Since returning to work after having Luisa, she rarely had time to hang around the house and do nothing. She was either fixing things, learning how to cook, or taking care of Luisa. But nothing to do with relaxing except to catch up with her needed rest.
After receiving word from her boss, giving her the day off, she quickly returned to Luisa to care for her. But Amelia shooed her away, telling her to take the advice of her boss and relax. She even suggested that she should go to the spa.
“I don’t need to go to a spa.” She countered as Amelia banned her from touching her daughter. “I will just have a long relaxing warm bath.” She told her friend before leaving them to go back to her room.
Amelia would not even give her phone back, saying she would not need it. Her friend would pass on the message if she had an urgent call. “Relax. I got this.”
How could she say no to a stress-free, relaxing day? She could not even remember the last time she did not rush out of the bathroom. Her life was one juggle to another.
She walked to her bathroom, not to clean it but to enjoy her time under the water with bubbles covering her naked body. She soaked every inch of her skin, basking in the warmth seeping through her muscles and bones.
“Oh! It is perfect.” It would have been better if she had a glass of wine in her hand. But that was not yet advisable since she was breastfeeding her baby. So, she had no choice but to imagine holding one as she lay on the tub.
.....
She gradually closed her eyes as slow music played on her phone and a lavender scent filled the air. It almost lulled her into sleep. But, of course, she could not truly relax, thinking about her daughter in the next room.
Was this motherhood?
She was always worrying and constantly thinking of the worst thing that could happen to her child when she was not around, even if she knew she was in safe hands. She hoped that was normal and she was not just paranoid.
“Stop it.” She chastised herself mentally. She believed that Amelia and Angela would not let any harm come to her daughter.
She had to learn to trust people because soon, her work would take more of her time away from her daughter. Someday, she had to learn to have faith in other people, something she had abandoned a long time ago.
The water was almost cold anyway, so she pulled herself out of the tub and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around her body. Then, she looked at her mirror but could barely see her face.
With the side of her palm, she polished the glass to remove the moisture that covered the surface, allowing her to see her reflection. When was the last time she had closely stared at her face? This morning, but not like this.
She appeared like a typical mother. Yes, she still put on makeup when she went to work, but not in the same way as before. She also wore presentable clothes, but not something that would make people give her a second look.
“Is this the price of becoming a mother?” No wonder Amelia looked at her like she had lost it. If she was the image of sophistication before, now, she presented the model of postpartum depression of motherhood.
She tapped her face with the palm of her hands to bring color back to her cheeks. Then, she turned her sight down to her belly, still sagging from her pregnancy.
Her fingers held the fats converging on her waist, wondering why she had never noticed it before. Well, she had to get back to exercising, just like before, if she would gain her figure back.
Finally, she had enough of finding faults with her current situation, knowing the only way to fix it was to work harder. She had to stop neglecting herself and feeling guilty about not doing enough for Luisa.
Angela was right when her wise friend said she could only do so much for her child. She still had to think of herself half the time. Because if she could not love and care for herself, she was doomed to fail to love and care for her child.
“Amelia?” She looked for her in the living room after getting dressed. She was starving and planning to fix something to eat. “Luisa?” But she had not seen them. Even Angela seemed to be out, as the apartment appeared empty.
She went to the kitchen in the hope that they were there. But she doubted since it was too quiet. As she had expected, no one was there to greet her. But two notes hung by the refrigerator.
GONE TO THE MALL WITH LUISA, BE BACK MUCH LATER – AMELIA
OUT WITH BEA AND GOING HOME LATE – ANGELA
She guessed they were serious about giving her some space. But she was surprised to see Goliath lying on the floor by the kitchen counter. She suspected that wherever Angela had gone, dogs were not allowed. She usually took him wherever she went.
“I guess it is just the two of us for a few hours.” She uttered to the dog, kneeling on the floor to pat him on the head. However, as usual, the dog could not be bothered as if it was his day off too.
“What about a doggie treat?” She tempted the dog as she pulled a few dog biscuits out of the pack. But the dog only barked a few times, grabbed the snack, and returned to his position.
She guessed even the dog did not want to bother her as she proceeded to the living room to find something else to do. Eventually, she decided to order a pizza instead of cooking.
She meant to watch several movies before but never had the chance. Maybe it was time to catch up and bum around. When was the last time that she acted like a lazy pig?