Chapter 37: Chapter 34: His Concerns….

After waking up and feeling sore in his arm, he finds his beloved Ame close to him. Soft and gentle breaths as her chest moved up and down. She seemed to be at peace, and her innocent-looking face captivated him as he stared. 

He felt like he couldn’t help it and poked her cheeks as she made a cute squeaky sound. 

(.... Maybe I shouldn’t be in such a rush to get stronger…..) he thought. 

After all…. 

He almost died and did intend to break his promise to her since he couldn’t see a way out. 

But in the last moment, before his droplets were released, Dalen had dragged him into the shadow and warped him to safety. 

Alum never told anyone his plan, but Dalen kept an eye on everyone. Hence, he noticed something strange when Alum decided to charge in like that. 

By trying to sacrifice himself along with the Armor, and only now, after the fact, did he realize he didn’t value his life…. 

‘.... Nothing’s changed.’ he mutters to himself. 

Why did he even think of sacrificing himself? He promised Ame that he’d come back healthy and in time for their anniversary. So why? Was it because of his skill that sought the most efficient outcome? 

No….

He’s always been like this and doesn’t treasure his life properly. 

(......) 

And although Amethely earlier expressed how much he meant to her before he departed, it was as if it didn’t register. 

But…. 

Looking at her now, he understood a little better. 

His heart was aching, his chest felt heavy, and his mind was in a daze. He never wanted to see her in tears again. 

Yet… he was the cause both times. 

How does he actually feel? He didn’t know. All he knows is that he loves her, but why? Is there a reason? 

No….

He didn’t need a reason and knew he was drawn to her just by looking at her. 

(I want to learn from you….) Alum thought. 

Ame works hard despite being so strong, keeps studying despite being one of the best in her field, and is kind and modest. 

She’s a  Saint that saved many lives and is treasured by the people. She would help those around her, even if the task was easy and mundane. 

At times she would sneak out of the base with him to go and play with orphans…. She also makes secret donations to institutions that care for the weak and elderly and innovates instruction magic that goes into complex machines that would further improve society's technology.  

(..... And I? I just cause her trouble… why am I so useless…?) 

His breathing got even heavier, and his heart beat faster. His body temperature rose as he could feel tears running down his eyes.  

(I couldn’t even properly keep our promise!) 

This was the first time Alum was angry with himself and felt so useless and helpless. He has never felt like this before. Even through the trauma he received as he watched his parents in a pool of blood. At that time, his anger and resentment targeted the killer, never once on himself. 

He has never felt so useless and pathetic as he does now. He never complained or felt anything from his other failures. 

Not even once. 

“Alum….” 

And as he was in deep inner turmoil. Ame called his name. Snapping out of it and with wide eyes, he was greeted by Ame’s gentle gaze. 

She placed her palm on his cheek, brushed away his tears while snuggling closer, and gently hugged him. 

“... Sorry….” Alum apologized as his tears couldn’t stop. 

“... Don’t apologize…..” Amethely gently said. 

“But I’m—” 

“I… I was so scared… both you, Mama, and Papa… I thought I’d lose you all.” Ame said weakly. 

“......” 

“I can’t help these feelings. I feel so anxious when you’re away from me.” 

Her voice had gotten shaky as she quivered. 

“Ame… I….” 

She looked up at him with tears.

“I’m jealous and a worrywart, stubborn and a coward!” Ame cried. 

“Ame…?” 

“I’m worried when you leave. I get jealous when other girls look at you… and I’m afraid that you will disappear!” 

“Sor—” 

“I want you to look at me, only me! I want to go on dates. I want you to gently hug me and pat my head… I want you to passionately kiss me! I want you to spoil me!” 

Alum looked at her and couldn't utter a word. 

“I… I’m possessive… clingy, and demand affection…. Al… why… why am I like this? I hate it! And… I don’t want you to hate me too….!” 

And it was at this instant that Alum realized something. 

(Ahh, I see….I get it now… I’ve always hated myself.)

Alum finally understood. 

And began to drily laugh as his tears resurfaced. 

“Ah… ahahaha….”  

“Al…?” 

“I… I finally understand…. Ame. I hate myself.” he calmly said as tears streamed down. 

Ame’s eyes shot wide open as she looked into his cold, lifeless eyes in disbelief. 

You are reading story The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… at novel35.com

“I’m useless… and not a good person.” he mockingly said. 

Ame shook her head and wiped off his tears as she waited for him to speak. 

“... During my childhood, I never received acknowledgment from my parents. And wasn’t allowed to call them Father or Mother.”

Looking back on it and as he grew older, it was clear to him that his parents didn’t love him, nor did they love each other.  

“My tutors were forced to punish me for making mistakes or being unable to understand. And I was electrocuted more times than I can remember.” 

“......!” 

“The more I cried, the harsher the punishment. And by then, I had learned how to seal my emotions… after all…. It got worse if I cried.”

Alum kept going as Amethely’s heart ached. She felt her heart drop, and her lungs stabbed. 

“I’ve been drowned more than I can count, electrocuted, hit, starved, and kept in a solitary cell for days.” 

Alum then dryly laughs as he scoffs at himself. 

“I was utterly useless as well as helpless. Yet… I sought their affection.” 

“T-then that’s not your fault!” Amethely cried. 

“.... That’s not true. I was useless, that's why they did it…. And I’m no better than them.” 

“....Not better?” 

“My parents got killed in front of me.”

“......” 

“As I tracked down the killer, I… I bribed and tortured people myself.” 

Listening to this, Amethely could feel her heart drop as she lost her sense of touch. 

“.....” 

“Hysterical… right?”  

“Al…” 

“I… I.” 

“Al!” 

Amethely couldn’t bear it anymore and covered his lips. And with her soft lips on his, he snapped out of it. 

Amethely looked at him. Not with tears in her eyes but genuine anger. 

“But you’re not like that anymore, are you! In my eyes, you’re kinda and considerate! When we snuck out to go play with the orphans, you’d always find the kids that were alone.” 

“That’s….” 

“You’re out in the city pretty often, and I hear nothing but good things of you! You’d help the stall owners carry heavy boxes even though you’re a customer, you’d listen to people's concerns when they were down, you’d play with the stray animals and find them a home and give them shelter!” 

“.....” 

“I… I love that about you!” 

“But, I…” 

“You treat me like an ordinary girl despite my position! You try so hard to impress me, and I find it super adorable, and the faint smile you show when you watch people succeed… I… I…. You don’t have to be so harsh on yourself. You’re not useless, and you’re not like your parents nor someone cruel you portray yourself to be!” 

Amethely stared deeply into his eyes and then kissed him again. 

As Alum was calming down, he relaxed and gently hugged her. 

“... Sorry to worry you….” he said as his face turned red. 

“... If you can’t love yourself, I will love you until you do.” 

“... I see… you say some embarrassing things….” 

And as she heard him say that, she pouted and hit him repeatedly on the chest. 

“Dummy! You aren’t supposed to say that!” 

Alum looked at her and patted her head. 

“I’ll shower you with affection then,” he said as he gave her a genuine smile from the bottom of his heart. 

“I’m demanding….” Ame said as she pouted. 

“I know.” 

“I’m clingy.” 

“I know.” 

“And get’s easily jealous!” 

“You… do?” 

“That’s right! Whenever you were with Princess Luna or any other girl, my chest gets really heavy, and I can't stop thinking about it!” 

“Sorry….” Alum said. 

He didn’t know that she was jealous and felt that way… 

Ame shook her head.

“It’s not your fault, I know you’d never do anything, and you’re just friends… that’s why! Double that time with me!”

(... Both elegant and childish… what a contrast,) Alum thought. 

“If that makes you happy, I’d gladly do it,” he said gently. 

And after saying that, Ame would hug his head and bury his face in her chest while happily squeaking around. 

(...I still don’t completely understand, but… she’s willing to be with me despite all my flaws… I really do love her, don’t I? That’s why… I have to try harder.) 

You can find story with these keywords: The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed…, Read The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed…, The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… novel, The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… book, The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… story, The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… full, The Saint Likes Me, But I’m Screwed… Latest Chapter