Chapter 160: 160: 160

Chapter 160

Roelter. To think she used to love somebody. Wasn’t it supposed to be Count Glacia? Perhaps I was supposed to get Alec together with Lady Roelter and not Count Glacia. Am I really possessed by a novel that I have never read? To connect him with a heroine who hasn’t even appeared yet. Amethyst thought. It wasn’t just any relationship either, put a passionate one that couldn’t come true. Was that why Alec never married until he met me? Was it because he wasn’t able to get over her at all?

Amethyst sighed. She must have been a vision of beauty. They must really have looked like a painting. If she was the kind of beauty that the whole nation acknowledged, then she is incomparable to me, or even Count Glacia.

I am comparing myself with others again, she reprimanded herself. When she was younger, she had always been compared to her younger sister, on looks, on studies, on capabilities… It left a bad taste on her mouth.

When she grew a little older, she developed a habit of comparing herself with her friends, and their parents against hers. She got frustrated at the different standards of living, got jealous of her friends on things she couldn’t have, and they could.

The older she got; it became an obsession. Everybody around her became a subject for comparing herself against. People her parents knew, her friends, her cousins, her university batchmates, her work colleagues…. She got into a habit of comparing herself wit them and depreciated herself repeatedly.

No matter what I do, I will always be nothing. She was so convinced of it that she felt like a failure. Gradually she lost all motivation to attempt anything in life. So, she started giving things up and ran away from things she couldn’t confront.

Her self-esteem had gone so low that she agreed to marry whoever her parents chose. She felt he was more than good enough for her and would never deserve anyone better. Her marriage life turned out to be so difficult because they both weren’t compatible with each other.

She tried hard to live up to his expectations, to try and make her marriage work. She didn’t want to fail in that too. She was afraid if she failed this then there wasn’t anything in life that she could achieve.

She persisted until she couldn’t anymore. And so, I ran away…

Stop, she chided herself. I wish I could erase the memories of the past. She accepted the fact that Count Glacia and Lady Roelter were better and prettier than her. When compared to her, she didn’t have anything. But it is in the past, she reassured herself, I am jealous of them, obviously but I cannot project everything on them and ruin my own life. I must get a grip on myself. There is no use in torturing myself because of it.

She realized that she would have to accept that and move on. She would have to find peace within herself if she wanted to be happy. But another problem lingered: Contract Marriage

When the time comes, she would have to leave the palace anyway. Or, maybe with the end of this contract, her time would be up in this world and she would return to where she came from.

But it is so painful to think about that. I can’t bear to see him with anyone else. The thought of him happy with someone else feels brutally painful… A tear rolled down her cheek.

***

Alexcent had worked late into the night the day before. He had taken this day off to rest. He planned to take Amethyst out to the lake in the middle of the city and spend some time with her.

Hopefully she will feel better after spending some time outside, thought Alexcent. He got ready and called for Pon.

“Where is Ash?” he asked.

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“She is in the studio,” informed Pon.

Alexcent nodded. “Have a carriage prepared,” he said, “I will be going out with Ash today.”

“Yes, my lord,” said Pon and left to do his bidding.

Alexcent walked to the studio. He imagined how excited she would look with the idea of going out. She forgot to knock and opened the door to walk right in.

As his gaze fell on her, he realized she way crying. His red eyes flashed. “What’s wrong?” he said and reached Amethyst in two strides.

Amethyst was taken aback and unable to utter anything. “Who did this, Ash,” he said, angrier than ever, “Tell me. Why are you crying?”

Amethyst wanted to say something, but her mind was blank with the shock of Alexcent appearing so suddenly.

“Pon!” called Alexcent in fury.

Pon rushed into the room but was surprised and completely unaware of the reason why Amethyst was crying. When he saw her last, she was happy and humming lightly as she prepared to paint.

Meanwhile, Amethyst had no idea how to explain the current situation. What am I going to say? That I am jealous of his past lovers? Or that I am sad because I am in love with you and the thought of going away is breaking my heart?

“I…,” she sobbed. As she was unable to form any coherent sentence, Alexcent wrapped his arms around her. The sight of her in sorrow made him furious with everything. Each tear drop tore his heart.

“It’s okay if you can’t tell me right now,” he said, gently, “It’s alright.” He stroked her hair trying to soothe her. He carried her into his arms and walked to her room. He placed her on her bed.

“Ash—”

“I… hate you,” stammered Amethyst and turned away.

TL: More will be updated this week! Happy New Year! 

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