Chapter 207: Angst

Chapter 147 : Angst

Jiang Ruan was slightly startled, then she walked toward Xiao Shao. “Why are you here?”

“Would you really agree to marry him if you were on equal footing?” Rather than responding, Xiao Shao asked an irrelevant question.

“Yes.” Jiang Ruan responded, “Why not marry into the Gu family if you can get protection while still carrying out your plan? It’s just that the Gu family is powerless to defend themselves at present, and it’s not the best option.”

Xiao Shao looked down at her, and a certain emotion flashed in his eyes. “Would you marry if there is someone worthy of you?”

“Why not?” Jiang Ruan asked in reply.

Xiao Shao gave her a long look. Just as Jiang Ruan thought that he would remain silent, he asked, “Then, what do you think of me?”

Jiang Ruan was stunned.

Xiao Shao said, “Jinying Wangfu is directly under the Emperor, so there is no need to be concerned about established factions. Its power is strong enough to keep you safe. There are no in-laws at the top and there are no obnoxious servants at the bottom. No one will dare to bully you once you enter the wangfu as its mistress; instead, everyone will respect you. Can this family be regarded as satisfactory?”

He was serious when he spoke. He was dressed in black, and as cold and silent as the black gold auspicious beast qilin standing at Jinying Wangfu’s gate in autumn. When he looked at people, his eyes were as deep as the stars that glittered brightly. His eyes were like the Milky Way in the Ninth Heaven, drowning people in the vast starry sky. Such a young man asked, “Is it satisfactory?”

At that moment, the man who was the boudoir spring dream of the Great Jin’s countless daughters questioned her in a serious tone. How could she not be distracted?

Jiang Ruan was silent for a time before continuing, “So you’re interested in marrying me. Why?”

“You know the situation in the palace,” Xiao Shao replied nonchalantly. “Staying in Jinying Wangfu will certainly protect you.”

“I’m not looking for protection,” Jiang Ruan interrupted. “Welcoming me into your wangfu will provoke disaster.”

Xiao Shao remained silent and inquired, “What is your demand?”

“What is my demand?” Jiang Ruan repeated quietly. She raised her head abruptly and smiled. Her smile was seductive yet brimming with the kind of irony that could be etched deep into the bone marrow. He was plainly dressed entirely in umber-black, yet it appeared as if he had stepped out of a sea of fire, his entire body seared in heat, as if willing to perish together with her.

She pronounced each syllable clearly, “I want those who owe me their lives to deliver their entire being to me. I want those who have looked down on me to always look up to me. When they see me, I want them to quiver. I want this beautiful land- all of its rivers and mountains- beneath me!”

Xiao Shao fixed his gaze on the girl in front of him. It appeared to be the first time she had openly expressed her disdain and hostility. He had always suspected that Jiang Ruan harboured a secret, but now he realized that the secret was not as simple as he had imagined. Each word in her statement resounded like a sledgehammer, resounding with strength and vigour. What kind of fate could cause her to say such blatantly rebellious words? Yet it sounded so natural and matter of fact from her.

“Now you know who I am: the temptress who causes national calamity. I’ll cause disaster wherever I go.”

“You are the temptress who brings calamity to the nation, and I am a thief.” His robe was as dark as the night sky, and his eyes were as cold as a star, but the words from his thin lips were scorching enough to burn people. “We are made for each other.”

Jiang Ruan just stared at him blankly.

“You want vengeance and you want to kill everyone who has let you down. If this makes you happy, I can assist you. But you are not happy.” Xiao Shao’s words drifted leisurely with the wind, but when they reached Jiang Ruan’s ear, they made her heart ache.

She was unhappy. How could she enjoy killing others? Indulging in vengeance would one day cause her to lose herself, and a heart blinded by hatred would eventually turn her into a vengeful machine. She raised her eyes to Xiao Shao. The young man spoke in a confident and straightforward manner and his eyes were as sharp as a knife. His words drew blood on the first prick and revealed the weakest part of her heart.

Suddenly, a scene from the imperial throne room from her previous life flashed before her eyes. Jiang Quan stood by indifferently as she was deposed from her royal status, while Xuan Li declared that she was a temptress who brought the country to ruin. Her heart was pierced by a sharp pain.

There was no turning back in hell and there was no way out of the Yellow Springs. If this life was a divine providence to give her a chance to avenge herself, she would not hesitate to do so, even if it meant being burned in the end. Only… it just so happened that she ran into him again in this life.

She lowered her gaze and a bitter smile formed at the corners of her lips. “I realized long ago, Xiao Shao, that I have entered a nightmare.”

In the blink of an eye, her frail expression vanished. Her faint voice was tinged with inaudible despair and struggle. “However, I can’t wake up.”

* * *

Zhao Jin put the secret letter back in its original place. As she left quietly, she ran into her eldest brother, who had just returned from martial arts practice.

Zhao Qian turned to look at his younger sister and asked, “Why did you come out of Father’s study, Meimei? I assumed Father has yet to return.”

“I, I can’t seem to find my handkerchief. I went to the study to see if I misplaced it when I sent some pastries to Father the other day.” Zhao Jin stammered a little.

“Oh,” Zhao Qian didn’t doubt her and remarked jokingly, “You’re a boudoir daughter, don’t be rash and lose things all day. How can you find a good husband if you go on like this.””

Zhao Jin scratched her ears impatiently, “Eldest brother.” A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she moved toward Zhao Qian. “Eldest Brother, are you going to war with Second Brother and Father?”

Zhao Qian’s face changed and his tone turned grave. “Where did you hear that!”

“Why are you so fierce?” Zhao Jin curled her lips and inadvertently said, “Isn’t there a state of emergency at the border? The conflict with Tian Jin has become more intense. The Emperor will undoubtedly dispatch reinforcements. The General fu must avoid raising suspicions and General Wu and General Guan are not on good terms with one another. So that only leaves us, and how can we, as a military leader fu, evade this situation.”

“Presumptuous. Are you allowed to guess the Emperor’s intentions?” Zhao Qian scolded her, his face solemn. “You must not say these things outside, or you will cause trouble for the fu and end up in a mess!”

“Eldest Brother —” Zhao Jin, unfazed, took Zhao Qian’s arm. “I’m not going to tell anyone and you’re not an outsider. This is not to guess the Emperor’s intentions, but rather to show concern for national affairs. Please tell me, will you? If you all go to war, I’ll be left alone in the fu. It’s so dull.”

Zhao Jin was the only little sister in the family. Her several brothers doted on her very much. She didn’t take Zhao Qian’s warning to heart when she said this. Zhao Qian was frustrated, but he adored his younger sister. Besides, Zhao Jin was fearless, so no matter what he said, she was not going to take it seriously. Zhao Qian finally caved in, unable to bear Zhao Jin’s obstinate temper. “You’re too old to have fun all the time. When Mother finds you a suitable marriage, you will become a wife in another family. You won’t dare to be so disobedient at that point. I am indeed going to the border for reinforcement. Tian Jin’s army is extremely cunning, so it will be very dangerous. Perhaps Father will leave after a few days.” He glanced at Zhao Jin and said with concern, “Don’t get into any trouble when you’re at home.”

“I know.” Zhao Jin rolled her eyes and probed him further, “What is the situation there now? Has Deputy General Jiang really been captured as rumour has it? Is he to blame for this defeat?”

“I’m afraid that’s the case, His Majesty…” Zhao Qian suddenly realized something. Seeing Zhao Jin’s concern, he kept his mouth shut and shifted the subject. “How come you’re so concerned about this?”

“This is a matter related to our family. As the proverb says, know yourself and know your enemy, and you will never be defeated[1].” Zhao Jin stated eloquently. “We need to know perfectly well.”

[1] 知己知彼，百战不殆 (zhījǐzhībǐ, bǎizhànbùdài) – know yourself and know your enemy, and you will never be defeated (idiom, from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War”.

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Zhao Qian was amused. “You are not the one going to the battlefield. What good is it to know so much?” He continued, without waiting for Zhao Jin to reopen her mouth, “Besides, it’s all confidential and cannot be shared with you.” He patted Zhao Jin’s shoulder. “Be obedient. Return and learn more needlework with momo. Mother even stated yesterday that the mandarin ducks you embroidered resembled common ducks. How are you going to deal with it in the future? Put an end to your irascible temper. I still have work to do, so I won’t chat with you.”

He didn’t wait for Zhao Jin to inquire further before leaving. Zhao Jin glared huffily at Zhao Qian’s back. She had no choice but to return to her courtyard. She overheard people discussing the border crisis the entire way. There was little question that the God of War, who had risen to such great heights and prospered for so long, had now been defeated. Even if it was for the best that he, as a Deputy General, gave his life on the battlefield, her heart felt suffocated.

When she returned to her room, she ordered all the maids to leave. Zhao Jin sat at the table, took a book on the art of war, and spread it out on the table, but she was not in the mood to read it. Her thoughts were consumed by the secret letter she had just discovered in her father’s study.

The border was in a state of emergency and the battle was on the horizon. The former God of War was defeated and despised by all, and they accused him of being a traitor. Zhao Jin recalled the valiant and learned Deputy General she had met at the palace banquet. Her benefactor was imprisoned before she could repay the kindness that had saved her life. A drop of kindness, as the saying goes, must be repaid by a spring. Furthermore, the daughter of a General’s family must value gratitude and not be afraid or cowardly. Furthermore, if she stayed in the fu, Mother would spend the entire day looking for a suitable match for her.

Zhao Jin stroked the art of war book in front of her and made a decision in her heart. She had no idea how her life would change as a result of her decision. At this point, courage was priceless. In the world, there were both gains and losses. To obtain something, one must first lose something. The great wheel of fate turned and roared. Zhao Jin spread a cloth bag across the table and placed the book in it.

* * *

At Jinying Wangfu, the account book in Steward Lin’s hands was almost crumpled by him as he continued to peer inside the room.

“Don’t bother looking.” Jin Si sat down and made herself a cup of tea. “Master is currently in a bad mood. If you continue to poke around, you may encounter bad luck.”

“What do you know, little girl?” Steward Lin shook his head. “Wangye is an impetuous young man. This time he was turned down by a woman. He feels more humiliated than sad. Now he must be trying to figure out how to remedy it.”

Jin Si followed Steward Lin’s gaze, but she couldn’t detect any humiliation from the cold and calm man inside the room, so she shrugged her shoulders.

“That Hong’an Junzhu has some skills. I can’t believe there’s still a woman in Great Jin who could reject Wangye.” Steward Lin spoke with a look of disbelief on his face. “But there’s something wrong. Young Furen was clearly vivacious and bold the last time in the wangfu. Why did she withdraw when a joyous occasion was right in front of her eyes? Is this just a ruse? Women, after all, love to be sweet-talked. It must be Wangye who was unable to coax and scared her away.”

Jin Si was speechless. She looked up at the sky as if she hadn’t heard Steward Lin’s nagging words.

It’s just that Steward Lin couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut. He sighed, stroking his beard. “Wangye excels at everything but has a bad temper. When Old Master was alive, he was similar to Young Master today. He was as beautiful as a jade tree in the wind, with a natural and unrestrained demeanour, free-spirited and uninhibited by nature, and incomparably elegant. Old Master’s reputation spread throughout the Great Jin… no, even to other kingdoms at the time. Everyone praised him as a handsome man. However, Old Master’s temperament was much more lively than Young Master’s, especially when it came to women, as he was a man with many admirers but was still unattached[2]. Many girls wanted to throw themselves into the lake when he married Furen.” Steward Lin wondered aloud. “How did Young Master become so ascetic[3]? He really makes me so afraid.”

[2] 万花丛中过片叶不沾身 (wàn huācóng zhōngguò piàn yè bù zhān shēn) – passing a myriad of flowers but not one of the leaves stuck on one’s body. It means a flirtatious man who loves many but none of the women can get him attached. A Don Juan.

[3] 不近女色 (bù jìn nǚ sè) : based on Buddhist teaching, it should mean sexually abstinent, but I’ll put it here as ascetic.

“What are you so afraid of? Being scared isn’t going to help you.” Jin Si finally couldn’t help but make a remark. “Don’t overthink things, Lao Lin. Now that Master is in a terrible mood, try to stay away from him as much as possible to prevent getting burned.”

“Of course, I can help.” Steward Lin boldly raised his not-so-sturdy physique and firmly stated, “I’m not trying to brag. Although I was not as handsome and elegant as Old Master when I was younger, I was still considered an attractive young master. Many young ladies from prominent families fell in love with me at the time, but I didn’t ordinarily care for women. Even till now, I haven’t met a suitable person who can communicate with me. Oh, how time flies.”

Jin Si made a face as if she were about to vomit. She cast a brief glance at Steward Lin’s wrinkled old face and then averted her gaze silently.

“What’s that look on your face?” Steward Lin protested, feeling that his pride had been severely affronted.

The outside noise never reached Xiao Shao’s ears. He lowered his gaze to the tea in his hand, his long lashes drooping gently and his posture was calm, but the several shadow guards hidden in the shadows did not dare to make a sound.

Despite the fact that he was as relaxed and elegant as before, his entire body exuded a chill that said, “I am in a foul mood today, so everyone must disperse.” Master Xiao, the handsome man Xiao, was clearly angry and perhaps a little depressed.

Within a quarter of an hour, news of Xiao Shao’s marriage proposal being rejected by Jiang Ruan had spread all across the Jinyi Guard. The Jinyi Guard took up the cudgels[4] on behalf of Xiao Shao. Hong’an Junzhu turned her nose up at their Master despite his talent and good looks? She lacked vision!

[4] 打抱不平 (dǎbàobùpíng) – to come to the aid of somebody suffering an injustice / to fight for justice.

That said, while Xiao Shao was upset, he had no desire to seek his own death as a result of this. Despite the fact that he had been jilted and thus appeared pitiful in Jinyi Guard’s eyes, Xiao Shao was currently focused on one thing.

He dispatched the secret guards to investigate, but the results were the same. It’s just that Jiang Ruan’s words were still ringing in his ears, filled with hateful vows, ironic smiles, deeply hidden secrets, and hatred. But nothing was found, as if a hand had erased all traces of Jiang Ruan’s past. Moreover, from what he had discovered, Jiang Ruan’s past was so simple that it seemed as if those traces existed in another world.

There had never been love or hate in the world that appeared without rhyme or reason. Yi Bao Pavilion had a wealth of information, but they couldn’t uncover Jiang Ruan’s secret. Xiao Shao furrowed his brow slightly. Meanwhile, several Jinyi Guards thought that Xiao Shao was still depressed over her rejection. And so Jin Er finally mustered up some courage and leapt down from the beam. “Master, Young Furen may be scared. There’s no reason to be so downcast. Just make a few more proposals. As we subordinates have observed, Young Furen has a different attitude toward you. As the proverb goes, ‘a true man should not fear failure’, so you should try more.”

“It’s nothing.” Xiao Shao examined his sleeves. The gold thread embroidered on the cloud pattern brocade clothes was hidden in the dark and cold fabric, revealing a faint lustre.

“I don’t need her consent. I’ll simply have a marriage conferred.”

“……”

Steward Lin, who was eavesdropping through the crack in the door, burst into tears. Young Master finally possessed a shred of Old Master’s charm during those years. A man should have this kind of strength! It moved him tremendously!

* * *

The sandalwood incense spiralled up in Ci Ning Palace, filling the hall with a peaceful scent that could not help but calm any frustrated soul. Empress Dowager Yi De sat on a red satin soft cushion. Her posture was languid, but her eyes were as sharp as a knife. With a thoughtful expression, she stared at the sweet-tempered and gentle girl.

Yang gugu stood quietly to the side. The atmosphere in the hall was strange.

“Hong’an, aijia is asking your opinion; are you willing or not?”

Just now, she had made her intentions abundantly clear, that is, bestowing Jiang Ruan as the principal consort to Jinying Wang. Because of Jiang Ruan’s background, it could be considered social climbing. Xiao Shao not only wielded enormous military power but was also trusted by the Emperor. He was nobler than several royal princes. In addition to his unusual good looks, he had impeccable manners. His literary and military strategies were both superb. He was regarded as a revered leader, with people naturally gravitating toward him[5]. Although Jiang Ruan was now given the title Junzhu, this was just an empty title. The Jiang family was now in decline, whereas the Zhao family was not of the same clan.

[5] 众星捧月(zhòngxīngpěngyuè) – lit. all the stars cup themselves around the moon (idiom); fig. to view somebody as a core figure / to group around a revered leader / to revolve around somebody.

Jiang Ruan cast a glance at Empress Dowager Yi De. Empress Dowager Yi De appeared as serene as before, but her eyes were fierce. The tone, albeit consultative, left her with no choice after all.

Silence filled her heart as her eyes drooped. Xiao Shao’s coercive method caught her off guard and she was unsure how to respond. But there was no sense of anger. Jiang Ruan knew that marrying into Jinying Wangfu at this point was the best option because, by comparison, Jinying Wangfu could provide her with more protection than other places.

Finally, she responded with a slight smile, “Hong’an would never dare to aspire to such a position. I’m relying on Imperial Grandmother to make the decision. But I’m afraid that setting the betrothal now will cause trouble for Jinying Wangfu.”

Yang gugu exhaled a sigh of relief and Empress Dowager Yi De gave Jiang Ruan a satisfied glance. “You don’t have to worry about that.” She would not bring up the marriage if Jiang Ruan showed even the slightest hint of displeasure. Xiao Shao’s opinion was valuable, but if the marriage was not a good match, she would not act as a matchmaker arbitrarily. She had also lived through her maiden years and knew that Jiang Ruan’s feelings were not completely unaffected by him. Furthermore, just now Jiang Ruan had considered Jinying Wangfu’s well-being even before marriage, which made her feel relieved.

Jiang Ruan noticed Empress Dowager Yi De’s expression and then looked at her sleeve. She was certain that what she had just said was the correct response.

Empress Dowager Yi De considered this for a few moments. “As a matter of fact, this is a matter concerning both of you children. Aijia knows you’re good since you’ve been at aijia’s side. I’ll give a reply to beloved Minister Xiao as well as send him some things. Hong’an, please pay a visit to Jinying Wangfu on aijia’s behalf.”

Jiang Ruan was taken aback for a moment before replying with a smile, “Yes.”

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