Chapter 155: Chapter 147 – Performing Blues with Babies

"Peekaboo!"

The sight of my cute little twins staring back reflected in my eyes.

"...Abwabwah!"

They continued to stare down at me past their small black robes as the sight of them distorted.

"...Pafuuu!"

The distortions continued to build up until I blinked, forcing the distortions down my cheeks before building up again.

"Why?! Just why?!"

I poked the cheeks of my two babies as frustration and helplessness swirled around inside of me.

"Are you still doing that Scarlet my dear?"

Turning behind me, Elli was standing in the doorway.

"What am I doing wrong Elli? I just can't figure it out!"

Anxiety overflowed from me just like the tears down my cheeks.

"What are you even trying to do my dear? Oh, dry your tears. Things can't be as bad as you think it is."

"That's what I thought, but Alicia and Fate just won't smile! No matter what I do, I can't make them laugh! Is it because I'm a bad mother?! It's that, isn't it? I pushed past how things were supposed to be, and this is the result, isn't it? I'm probably not just a bad mother, but a bad person, aren't I?"

"Now now, Scarlet. Do not believe any of those words. They do not suit you at all."

Elli pulled me in to her arms and pat my head.

Her warmth made me feel a bit better and the rational part of my mind was able to dispel the worst of those thoughts, but even then, it didn't change the fundamental issue: I wasn't making my babies happy.

"Still, I'm doing something wrong, aren't I? Babies should be bundles of joy. They should be happy! But I can't make my babies happy."

"It is fine, dear Scarlet. You are not a bad mother."

"But...but..."

I cried into her chest as I tightened my grip. It felt like Elli was my one solstice at this time, but even then, I understood the more I held onto her like this, the further away I was going from making my precious babies happy.

I was becoming a worse and worse mother.

"It has only been four days since they have been born. Babies cannot yet smile this young."

"R...really?"

Looking up, the whole world felt dark, yet her eyes felt like they were shining a bit within this darkness.

"I have not lied. It was the same for all my children, and the others I helped care for."

Hearing the words of such an experienced woman, it helped to force down the anxiety that had been building up in me.

(But still...)

It was a different case of actually being fully convinced. Just because Alicia and Fate weren't capable of smiling, it didn't mean that they would once they've grown old enough to. And that would be my fault.

Maybe it was even more fundamental than all that. It wasn't how I cheated biology to give birth to them, but how I cheated the reincarnation cycle with Alicia. Or even with myself.

Maybe my actions disqualified me from being a good mother, and because of that my daughters were cursed with being forever unable to smile.

The thought terrified me.

"M, my dear. Please loosen your strength."

"Ah! Sorry! Sorry..."

I let go of Ellie and retreated back.

Not only was I a bad mother, but I was being a bad friend as well. I didn't deserve all the good wishes which everyone had been giving me these last several days.

"It is fine. And do not lose heart, my dear Scarlet."

"..."

I couldn't meet Elli's gaze. There was no way I deserved it after what I did.

"I imagine, you feel awful about yourself right now?"

I nodded. There was no point in hiding it. This woman was even more experienced than she looked. She was capable of seeing through almost anything. A far cry from some inadequate newbie like myself.

But having to admit that to such a good person made me feel even worse. Despite all the effort comforting she put in, it wasn't helping. It was as if I was slapping away her helping hand, and I fell down onto the floor. My arms wrapped around my knees. The more I felt bad for myself and how ungrateful I was being, the worse I felt, creating a never ending spiral of self loathing.

"There there, Scarlet. You have done nothing wrong."

Despite my efforts at looking away from the shining beacon in front of me, Elli wrapped her warm arms around me and pat me on the head.

"What you are feeling right now is perfectly normal."

"How? How can anything I've done be normal? There's no way someone like me is normal!"

Gripping the back of Elli's shawl, I buried my face into her chest as I let my tears loose.

I had no idea why I was doing this, how things had gotten to this point, but I couldn't hold it back it any more.

Not like I was doing a good job in the first place.

"I've got to be the only mother in the world unable to make her babies happy!"

"Like I had stated, you have done nothing wrong. Your twins are perfectly normal. They are fine. I imagine they are perfectly happy as well."

"No, you're just saying that!"

"I had said it before. Babies as young as your are unable to yet smile. They simply are unable to express their happiness. If they were not, then they would be crying all the time."

If what Elli said was true, then it meant that I wasn't so bad of a mother. Alicia and Fate have hardly cried since they were born. In fact, I could count the instances on one hand. Once was when they were each first born, the second and third when they were startled by loud noises on the first day. Once more when Orphne crashed through the door to my room wanting to play with my twins.

(Maybe it's not so bad?)

"Now, I want you to remember these words of mine. What you are feeling is quite common for mothers after they have given birth. It is known as baby blues."

"Baby blues?"

(What an oxymoronic term.)

"That is right. It is common for a mother to feel down for no reason after they give birth. We call this the baby blues, and it is simply a sign that your body is adjusting to no longer having to carry your babies inside your body."

"That's...seriously?"

"I am. The feelings will go away on their own after a short while."

My hand went down to feel my belly. It was still inflated, but had steadily grown smaller.

(Maybe this really is just hormones or something? Hopefully it'll go away by the time this thing has.)

"Just remember that we are here for you. You are not alone. If you ever feel down or helpless, simply step through that door, and you'll quickly find someone who is willing to help you."

"I see. Thanks."

"Your welcome. Now look. Your adorable babies seem to be hungry."

Turning around, both Alicia and Fate were squirming once again.

Not wanting to make them wait, I raised them up with levitation magic before lowering them into my arms. Cradling their heads in my hands, I brought them over to my chest and opened up my robes to allow them to feed.

"Mmm!"

My face contorted slightly at the feeling of both of my babies latching on and my milk dropping out.

Pretty soon, my world was engulfed with their suckling, and much of the darkness faded away.

(Is it the endorphins secreted when I breastfeed?)

Maybe everything I was feeling really was just my hormones going on some weird rampage. If that was the case, it made sense that there would be biological functions to help curb the worst of that.

"See? Is things not as bad as you felt?"

"You're right."

I was slightly annoyed at Elli bursting into my personal time with my babies, but I couldn't bring myself to actually complain. She's been there for me the entire time. Few people have been there for me as much as she has, and I've been getting quite a lot of support from all sorts of people this last year.

"Still. As like your pregnancy and your birth, your body really takes to having children badly, my dear."

"Then these baby blues as well?"

"It is certainly worse than most I have seen."

It really felt like my vampiric body was only technically capable of having children, but in reality was poorly suited towards it. It was really strange.

Humans were already pretty bad at it due to both the large brains and upright bipedal stance. At least that was the only convincing theory I've ever read. Women's hips could only get so wide before causing other trouble, but at the same time the baby's head was quite large compared to other races so they could get as much of a head start in development as possible.

Certainly looking at Alicia and Fate's foreheads, they were enormous compared to any animal, and their skulls would only grow larger as they grew up.

And somehow, vampires took this entire reproduction process even worse than any other race.

It was unfair.

Though maybe I was just some weird exception regarding that.

But if it was, then things were especially unfair, like I was being picked on.

It was probably best I don't go through this process a second time. I'd devote myself to raising Alicia and Fate the best I could then never do it again.

"Ah..."

Almost as one, both Alicia and Fate let go of my nipples.

Together with my milk, that slow trickle of dopamine had stopped, and the warmth that had filled me was slowly escaping my body.

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I wanted more. I wanted to keep feeding my cute little babies.

But of course there was a limit to how much they could handle, and I hated that I was trying to put my own desired over their needs.

Maybe I really was a bad mother...

*Bam!*

"We're back Scarlet!"

""Waaah!""

"Ah, no! It's okay you two! It's okay!"

I bounced Alicia and Fate in my arms the best I could as I tried to comfort them.

"They're crying again Master?"

"You two!"

I glared towards the new voices. There floating at the open doorway was Orphne and Claret.

(Crying number five is because of Orphne again.)

But after confirming the two's presence, I turned my focus back to my desperately crying babies.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's nothing scary. Just Orphne and Claret."

Eventually the two of them calmed down, but they continued to sniffle for a little bit as I held them close to my body and gave each a kiss.

"So? What were you two doing together?"

The two rarely did anything together. Most of the time they operated separately and barely gave the other a glance as if they were competing for my attention or something.

But today, it was only now that I realized that the room was unusually quiet. To think that it was because neither of them were around.

It made me feel a bit bad that I had been so absorbed with my babies that I forgot they were even there.

"Master. We brought this for you."

With a wave of her hand, a roughly made clay pot appeared from Claret's shadow.

My nose twitched as I immediately recognized the scent.

"Lesser water dragon blood?"

"Umm...you were feeling pretty down lately, so we thought maybe you'd like some. Claret said that it's your favourite."

Pressing her fingers against each other, Orphne meekly answered my question.

"Master! Are you alright?"

"Huh?"

Only once Claret pointed it out, did I notice that tears were running down my cheeks once again.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm just happy!"

(Geez. Just what did I do to deserve these two?)

"Thank you both."

Not wanting to let this fresh blood grow cold, I quickly levitated a crimson orb and sucked it down.

"Mmm! It's so good!"

The taste alone tugged at my cheeks. But it was merely the icing when compared to the fact that both Orphne and Claret went through so much trouble to bring me some. Those lesser dragons was still pretty difficult for Claret to take down by herself, and Orphne probably would have had an even more difficult time.

Yet they still went and did it despite the danger.

""Aaaa...!""

"Ah, no. Sorry you two, but I think it's too early for you."

Alicia and Fate reached out at the orbs which I floated over.

Every time, the sight and scent of blood would catch their interest. It must be their vampiric instincts at work. But unlike when I was born in this world, they weren't born with fully formed bodies. There was no telling how their body would take to eating raw blood. It was far safer for them to continue ingesting milk instead until their fangs grew out at the very least.

"Oh Elli. There's something I've been wondering a bit about."

"What is it my dear?"

"When do you think I should start feeding Alicia and Fate fresh blood?"

"Erm...I am not sure why you think I would know that."

The elder had a point, but frankly, at the same time I had no idea who would be better to ask.

"At the very least, for us dokkalfar, we start giving our babies mashed food roughly two years or so. Sometimes later, depending on the parents."

I nodded. If I remembered right, humans was much earlier than that, though how much earlier I wasn't really sure. A year? Maybe half that? Probably not less than that, but maybe I was wrong?

"We dokkalfar live a long time compared to other races, but from what I know, you vampires can easily outlive even us if you tried, right?"

"Umm...I'm not sure. I think we can live as long as spirits? Claret?"

"I don't know Master. I don't know any living vampires aside from you and your babies. I think I'm almost four hundred years old, but I don't remember much about when I was a lesser spirit."

"Four hundred huh? I can't even imagine that."

"I think some of the other greater spirits might be older, but I'd have to ask."

Now that I thought about it, there seemed to be some other greater spirits around. It would be nice to meet them finally, but they hadn't shown themselves since they came to have a look at my babies when they were first born.

Hopefully they weren't scared of us, but I couldn't say that they weren't. It was a bit of a sad thought.

"Scarlet, my dear. You know I cannot see this Claret of yours. I have said it before, but I would appreciate it if she showed herself when at home at least."

"You heard the lady."

"Yes Master."

Claret's tone was a bit hesitant, but she followed my orders without question. A slight shimmer of the air around her and Elli's expression changed.

"There. That is not difficult, is it?"

This familiar of mine looked a bit apprehensive once she had used [materialize].

"Well, it's only while we're here at home. If someone visits you want to avoid, you can just go invisible again."

"Yes Master."

While my words didn't completely clear the air for Claret, she did look a bit more relaxed, so it was probably enough for now.

"Anyways, so most likely we'll be able to live for at least four hundred years if we vampires can live as long as spirits."

"Four hundred, or even more than that, is it? It is possible that Alicia and Fate will develop like we dokkalfar, but perhaps not."

"Yea. Spirits have quite the differing growth cycle compared to other races. The same was for me, as I was born in my current size after all."

"Both vampires and spirits are quite the unusual creatures it seems."

"Yea..."

No matter how I cut it, we really were. On a ton of levels, we didn't follow the normal rules of living beings.

We did have a surprising number of similarities to each other, but it could be said that those similarities numbered more than the similarities with any other race. Making any accurate predictions on this front with the data we had might not be even remotely accurate.

For all I knew, Alicia and Fate might stay like infants until they take in enough mana, then suddenly turn into adult form overnight.

If that was the case, it would make me quite sad. I would be deprived of watching the two of them grow up slowly.

Hugging my adorable little twins a bit tighter, I gave each a kiss on the forehead.

Regardless of what was to come, I would still love them. They were my precious babies, even if they were to suddenly turn into adults tomorrow.

Though if they did suddenly grow into adults rather than slowly, it would be nice if they took their time and spent a few years before doing so. Maybe a decade or two, or even longer. I could probably handle carrying them in my arms the whole time.

"Regardless, I would imagine that you should start feeding them blood once their teeth start to come in."

"I guess that would be a good way to estimate then."

In the end the advice I got was the same from my initial guess.

But it wasn't all bad. The fact that her advice matched my own guess suggested that it really was the right way to do things.

That said, drinking through one's fangs was different from drinking through one's throat. It would be good if my babies' instinct in how to do so was still going strong by the time their fangs came in.

Finishing off the last of the blood which Orphne and Claret brought, not spilling a single drop, I let out a full lunged sigh.

Not only the dense mana in the blood, but the warm feelings of those who brought it to me filled my body with warmth.

All that darkness, that weakness, it was all blown away as if it was merely a bad dream.

"Claret, Orphne, again, thanks."

"Anything for you, Master!"

"That's right! Because we all love you!"

With one hand, I stroked Claret's head while I rubbed Orphne's cheek with the other. Well, the finger of my other hand anyways.

In the corner of my eye, Elli appeared to be sulking a bit, but she didn't try to get involved or say anything. She already got my thanks earlier and thankfully she was willing to give us a bit of space to bask in the our own glow.

Just not so much space that she'd give us some actual privacy, but for Elli this felt like her doing her best so I didn't make a fuss about it.

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