He drove her home after they visited the hospital, but silence filled the air around them. When they entered his apartment, he could fill the tension that was growing between them.
He could tell there was a big elephant in the room, but he still chose to ignore it. Until now, he did not know how to address their current situation.
“I will be in the kitchen.” She uttered without looking at him as she went straight to the other room while he went straight to his office and buried himself with work.
However, his eyes were staring at the letters but nothing registered in his mind. His mind kept reverting to the woman in the kitchen, either cooking dinner or crying her eyes out.
He had seen how she looked at the baby in Dani’s arms. She must be imagining it was their baby. He noticed the longing in her eyes and sensed her wish to build a family, but she kept it to herself.
“Damn!” He hissed at himself as he slammed his hands on the wooden table before sweeping all the contents on the surface onto the ground, leaving the floor littered with his things.
He leaned into his chair and tilted his head to the ceiling, staring blankly at the white space. He inhaled a large amount of air into his lungs and slowly expelled it out of his mouth.
He knew he had to find a solution to his situation because they could not keep going like this. He stood up from his chair and left the mess he had created on the floor. He would deal with it later. In the meantime, he had something else he needed to face.
As he expected, the living room was void of life. He knew she would still be in the kitchen, waiting for him. When he entered the other room, he found her behind the counter, staring at the food she had made.
.....
“I was about to call you.” She said without looking up, but he could not tell if she had been crying. “Dinner is ready.” She announced as she turned around to get some plates.
Emotions were not his forte, so it was hard for him to deal with situations like this. It was the only thing that his father had never taught him. In truth, his father told him never to cry because it was a weakness that could kill him.
“Let me help you.” He offered, moving closer to her position, getting the glasses and utensils nearer his side.
Then, he helped her set up the table, but no one dared to utter another word. At least not until they were both sitting on the opposite side of the table.
“I already schedule a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow.” She said, finally looking at his face, probably reading his reaction. “I am not saying you come with me, but I will not mind if you want to.”
He contemplated her offer, weighing the complication of the situation. Of course, he expected she would get an appointment to confirm her pregnancy.
But after the day she told him about her pregnancy, they had never discussed it again until now. So, he assumed she would go to the doctor without informing him.
“Do you want me to go with you?” He returned the question to her, determining how much she wanted him to get involved in this pregnancy and their child if, indeed, she was pregnant.
He read that some pregnancy tests could test positive. However, after a thorough examination, it could turn out negative. Yes, in some way, he was hoping that she was not pregnant. That would mean fewer complications. But that was unlikely to happen since that was just a slim chance.
Although, she was not showing any signs that she was carrying his child. She believed she was. And they said mother instincts were never wrong. At least, that was what he remembered his mother always told him when he was young.
“Only if you want.” She answered, which only meant yes, based on her tone and body language. Despite what she said about raising their child without him, she still wanted him to be part of it.
Yes, he could marry her and be the father of their child. But what future would he give his family? A life of crime was not the way to raise a child. He would know that since he grew up in one.
He never wanted commitment.
He never wanted a wife.
And he unquestionably never wanted a child. But here he was, facing all the things he never wanted.
“But you don’t have to, Gerald.” She added, probably seeing the hesitation in him. She lowered her eyes to the plate before her, pretending to concentrate on her meal, but she hardly ate anything. The food went in circles, except for the few bites she put in her mouth and forced to swallow.
“I am sorry, Haley, but I have a valuable client tomorrow that I can’t cancel. But if you text me the time and the place, I will try my best to catch up.” He knew it was not what she wanted to hear.
But, if he showed up in that clinic, her life would automatically be in danger. His presence alone would make his allies and enemies suspicious of his current situation.
If they confirmed her pregnancy, his enemies would use her situation as leverage against him. They would raise her life and their child as potential targets.
On the other hand, if he created a diversion that would put the spotlight on him, away from her, nobody would bother to look her up. She could have herself checked without anybody being the wiser.
“That is ok.” Haley sounded disappointed, but what did he expect? She would jump for joy. “I understand.”
But did she? He doubted.
“I am...” But before Gerald could apologize, the shrilling sound of his phone interrupted the silence. He immediately excused himself from the table upon seeing Mike’s name on the screen.
He knew he was running away from his responsibility, but he believed it was for the best. He might have found a fragment of his humanity, but was that enough to make him a father material? No, it was not.