Jesse asked affectionately, wrapping Diana’s coat around her shoulders. Thanks to Jesse’s skills, Diana looked passable.
“But Jesse, did you eat anything? You weren’t sitting here the entire time, were you?”
“I wasn’t sure when you would be finished,” Jesse quipped with a smile.
If one thing never changed, it was Jesse. She was foolishly loyal to Diana until the very end.
Diana gave a bitter smile, saying, “You must be hungry. Shall we eat on the way home?”
“Huh? You and me?” Jesse’s eyes widened.
The restaurants where the Great Princess of Philadelphia and the maid of said great house were meant to dine were completely different. If people saw Jesse and Diana sitting together, they quickly become the center of rumors.
They already needed to be careful of their actions ahead of the wedding, so even the smallest of rumors could not be forgiven. Jesse shook her hands in front of her, but Diana insisted.
“Don’t worry, we can eat in a private room. Aren’t you hungry, Jesse?”
“Well….”
“Then let’s go. I also wanted to eat out today. You know I’m fifteen years old now, right?” Diana tried to speak cheerfully, but it was really hard. She left a lot of her energy in the prayer room, but she didn’t want to worry Jesse.
“Then….I will send a messenger back to the mansion.”
“Alright.”
Jesse, though she was hesitant at first, soon smiled brightly. Seeing that smile made her feel at ease. After facing a future full of death, Diana realized that everyone’s status was equal in the face of it. Using status as a weapon was good when you could, but it didn’t determine the value of one’s life. So it was important to treat people well while they were still around.
And so Diana and Jesse both got into the carriage.
As she climbed in, Diana glanced behind her. Iandrus wasn’t there, but that was probably obvious. His pride wouldn’t allow him to wait the whole time. And even if he were waiting for her, she wouldn’t have been happy about it.
Diana closed the carriage door behind her with no regrets.
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After enduring that nonsense, the prince’s self-esteem must’ve really taken a hit. This must be when he finally has his doubts about Diana. If that was enough, then she should be hearing something soon. But instead, both Iandrus and the royal family were quiet. Rather, it was Diana who was impatient.
If she married him again, there would be no next time.
She couldn’t leave any room for doubt.
Diana ran a hand over her stomach.
She heard that there was a poison that would make it impossible for her to get pregnant. It was something that was unattainable in the normal markets, found only in underground black markets. But she didn’t want to risk her life.
She knew how terrible it was to have to bury her child in her heart and she couldn’t force her own parents to have to go through that.
So this time, maybe it would be best to handle Iandrus’ misfortune on her own so that no one else would have to suffer through that sadness. In comparison to how calm she looked reading her book, there was a storm of thoughts going through her mind.
Of course, it would still be best to try out a different path if at all possible. The best path in front of her would be to avoid marrying Iandrus entirely.
Diana fiddled with the cross hanging around her neck. This cross represented the weight that Diana had to live with for the rest of her life—the weight of Scintilla, who disappeared like smoke, and of her unborn child who didn’t even have a chance. The silver cross stood out against her dark dress.
Turning her back to the sunlight through the window, Diana looked like a saint in Jesse’s eyes as she watched the scene, sighing deeply.
These days, her lady didn’t go out as she pleased. The nobles, building bonds within their social circles, usually sent letters to her, but she didn’t even bother reading them. Diana used to like going out to a coffee house when the weather was good, but now she was so subdued.
She just liked reading books, stuck in either her room or the library. She would read all kinds of books, both thick and thin, and then, when she was tired, she would fall asleep wherever she was. She spent a lot of time spacing out, worrying others with how often she wished to be alone.
Jesse wriggled her fingers with an anxious expression.
“Lady Diana.”
“Yes?” Diana answered quietly.
“If anything happens, you have to tell me, okay?”
But Jesse couldn’t take her eyes off of her face for a while—a clear uneasy look on her face.
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“My lady!”
Jesse collapsed on the floor, screaming. Diana’s blood was gradually falling, soaking into the fabric of Jesse’s skirt. She was shaking, covering her mouth with her hands. The anxiety she felt before was a warning—a warning for what was happening right now. Diana’s eyelids, lying pale in bed, were shaking.
“My lady, what happened!? My lady, please wake up! Someone please help!”
Hearing Jesse’s scream, the maids of the Philadelphia estate rushed in to witness the horrifying sight. Blood was flowing from her wrist as Diana lay in bed with a dagger in her grasp.
It was easy to gather what had happened.
Blood was dripping from Diana’s right wrist, and so everyone dispersed into groups of two or three, searching for a doctor and the mistress of the house.
But it all happened to be on a day where every member of the Philadelphia family was out. Guinness was attending a brunch for the nobility, the Grand Duke was scheduled for some royal meetings, and the Grand Duchess was at a social gathering. That meant that Diana was all alone in this spacious mansion.
So in the end, the only person in all of Philadelphia that answered the maids’ frantic calls was the doctor.
He calmly pressed a clean towel against the wound on her wrist.
“Mr. Dysen, you……can help my lady, right? Nothing will happen, right?”
The doctor glanced up at Jesse, then gestured to his assistants.
“Alright people, prepare some clean needles and thread, candles, and lukewarm water.”
“Yes!”
“Jesse, I need to suture the lady’s wrist now. The wound is much deeper than it looks, so if it’s done incorrectly, she may lose her hand. Do I have your consent to proceed?”
Jesse looked at the doctor in daze, nodding her head. Like he said, it wasn’t going to be fixed just by sitting and looking at it. So she answered in a trembling voice, shedding tears that couldn’t be contained.
“I thank you for your help.”
“Jesse, you go out and gather the butlers and the maids. We cannot allow what happened here to leak out. This will ruin the lady’s reputation. If we handle this badly, she’ll be taken to an institution…..”
“…Th, that’s…..”
“This could end her engagement. Anything could happen.”
Jesse nodded with a sad expression. Dysen didn’t mention anything about her life, so luckily Diana wasn’t in danger of dying. Jesse pushed out the crowds from the room, then she followed Dysen’s advice, going to find the head maid.
And while the maids gathered and closed off the estate, luckily, Guinness was the first to return.
But the problem was that Guinness was being accompanied by Iandrus.
“What’s going on? Why is everyone panicking?” Guinness asked the butler with a confused expression. It was unusual for the butler to greet Prince Iandrus with such a tired expression. It wasn’t acceptable behavior for a butler who prided himself on his work for the Philadelphia family.
“Butler?”
“Ah, young master….I have something I need to tell you carefully.”
“Must be why the mansion’s bustling so much. Where is Diana? You, take Prince Iandrus to the drawing room.”
“Yes, young master!”
“I think I need to go for a while, Your Highness.”
“Feel free to take your time. I’ll be waiting.”
The butler quietly led Guinness to a secret room as fast as he could. Seeing the butler strangely lead him to a guest room rather than the study in such a frantic way made a pit of anxiety form in his stomach. And it was bothering him that Diana hadn’t come down yet even though he’d come home.
And seeing the terrified faces of the servants unsettled him.
“Something happened.”
“This is….”
The butler swallowed hard with a sickly expression. Then he whispered out in a voice that made it sound like he was being strangled.
“The lady is…..”
“Diana?”
“The lady cut her wrist. Mr. Dysen was called to help, but she’s still unconscious. She lost a lot of blood, so we have her taking medicine to replenish it.”
“What the hell are you talking about!? Say something that makes sense!”
Guinness grabbed the butler’s shoulder.
He felt sparks forming in his eyes. Of course he’d heard stories of nobles taking their own lives before, but why the hell would Diana do something like this? What reason did she have!?
Chapter 10: 9
[tw; self-harm]
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*
Diana prayed for a long time for both Scintilla and her unborn child. By the time she left the prayer room, the sun was already setting. Considering it was spring, she must’ve been there for a very long time since the sun stayed up for a while.
“My lady!”
Sitting in boredom outside, Jesse rushed over. Diana wanted to enter the prayer room alone, so she had been waiting alone outside.
“Are you hungry? Did you finish your prayers well?”
“Yes, I prayed well. Though I don’t know if I’m hungry.”
“Hah, you must have a lot on your mind since you’re going to be married soon. What did you pray for?” Jesse asked affectionately, wrapping Diana’s coat around her shoulders. Thanks to Jesse’s skills, Diana looked passable.
“But Jesse, did you eat anything? You weren’t sitting here the entire time, were you?”
“I wasn’t sure when you would be finished,” Jesse quipped with a smile.
If one thing never changed, it was Jesse. She was foolishly loyal to Diana until the very end.
Diana gave a bitter smile, saying, “You must be hungry. Shall we eat on the way home?”
“Huh? You and me?” Jesse’s eyes widened.
The restaurants where the Great Princess of Philadelphia and the maid of said great house were meant to dine were completely different. If people saw Jesse and Diana sitting together, they quickly become the center of rumors.
They already needed to be careful of their actions ahead of the wedding, so even the smallest of rumors could not be forgiven. Jesse shook her hands in front of her, but Diana insisted.
“Don’t worry, we can eat in a private room. Aren’t you hungry, Jesse?”
“Well….”
“Then….I will send a messenger back to the mansion.”
“Alright.”
Jesse, though she was hesitant at first, soon smiled brightly. Seeing that smile made her feel at ease. After facing a future full of death, Diana realized that everyone’s status was equal in the face of it. Using status as a weapon was good when you could, but it didn’t determine the value of one’s life. So it was important to treat people well while they were still around.
And so Diana and Jesse both got into the carriage.
As she climbed in, Diana glanced behind her. Iandrus wasn’t there, but that was probably obvious. His pride wouldn’t allow him to wait the whole time. And even if he were waiting for her, she wouldn’t have been happy about it.
Diana closed the carriage door behind her with no regrets.
*
* * *
*
After enduring that nonsense, the prince’s self-esteem must’ve really taken a hit. This must be when he finally has his doubts about Diana. If that was enough, then she should be hearing something soon. But instead, both Iandrus and the royal family were quiet. Rather, it was Diana who was impatient.
If she married him again, there would be no next time.
She couldn’t leave any room for doubt.
Diana ran a hand over her stomach.
She heard that there was a poison that would make it impossible for her to get pregnant. It was something that was unattainable in the normal markets, found only in underground black markets. But she didn’t want to risk her life.
She knew how terrible it was to have to bury her child in her heart and she couldn’t force her own parents to have to go through that.
So this time, maybe it would be best to handle Iandrus’ misfortune on her own so that no one else would have to suffer through that sadness. In comparison to how calm she looked reading her book, there was a storm of thoughts going through her mind.
Of course, it would still be best to try out a different path if at all possible. The best path in front of her would be to avoid marrying Iandrus entirely.
Diana fiddled with the cross hanging around her neck. This cross represented the weight that Diana had to live with for the rest of her life—the weight of Scintilla, who disappeared like smoke, and of her unborn child who didn’t even have a chance. The silver cross stood out against her dark dress.
Turning her back to the sunlight through the window, Diana looked like a saint in Jesse’s eyes as she watched the scene, sighing deeply.
She just liked reading books, stuck in either her room or the library. She would read all kinds of books, both thick and thin, and then, when she was tired, she would fall asleep wherever she was. She spent a lot of time spacing out, worrying others with how often she wished to be alone.
Jesse wriggled her fingers with an anxious expression.
“Lady Diana.”
“Yes?” Diana answered quietly.
“If anything happens, you have to tell me, okay?”
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Diana took her eyes off her book, mustering a bright smile to reassure Jesse. “Of course, Jesse,” she said.But Jesse couldn’t take her eyes off of her face for a while—a clear uneasy look on her face.
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“My lady!”
Jesse collapsed on the floor, screaming. Diana’s blood was gradually falling, soaking into the fabric of Jesse’s skirt. She was shaking, covering her mouth with her hands. The anxiety she felt before was a warning—a warning for what was happening right now. Diana’s eyelids, lying pale in bed, were shaking.
“My lady, what happened!? My lady, please wake up! Someone please help!”
Hearing Jesse’s scream, the maids of the Philadelphia estate rushed in to witness the horrifying sight. Blood was flowing from her wrist as Diana lay in bed with a dagger in her grasp.
It was easy to gather what had happened.
Blood was dripping from Diana’s right wrist, and so everyone dispersed into groups of two or three, searching for a doctor and the mistress of the house.
But it all happened to be on a day where every member of the Philadelphia family was out. Guinness was attending a brunch for the nobility, the Grand Duke was scheduled for some royal meetings, and the Grand Duchess was at a social gathering. That meant that Diana was all alone in this spacious mansion.
So in the end, the only person in all of Philadelphia that answered the maids’ frantic calls was the doctor.
He calmly pressed a clean towel against the wound on her wrist.
The doctor glanced up at Jesse, then gestured to his assistants.
“Alright people, prepare some clean needles and thread, candles, and lukewarm water.”
“Yes!”
“Jesse, I need to suture the lady’s wrist now. The wound is much deeper than it looks, so if it’s done incorrectly, she may lose her hand. Do I have your consent to proceed?”
Jesse looked at the doctor in daze, nodding her head. Like he said, it wasn’t going to be fixed just by sitting and looking at it. So she answered in a trembling voice, shedding tears that couldn’t be contained.
“I thank you for your help.”
“Jesse, you go out and gather the butlers and the maids. We cannot allow what happened here to leak out. This will ruin the lady’s reputation. If we handle this badly, she’ll be taken to an institution…..”
“…Th, that’s…..”
“This could end her engagement. Anything could happen.”
Jesse nodded with a sad expression. Dysen didn’t mention anything about her life, so luckily Diana wasn’t in danger of dying. Jesse pushed out the crowds from the room, then she followed Dysen’s advice, going to find the head maid.
And while the maids gathered and closed off the estate, luckily, Guinness was the first to return.
But the problem was that Guinness was being accompanied by Iandrus.
“What’s going on? Why is everyone panicking?” Guinness asked the butler with a confused expression. It was unusual for the butler to greet Prince Iandrus with such a tired expression. It wasn’t acceptable behavior for a butler who prided himself on his work for the Philadelphia family.
“Butler?”
“Ah, young master….I have something I need to tell you carefully.”
“Must be why the mansion’s bustling so much. Where is Diana? You, take Prince Iandrus to the drawing room.”
“Yes, young master!”
“I think I need to go for a while, Your Highness.”
“Feel free to take your time. I’ll be waiting.”
And seeing the terrified faces of the servants unsettled him.
“Something happened.”
“This is….”
The butler swallowed hard with a sickly expression. Then he whispered out in a voice that made it sound like he was being strangled.
“The lady is…..”
“Diana?”
“The lady cut her wrist. Mr. Dysen was called to help, but she’s still unconscious. She lost a lot of blood, so we have her taking medicine to replenish it.”
“What the hell are you talking about!? Say something that makes sense!”
Guinness grabbed the butler’s shoulder.
He felt sparks forming in his eyes. Of course he’d heard stories of nobles taking their own lives before, but why the hell would Diana do something like this? What reason did she have!?
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